Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Interactions?

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Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Interac... - 3/10/2009 2:46:51 PM

MissLaura1973

Posts: 161
Joined: 11/11/2008
Status: offline

Something that has come up in discussion 'round my home, back in the days when we were spending more time at public BDSM events, is that my two straight, male submissives say that they frequently feel / felt uncomfortable around straight male dominants. Among other things, they've said that they feel looked down upon, have been told that they're not "manly enough," and ignored as though they are invisible.

Just curious as to other folks' experience - how do you male dominants feel about male submissives or slaves? How do you feel or behave around them? Likewise, for you male submissives or slaves, how do you feel around male dominants? Does your behavior change?

_____________________________

Though boys throw stones at frogs in sport, the frogs do not die in sport, but in earnest --- Bion

Post #: 1

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/10/2009 2:58:54 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

This is not a direct answer to your question, as I am not male, but I believe it speaks to your query. In thinking about one who behaved in submission to me, I considered the scenarios you mentioned. Had anyone realized he was behaving in submission to me, he would have been livid and felt that it compromised his public persona. Even people who are more 'out' are, I think, not removed from such concerns or considerations, though I'd think that they would be lessened.
I, personally, won't disrespect anyone unprovoked but I would probably not pay much mind to a male submissive who was behaving in certain ways toward his Master or Mistress (Or whatever their preferred terms of usage would be) and, on some level, in honesty, I would track them as a male that appealed less to me, regardless of whether they looked like (Insert hot man of your choosing) because I like particular behaviors of submission in males and they are different than what I find appealing in females behaving in submission (At least in many ways).
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to MissLaura1973)

Post #: 2

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/10/2009 3:12:58 PM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

~FR~

No change on both end (well, maybe a little excited when I meet a male dominant, but that's probably well explained :P)

Granted, I'm of a different demographic than the people queried.

I don't understand why anyone looks down on anyone, just for their orientation, of any type. I look at dominants (female, male, trans, any type really) as so totally cool... I could never 'do' (with any enjoyment) what they enjoy doing so much, even though I wish I could (sorta like how I view to opposite end of the spectrum in the gay world). I see other submissives (female, male, trans, any type really) as kindred and (also) so totally cool.

In general, discounting my misanthropy, I think people are cool :D

(in reply to MissLaura1973)

Post #: 3

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/10/2009 3:30:49 PM

gauguin

Posts: 28
Joined: 7/27/2008
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissLaura1973

Something that has come up in discussion 'round my home, back in the days when we were spending more time at public BDSM events, is that my two straight, male submissives say that they frequently feel / felt uncomfortable around straight male dominants. Among other things, they've said that they feel looked down upon, have been told that they're not "manly enough," and ignored as though they are invisible.

Unfortunately it is not so rare. In most cases I experienced such attitude from "life-style", very "dom" guys, what brings the question - why? Do they feel anyhow not confident of their domness?

(in reply to MissLaura1973)

Post #: 4

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/10/2009 3:38:01 PM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline

Never been a problem for me. I take people as they are..and any sub male or female ..are just people...But I have seen other Doms give male subs a different Look..as if not so much dismissing them..as not really sure how they fit in ...one on one males can be harsh in their judgements..but given time to think things thu..most come around..but then again ..lol..some are jerks no matter what

(in reply to gauguin)

Post #: 5

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/10/2009 3:54:33 PM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissLaura1973
...Just curious as to other folks' experience - how do you male dominants feel about male submissives or slaves? How do you feel or behave around them? Likewise, for you male submissives or slaves, how do you feel around male dominants? Does your behavior change?

I considered looking for a straight male submissive once, to play with in conjunction with my female sub. I said I was looking for a nice guy who could follow directions and didn't mind being reduced to the role of a sex toy with personality, if I so decided, or to otherwise be an attendant of sorts.

I had found a great guy, too, but it turned out that he was married, so my partner and I decided that was a no-go on that guy.

The few munches that I went to, it was a sub straight guy who was the friendliest to me.
I don't believe that I have any problem with them in general.

(in reply to MissLaura1973)

Post #: 6

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/10/2009 3:58:36 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Never had problems with interacting with hetro male submissives, nor hetro male slaves. For me slaves are service or domestic staff primarily BDSM and/or sex are possible add ons if all considerations are in place and are not required generally for my home. From an early age I have been used to having a "Gentleman's Gentleman" looking after things untill I moved to SE Queensland.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/10/2009 4:05:04 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Jeptha)

Post #: 7

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/10/2009 4:23:57 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissLaura1973

Something that has come up in discussion 'round my home, back in the days when we were spending more time at public BDSM events, is that my two straight, male submissives say that they frequently feel / felt uncomfortable around straight male dominants. Among other things, they've said that they feel looked down upon, have been told that they're not "manly enough," and ignored as though they are invisible.

Just curious as to other folks' experience - how do you male dominants feel about male submissives or slaves? How do you feel or behave around them? Likewise, for you male submissives or slaves, how do you feel around male dominants? Does your behavior change?

Interesting question. I'm a submissive man, and almost without exception, every male friend I have in the scene is dominant. The very few (well, actually, the one or two) who aren't are switches. I don't have any submissive male friends. So no, being around dominant men doesn't bother me at all, and I don't change my behavior around them in the least. I am who I am, and for whatever reason, I seem to have a lot more in common personality-wise with the dominant men I meet than the submissive men, and we usually enjoy hanging together (figuratively speaking, of course).

I can, however, recall a couple of occasions where dominant men did take a frosty attitude toward me when they found out what caste I was actually from. I'll admit that in my younger years, I took a certain malicious glee in fucking with them, exploiting their discomfort and annoying the hell out of them when they adopted the 'tude, but as I've matured, I like to think I've (mostly) outgrown that. For the most part, now I just laugh and go my own way. Fuck 'em. Not everybody likes everybody else, and life's too short to worry about why someone I don't care for doesn't like me either. I move on, forget about 'em, and find people who do like me.You can't let other people get inside your head and roam around unsupervised, because all they do is tip shit over. I'm as good a man as almost any I've ever met, and I don't hang my head to anyone.

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

(in reply to MissLaura1973)

Post #: 8

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/10/2009 5:44:13 PM

SingleRarity

Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissLaura1973

Something that has come up in discussion 'round my home, back in the days when we were spending more time at public BDSM events, is that my two straight, male submissives say that they frequently feel / felt uncomfortable around straight male dominants. Among other things, they've said that they feel looked down upon, have been told that they're not "manly enough," and ignored as though they are invisible.

Just curious as to other folks' experience - how do you male dominants feel about male submissives or slaves? How do you feel or behave around them? Likewise, for you male submissives or slaves, how do you feel around male dominants? Does your behavior change?

Sir and I have plenty of friends who are male switches, and a few who are male slaves or submissive's. We go out to dinner with them, watch movies, chat at the club, etc. However, we are not turned on by male submission, in fact, speaking for myself, it was a libido killer when I was stuck facing a CBT scene at a very crowded convention play party.

Now, I don't mean, in any way, that there shouldn't be male submissives or anything silly like that. I'm very glad that my friends are happy and get to do what it is that we do. It's just that watching a women do forced feminization on a guy who has to keep repeating "I have a tiny cock" isn't a scene that I enjoy, nor does Sir. So when that situation came up, we simply went into another room until it was over. So technically we do ignore male submission sometimes, but we don't ignore people in general.

Just so no one feels bad, I also ignore other stuff that turns me off, like food play. Food is just bad idea down there.........infections scare me. Also, I'm sure there are people who are turned off by what we do too.

Daddy's Ballerina, e

(in reply to MissLaura1973)

Post #: 9

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/10/2009 5:53:45 PM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

... I have been used to having a "Gentleman's Gentleman" looking after things untill I moved to SE Queensland.

That's sort of what I'd had in mind; an adjutant of sorts, or sort of like a butler...but maybe on a slightly more personal level.

Because sometimes you just could use an extra pair of hands (for example...)

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 10

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/10/2009 5:59:36 PM

Knite064

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/21/2009
Status: offline

My best friend is a Male submissive with a lovely Domme wife.
Now granted I torment him but only in a fun way and frankly hes not exactly submissive outwith his marriage(I only found out on noticing a lifestyle tattoo he has
I see no difference in a sub male as i would a gay male...im not interested in their sexuality but if i like the person then i like the person

(in reply to Jeptha)

Post #: 11

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/10/2009 8:36:16 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

From my experience (and I'm not a man), I can see why they might feel that way. I do find male submission to 'feel' odd too, even from guys I have topped. I don't mean that in a pejorative way at all. It's just not my norm and therefore strikes me as odd. Ime and my relationships dominance and masculinity are very closely tied. So it is weird to see a big ole ball of masculinity on the other side of the kneel. I would however be -extremely- embarrassed if a guy at a play party could tell that just from my behavior.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to MissLaura1973)

Post #: 12

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/10/2009 8:37:20 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

It shouldn't matter to the submissive what the dominant thinks. What the dominant thinks is all about their own issues and discomfort. What the submissive feels is also about their own issues and discomfort. They're projecting emotions onto the dominants so I think the more relevant question is, "why are the submissives uncomfortable with who they are?"

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MissLaura1973)

Post #: 13

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/10/2009 9:01:34 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

I used to have similar issues when the manly men were within smelling distance.

The fact that I was submissive and also bisexual certainly may have caught their attention.

But I knew it was more. I knew they were whispering and pointing from behind their musky exteriors.

I however took the high road, accepting that it was simply a tail, and they could just get over it.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to MissLaura1973)

Post #: 14

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/11/2009 3:02:07 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

My sub has not had any problems with any Dominants and that is probably because he used to be one. That coupled with his physical size and demeanor most probably would not guess he was submissive, until they saw him interact with me. He just is not the type of sub who is submissive to everyone and that is exactly how I want him to be, he is submissive to only one, ME.

Now that said he has had a female submissive give him a hard time about "throwing away his natural male dominance to grovel at a woman's feet" in which he just smiled and replied that she should learn more about men and women and how not everyone fits into the roles that so many books and uninformed people spout that they should.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 15

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/11/2009 3:43:08 AM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

My primary male slave is bisexual and a cross dresser. The people in the local kink groups have been very supportive of him whether dressed in guy's clothes or as a girl. His general appearance is androgynous, tall and skinny with long hair. Only a very few people have trouble accepting him, if they do, it is their loss.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to MissLaura1973)

Post #: 16

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/11/2009 4:24:28 AM

CNJDom

Posts: 186
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Southern NJ
Status: offline

I personally do not have a problem with male subs or slaves on the whole. I actually have a respect for them as subs and slaves first before the matter of gender. Gender comes second. A question also came to mind when I first started reading these posts on the subject, and that was when I read about the supposition of Male Dominants feeling that male subs/slaves were lesser or ignorable. The question concerned how many Dominants felt intimidated or uneasy around male submissives/slaves? Their lack of interaction may stem from a threat to their personal vanity, as if being associated with a male sub/slave would make THEM less Dominant... It's just a thought, since being secure in one's masculinity is usually priority-one when it comes to situations like this in public..be it homosexual, heterosexual or any psycho-sexual interactions between roles of males in society generally despite the lifestyle influence.

< Message edited by CNJDom -- 3/11/2009 4:26:17 AM >

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 17

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/11/2009 4:27:13 AM

Valyraen

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline

People are people - unless they're often and directly involved with my life, their submission or dominance is only a small part of the whole person to me. I don't behave any differently around male submissives than I do around gay males of any BDSM inclination, or around the people that I talk to everyday. Unless someone gives me a reason to treat them differently, I don't. It's not a question of "manliness" or superiority/inferiority to me, and I don't feel like a male submissive being around me is a threat to my "domliness". I worked for a long time to be comfortable with myself, and I'm not changing that for anyone.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Fuzzy Kitteh

There is no creature more loving than a hungry cat.

Valyraen in ValyraenandAqua

(in reply to MissLaura1973)

Post #: 18

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/11/2009 7:50:34 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

My primary male slave is bisexual and a cross dresser. The people in the local kink groups have been very supportive of him whether dressed in guy's clothes or as a girl. His general appearance is androgynous, tall and skinny with long hair. Only a very few people have trouble accepting him, if they do, it is their loss.

He's also one of the most thoroughly likable people I've met in a very long time. It's interesting you should mention him, because he was the first person I thought of when I read the OP. I thought to myself, "I challenge anyone to not like this guy." Because you're right, it would be very much their loss.

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 19

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/11/2009 8:17:46 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

There are also male dominants who dislike or are made uncomfortable by female dominants. There are several of our local Gorean contingent who tread very carefully around me for some reason!

I am glad to say that this kind of prejudice is fading in my area. The male submissives don't seem to have a problem, and many of the male tops will play with anyone, so that's an enormous help.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

Post #: 20

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