RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances

RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (Full Version)

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MidMichCowboy -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/6/2009 2:00:24 PM)
I'm doing terrible at it. I want a relationship, more, than I can ever say. But what kind of a relationship? Why can't I find someone and feel that spark? But, I keep putting everything in life first, Ummms, work, family, friends. Maybe part of it is a fear of opening myself up again. It's always convenient to think you need to wait. Part of it is that I don't fit well into the local scene and have had no luck finding anyone around here. I'm very close to the point of just trying vanilla and leaving stuff as "not worth it". But again, I put my ummms first, then there is work ...... on and on. My guess is that one must convince themselves that it's worth it to pursue a relationship.

ExSteelAgain -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/6/2009 2:27:56 PM)
Yep, Eyesopened, said it well. Seize the moment.

kiwisub12 -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/6/2009 3:07:05 PM)
my Sir and i are in the midst of changing circumstances. I was all set in ready for our relationship continuing into old age and sitting in matching rocking chairs. Then came his diagnosis of metastatic cancer, and all the ramifications of that diagnosis. Most of the time i am calm and composed and not thinking of possible scenerios - but then are the times where i have my Sir dead and buried and what will i do next? What are the chances of finding anyone half as wonderful as him? Will i be alone for the rest of my life? It took me 48 years to find him - odds seem to be against me. Life just seems to be more complicated than i want!!!!![:@] I am not a naturally depressed kind of person, but sometimes it all gets to me - and my advice for anyone would be to seize the day! Do what you want, when you want, because you may not have a second chance! Carpe dieum and all that![:)]

InTonguesslut -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/6/2009 5:02:18 PM)
quote: I suppose My question comes down to, for those embarking on life's changes and wanting new dynamics in your life, how are you handling this? In February of this year i got the news that the pub i was running was to close down, i had a weeks notice. Luckily i had just come out of a relationship with a Dom i have been seeing there the previous week so that meant there would be no worrying about how i was going to get to see him etc etc. The unfortunate side, depending on how you view it lol was that i was not battle scarred or weary from said relationship, so was virtually immediately looking for albeit not actively someone else. The issues with this were i had and still don't have a home, i'm staying with friends. I also didnt have and still dont have a job. Not really a good time to meet someone else but meet someone else i did. Now i could for work purposes have to move anywhere in the UK. This could put a strain on said relationship. I am also coping with the building of a poly relationship, finding time for them both and still being able to focus on getting my life together. Its a very stressful time and not the ideal one to be starting something new with anyone. I'm coping for the moment but i wouldnt reccomend it to anyone, its hard.

kuriouswitch -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/6/2009 6:11:46 PM)
I actually started looking into the lifestyle soon after I moved out of my parent's house. I figured I might as well start now, I'm not getting any younger ect. But about seven months into me living on my own and about two months into my search something happened which caused a kind of melt down on my side and still I kept looking and digging. It wasn't until I started getting better and realizing what I was really looking for that I found Master, or actually he found me and since then things have slowed down and evened out a lot.

Padriag -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/6/2009 8:42:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I suppose My question comes down to, for those embarking on life's changes and wanting new dynamics in your life, how are you handling this? Oiy... this is so very appropriate to me right now. The last two years have seen some big changes in my life, and I expect the next two years to be more of the same. While many of these changes have been good ones, its still created a certain amount of chaos in my life. I'm stretching myself in new directions, doing things I'd never imagined I would and enjoying the new challenges. However, all that takes so much of my energy and attention... starting a new relationship right now would, as I've already found out the hard way, be very difficult. Where as you are leaving your small pond, I'm becoming the latest "big fish" in my own small pond... something of a local celebrity. I own and run a civic center, something I never imagined I'd ever do. Tomorrow I'm going to be sitting down with a local band and writing a song... one which I may well end up on stage performing... an its been a loooooooong time since I sang anything (most people who know me don't even know I can sing... and I'm not sure if I still can... guess we'll find out), so possibly add local rock star to the list of things I'd never thought I'd be doing. The point being is, its pretty darn amazing to be me right now and I'm enjoying that. The irony is, there's no one here to share it with and that is something I thought I'd have by now. There was someone once, but she died and there's just not been anyone who clicked since. I'd like it if there were and I admit sometimes it feels a lil bit lonely... all this crazy fun stuff happening and no one special to sit up at night and laugh about it all with. There is a part of me that very much wants that. But as I said, I'm leary of trying to start something right now. It'd have to be someone special, and someone willing to accept and understand that there are a LOT of demands on my time, energy and finances right now... someone who can handle that. Most submissives I've known haven't been the type who could... a few maybe, but the majority needed more "attention" than I have to give right now. So to answer the question... for the most part I've put that part of my life on hold. If the right person should happen to come along, I'm open to it... but I'm not actively looking for it. Occassionally I write an email to someone's profile on here, or approach someone I've met locally... but so far nothing has amounted to anything. Time will tell how it will all work out. I believe it will work out eventually, most things in my life do given time... though not always the way I expected or planned... life's funny that way.

MsDDom -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/6/2009 9:05:49 PM)
quote: Break in some young blood!! I was just thinking about that last night, and how much fun it was! LadyH...that made me laugh and go "hmmm"...(mind wonders)

LadyHibiscus -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/6/2009 9:10:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsDDom quote: Break in some young blood!! I was just thinking about that last night, and how much fun it was! LadyH...that made me laugh and go "hmmm"...(mind wonders) Well, I don't feel romantically inclined toward the young, but it's nice to have a fresh new toy to explore with in the short term! Super fun when they call you years later to say how fondly they remember you. [:)]

CreativeDominant -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/7/2009 6:57:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lateralist1 D/s relationships take a lot of time and energy. I don't want to get into another before I find out if it has a chance of working. Once bitten twice shy. I've not met anyone for a long time who has half a chance and the one or two that do have a chance I haven't met yet. I've pretty much given up on finding anyone willing and able to relocate so I have accepted the long distance relationship as enevitable. If you have a job you stick to it. If you don't have a job you don't need the expense of moving on top of everything else. If you find someone that does it for you and your honest about the future then I say go for it. The thing that gets me is thinking it's long term and then finding out that the sub is playing games. If I know it's short term I can handle it. But submissives don't PLAY games lateralist...that's only the dominants. A submissive get involved with someone of a dominant nature, make their way into the dominant's vulnerable places and then just disappear? Submissives don't do that, only dominants. Didn't you know that?

LadyPact -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/7/2009 2:32:47 PM)
I'm appreciating all of the contributions and I hope more will be coming. Unfortunately, I'm a little short on time just now to address some of the specific remarks, but I will be doing that. I'm afraid I can't get to all of them just now, but I will be in the coming days. Thanks to those who have participated thus far. I've enjoyed the comments.

ShaharThorne -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/7/2009 6:45:28 PM)
I just moved and frankly, there are no one here to play with. I also have to stock my toybag since Alexis kept that back and frankly, I want my crop for some self-punishment (I hit my legs a lot when I am stressed). Hopefully someone will get the messege I sent him earlier and contact me. I had to let him know I was not ignoring him, but had no internet service until yesterday (I want my own place and broadband...LOL!). Shahar, raiding the fridge for oranges

SurrenderForMe -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/7/2009 7:47:49 PM)
I caught this topic as I was looking at pretty pictures and bad profiles. It is looming insanely, intensely in my mind. So I am answering the request for stories. I can relate to this topic because it has been my life for 7 years. I am so sick of it. Pick almost any of the reasons for the upheaval and they have applied to me in the past 7 years. Saves me typing it out. I''m a dominant. My rules are that I need to have my life in order, in order to be comfortable with telling someone else how to live theirs. My life has turned into a constant freaking nor'easter. I tend to like to do things that cost money. Money is tight. I have driven a few subs crazy on this point. I can't win. If I pay, and it's a male (sometimes females), I get crap. If I let them pay, some say I am using them. The latter hasn't happened in a long time, but it was really depressing the one time it did. I'm scarred for life. lol. If they don't bitch, almost to a man, they have been looking for someone, not a domme, but a provider to use. I'm so screwed, or unscrewed as the case might be. Yes, I know you can do things without spending money. I can do that with someone I already know. I can't do that with a stranger. I pay my way, when I am meeting someone. Sometimes after, as well. When I made more money than my toy, I paid. I am not a dominant looking for money, or more correctly, I am not interested in just using someone for their money/wealth. Money is a good thing, within its context. I've stuck to my rules, but I'm getting bummed out. No trips, new toys, new clothes, new shoes, no scuba. All my shallow, happy pursuits gone. Oh well. I can live with that. But I can't have a toy, not referring to the inanimate type. I have been forcing myself to talk to people who contact me, mostly a waste, but there is intelligent life at collarme. But I feel like a hypocrate. Yes, I can control you, but I can't make my own life come back into order, right. That's just an excuse. I must have broken something to have this continuous nightmare. New relationship? I can beat you. I can make you crawl. But, I can't feel the respect directed at me, if it exists. So I don't qualify as a dominant. I have been told to just go with the flow. But I can't make that work. I am always an analyst, calculating, assessing, and grading. I moved. I had plenty of opportunities for two years before I moved. I was in flux. I didn't know when I would leave. I am a long term type. I had a few people say, go with it. You might meet someone who is rich and then you won't have to worry. This is not the thing to say to someone who has turned down three offers from, the little rich boy, take me for my money types. One even included marriage. What none of them included was any attraction on my part. I've been back here for almost a year. I could hook into the scene here easily, I think. I was here when the scene became public. I used to know a lot of people. I did demos. I can't get myself to do it. I have stayed isolated and stressed. Because it doesn't matter if it is online or real. I still have to be comfortable in myself. I'm working on it. To keep complicating my life. My life is in 200 boxes that the movers didn't label. Twenty plus years worth of toys in "a few" boxes I can't identify. I don't need toys to play, any good player just needs their mind and hands. I know this. But it is mentally inhibiting to know that I can't reach for my single tail, my favorite toy. I can't scare anyone with my knives. I can't lay out all my instruments of torture and build up suspense showing all the ways I can cause pain. I did find my candles. But damn, what a pussy kind of discovery. If moving is imminent and you are a long term type, then I'd consider talking to people in the new area. Go with the flow. We'll see if it works for either of us. I hope you can do it and have fun.

wisdomofgiving -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/7/2009 8:09:29 PM)
Many things have been changing for me, as well as my friend. We still are in touch as friends. At this time in my life, I do not want to search for another person for any type of relationship. I am exhausted, and do not feel I would want to take the time to build anything, plus i am not the type to just play. Personally am finding a lot of rewards in being alone, so exploring this does not sadden me. Two men caught my heart, my late hubby and Sir, and for now that is where my heart will stay. wisdomofgiving

MissEnchanted -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/7/2009 9:21:38 PM)
ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn quote: The problem is I don't know where to move. It's nice having the option; it's somewhat frustrating when you realize the option doesn't give you any further answers. Littlesarbonne, I can sure relate to what you said about options not giving further answers, Lady Pact: Good topic. I am moving myself so can relate to what you are pondering. I am still making plans to have fun and will balance all the balls as best I can. [:D]

LadyPact -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/8/2009 5:48:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: persephonee On a more personal note...do ya need any help packing up your toys?....im super-great at organising toybags....just sayin!!![;)] I definitely had to address this, as it's been a topic of conversation. I'm not so thrilled with the idea of the movers actually having possession of the toys. There are a good number of them and I would be very unhappy if anything turned up missing. We do have two cars that will be driven across country. I know there is a huge upcoming debate between Mister Pact and Myself about how many things travel with us, and how many actually make it to the moving van. LOL.

LadyPact -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/8/2009 5:51:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened Before I moved to Florida, someone told me that I could perhaps benefit by joining a group close to my home in South Carolina and it was too bad I was moving away. I responded that I wasn't moving for a few more months and I felt I could benefit by attending functions, even if it were just one or two or five. The other person never responded back so I assumed the offer wasn't genuine. But I still think it was up to me, not someone else to determine the benefits of the situation. I'd be willing to bet that the person you were corresponding with lost track of that email in the shuffle. I hear it happens a lot. I'd be further willing to be that, should you visit your old home, she'd love to have you as a guest of hers at that group.

LadyPact -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/8/2009 6:07:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant Just come to Co. LadyP...we'll sit down and....................talk. [;)] If I were the one to map out the upcoming trip, there would be a lot of places that I would want to stop along the way, just to say hello to folks. In fact, I could drive MP quite crazy with all of the places I'd like to make pit stops just to have coffee (ok, not really coffee in My case) with some of the regular posters from CM. The journey is basically east to west, but if I had My way (plus unlimited time and resources, which I definitely don't) we'd be zig zagging north to south as well. Don't be surprised if one of our stops does end up being CO. If I work this out right, we'll leave here shortly after SELF, be able to swing by Denver for at least a day at Thunder, and have the new house settled in time for Folsom!

LadyPact -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/8/2009 6:12:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: junecleaver I can enjoy a two month relationship because we both know I'm leaving in two months. I can enjoy a person for who they are and what they bring into my life without carrying them over into the next path I need to take. What's most important to me is that we are honest with each other. Oddly enough, that's kind of how I got clip. It was supposed to be "temporary" but we were so happy with the arrangement that it was worth continuing. Two or three months wouldn't be long enough for Me to consider someone an addition to the family. Plus, I'm not willing to go through all that it takes to relocate a new submissive on top of what I'm already facing.

LadyPact -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/9/2009 5:27:02 AM)
(I'm getting to these as I can. Please excuse the delay.) quote: ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn The problem is I don't know where to move. It's nice having the option; it's somewhat frustrating when you realize the option doesn't give you any further answers. It's something of the same, though not quite. While I'm not completely sure of your circumstances, it might be a case of you having the opportunity to move to a location where you might enjoy a particular person's company. Personally, I have the location, but not the rest.

LadyPact -> RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances (4/9/2009 6:00:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Since we're both able to play casually, LP, I would say play and have fun. How much long distance frustration does a person need in her life? When you're in the new place, look around then. In the meantime, how about some of those youngsters that we are too old-batty to appreciate? Break in some young blood!! I was just thinking about that last night, and how much fun it was! I noticed this same thought mentioned in a couple of replies, so I thought I should address it. Never fear! I still play casually and probably will right up until the point that it's time to hit the road. There have already been offers as far as who will be throwing the going away party. Now that I think of it, wouldn't that make for a good charity raffle? Be a part of Lady Pact's last scene in Atlanta before she leaves town. LOL. In My view, the Top/bottom thing is different than the D/s thing. My thoughts on the subject were more along the addition to the family line. Thanks for the contribution, LH!

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