RE: Finger fettish?

RE: Finger fettish? (Full Version)

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RealSub58 -> RE: Finger fettish? (3/31/2009 4:57:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl This male friend of mine has a very interesting fettish. He doesn't identify as a Dom, but has a very dominant personality (when he was talking to one of his women on the phone I heard him demand that she get down on her knees and apologize). He has what I call a finger fettish. Basically he hooks his fingers around another person's pinkie and yanks. I asked him why he does it. He calls it a fettish and says he does it to alot of people. He says he's done it since high school. Is it just me or does that sound dangerous to anyone? What if he accidentally broke or dislocated someone's finger? Has anyone ever heard of a similar fettish? Finger fetish? Sounds like a teenager hangout habit that has become a disturbing adult habit. I have a hand and finger fetish. Just the appearance of someone's hands can leave me wet and agonizing . . . . . If the fingers are long enough I can deep throat them. You have a pinky wanker IMHO.

mistoferin -> RE: Finger fettish? (3/31/2009 5:16:19 AM)
I don't think I'm ready to make the leap to calling a guy who likes to play with a girl's pinky finger with his own pinky finger an abuser, a sadist or even a fetishist.

InTonguesslut -> RE: Finger fettish? (3/31/2009 6:31:29 AM)
quote: He's hurting people, and possibly injuring them, for no other reason than it gives him some sort of thrill. If that's not abusive, then I don't understand the meaning of the word. Priceless !!

mistoferin -> RE: Finger fettish? (3/31/2009 8:06:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda He's hurting people, and possibly injuring them, for no other reason than it gives him some sort of thrill. If that's not abusive, then I don't understand the meaning of the word. LOL....I totally missed this. Um....Sir REALLY enjoys hurting people for no other reason than it gives him some sort of thrill. So do a lot of other people on this very site and in BDSM communities all over the world. We call them sadists. Actually...I think that's definition of one. Or maybe I don't understand the meaning of the word.... I wouldn't apply that label to the guy in the OP's post though, at least not based on the tidbit of information that was supplied.

ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: Finger fettish? (3/31/2009 8:33:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin quote: ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda He's hurting people, and possibly injuring them, for no other reason than it gives him some sort of thrill. If that's not abusive, then I don't understand the meaning of the word. LOL....I totally missed this. Um....Sir REALLY enjoys hurting people for no other reason than it gives him some sort of thrill. So do a lot of other people on this very site and in BDSM communities all over the world. We call them sadists. Actually...I think that's definition of one. Or maybe I don't understand the meaning of the word.... I don't know. Maybe you don't, but I won't get into that because I don't have an opinion on the matter and it really isn't relevant to me. So as not to derail the thread, I'll just stick with the issue of whether you understand the meaning of the term "abusive". Which you evidently do not. Going around hurting unsuspecting people, and risking injury to them, by yanking their fingers out of joint is abusive behavior by any reasonable definition of the word. Whether the person who is doing it is or is not also a sadist is irrelevant - this particular act is abusive.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Finger fettish? (3/31/2009 8:41:47 AM)
While I can tell you all that Erin absolutely knows the difference between sadism and abuse (and so does her Master), I have to agree with Panda that this guy is a nasty piece of work. I just can't see a person who likes to play consensually as being in the same class as someone who is trying to damage someone for a giggle. A little too Clockwork Orange for me.

constriction -> RE: Finger fettish? (3/31/2009 8:58:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl He says he's done it since high school. At what grade did he drop out?

SailingBum -> RE: Finger fettish? (3/31/2009 9:18:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP quote: ORIGINAL: SailingBum Who's to say that finger pulling is wrong or being a bully. BadOne What makes it wrong is he does it without informed consent. If the women he does this too haven't agreed to force play, or to a d/s relationship, then it is wrong to try to demand it. What would be right would be to communicate what style of relationship he prefers and give them the choice instead of trying to bully them into it. Besides, as has already been discussed, it's inherently risky for her fingers. And if/when he breaks one, charges of assault and battery will be risky for him. ehh we are going to have to agree to disagree. Ive told more than one girl to hush up and take the pain for me. I guess that makes me a abuser in your book. Having sex without a condom is far more risky than pulling a finger, yet ppl do it all the time. I don't get it Just because this dynamic doesn't work for you, does NOT mean it won't work for someone else. BadOne

Lockit -> RE: Finger fettish? (3/31/2009 12:02:28 PM)
I think motivation is a big key in abusive behavior or not. I do not wish to do lasting damage to my submissive. Leave a mark or bruise is all good... but to risk breaking something or make it so they cannot use a body part because of a painful sprang or leave it misformed... that isn't what I see as good ol sadistic fun; but more like harm. When someone isn't claiming to be dominant... but likes to control someone in anger/frustration and uses a method that could cause harm... without responsibility or control... I consider that and pinky bending abusive by intent rather than sadistic fun. Some like breath play and I don't. Some like things I would never agree to, but they have the relationships and agreements to that relationship and activity and that makes a big difference. Someone bending a finger just becasue he wants to and calling it a fetish... still needs to act responsibilly and if he doesn't and there is no concent... I call that abusive and mean.

SailingBum -> RE: Finger fettish? (3/31/2009 2:22:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit When someone isn't claiming to be dominant... but likes to control someone in anger/frustration and uses a method that could cause harm... without responsibility or control... I consider that and pinky bending abusive by intent rather than sadistic fun. Some like breath play and I don't. Some like things I would never agree to, but they have the relationships and agreements to that relationship and activity and that makes a big difference. Someone bending a finger just becasue he wants to and calling it a fetish... still needs to act responsibilly and if he doesn't and there is no concent... I call that abusive and mean. That I will agree is abuse. When I tell my bitch to shut the fuck up and take the pain. I am NOT angry, upset, pissed off, whatever. I am doing it cuz I like it plain and simple. Why I do enjoi it??? no fucking clue!!! Nor do i care to analyze it. Pulling someone finger Abuse? Hardly. I've broken enuff fingers playing sports to know. You tape the broken finger to the next one and get your ass back on the court. BadOne

Lockit -> RE: Finger fettish? (3/31/2009 2:27:11 PM)
Words can be considered abuse. If someone is not agreeing to whatever is done and someone takes what they want or gives what they want without concent, without agreement and in some way that can harm... whether physical, mental or emotional... I consider that abuse and an intention to over power someone without anything I could respect. Finger bending... humiliation or down beating with hurtful words.... doesn't matter to me. It isn't asked for, agreed to and isn't dominance. It is bully tactic's and abusive as far as I am concerned.

SailingBum -> RE: Finger fettish? (3/31/2009 2:45:12 PM)
I will agree that words can be abusive. Guess what if they feel they are being abused they can leave. Yes it's really that simple. It doesn't matter if it's your boss, coworker friend, parents, spouse, the list is endless. If you feel abused, neglected, or otherwise mistreated. The door is right there. The above might sound unsympathetic but how long are you <the generic one> going to allow yourself to be a victim??? BadOne

Lockit -> RE: Finger fettish? (3/31/2009 2:49:39 PM)
I agree SailingBum! Someone that was unhappy with me.. whatever the relationship... who jerked my finger around... would have assault charges against them or would be walking funny from missing a certain part I jerked around. But... every few mintues there is someone who takes name calling, finger jerking or hair pulling.. who doesn't like it and they think it was mild, not really abuse... and they stay... and most often... it turns to something worse.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Finger fettish? (3/31/2009 5:03:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl This male friend of mine has a very interesting fettish. He doesn't identify as a Dom, but has a very dominant personality (when he was talking to one of his women on the phone I heard him demand that she get down on her knees and apologize). He has what I call a finger fettish. Basically he hooks his fingers around another person's pinkie and yanks. I asked him why he does it. He calls it a fettish and says he does it to alot of people. He says he's done it since high school. Is it just me or does that sound dangerous to anyone? What if he accidentally broke or dislocated someone's finger? Has anyone ever heard of a similar fettish? Uhhhhh....I don't see it as dangerous (I mean seriously....how many bones can you dislodge with a pinky?)...might be a smidge weird.....but hardly dangerous.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Finger fettish? (3/31/2009 7:30:58 PM)
Come on down, Lookie, let me demonstrate!! I have plenty of adhesive tape!

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Finger fettish? (3/31/2009 7:41:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Come on down, Lookie, let me demonstrate!! I have plenty of adhesive tape! (I can go with that).

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Finger fettish? (3/31/2009 7:55:04 PM)
I can do your toes, too!

Lockit -> RE: Finger fettish? (3/31/2009 8:58:05 PM)
If he volunteer's.... it isn't abuse! lol

mistoferin -> RE: Finger fettish? (4/1/2009 4:43:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda So as not to derail the thread, I'll just stick with the issue of whether you understand the meaning of the term "abusive". Which you evidently do not. Going around hurting unsuspecting people, and risking injury to them, by yanking their fingers out of joint is abusive behavior by any reasonable definition of the word. Whether the person who is doing it is or is not also a sadist is irrelevant - this particular act is abusive. Having worked as a Domestic Violence counselor for a large chunk of my life, I'm pretty sure that I understand the meaning of the term "abusive". Having also spent a great deal of time on these boards and having had the opportunity to become quite familiar with the propensity of the OP to seriously exaggerate and make mountains out of molehills, I'd also say that I'm pretty safe in not casting judgment against the man in the OP's post as "abusive. As for unsuspecting people, I'd dare to say that this man is not likely walking up to strangers on the street wrestling their pinkies from them. If that were the case, yes that would be abusive and assaultive in nature. What is more likely is that the people he is doing this to have held out their hands and allowed him to take theirs in his. There is also a huge difference between a pull and a yank. Have you never locked pinkies with a partner instead of the classic hand hold? Have you never pulled back and forth? I know that I've had the experience with several men that enjoyed locking pinkies as a means of hand holding....and yes, sometimes we swung our hands back and forth and pulled. I would not consider them as abusive.

DesFIP -> RE: Finger fettish? (4/1/2009 6:43:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SailingBum quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP quote: ORIGINAL: SailingBum Who's to say that finger pulling is wrong or being a bully. BadOne What makes it wrong is he does it without informed consent. If the women he does this too haven't agreed to force play, or to a d/s relationship, then it is wrong to try to demand it. What would be right would be to communicate what style of relationship he prefers and give them the choice instead of trying to bully them into it. Besides, as has already been discussed, it's inherently risky for her fingers. And if/when he breaks one, charges of assault and battery will be risky for him. ehh we are going to have to agree to disagree. Ive told more than one girl to hush up and take the pain for me. I guess that makes me a abuser in your book. Having sex without a condom is far more risky than pulling a finger, yet ppl do it all the time. I don't get it Just because this dynamic doesn't work for you, does NOT mean it won't work for someone else. BadOne You really saying you go out on a couple of dates, go back to her place, and start beating on her without even mentioning you're a sadist? So if she invites you back for coffee, do you assume that means date rape is on the menu? I'm betting you tell her what you're into. And if she doesn't object, that's consent. If she says to get out and not darken her door again, you do so. Because doing things without consent gets you jail time.

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