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The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/13/2009 7:46:29 PM

kiwisub12

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my Sir and i were talking about when we met, and his take on himself was that he was basically down to earth, what you see is what you get .... and the only pretensious thing he did was read poetry to me.

This statement really hit me wrong - i don't consider it pretensious if he actually reads poetry for pleasure, and was sharing part of that with me. Actually , i considered it pretty sensitive of him, considering i could have mocked him for it (if i was not such a nice person).

In my Sirs case, he thought that because not many people read and enjoy poetry that it was "uppity", pretensious and pseudointellectual. But do we need to dumb down who we are and what we enjoy to meet the low expectations of others? or even what we think their expectations are.

What do you hid from others because you are concerned about pretensiousness, and what are your reasons?

Post #: 1

RE: The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/13/2009 7:49:07 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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I don't hide anything from people. I am who I am and if you think I am trying to put on airs, or am phony because of what and who I am and I enjoy, it's not any concern of mine. They're clearly not someone I want to hang out with.[

In fact if you were to look at my profile, I admit some stuff right up front that I know would damn me in the eyes of others. I list the fact that my D and I live with my parents, I am un employed and on SSI and I am fat and severely out of shape, and have no problem with myself or my self imagequote]read poetry to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

What do you hid from others because you are concerned about pretensiousness, and what are your reasons?

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 3/13/2009 7:53:34 PM >

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 2

RE: The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/13/2009 7:56:45 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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I am going to be myself and I want the people around me to do the same.

While I know we all try to put our best foot forward, sooner or later, the real me, will be evident anyway. Why start out falsely.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/13/2009 8:03:34 PM

pinkwind

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There is nothing pretentious in really enjoying something, and sharing that joy. Genuine pleasure, that cannot be faked, and most of us can spot when something has been adopted as an affectation, to impress, to give that false impression.

Enjoy the sensitivity.

Edited to apologise, and answer your question...my love and depth of knowledge of philosophy. It's awkward.

< Message edited by pinkwind -- 3/13/2009 8:05:22 PM >

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RE: The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/13/2009 8:05:23 PM

ExKat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

In my Sirs case, he thought that because not many people read and enjoy poetry that it was "uppity", pretensious and pseudointellectual. But do we need to dumb down who we are and what we enjoy to meet the low expectations of others? =

To be honest, I consider something to be pretentious if you are assuming the guise of intellectualness to seem more sophisticated than you actually are. If he actually reads poetry, legitimately, and was reading it to you to share a hobby, then that's not pretentious. If he just picked some random poem online to read to you to convince you he was sensitive, then that's...well, not pretentious really, more of just an asshole thing to do. If he bought a book of poetry, went to a Starbucks or something, and sat there pretending to read it to seem like he was smart and sensitive, then that is pretentious. It's all about reasonings.

Hell, if he loves Lord Byron, and wants to show his love to Starbucks, fine. I don't see reading literature as being pretentious....it only is if you're reading with the intention of being thought smart, sensitive, rich, or something along those lines.

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RE: The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/13/2009 8:18:02 PM

catize

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quote:

What do you hid from others because you are concerned about pretensiousness, and what are your reasons?

Most of the time I put my ‘just okay’ foot forward, while my ‘best foot’ stays in the closet with my dressy shoes. I prefer to be underwhelming; that way I get to surprise people once in awhile.

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RE: The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/13/2009 8:21:24 PM

littlewonder

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There are times I 'dumb' myself down for others because I'm aware that not everyone understands everything I'm talking about.

For example I had a discussion about religion with my best friend a couple days ago. After about two minutes into the conversation I remembered and realized that she really doesn't understand much about it because it's not an interest of her's, she's never read a thing about it and really doesn't enjoy reading anything at all...so I tried to explain things to her in laymen's terms, simplistic speech. It still went over her head though and the conversation was cut short.

It happens. There are some things I won't talk about with others, there are some things I will put in easier terms for others and then there are others who I feel right at home with and I can talk to them about anything with ease of conversation.

While I don't hide myself from others I do fit myself to fit in with whoever I'm speaking with. I don't find that pretentious. I find it being self aware.

(in reply to ExKat)

Post #: 7

RE: The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/13/2009 9:08:44 PM

Lordandmaster

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I guess this may sound naive, but I'm not concerned about whether other people will find me pretentious.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

What do you hid from others because you are concerned about pretensiousness, and what are your reasons?

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 8

RE: The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/14/2009 2:10:26 AM

MG4Apuppygirl

Posts: 59
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I hide nothing. But please do try to dumb down a little. BDSM etc, is ultimately quite simple. When people attempt to write psycholgical esays in a forum I wish they would finish their pretentious spiels with their relevant "actual" qualifications.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 9

RE: The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/14/2009 4:03:31 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

But do we need to dumb down who we are and what we enjoy to meet the low expectations of others? or even what we think their expectations are.

You could forget your own interests and go with the crowd (which may well involve talking about last night's televsion and celebrity culture) or chase your own initiatives regardless. You will undoubtedly cut yourself off from certain groups (assuming poetry is a key interest for you), as a consequence of behaving outside of the norms of most groups. I suppose that's how people work: they feel comfortable around like-minded people and uneasy around those with alternative pursuits.

Edited to add: instinctively, I have friends with varying interests. With some mates, we'll talk about women, football etc and just sit in the pub and have a laugh - they wouldn't dream of talking politics, history, philosophy etc. With other mates, we'll talk about politics, philosophy and history and probably won't break into a laugh all night - they wouldn't dream of talking about football and women. Horses for courses and all that. 'Dumbing down' is not something I have to work hard at (I'm a Working Class lad who is at home talking about football and women in the pub - it's a part of me really), in a similar vein to an interest in politics, history etc. Just part of who I am. I chase my interests and, as a human being, I'm not that unique, so friends to match your interests can always be found.

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 3/14/2009 4:13:53 AM >

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RE: The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/14/2009 4:16:13 AM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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I'm usually pretty aware of those about me, leaving out frienmds and family whop know me and my mannerisms. Things I will not neglest ire good manners (Victorian style), and etequate (again Victorian style). However in one site I was called pompus, pretensious, and even bombastic because I commented that because I am able to communicate well according to correct English and have a habit of using terms from a bygone era and I stated that I will not lower my standards by slipping into Australian working class pub lingo. Mind you when I am with a number of working class blokes and we are relaxing I can happily slip into that mode too especially if my normal mode of adress makes some of them feel uncomfortable. I make no excuses about my love of the classics in books, poetry, music and the arts. Working outside no matter where, if I have a casset player you'll find me if you follow the sounds of Bethoven or Bach or even the odd Opera. If anyone thionks I will gp down the popular track of rap, HipBop etc they can take a long think again. Mind you I am just as liklely to have C&W, Blue Grass or Blues playing too depending on how I feel.

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RE: The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/14/2009 4:40:54 AM

feydeplume

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Joined: 12/24/2008
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The same people that call me pretentious one week will, almost invariably, call me stupid the next. I do not watch TV much, just an occasional show, often British or Welsh and yes, I am an American. I don't listen to popular music much, only when in someone else's car. I just don't enjoy Pop Culture. I have a degree, but I consider it to be a starting point, not the end of my efforts to learn and I read A LOT. I use the less pretentious term "foodie" rather than gourmet, or at least i started to when a dear friend explained that foodie was American for gourmet. My father had a deep love of the classics and history and shared this with me as quality bonding time. My other loves theology, horticulutre, and anthopological study of other cultures which she shared with me. Some friends refer to me as a walking encyclopedia, as long as you don't want to know anything too current or popular. I read my news from Pravda and Chinese, French, and British papers before I read it in American papers because i like to know both the facts and the biases. My pet hobbies are cosmology and computers. Yes, in many ways, I am a very dull person. Except I am not.

BUT I have worked most of my life in a male dominated, competitive profession. That means I can make tit jokes with the guys (helps that i like other women) and can and do either keep up with or exceed the men I compete with for clients and money. I lived for dance clubs from my teens on and spent too much time, money, and ego on acting when i was younger.

My favorite insult, thrown at me years ago, was that I was a pedantic prude. Since most of my 'learning' is homeschooling that happened before and after public school and I am and have been a slave, active in sexual rights and the sexual freedom movement, I find the irony really funny.

I like pretentious people. They are often gentle and interesting conversation. They don't bray with laughter or tell off color jokes and expect me to laugh. They don't reference Pop Culture that I don't know. But then, I also enjoy spending time with men and women of the cloth (religious sort). I LIKE talking with people in their 70's and up. Ok maybe I am boring, pretentious, pedantic, and prude.... to some.

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RE: The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/14/2009 5:12:17 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

ORIGINAL: feydeplume Ok maybe I am boring, pretentious, pedantic, and prude.... to some.

Not to anyone who's ever read more than 2 or 3 of your posts.

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What immortal hand or eye
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RE: The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/14/2009 5:27:21 AM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
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Pretentious to me is attempting to be someone that you're not.   Putting on airs, being uppity or a know-it-all or even "dumbing down" youself.   Pretentious people will tell you what they think you want to hear. Eventually they will show themselves for what they are.

I'm me all the time. My interests and likes and dislikes may not be yours, if that's the case then we move on or we don't.    I'm not dumbing down myself to make you feel better, nor do I want that from anyone.   I don't put on "airs" to attempt to fit in with anyone.

I love listening to or being with others that have more knowledge than me in things I don't know much about.   I learn alot.     I've lived in the country and can move a herd of cows from one field to the other, sit around a cooking a pig in the ground, drinking beer and listening to the tall tales after the beer is getting low.   I can sit in a board room with a bunch of suits and ties and discuss budgets and by-laws until your ears bleed.   And I can dress to the nines and go to that hoity-toity party for the president of the company's departure.     It's all a part of me, of who I am.

Sincerity and honesty will most often override the prentious ... eventually.

(in reply to feydeplume)

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RE: The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/14/2009 5:52:11 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12
What do you hid from others because you are concerned about pretensiousness, and what are your reasons?

Well, I used to be in the Beatles, but I don't talk about that much anymore because once I mention it that's all anyone wants to talk about. And that was, like, so-o-o-o-o 40 years ago.

OK, really.... I'm not really big on talking about myself to begin with, but there are a few lights I definitely keep under a bushel until I get to know someone pretty well. They mostly have to do with a former career, in which I was very successful and influential. And actually, that's about all I'm going to say about it now, because, well... it would feel pretentious to talk about it! As people get to know me, the subject sometimes comes up, and I'll usually talk relatively freely about it, but by that time I'm comfortable being forthcoming about it because i usually figure they know me well enough to know I'm not bragging.

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Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
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RE: The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/14/2009 7:59:45 AM

MissEnchanted

Posts: 510
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I am going to be myself and I want the people around me to do the same.

While I know we all try to put our best foot forward, sooner or later, the real me, will be evident anyway. Why start out falsely.

Yep: I start as I continue. Life is way too short for bs.

My writing style is a weird combo of writing as I might speak out loud, and can also seem pretentious, although I am very down to earth.

I also love words, although when I come on in the morning for entertainment I am often very sleepy and slightly out of it. My writing style suffers for that,

*yawn*

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 16

RE: The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/14/2009 8:16:44 AM

SimplyMichael

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Buying the book and NOT reading it might be pretentious, as in just wanting to have it on the shelf for others to see.

Enjoying something for yourself is not pretentious, doing it so others can SEE you enjoying it is.

(in reply to MissEnchanted)

Post #: 17

RE: The appearances of pretentiousness - - 3/14/2009 9:23:33 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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We are sucking the marrow out of the bones of life. We do what we do for each other and don't care how others perceive it. We also love to share our life with others, not to exhibit anything more than our hospitality. They can draw their own conclusion as to whether we are displaying a facade or not. Whatever conclusion they make - its not going to affect us. Is it pretentious to say that those who have met us say that we are just like we represent on our profile and posts - except more so?

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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RE: The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/14/2009 9:33:34 AM

NuevaVida

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I agree with what Michael said.

I don't do things for the sake of presenting an image. I am who I am. People will think what they do about that, but I don't change who I am because of it.

Now, let me go dust off those books...lol...

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RE: The appearances of pretensiousness - - 3/14/2009 9:40:35 AM

mc1234

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This isn't something I've given much thought to. I don't put on airs or pretend to be interested in things I'm not. I am who I am, for better or worse. :) I don't hide any of myself from others. Now, of course some of my friends may not be interested in some of my musical or cultural tastes, but others are. I just pick and choose which topics we discuss, but they're aware that I like going to the orchestra and reading classics, etc. No biggie ... I love a lot of the things they like as well.

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