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How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 3:26:17 PM   
MasterDarkSadist


Posts: 60
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While I have been posting here, and using my personal situation(s), and opinions on how I would go about conducting my relationships, I have encountered a very.......how should I say it.......problematic inability to take an opinion for what it is.  This has led me to post this, in hopes that maybe we can all get along a little better. 

Here is a (condensed) example of what I mean;

I posted a reply to a topic of what to do with a sub/slave type who was not following orders.  The orders were not outlandish, dangerous, or otherwise onerous.  She was just not following them.  I replied that I would have a problem with that, and that I would make it known that it was unacceptable for this to happen, and that if it continued, our relationship would be over.  I also stated that this ultimatum would come after I had exhausted all other possible remedies to this problem.

I got several responses, which, considering their unique situations, could have caused an order to be unfulfilled.  This, on the surface would seem to be a valid point, however it is not. 

In order to create a post that would take into account each and every possible situation that could arise, no matter what the topic of the post was, would require a hugely long, dry, and researched paper in order to make an argument that could not be dismantled by an unusual example of why another could see how a reply that was stated in general terms could not apply to a specific case. 

I think that the point I am trying to make is this.  We post replies in order to share our personal experiences and based on those experiences, we have formed general guidelines about how we would respond to a situation as general as our general guidelines.  If the situation does not fall into those guidelines, I am of the opinion, that like myself, we would alter our response to account for the variance.  If we did not account for the variances, then we would be stupid.  I am not, nor do I think the rest of you are either.  What I do think is this:  we need to take each post for what it is, an opinion.  If it is not how you would do something, please, using the same terms as the post you are replying to, state why. 

It is erronious to post a reply, that does the following;
1.  Takes something out of context, twists words, or changes the general meaning of what one said.
2.  Post a reply to a general post using a specific case which would seem to rule the general guideline useless.  I could go through every post on collarme, and dismantle it with a specific case that would render the advice (on the surface) to be wrong. 
3.  Post a reply that does not articulate why you are of a different opinion.  If you took the time to reply,  yet said nothing of value, then why even bother to reply?  "sigh" is not an articulated point.  It does not make an argument that is valid.  You cannot change one's thought process with "sigh" alone.  If you want people to know, and understand why you are of a different mindset, then articulate why, and not just let them know you are unhappy with that.  "sigh" alone is a passive-aggressive way to put someone on notice that they offended you.  If you post "sigh" in response to one of my posts, I will acknowledge you are unhappy with what I said, but I will also disregard what you feel because you cannot, or didn't feel it important enough to back it up with any kind of logical argument. Therefore "sigh" might as well have not even existed.  It is pointless. 
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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 3:42:35 PM   
DarkSteven


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I gave up partway through.  Summary: Evidently you got some responses you didn't like.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 3:49:31 PM   
kazzaslave


Posts: 291
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*looks confused* Is this the new TOS? Hi DS kazza also gave up partway through this.

kazza


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(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 3:51:20 PM   
InTonguesslave


Posts: 342
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hiya,  - youll get the hang of it, i promise. 

the trick is not to take things too personally here.  some do take things out of context, some do twist youre words, once or twice it has been known for people to completely ignore the point of the post and pick up on some small throwaway comment or a word and create a huge rumpus over it.

just smile and move on

in the end what you learn to do is write with extreme care, never throw everyone into the same pot, make over generalisations, assume you have all the answers or that youre pearls of wisdom are going to cause shock waves of awe.

ultimately accept that you can please some of the people some of the time.. and i forget the rest of the quote, but you get the gist..  happy posting

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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 3:53:47 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
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Let Me get the gist of this.  You're unhappy with the way other people respond on the forums.

Fair enough.  Now let Me tell you why I don't care.

In the six thousand comments or so that I've made around here, none of them have ever been written with the intention of blowing smoke up someone's ass.  I give My opinions as an honest assessment.  It may not be what you want to hear.  In fact, in many cases, I'll preface My statements with this remark.  I'm not here to please you with what I have to say.  I'm going to be true to Myself first and foremost.  If that happens to get in your way of what you think it ought to be, I'll apologize for offending you, but I'm not going to change it.

With this said, I will tell you that the way I see things often doesn't follow the majority, but rather the abstract.  It would be My opinion that there are very few things in life that have only one way of looking at them.  This is especially true when it comes to situations that involve human interaction.  I am My own person, as are you.  That means My own experiences, moods, emotions, and more.  I might just be tired or have PMS that influences what I write.  Other times, I might just be feeling funny and share what I think is a joke.  Those type of comments may not lend to the discussion, but they might be entertaining.

In short, DrkSadist, the replies I make on any thread are My own.  They will not be dictated in content by you or anyone else, other than the mods.  I am no slave of yours and even if I was, I doubt you could ever control My speech.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 3:55:46 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
Don't take everything online so personally.

You could always do like I do. I post and then I forget about it. I rarely go back to read what is written after and if I do I tend to not respond again nor am I all that concerned about what others write.

Repeat after me..it's only online.

(in reply to InTonguesslave)
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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 3:57:13 PM   
honeygirl


Posts: 111
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Is a "sigh" an erroneous response, or is it actually a pretty accurate indication of that other person's opinion?

Sounds like you're expressing the fact that you don't like the way others express their opinion.

(in reply to MasterDarkSadist)
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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 3:57:56 PM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
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It is not up to you to instruct others on how to post. There are rules and guidelines posted for how posting is to go here and those are what we follow. In any online forum or group you will get responses you do not like or do not agree with. I get that myself. I take what works for me, resonates with me, makes me think and discard the rest quietly without trying to get others to conform to my idea of correct posting.

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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 3:59:28 PM   
Lockit


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Joined: 5/7/2007
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Good lord!  I had a husband once that determined how I was to speak, when, to whom and with a look I was to shut up no matter how well I was doing with business partner's and a big deal.  He is lucky he survived the divorce.

Simply put... and I think many will feel similarily to how I feel... you post the way you want and don't feel you need to correct how another socializes or post's.  People will either sink or swim and that is as it should be.  If you wish to form classes on posting style, format and protocol... do so on your own time.  And good luck with that.

Who do you think you are?

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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 4:02:26 PM   
Aylee


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Who do you think you are?


The Kwisatz Haderach!

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I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 4:03:50 PM   
Lockit


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Um Aylee... I may have to google that! lol

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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 4:03:51 PM   
MasterDarkSadist


Posts: 60
Joined: 6/17/2008
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The reason that I posted this little "diatribe" if you may call it that, is because doing things such as what I described helps nobody.  People come here for help, and tearing a valid point (as a whole) apart by using an abstract point, does not do anybody any good. 

No, it is not my job to make everyone post as I think that they should.  I am not a moderator, nor am I trying to create a new TOS.  What I am trying to do, is bring something to light that is a problem, at least from my point of view.  Such is the problem that I see with the CM message boards, is that people think that they can do whatever they want (which, being that they have freedom of speech, they technically can).  The problem with freedom of speech, is that in order for you to be useful, and contributory, you have to abide by general rules of debate.  If you cannot debate in a civil, logical, and intelligent way, your words mean diddly squat, and you are obviously trying to stir the proverbial pot.  

< Message edited by MasterDarkSadist -- 4/12/2009 4:05:43 PM >

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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 4:08:14 PM   
MasterDarkSadist


Posts: 60
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit


Who do you think you are?


I am just another person.  However, I was taught to take action, not let things that were not good for my community to go unchallenged if I thought that they would harm it (be it my family, my friends, etc).  Stirring the proverbial pot and stirring up crap, doesn't do anyone any good around here.  I guess what I am trying to do is state my opinion, like many of you are so pointedly telling me you are doing, or should be able to do, without regard to what kind of damage it would do.

(in reply to Lockit)
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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 4:08:54 PM   
Lockit


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Consider the source and move on.  The big bad world is what it is and although it is nice to live polly anna... it doesn't work.  Believe me I tried. And rose colored glasses are a tint that rubs off most of the time.

How you see something in written form is maybe different than how I would see it and may even be different from the thread starter and twenty other's.  Your more perfect plan wouldn't make it to formation.

I cannot tell you how many times I have seen someone get eaten for saying something everyone thought out of line and then the op comes along and says it was the very thing that helped them.

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 4:13:06 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
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So now we are to be mind readers...lol  Oh not you, this wasn't meant for you... you are good... it's those other's! ROFL...  You ask for the impossible in a very offensive manner.  Why should we learn from you?

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 4:15:27 PM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline
My point remains: I take what works for me, resonates with me, makes me think and discard the rest quietly without trying to get others to conform to my idea of correct posting.

Everyone has their own style of responding to things good or bad, helpful or not. It is up to me to find what works for me and let the rest go. It may not work for me, but a reply or advice that doesn't work for me may be just what someone else needs to know and the way they need to "hear" it.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 4:15:58 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
I think you are confused.

I am not here to be "useful."  I am here for discussion, entertainment, and the exchange of ideas.  I've promised nothing to anyone, with the exception of not violating TOS.  Quite frankly, I get into trouble for even that once in a while.

Yet, oddly enough, day after day, thread after thread, mail after mail, people tell Me that they appreciate what I have to say.  Maybe it's because I base it in personal retrospect, show evidence of My humanity, that it means more than dictation from a source that clearly only wants conformity.  As I've said, you are no master to Me.  You have better odds at learning to control the wind.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MasterDarkSadist)
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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 4:31:09 PM   
DomKen


Posts: 19457
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Chicago, IL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Who do you think you are?


The Kwisatz Haderach!

Just as long as you're not a maud'dib.

(in reply to Aylee)
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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 4:34:49 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline
MDS, I think we appreciate different things.  I posted once specifically asking for opinions of Masters on something and got almost everything but that.  I had a specific question in mind and wanted to know how different people handled it.  I wasn't looking for one true way, but the info on how they would handle a similar situation and why.

I think that part of the reason that people are so careful about sharing their opinions is because they can be misconstrued as proclaiming that it is the only right way to do something.  Sometimes the OP leaves out certain facts - either for privacy's sake or because they don't realize that they can be hard to follow with as little information as was given. 

Some people will respect opinions and seeing how you handle things, some won't.  Don't let it discourage you from speaking your mind. 


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RE: How to respond to posts that contain opinions - 4/12/2009 4:49:54 PM   
Crush


Posts: 1031
Status: offline
We all have opinions.  And generally, those of us who post on a "board" have strong opinions on some things.  So immediately, what you post is colored by our own viewpoints and what you post.

A board like CollarChat is not for any sort of advice without filter.   You will get opinions, but very few "expert" opinions. 

You can't control the debate/arguments/etc.  And frankly, anything over three paragraphs loses it...I know, I write them all the time and see it.  And yeah, I'm guilty of missing the obvious as well or misreading someone's message.

Words only compose 7-10% of a message.  Tone another 30+%.  But the majority of communication is visual.  So that means on a message board, where you can't post images/videos, you are losing around 90% of the whole communication.    And that goes from both directions.





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