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Revealing to your significant other... - 4/1/2009 11:08:18 AM   
ladysekhmetka


Posts: 94
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		So after using the search function and either the topic not being mentioned (possible) or I fail at search engines (more likely), I come seeking knowledge and wisdom from the assembled populace of the board.  If this is in the wrong place, please let me know or move it to the appropriate boards.

I consider myself something of an amateur writer and at the moment I'm writing a science fiction/fantasy (more scifi) series of stories.  One of the main characters and her significant other are involved in BDSM, both before they met each other.  They meet in such a way that doesn't reveal their preferences.  While it may not be a huge role in the story (as I plan for this to be mostly an adventure/action set of stories with maybe one or two romantic/erotic chapters or stories), how they first reveal this information to each other will be referenced or used in a side story.

Now, I need to figure out how they break the ice to each other on this, and while I know how I would do it, neither of these characters would handle things the way I do.  So I'm looking for how other people have revealed their involvement in kink to a possible significant other (I hope that's plain enough), specifically from female submissive and male dominant perspectives.

Also, as a secondary topic, if anyone has any crazy ideas or theories on the differences between BDSM and sex toy tech in general of today and the practices in a highly advanced technological society (think Spaceships, Interplantary Travel, energy weapons, etc.) they would be willing to share, I would appreciate it.


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Lady Sekhmet Ka

~ Hail, Sekhmet, Who Gives Joy, Lady of Jubilation!~
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RE: Revealing to your significant other... - 4/1/2009 12:11:07 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I asked my ex- straight-out if we could include D/s dynamics and 'kinky' activities involving bondage and discipline in our relationship.  He refused.  < shrug >
  Davan

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-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
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Waiting is

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Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to ladysekhmetka)
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RE: Revealing to your significant other... - 4/1/2009 12:16:30 PM   
mugwump


Posts: 119
Joined: 9/26/2005
From: uk
Status: offline 		I 'revealed' my kink totally by accident to my now husband... the very first time he came round to  my house I'd been so manic making the place look all spick n span that the handcuffs hanging over the ends of the bookshelf and big ole copy of Kroll's Fetish Girls looming down had - quite genuinely - not even blipped on my personal radar of things to tidy away.
I noticed they were still there mid-way through his visit, he told me much later that he'd noticed them as soon as he walked in but neither of us said anything to the other immediately... but i'm not shy about it and, once he realised that, he was ..*ahem*.. interested
 
 

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RE: Revealing to your significant other... - 4/1/2009 12:25:40 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Back when I was married I told him simply that I was a Dominant female (which he knew from the beginning its not like something you can really hide) and that I wanted to live a Femdom lifestyle. I explained it a bit to him and he had no interest in BDSM from any perspective. I wished him well and we got divorced.

Now I am happily involved with a male submissive.

~Lashra


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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






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RE: Revealing to your significant other... - 4/1/2009 2:58:12 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		I was straight forward with my now ex husband when we were dating what I was into. He was unknowledgeable but said he was interested and wanted to learn. We began establishing a D/s relationship for the 2.5 years we were dating. Then less then a month after the wedding he said no more and demanded I cut off all contact with anyone in the lifestyle.

I have found that coming out to new guys that I met on a non kink site or function sooner was better then later.

Usually when we would be discussing things we liked and such I would then say. "I'm a submissive and I like "abc". Then either answer their questions or grin at their look of shock.

I don't see the point in getting emotionally involved with someone if something that base in my nature is going to be an issue

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RE: Revealing to your significant other... - 4/1/2009 7:19:22 PM   
ladysekhmetka


Posts: 94
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		Just wanted to say "Thanks" to everyone who responded... Maybe my demon of a writer's block will go away now :D

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Lady Sekhmet Ka

~ Hail, Sekhmet, Who Gives Joy, Lady of Jubilation!~

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RE: Revealing to your significant other... - 4/1/2009 8:00:57 PM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline 		Well about 12 years ago I was just starting out in the lifestyle and met Griffin. He was a nice guy, who peaked my interests since he was not like the other men I had been dating. He was decisive and in control, but still a gentleman and pretty nice guy. We went on typical vanilla dates, skiing, dinner, to watch him play hockey. He was just getting active in the lifestyle himself. To him I was this nice church going single mom of two teens. I never told him of my interests and he never told me of his. We both thought there was no way the other would be into what we wanted in the long run. We dated and, due to distance mostly, just drifted apart slowly over a year. We re-met at a kink event 6 years later. 3 years ago we ended up together again in a M/s this time …. and we still go skiing, to dinner and to hockey games.

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RE: Revealing to your significant other... - 4/1/2009 11:06:19 PM   
twisteddoll


Posts: 22
Joined: 2/22/2008
Status: offline 		The first time I met my Master we were sitting in the living room and he asked me to come across the room to where he was.  So, I walked over to him and then he was like, "No, crawl."

And well, almost 6 years later, here we are. =]

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RE: Revealing to your significant other... - 4/2/2009 4:21:33 AM   
shorn


Posts: 30
Joined: 1/31/2009
Status: offline 		shorn found some books in the locked room we kept the little porn we owned (young daughter), shorn found them interesting and asked some friends what to do. Tthey recomended go with it and see what happened, He came home to find shorn nude with hands cuffed behind back. shorn found shornself flat on shorn's back, spread-eagled to the four posts and still nude. Then he walked in with a razor...

Never looked back.

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shorn

The thought of it staggered my mind and struck me with a wave of envious desire. To be in such a situation, bought for the night, available to anyone at the crook of a finger!

Phèdre – Kushiels's Dart

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RE: Revealing to your significant other... - 4/2/2009 5:40:43 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		My Lady knew of my involvement in Gor at that time both on line and in lifestyle as well as my interest in BDSM. She took to it like a fish to water and is now my wife and partner (Dom/Domme) At our wedding the brides maids were kajirae and my bucks party was attended exclusively by Gorean Lifestyle Masters where we were served and entertained by kajirae too..  

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Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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