RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Interactions?

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RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/11/2009 12:51:58 PM

justcrash

Posts: 9
Joined: 1/5/2008
Status: offline

if i went to some 'munch' thing or whatever with a woman as (me) a submissive to her i would feel awkward and embarrased around male dominants. maybe just because i havent really ever gone to any kind of public things related to s&m, so at first i would anyway.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 21

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/11/2009 1:28:48 PM

slvemike4u

Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline

As soon as i can get my sub ass back to North Carolina i will start a r/t with a Female Domme who happens to sub to one, her primary partner a Male Domme...to say I have wondered,fixated and sweated just how that dynamic will work is an understatement.....T%hanks for the thread,there have been some very interesting comments.

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(in reply to justcrash)

Post #: 22

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/11/2009 1:43:27 PM

mebadist1

Posts: 1
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline

Hi All

(in reply to slvemike4u)

Post #: 23

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/11/2009 2:50:03 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Here's my idea of interaction with a het sub male:

"Bring me your wife, get her ready for me, and be ready to clean her up when I am done with her. If you're lucky, you might get to watch."

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissLaura1973

Just curious as to other folks' experience - how do you male dominants feel about male submissives or slaves? How do you feel or behave around them?

(in reply to MissLaura1973)

Post #: 24

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/11/2009 6:30:24 PM

Roselaure

Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline

I have not personally had that much experience interacting with Doms and subs of either sex in groups, but I'm wondering about the flip side. How do hetero female submissives and hetero female Dominants interact differently than their male counterparts?

I have a more collegial relationship with women than men in general and for me a woman is a woman, and whether Dom or sub I would probably interact with her in a similar way, just another sister as far as I'm concerned.

_____________________________

Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
-Virginia Woolf

(in reply to MissLaura1973)

Post #: 25

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/13/2009 3:51:25 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissLaura1973

Something that has come up in discussion 'round my home, back in the days when we were spending more time at public BDSM events, is that my two straight, male submissives say that they frequently feel / felt uncomfortable around straight male dominants. Among other things, they've said that they feel looked down upon, have been told that they're not "manly enough," and ignored as though they are invisible.

Just curious as to other folks' experience - how do you male dominants feel about male submissives or slaves? How do you feel or behave around them? Likewise, for you male submissives or slaves, how do you feel around male dominants? Does your behavior change?

Yep, I tend not to hit it off so well with male subs.... Now I don't look down or talk down to them anymore than I'd question their masculinity. But the the thing is that I simply don't relate to their sexuality, just as I don't to anyone who's gay - which kinda makes it hard to get interested in chatting at all. Now I'm not rude about it nor do I intend to present that persona but I can understand if they're getting that sorta negative vibe from me, nonetheless.

So what's the alternative? Start nattering about nothing at all to someone(s) I have ZERO in common with? And I'd do that because...? Of course, they can always start up a conversation themself but I've noticed that's never happened at any of the munches I've been to. Would that be my fault for giving off some vibe or simply that they don't relate to my sexuality, either? And trust me, even if there's only one Domme present (at a munch) with the usual 15 or 20 male subs about, the "ignore" and "invisibile" factors are most definitely reciprocal. In fact, even if there's no Dommes at all....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to MissLaura1973)

Post #: 26

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/13/2009 7:32:30 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

If this was in the Mistress forum, where I rarely go, I wouldn't be responding .....

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissLaura1973

Something that has come up in discussion 'round my home, back in the days when we were spending more time at public BDSM events, is that my two straight, male submissives say that they frequently feel / felt uncomfortable around straight male dominants. Among other things, they've said that they feel looked down upon, have been told that they're not "manly enough," and ignored as though they are invisible.

Just curious as to other folks' experience - how do you male dominants feel about male submissives or slaves? How do you feel or behave around them? Likewise, for you male submissives or slaves, how do you feel around male dominants? Does your behavior change?

Sir and I have played only with male submissives. As far as I know, from their profiles, they are heterosexual and into humiliation. Thus, Sir has them sucking cock, and verbally humiliated.

I would like to say here that when a male sub is at our place for a scene, I see men totally different.
One man is sexually dominant and one is submissive.
I have come to understand male submissives alot better since I have seen Sir and male subs interact.

In public I like to see men as strong and confident, in charge and not "sissy's" to women.

I was using the word sissy way before I knew what a male submissive was.

In public, like a grocery store, when women belittle their husbands/partners.... it's just not right IMHO.

Last night I was at an Elder Law Attorney meeting where a few of the men were bullied by their wives/partners.
That is so not right, IMHO.

I have an older brother who has no mouth, no ears, no eyes, no opinions of his own..... I wanna say to the wifey, shut the fuck up and let him talk, he did before he married you !

(in reply to MissLaura1973)

Post #: 27

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/13/2009 7:56:46 AM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

In public, like a grocery store, when women belittle their husbands/partners.... it's just not right IMHO.

Last night I was at an Elder Law Attorney meeting where a few of the men were bullied by their wives/partners.
That is so not right, IMHO.

Rudeness and dragging other people into their personal problems is just tacky. I am totally at peace with men that defer to their female partner or vice versa, but I too get annoyed at nagging, disputing, arguing, belittling and acting badly in public places. To me that isn't a neon sign that the male is sub, just that the female is bitter or lacking in social skills, or that HE is bitter or lacking social skills, if he is the one doing the berating and belittling.

Edited because my spelling has gone out the window...

< Message edited by feydeplume -- 3/13/2009 7:57:42 AM >

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 28

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/13/2009 9:18:56 AM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissLaura1973

Something that has come up in discussion 'round my home, back in the days when we were spending more time at public BDSM events, is that my two straight, male submissives say that they frequently feel / felt uncomfortable around straight male dominants. Among other things, they've said that they feel looked down upon, have been told that they're not "manly enough," and ignored as though they are invisible.

Just curious as to other folks' experience - how do you male dominants feel about male submissives or slaves? How do you feel or behave around them? Likewise, for you male submissives or slaves, how do you feel around male dominants? Does your behavior change?

Submission is a choice a man — often assigned by culture to be dominant — decides to make. When he decides to submit outside of a guise for manipulation, it is a serious path to be traveled upon, but only after a lot of self-reflection and soul searching.

Those who dismiss submission as weakness or a character flaw probably have not looked too deeply into the psyche of the authentic submissive male. Submissive man is not synonymous with push-over; real submission is a thinking, proactive thing.

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e

(in reply to MissLaura1973)

Post #: 29

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/13/2009 9:57:45 AM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

I guess I take a rather classical attitude, as does my husband. (We are both dominant.) I don't have trouble telling a girl of his what to do, and he doesn't have trouble telling one of my men. But we both orient to service and control before sex.

_____________________________

I use fastreply. Don't take offence where none is meant.

Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 30

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/13/2009 10:25:28 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I find it's worse around fem subs, especially ones who think the "natural order" of males being in control is the right way to go. They are the ones who tend to be more vocal about what males should be/do/enjoy and put down anyone who doesn't fit their bill.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 31

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/13/2009 1:07:53 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

I don't let them get to me. Most of the ones I have seen are beer gutted, Svengali bearded guys who dress like Zorro and like to hit girls. I feel way more manly than them as milady sits in the saddle on my back.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
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(in reply to MissLaura1973)

Post #: 32

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/13/2009 1:58:01 PM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

I have seen some really odd macho-isms between the two male groups. I have seen the one male Dom in the room totally shunned by the sub males to the point that they were saying mean things about the D and making small dick jokes about him. And i have see the one sub male practically hiding in a corner to keep away from the (perceived) fear of being abused or something by the room of male Doms. When there is some balance in numbers or when the males are accompanied by partners, the tensions seem to be less.

But face it, a small space full of testosterone and a few females, and you get some primal, animal brain reactions out of everyone.

This whole thread reminds me of a saying a friend of mine loved "Just because he is gay, doesn't mean he isn't 6'6", solid muscle and used to dealing with assholes." I guess i sort of feel the same about submissive men; they are still men with all that goes with it, just like women are still women with all that goes with that. Unless they are somewhere in between then it's anyone's guess...

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 33

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/13/2009 2:04:00 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

Most of the ones I have seen are beer gutted, Svengali bearded guys who dress like Zorro and like to hit girls.

Mind if I quote that next time someone asks for typicial examples of dominant traits?

And while we're on stereotypes, lets not forget that (apparently) the average male sub is more than capable of bitch-slapping some manners into us odious Doms when we're being our usual loud, rude and obnoxious selves....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 34

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/13/2009 9:28:51 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

Feel free to use it. I am a peaceful guy. I would never slap anyone who was not physically assaulting me (or someone else) first.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 35

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/13/2009 9:31:59 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Aw....thank you for being so sweet.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

My primary male slave is bisexual and a cross dresser. The people in the local kink groups have been very supportive of him whether dressed in guy's clothes or as a girl. His general appearance is androgynous, tall and skinny with long hair. Only a very few people have trouble accepting him, if they do, it is their loss.

He's also one of the most thoroughly likable people I've met in a very long time. It's interesting you should mention him, because he was the first person I thought of when I read the OP. I thought to myself, "I challenge anyone to not like this guy." Because you're right, it would be very much their loss.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

Post #: 36

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/13/2009 10:21:02 PM

SubbieGurl

Posts: 9
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

My primary male slave is bisexual and a cross dresser. The people in the local kink groups have been very supportive of him whether dressed in guy's clothes or as a girl. His general appearance is androgynous, tall and skinny with long hair. Only a very few people have trouble accepting him, if they do, it is their loss.

He's also one of the most thoroughly likable people I've met in a very long time. It's interesting you should mention him, because he was the first person I thought of when I read the OP. I thought to myself, "I challenge anyone to not like this guy." Because you're right, it would be very much their loss.

Thank you very much for the compliment Panda and was very nice meeting you too. I just try to be myself in whichever way I tend to dress (M or F)

I am usually a likeable person except I have in fact had a few occasions where not only my age but being a male and a CD has caused conflict just by judgement. Those few did not usually take the time to know me or want to know me for that matter. it all seems to be how threatening or intimidating I come across to them. I am fairly shy and reserved and not very many in my body structure so most do not see me as a threat of any kind. In my opinion alot also has to do on how comfortable the Male Dominant is around male subs or slaves of any type and thier own sexuality and homophobic tendencies of most men in general...

Subbiegurl

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

Post #: 37

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/13/2009 10:43:41 PM

WestBaySlave

Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline

It's interesting, I'm a gay sub and have generally gotten along well with straight male doms. I've never been in a scene with one, but then, most I know wouldn't want that anyhow. I've kind of been treated like a substitute sub-female in an odd sort of way.

Of all the various groups and orientations, I'd say the most problematic interactions have always been with gay or bi male doms, and I mean on a casual level, not necessarily a romantic one... funny that.

(in reply to SubbieGurl)

Post #: 38

RE: Het. Male Submissives and Het. Male Dominants - Int... - 3/13/2009 11:23:08 PM

LovingMistress45

Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline

I don't think relating to someone has anything to do with understanding their sexuality. And if the only way you can relate to someone is if you relate to their sexuality your world has to be pretty limited. I mean that rules out everyone but other straight maledoms and straight femsubs. After all you can't relate to my sexuality either I am a Dominant Female.

I guess I am lucky that the group I am with is a lot more open minded. For a while we had a butch lesbian Dominant who had a gay malesub that was a trans that called her Momma. They were a blast and everyone in the group welcomed them.

Last play party we had a new malesub and he was the only malesub and guess what the maledoms could actually talk to him about things that had nothing to do with identifying with his sexuality.

Now in defense of the maledom, I find sweeping generalizations about them just as annoying. Is there something wrong with liking to hit girls that like to be hit? By the way not all maledoms hit girls. Not all relationship involve S&M.

End of my rant.

(in reply to SubbieGurl)

Post #: 39

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