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RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 9:12:19 AM

whiteslavebitch

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fear? no.
respect? yes.

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RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 9:14:29 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilsub18

Do you believe that there has to be some level of fear for a dominant/submissive relationship to work?

not at all. i would never submit to someone i feared

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RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 9:32:20 AM

DesFIP

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If there is any level of fear then my relationship would not work. But we don't have a punishment dynamic. I do what he wants and if I have objections, then we discuss the problem and solve it. Sometimes, hell, always it has come down to two things: either miscommunication or not enough knowledge to solve it properly.

Miscommunication is solved by talking and insufficient knowledge by learning more, or referring it to an expert in the field.

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RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 9:36:09 AM

lilsub18

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Thank you all for your input.

My relatiionships works for me, while i "fear him" i am not scared of him (if that makes sense) Hes a very understanding and thoughful Dom and as someone said we have more of the he says it, i do it relationship where punishment is really not needed. I think maybe some of you were right on about not wanting to disapoint him and fearing to let him down.

Thank you again for your thoughts

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RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 11:18:07 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

I do not see how fear has anything to do with Power Exchange.

Because fear is an activating tool. The law isn't simply intended to be just; it is intended to ensure people understand and fear the consequences of over-stepping the mark.

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RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 11:26:48 AM

greeneyedreamer

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Well, the day i become afraid of my daddy, is the day i leave. He's a big guy. I am short. Both are understatements. He is TOTALLY in control of himself at all times. He has never even gotten annoyed with me, let alone angry. I don't know, if i could bring out the anger in him even if i tried. I came from an abusive marriage so i know about fear. I hated it. It's never gonna happen again. it was my promise to myself.

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RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 11:29:13 AM

VampiresLair

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilsub18

Do you believe that there has to be some level of fear for a dominant/submissive relationship to work?

The day Fox is genuinely afraid of me is the day our consentual kink becomes abuse and we will be parting ways.

I do not think there is any reason to fear your partner. Anticipation and concern over punishment are one thing, but fear in every day life is unacceptable, for me.

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RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 11:40:04 AM

dreamerdreaming

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilsub18

Do you believe that there has to be some level of fear for a dominant/submissive relationship to work?

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RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 11:51:43 AM

camille65

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilsub18

Do you believe that there has to be some level of fear for a dominant/submissive relationship to work?

It depends on the type of fear.
Fear of him? I wouldn't be owned by someone that I feared in a physical or emotional way.

But there are times when he pushes me into places I simply do not want to go, and there is fear there. Fear of the unknown, sometimes fear of how I think he will perceive me afterward. That sort of fear is okay (once it has all passed and I am being held close and safe in his arms).

It is a part of our relationship simply because he wants me to confront my fears, therefore they are brought out.

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RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 12:21:41 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilsub18

Do you believe that there has to be some level of fear for a dominant/submissive relationship to work?

no

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RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 12:53:36 PM

hereyesruponyou

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I like the edge that fear can give sex. Not the big fear, where you truly weren't sure you'd both come out alive, but the lesser fear, where you risked blood, pain and nothing that wouldn't heal, nothing you didn't want. - Laurrell K Hamilton

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RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 1:01:55 PM

IvyMorgan

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There is no fear in any of my relationships. There is one relationship where I very much like it when he scares me. But, he's a cuddly teddy bear really.

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RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 1:03:15 PM

MasterLark

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilsub18

Do you believe that there has to be some level of fear for a dominant/submissive relationship to work?

Not life-threatening, injury-causing fear, no. Not terror.

But there is an edge that exists somewhere where her respect for me has the stark, sober understanding that I do indeed dominate her and control her in the fullness of the moment, and so she is wholly vulnerable and surrendering. So THAT fear is an excitement that is sensually arousing. That kind of fear can be necessary for the Dominant/submissive relationship to work.

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RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 1:05:18 PM

lusciouslips19

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Fear for my safety? No way.

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RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 1:07:48 PM

SummerWind

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I absolutely create the fear of the unknown for her. It works for us.

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RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 1:52:28 PM

lilsub18

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterLark

But there is an edge that exists somewhere where her respect for me has the stark, sober understanding that I do indeed dominate her and control her in the fullness of the moment, and so she is wholly vulnerable and surrendering. So THAT fear is an excitement that is sensually arousing. That kind of fear can be necessary for the Dominant/submissive relationship to work.

i think this is more the kind of fear i was referring to

< Message edited by lilsub18 -- 3/1/2009 2:32:11 PM >

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RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 2:28:33 PM

oceanwynds

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I like the mystery. What is going to happen next syndrome that gets me going. Do I fear it, yes at times, but I don't fear Sir.

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Post #: 37

RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 3:36:15 PM

pinkwind

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No, i don't think there necessarily needs to be a level of fear to make a D/s, or even an M/s relationship to work. It takes all shades to make a world, some need none, others a hint, some a tangible amount.

Having lived for years in a relationship with almost every possible level of real, demonstrable, fear rearing it's ugly head at some point, and menace as an accompaniment along the way, it was a relief to finally trust someone to share in my kink as much as i share in theirs, knowing that no matter how far we went i wouldn't ever feel that fear again.

And no, i haven't aligned myself with a shrinking violet, Andy has exhibited he has the potential to engender fear, both before and since i met him. He has never given me reason to fear him, really fear him, and we have no need for that emotion to find fulfilment.

i couldn't leave myself so open to him, so honest about the extremities of my love of pain and how it is administered if i feared he could go even further, because to do so would not so much cause harm as kill me, and after having that happen a few times already to the point of coma, real fear has no place between us.

Not that i would deny anyone their kink, we are all different, but is real fear, for bodily or emotional safety, or life itself, actually healthy in any kind of relationship?

< Message edited by pinkwind -- 3/1/2009 3:37:42 PM >

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Post #: 38

RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 6:46:17 PM

lilsub18

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i completely agree with you all that genuine fear for ones safety is not healthy
i do not have genuine fear in my relationship, i was thinking more along the lines of a fear of disapointment or letting him down.

Thank you all for your oppinions

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RE: fear? - 3/1/2009 7:27:02 PM

RainydayNE

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i don't think being genuinely afraid of your D would be all that great
i do think that some sort of "fear" can be used to spectacular ends, however
maybe it isn't real fear, but something "similar"

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