Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

The concept of searching during changing circumstances


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> The concept of searching during changing circumstances Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 3:36:24 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		It's been a while since I put up a thought provoking original.  Of the things floating around in My mind that might make a good topic, I've settled on this one.  It's been nagging in the back of My head a bit.

I'm wondering about other people's opinions about pursuing new D/s dynamics when life is dictating a change of one's circumstances.  I understand that  the initial thought is vague, and in ways, I've intended it to be.  I'd like to solicit opinions, not just for My particular situation, but also to the various life situations that might apply.

As to My own circumstance, I'll elaborate.  For some time now, in My own musings, I've been thinking that it is time to add an additional D/s dynamic to My life.  This wouldn't be a difficult proposition if I expected no changes in the near future.  I've been a resident of My current location for coming on four years now and there are plenty of prospects right here in My own back yard.

However, in just a few months time, I'm picking up said backyard and moving it across the country.  It seems pointless to Me to lay the foundations with anyone in regard to D/s here when I know I won't be here long.  As for what might be found in the new location, I've only put out a few mentions here and there.  Knowing that this is still months away, I'm just not willing to invest that much of Myself until I get a feel for the new territory.  There are other things to consider on how that will work out.  I admit that it's rather shallow, but I've gotten rather used to being the big fish in the small pond.  I'm not so sure of how I'll adapt when I'm in the ocean again.

Anyway, this got Me to thinking somewhat.  I'm not the only person out there who wants to begin a new D/s dynamic, but is also facing major life changes.  Many people move due to career.  I'd venture to speculate that there are some folks out there who are getting out of long term relationships who are adjusting to a new life.  The economy has many people in a spin.  Some are looking at the last fledgling leaving the nest or are becoming of age that new opportunities exist.  There are a few applications that could be suited to this discussion.

I suppose My question comes down to, for those embarking on life's changes and wanting new dynamics in your life, how are you handling this? 





_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 4:22:17 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		Gosh...from what i know about myself, i could probably introduce a new D/s dynamic while still packing, just to distract myself. Now, if you were thinking that a more long term thing is more to your taste...then i think that times of upheaval are the worst times to try to create strong foundations.

This theory gets tested quite often...there is never a good time to have a child...what i mean by that, there is never a stable enough time in your life to justify bringing a new one into your fold. If everyone waited til they were financially and emotionally ready to have another child, well...at least the population count wouldnt be so dangerously high.

i think that if i were about to move...i wouldnt look to start a new relationship that i intended to keep up with after the move...but if i were in the beginnings of something and then found that i was moving...i would try to make that fledgling relationship work despite the changes happening around me....

On a more personal note...do ya need any help packing up your toys?....im super-great at organising toybags....just sayin!!!

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 4:26:18 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		If you seek more than just a playpal then I think you know how hard maintaining that can be. I think it would be one more Long distance dynamic for you to deal with. Myself, I dont do Long distance.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 4:30:43 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		When it is drilled down to its core, the only time that exists is this very moment.  The past is gone and no longer exists, the future is not here and so it doesn't actually exist.  To forego an experience or a pleasure or an opportunity based on a whole lot of 'what ifs' is opportunity wasted, in my way of thinking.

My first formal Dominant was temporary.  We knew from the beginning it would be a temporary arrangement and in a way it really made it more intense as He had a lot of things to teach me in what would be a short time.  My life would have been poorer had He said He was only looking for a long-term, permanent relationship.

Before I moved to Florida, someone told me that I could perhaps benefit by joining a group close to my home in South Carolina and it was too bad I was moving away.  I responded that I wasn't moving for a few more months and I felt I could benefit by attending functions, even if it were just one or two or five.  The other person never responded back so I assumed the offer wasn't genuine.  But I still think it was up to me, not someone else to determine the benefits of the situation.

In answer to your question, since I have the tendancy to over-think nearly everything, I remind myself of my first paragraph, that Opportunity doesn't wait for you to get out of the shower, get dressed, put on makeup before answering its knock.  Don't answer on the first knock and Opportunity assumes no one is home.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 5:03:48 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		For me personally, I'd be waiting till settled and have all the mundane things in place including the new home fitted out or built to my liking. This is even more so as it is possible than within two years I may well be considering moving interstate and well away from the big smoke and buying a medium farm. Thus anyone joining us at that time would have to be ok with farm life and the additional duties involved. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 5:45:37 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Doesn't it depend on how well you juggle?

Not something I could handle, but others can. And truthfully, it is never the right time. We never have everything as perfectly arranged as we would like it.

Love is too rare and too precious to be refused if it comes into our lives. Which is different than actively seeking it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 5:53:07 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		We cant always plan change sometimes it happens that you meet people and like the right away or you meet them and suddenly things change. Would seem strange to seek something at home just when you are moving but it depends what you want from the relationsip, we dont always look for life partners. Sometime you just need someone to share the bed with so to speak.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 6:38:05 AM   
YoursMistress


Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you eyesopened, I agree with you 100%.  If you are looking for a reason not to start something, there are endless possibilities.  You could not start because you are moving.  Then you might wait until you get settled in.  Then you might wait for the economy. 

One can live in the present, deciding what to do based upon what is.  I am trying to learn to practice this in my own life, with much difficulty. 

yours


_____________________________

May your service of love a beautiful thing; want nothing else, fear nothing else and let love be free to become what love truly is. -- Hadewijch of Antwerp

As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 6:43:16 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Changes in life are tough especially for those who have been laid off .  But life offers plenty of opportunities. Go take them while you still can. You will only be young once
kevin

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 7:12:11 AM   
Vanityfull


Posts: 196
Joined: 3/6/2009
Status: offline 		september i got out of a long relationship with an awful end, i was all heart broken and took some time to reinvent myself and fix some personal issues amoung them came reimbracing bdsm and rejecting sexual lables, as i plan to move and am still working out alot of my thoughts i simply put off the idea of finding someone untill i at least get life established when i move, i personally dont have room or commitment for a relationship at the moment well i make some personal changes, i feel i wouldnt give 100% to the relationship which isnt fair to the other person

_____________________________

"give away everything, so others have nothing"

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 7:17:24 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Its amazing we may be some 7000 miles away from each other but I feel much the same. I m not in a relationship because I need to fix up personal stuff. This recession woh is just hugely difficult at the minute.
kevin

(in reply to Vanityfull)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 7:19:18 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		Tis a difficult question and the answers can vary tremendously.  I try to leave myself open to new experiences always but I've been down the casual road and now seek a LTR.  There is a part of me that tells myself that it is O.K. to have fun while in the beginning of exploring something that may turn out to be long-term...there's also a part of me that says that there are an awful lot of women who don't care to even begin exploration of any sort of "serious" relationship with someone who is having fun elsewhere...there's a part of me that says that I may miss something that could be potentially long-term while playing around...and finally, there's a part of me that says I may miss out on fun and new experiences while sitting around, going carefully through all the stuff that goes with waiting for/exploring the possibility of LT relationships.  And I don/t even have the angst of moving.  Of course, I don't have the "luxury" of having one established relationship wherein it is accepted that I will be forming D/s dynamic-relationships elsewhere.

Just come to Co. LadyP...we'll sit down and....................talk.   

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 4/6/2009 7:20:52 AM >

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 7:22:13 AM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		If I didn't date in anticipation of my life changing, I'd be alone until age 30.  Heck, I spent last year all around the world and still dated people here and there.  I think maybe it depends on the type of person you are and how you conduct your relationships.  For instance, perhaps the kind of relationship you want takes a long time to construct.  I can enjoy a two month relationship because we both know I'm leaving in two months.  I can enjoy a person for who they are and what they bring into my life without carrying them over into the next path I need to take.  What's most important to me is that we are honest with each other.

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 7:59:54 AM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Hi, LP----
I started out pondering this in a rather torn fashion; wait versus go ahead.  Then, I considered my most recent relationship (Someone who won't invest fully in permanent relationships for fear of being hurt) and realized that putting life on hold is an illusion, something I emphatically told him.  The days keep passing, the world keeps spinning, and heaven knows what is passing you by.  That is not to say that a frenzied leap into the air or the abyss is what I advocate but 'waiting is' as my sig line says and sometimes, as we deal with that truism, waiting is filled and an opportunity for a bond comes to pass.  Waiting, imo, isn't a passive thing, it's active, it's open in hopefully a healthy way.  Being up front, being honest are things that are always important and I think that whomever you find yourself relating with would need to know of the circumstances and you would need to be confident of their intended approach to such as well as the other people in your life (And in theirs) being taken into consideration. 
As always, best wishes, 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 8:22:24 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I was recently in a situation where there were a lot of major life changes that came at one time, including an upcoming move.  There was a Master who was very interested in me and I found that flattering.  My job is out of my home, and the only locational request from my company was that I live somewhere in America so I could basically pick up and move wherever I wanted.

What I found, with all of the stress during the changes, was that I was only settling for this new Master.  He was moving way too fast (within less than a week let me know that he was grooming me for marriage to him) and I realized that if it weren't for all of the external pressures that I never would have continued talking with him. 

I'm not saying, by any stretch, that everyone would react the same way.  I found that for me personally that I was losing sight of what I was really looking for in a relationship.  I didn't want someone who only cared for me because of my role but someone who cared for the person that I am who happens to live a certain role.  I needed time to make my move, settle in, and then take things one step at a time like you are supposed to do instead of rushing into something because I felt like I was in hyperdrive trying to get so many things taken care of.

I think a lot of it has to do with what you are really looking for.  Is it a play partner where you both go into it knowing that the time is short?  Or is it someone that you want to build a lasting relationship with?  Both can be fulfilling, but this is really about taking care of YOUR needs.  It's a very personal decision, and I know you will be very careful with it.


_____________________________



(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 8:37:16 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		Well, I'm kind of in the same boat right now. I'm in a foreign country, things didn't work out here, so I'm about to move back to the United States again. Right now, I find myself able to pretty much move wherever I want to because I'm not tied to any one location. So, I'm seriously considering a whole bunch of different places.

This means that when I find this new location, I am free to finally pursue something serious and long term. I haven't really had that luxury before because I was always in school, always doing something that required my mobility, and now I don't have that dilemma any longer. Wherever I move next is where I will probably be able to stay.

So, yes, I truly understand that.

The problem is I don't know where to move. It's nice having the option; it's somewhat frustrating when you realize the option doesn't give you any further answers.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 9:15:29 AM   
MsDDom


Posts: 368
Joined: 1/1/2009
From: GA
Status: offline
quote:

I suppose My question comes down to, for those embarking on life's changes and wanting new dynamics in your life, how are you handling this?


pretty much like you have...  my situation is going to change in coming months and i have just kept my options open. i have been asked to participate in a few things, to which i decline due to those "upcoming changes". i have entertained other areas b/c they are more feasible.

i see nothing wrong w/ starting new D/s dynamics...even if change is not the cause. variety and newness are always good.


_____________________________

...:: MsDDom ::...
... live Life honestly ...

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 9:28:22 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Since we're both able to play casually, LP, I would say play and have fun.  How much long distance frustration does a person need in her life?  When you're in the new place, look around then.  In the meantime, how about some of those youngsters that we are too old-batty to appreciate?  Break in some young blood!!  I was just thinking about that last night, and how much fun it was!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to MsDDom)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 12:26:49 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		For me, knowing I'm moving means I start the search in the new place.  I had a lot of feelers out for Dallas months before the move and am having a hard time keeping in touch with even just a couple people right now due to how full my life is.  But, due to those feelers, I've met some great folks even when it didn't work out.

In the case of the place I'm moving away from, if something sparks there, I just am honest about my situation... even and especially when I don't know it.  For example, when I acquired my domestic there I let him know that we'd been living in Augusta for long enough that we could get orders whenever -either to leave or to stay- but had no reason really to expect word soon, either.  Sure enough it took a while to get word, then suddenly we had to go Now.  And there were some false-starts as recinded orders happened a couple times between.

I just try to let folks know what to expect as best I can, then they can decide.  I'd hate to pass up something good, even if short-termed, if I didn't have to. 

I also have the view that circumstances are always subject to change with no warning, so why worry too much about it?  My whole life could turn upside down tomorrow or theirs could, no use limiting ourselves due to it.

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 4/6/2009 12:28:04 PM >

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The concept of searching during changing circumstances - 4/6/2009 1:16:25 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		D/s relationships take a lot of time and energy.
I don't want to get into another before I find out if it has a chance of working.
Once bitten twice shy.
I've not met anyone for a long time who has half a chance and the one or two that do have a chance I haven't met yet.
I've pretty much given up on finding anyone willing and able to relocate so I have accepted the long distance relationship as enevitable.
If you have a job you stick to it.
If you don't have a job you don't need the expense of moving on top of everything else.
If you find someone that does it for you and your honest about the future then I say go for it.
The thing that gets me is thinking it's long term and then finding out that the sub is playing games.
If I know it's short term I can handle it.

(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> The concept of searching during changing circumstances Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094