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Fantasies - 3/2/2009 7:43:55 PM

heartbound

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Because I am curious, how many of you have had fantasies that you have not shared with your Master/Mistress/sub/slave? What are they and why didn't you share them? Inquiring minds want to know

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RE: Fantasies - 3/2/2009 7:47:24 PM

GreedyTop

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nothing personal, but if I were to not share with HIM, why would I post it on a public forum?

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RE: Fantasies - 3/2/2009 8:34:23 PM

DavanKael

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Good point, GT. :> Hope married life is treatin; you well! :>
OP, I think that many folks have some fantasies that they prefer never to live out. Now, as far as telling someone I was in a long-term, committed loving relationship with about fantasies: think I should be able to share most, if not all. If my beloved isn't comfortable with me being a perv, that's a little scary.
Davan

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RE: Fantasies - 3/2/2009 8:37:40 PM

Juliannadelion

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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartbound

Because I am curious, how many of you have had fantasies that you have not shared with your Master/Mistress/sub/slave? What are they and why didn't you share them? Inquiring minds want to know

Hmmmm, why wouldn't you share? My Lord knows everything about me, as his slave it is my responsiblity to him to be as open and honest as possible. I must admit when I saw a bestiality video, I was embarassed to admit I'd seen it, but I told him nonetheless........... If you cannot share with the one you are with - then you are with the wrong one.

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RE: Fantasies - 3/2/2009 8:38:07 PM

RainydayNE

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agrees with greedy =p
why would things that go untold to someone as important as The Guy get posted on the webbernets?
not likely =p

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RE: Fantasies - 3/2/2009 8:45:14 PM

Aileen1968

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I have fantasies that I haven't told because I'm a sick, twisted fuck and would be deeply embarrassed if anyone knew.

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RE: Fantasies - 3/2/2009 8:48:44 PM

camille65

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Because fantasies are meant to be just that, fantasy. They are unreal and unrealistic, very private and personal things for me. He does know my sexual wants and desires, places I've wanted to go while led by him.

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RE: Fantasies - 3/2/2009 8:49:16 PM

catize

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R. wants to know my fantasies and so I tell him.
S. has never asked, so I don't tell him.
You're asking but since I don't know you, I'll pass.

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RE: Fantasies - 3/2/2009 8:49:17 PM

Juliannadelion

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I have fantasies that I haven't told because I'm a sick, twisted fuck and would be deeply embarrassed if anyone knew.

Ooooh!!!! pulls up a seat. Do tell!

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RE: Fantasies - 3/2/2009 8:57:04 PM

heartbound

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The reason for the question is that I was chatting with a friend who has a new Master (which is her second Master ever, the first she was with for 3 years). She is not a member on this site, so I will put in a few more details so I can get better feedback. My friend met her Master online about 3 months ago and they started meeting in person about a month ago. She seems totally devoted and enthralled with her new relationship and from what I understand he is very pleased with her also.

He asked her to describe in detail some of her fantasies and she told me she is too embarrassed and can't tell him. When I asked her why she was so embarrassed, she didn't really have an answer. She asked for some advice, but I don't know what to tell her. My Mistress and I have openly communicated about those types of things.

I can't quite understand why she feels that way. He has not given her any indication that he is judgmental or that he is expecting any particular answer. I thought it would be easiest for her to write it in an e-mail and send it but she was afraid to do that too. I was hoping someone would have been in that particular situation so I could understand what might be holding her back or why she is so afraid to communicate.

One of her fantasies is a rape scene and the other involves a scene with multiple male partners/Doms. So any advice I can tell her or understanding as to what might be her impediment would be helpful. Thanks!

(in reply to Juliannadelion)

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RE: Fantasies - 3/2/2009 8:59:18 PM

Andalusite

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Yeah, I have fantasies I don't like sharing. Mostly they're things I don't actually want to do, just the idea makes me hot. Sharing them verbally tends to take a lot of the spark out, and make it harder to use them for "alone time."

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RE: Fantasies - 3/2/2009 9:22:06 PM

RainydayNE

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you're friend is probably just worried about how he will react to her when she tells him. especially if the relationship is new. someone may SAY they won't freak out at you, but until you're in the situation to see if they will, you'll keep thinking they will, no matter what they say =p
it's cyclical.
they haven't yet proved this to you, so you don't say anything, but because you won't say anything, they can't prove this to you =p

at some point you just have to let go and start talking. and if you're being truly honest, and they flip out at you for that then... i dunno
(sounds easy, yes i know... but it's something i'm learning right now myself)

there are some i haven't quite said or really explained because i can't figure out the words to use =p

(in reply to Andalusite)

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RE: Fantasies - 3/2/2009 10:20:19 PM

heartbound

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You have a good point. Her first relationship was one I personally would define as abusive. Her first Master used her financially and literally dumped her when she ran out of money. I am guessing that she has some really huge trust issues. Perhaps she is better off just being honest and telling him everything he asks for so that she can feel more secure from the beginning?

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RE: Fantasies - 3/2/2009 10:22:04 PM

Jeptha

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She could ask for more time to get to know if she trusts him, mebbe...?

Or just bite the bullet...maybe give him an outline, and if his head doesn't blow off, or if he otherwise comports himself well, fill in the details later?

< Message edited by Jeptha -- 3/2/2009 10:50:43 PM >

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RE: Fantasies - 3/3/2009 6:10:51 AM

windchymes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartbound

You have a good point. Her first relationship was one I personally would define as abusive. Her first Master used her financially and literally dumped her when she ran out of money. I am guessing that she has some really huge trust issues. Perhaps she is better off just being honest and telling him everything he asks for so that she can feel more secure from the beginning?

I think she's on the right track by getting her realities in order before delving into the fantasies.

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RE: Fantasies - 3/3/2009 10:57:22 AM

Jeptha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

Because fantasies are meant to be just that, fantasy. ...

I just want to point out that even if you share them with another person, they can still remain fantasy; but now shared fantasies. (~If it turns out that your partner shares them or can relate.)

I've always found my partner's fantasies hot for that reason. I fantasize about almost anything, myself ... you name it, I've probably at least considered it (if only in fantasy, of course), so it's been very easy for me to tune in to a partner's fantasy life and play with it and explore it and enjoy it.

Not to overdo it, but if I can, I like to be in their head that way, at least sometimes.

For example; similar to the OP's friend, I've enjoyed fantasies of sharing a partner (in all kinds of ways), so when I've had a partner who also shares fantasies like that, we've had a lot of fun with it. It remained a fantasy - though occasionally I would arrange things with other people (like some sort of exhibitionism, perhaps) that would help create the illusion that I might make it more than a fantasy, but my partner always knew that she could trust me to keep her safe, not push her too far, etc.
And she always had a pretty good idea of what I was up to; I wouldn't spring things on her.
It's part of the fun, I think, to try and keep things fresh and a little surprising without overstepping limits or abusing someone's comfort zones.

To the OP: if your friend's dom is asking, it's most likely because he has some fantasies himself beyond the usual slap and tickle. Maybe your friend should ask him to share some of his, first, to sort of break the ice.

(In anticipation of a possible objection: perhaps consider it an "opportunity for the dom to lead" rather than "topping from the bottom"...)

< Message edited by Jeptha -- 3/3/2009 11:01:19 AM >

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RE: Fantasies - 3/3/2009 11:05:22 AM

Kana

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She always knows the nature of mine.Maybe not the exact details, they change from time to time
but generally
what I like and what I don't
Hells Yes
She knows that...
Because I am going to do most of it to her anyhow, if I am not doing it at the present moment.
Part of the reason I do BDSM is because I am the sort of man who doesn't like sitting in the stands watching
I wanna be down on the field playing
Interactive experiential is all me.

The things I fantasize about, I tend to do
Except those really twisted depraved ones that cannot be done without serious risk...
You know, the ones that involve things like acetylene torches and stuff (Grins)
They stay fantasies.
But she will know about them.
That's for sure.

I always found that one of the best things about BDSM is that you can tell your partner anything
That deepest darkest most rancid stuff
and they don't blink
or judge
In fact, sometimes someone says, "Hey, I like that too. Let's do it."

I love that.
And just as a question
Doesn't it seem kind of odd for a Master/ Dominant to have to hide something from his/her slave/sub?
Doesn't that just feel wrong somehow?

< Message edited by Kana -- 3/3/2009 11:06:43 AM >

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RE: Fantasies - 3/3/2009 11:09:43 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartbound

Because I am curious, how many of you have had fantasies that you have not shared with your Master/Mistress/sub/slave? What are they and why didn't you share them? Inquiring minds want to know

Moi? I'm stayin shtumm

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RE: Fantasies - 3/3/2009 12:59:23 PM

MissMorrigan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Juliannadelion
Hmmmm, why wouldn't you share? My Lord knows everything about me, as his slave it is my responsiblity to him to be as open and honest as possible. I must admit when I saw a bestiality video, I was embarassed to admit I'd seen it, but I told him nonetheless........... If you cannot share with the one you are with - then you are with the wrong one.

While I can understand why you would think that way, it doesn't mean that's necessarily true. Take me, for instance, while I'm a likable person, I'm personable and have some very good friends, I don't share my inner fantasies with them either, why not? It's safer that way, it's safer for them, it's safer for me, legally, ethically and to be quite frank, the majority of people with a similar pathology to me are not in control of themselves to the extent I am. If I shared my inner thoughts with people I'd be less a family, less a partner, less my friends and that is a fact. I do not 'get off' in the way most people do, sex to me is a physical act I go through b/c it's an area I compromise on, I share all other aspects of my life with my partner, apart from what goes on in my head sexually and that is where sex for me begins and ends. And before anyone jumps to conclusions, I do not fantasise about UMs, nor do I fantasise about animals, but what I do think of is way beyond any other person's comprehension and acceptance, and to be honest, I would not wish another person into my head space in any case, that's mine and mine alone.

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RE: Fantasies - 3/3/2009 6:09:34 PM

littlewonder

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I share everything I possibly can with Master. What good is a relationship if we hide things from one another?

And I would question a dom if he felt he had to hide things from his slave. I mean who really is the dominant species then?

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