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RE: Finger fettish? - 3/31/2009 4:57:13 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

This male friend of mine has a very interesting fettish. He doesn't identify as a Dom, but has a very dominant personality (when he was talking to one of his women on the phone I heard him demand that she get down on her knees and apologize). He has what I call a finger fettish. Basically he hooks his fingers around another person's pinkie and yanks. I asked him why he does it. He calls it a fettish and says he does it to alot of people. He says he's done it since high school. Is it just me or does that sound dangerous to anyone? What if he accidentally broke or dislocated someone's finger? Has anyone ever heard of a similar fettish?


Finger fetish?
Sounds like a teenager hangout habit that has become a disturbing adult habit.

I have a hand and finger fetish.
Just the appearance of someone's hands can leave me wet and agonizing . . . . . If the fingers are long enough I can deep throat them.

You have a pinky wanker IMHO.  

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Finger fettish? - 3/31/2009 5:16:19 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think I'm ready to make the leap to calling a guy who likes to play with a girl's pinky finger with his own pinky finger an abuser, a sadist or even a fetishist.

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~erin~

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When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Finger fettish? - 3/31/2009 6:31:29 AM   
InTonguesslut


Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

He's hurting people, and possibly injuring them, for no other reason than it gives him some sort of thrill. If that's not abusive, then I don't understand the meaning of the word.


Priceless !!

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RE: Finger fettish? - 3/31/2009 8:06:49 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

He's hurting people, and possibly injuring them, for no other reason than it gives him some sort of thrill. If that's not abusive, then I don't understand the meaning of the word.


LOL....I totally missed this. Um....Sir REALLY enjoys hurting people for no other reason than it gives him some sort of thrill. So do a lot of other people on this very site and in BDSM communities all over the world.  We call them sadists. Actually...I think that's definition of one. Or maybe I don't understand the meaning of the word....

I wouldn't apply that label to the guy in the OP's post though, at least not based on the tidbit of information that was supplied.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Finger fettish? - 3/31/2009 8:33:13 AM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

He's hurting people, and possibly injuring them, for no other reason than it gives him some sort of thrill. If that's not abusive, then I don't understand the meaning of the word.


LOL....I totally missed this. Um....Sir REALLY enjoys hurting people for no other reason than it gives him some sort of thrill. So do a lot of other people on this very site and in BDSM communities all over the world.  We call them sadists. Actually...I think that's definition of one. Or maybe I don't understand the meaning of the word....


I don't know. Maybe you don't, but I won't get into that because I don't have an opinion on the matter and it really isn't relevant to me. So as not to derail the thread, I'll just stick with the issue of whether you understand the meaning of the term "abusive". Which you evidently do not. Going around hurting unsuspecting people, and risking injury to them, by yanking their fingers out of joint is abusive behavior by any reasonable definition of the word. Whether the person who is doing it is or is not also a sadist is irrelevant - this particular act is abusive.


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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Finger fettish? - 3/31/2009 8:41:47 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		While I can tell you all that Erin absolutely knows the difference between sadism and abuse (and so does her Master),  I have to agree with Panda that this guy is a nasty piece of work.    I just can't see a person who likes to play consensually as being in the same class as someone who is trying to damage someone for a giggle.  A little too Clockwork Orange for me.

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RE: Finger fettish? - 3/31/2009 8:58:12 AM   
constriction


Posts: 16
Joined: 6/9/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
He says he's done it since high school. 


At what grade did he drop out?

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Finger fettish? - 3/31/2009 9:18:19 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
Who's to say that finger pulling is wrong or being a bully.  BadOne


What makes it wrong is he does it without informed consent. If the women he does this too haven't agreed to force play, or to a d/s relationship, then it is wrong to try to demand it. What would be right would be to communicate what style of relationship he prefers and give them the choice instead of trying to bully them into it.

Besides, as has already been discussed, it's inherently risky for her fingers. And if/when he breaks one, charges of assault and battery will be risky for him.


ehh we are going to have to agree to disagree.  Ive  told more than one girl to hush up and take the pain for me.  I guess that makes me a abuser in your book.  Having sex without a condom is far more risky than pulling a finger, yet ppl do it all the time.  I don't get it

Just because this dynamic doesn't work for you, does NOT mean it won't work for someone else.

BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Finger fettish? - 3/31/2009 12:02:28 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I think motivation is a big key in abusive behavior or not.  I do not wish to do lasting damage to my submissive.  Leave a mark or bruise is all good... but to risk breaking something or make it so they cannot use a body part because of a painful sprang or leave it misformed... that isn't what I see as good ol sadistic fun; but more like harm. 

When someone isn't claiming to be dominant... but likes to control someone in anger/frustration and uses a method that could cause harm... without responsibility or control... I consider that and pinky bending abusive by intent rather than sadistic fun.  Some like breath play and I don't. Some like things I would never agree to, but they have the relationships and agreements to that relationship and activity and that makes a big difference.  Someone bending a finger just becasue he wants to and calling it a fetish... still needs to act responsibilly and if he doesn't and there is no concent... I call that abusive and mean.

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Finger fettish? - 3/31/2009 2:22:35 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit


When someone isn't claiming to be dominant... but likes to control someone in anger/frustration and uses a method that could cause harm... without responsibility or control... I consider that and pinky bending abusive by intent rather than sadistic fun.  Some like breath play and I don't. Some like things I would never agree to, but they have the relationships and agreements to that relationship and activity and that makes a big difference.  Someone bending a finger just becasue he wants to and calling it a fetish... still needs to act responsibilly and if he doesn't and there is no concent... I call that abusive and mean.


That I will agree is abuse.

When I tell my bitch to shut the fuck up and take the pain.  I am NOT angry, upset,  pissed off,  whatever.  I am doing it cuz I like it plain and simple.  Why I do enjoi it??? no fucking clue!!!  Nor do i care to analyze it.

Pulling someone finger Abuse?  Hardly.  I've broken enuff fingers playing sports to know.  You tape the broken finger to the next one and get your ass back on the court.

BadOne




_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Finger fettish? - 3/31/2009 2:27:11 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Words can be considered abuse.  If someone is not agreeing to whatever is done and someone takes what they want or gives what they want without concent, without agreement and in some way that can harm... whether physical, mental or emotional... I consider that abuse and an intention to over power someone without anything I could respect.  Finger bending... humiliation or down beating with hurtful words.... doesn't matter to me.  It isn't asked for, agreed to and isn't dominance.  It is bully tactic's and abusive as far as I am concerned.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Finger fettish? - 3/31/2009 2:45:12 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		I will agree that words can be abusive.  Guess what if they feel they are being abused they can leave.  Yes it's really that simple.  It doesn't matter if it's your boss, coworker friend, parents, spouse, the list is endless.  If you feel abused, neglected, or otherwise mistreated.  The door is right there.  The above might sound unsympathetic but how long are you <the generic one> going to allow yourself to be a victim???

BadOne




_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Finger fettish? - 3/31/2009 2:49:39 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I agree SailingBum! 

Someone that was unhappy with me.. whatever the relationship... who jerked my finger around... would have assault charges against them or would be walking funny from missing a certain part I jerked around.

But... every few mintues there is someone who takes name calling, finger jerking or hair pulling.. who doesn't like it and they think it was mild, not really abuse... and they stay... and most often... it turns to something worse.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Finger fettish? - 3/31/2009 5:03:04 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

This male friend of mine has a very interesting fettish. He doesn't identify as a Dom, but has a very dominant personality (when he was talking to one of his women on the phone I heard him demand that she get down on her knees and apologize). He has what I call a finger fettish. Basically he hooks his fingers around another person's pinkie and yanks. I asked him why he does it. He calls it a fettish and says he does it to alot of people. He says he's done it since high school. Is it just me or does that sound dangerous to anyone? What if he accidentally broke or dislocated someone's finger? Has anyone ever heard of a similar fettish?


Uhhhhh....I don't see it as dangerous (I mean seriously....how many bones can you dislodge with a pinky?)...might be a smidge weird.....but hardly dangerous.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Finger fettish? - 3/31/2009 7:30:58 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Come on down, Lookie, let me demonstrate!!  I have plenty of adhesive tape! 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Finger fettish? - 3/31/2009 7:41:07 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Come on down, Lookie, let me demonstrate!!  I have plenty of adhesive tape! 


(I can go with that).

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Finger fettish? - 3/31/2009 7:55:04 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I can do your toes, too! 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Finger fettish? - 3/31/2009 8:58:05 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		If he volunteer's.... it isn't abuse! lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Finger fettish? - 4/1/2009 4:43:28 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda
So as not to derail the thread, I'll just stick with the issue of whether you understand the meaning of the term "abusive". Which you evidently do not. Going around hurting unsuspecting people, and risking injury to them, by yanking their fingers out of joint is abusive behavior by any reasonable definition of the word. Whether the person who is doing it is or is not also a sadist is irrelevant - this particular act is abusive.


Having worked as a Domestic Violence counselor for a large chunk of my life, I'm pretty sure that I understand the meaning of the term "abusive". Having also spent a great deal of time on these boards and having had the opportunity to become quite familiar with the propensity of the OP to seriously exaggerate and make mountains out of molehills, I'd also say that I'm pretty safe in not casting judgment against the man in the OP's post as "abusive. As for unsuspecting people, I'd dare to say that this man is not likely walking up to strangers on the street wrestling their pinkies from them. If that were the case, yes that would be abusive and assaultive in nature. What is more likely is that the people he is doing this to have held out their hands and allowed him to take theirs in his. There is also a huge difference between a pull and a yank. Have you never locked pinkies with a partner instead of the classic hand hold? Have you never pulled back and forth? I know that I've had the experience with several men that enjoyed locking pinkies as a means of hand holding....and yes, sometimes we swung our hands back and forth and pulled. I would not consider them as abusive.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Finger fettish? - 4/1/2009 6:43:03 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
Who's to say that finger pulling is wrong or being a bully.  BadOne


What makes it wrong is he does it without informed consent. If the women he does this too haven't agreed to force play, or to a d/s relationship, then it is wrong to try to demand it. What would be right would be to communicate what style of relationship he prefers and give them the choice instead of trying to bully them into it.

Besides, as has already been discussed, it's inherently risky for her fingers. And if/when he breaks one, charges of assault and battery will be risky for him.


ehh we are going to have to agree to disagree.  Ive  told more than one girl to hush up and take the pain for me.  I guess that makes me a abuser in your book.  Having sex without a condom is far more risky than pulling a finger, yet ppl do it all the time.  I don't get it

Just because this dynamic doesn't work for you, does NOT mean it won't work for someone else.

BadOne



You really saying you go out on a couple of dates, go back to her place, and start beating on her without even mentioning you're a sadist? So if she invites you back for coffee, do you assume that means date rape is on the menu?

I'm betting you tell her what you're into. And if she doesn't object, that's consent. If she says to get out and not darken her door again, you do so. Because doing things without consent gets you jail time.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 40
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