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dom/dom relationships - 2/16/2009 4:24:24 AM   
ravennomore


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/16/2009
Status: offline 		I am new to BDSM and slowly reading and finding my way. My boyfriend is a practiced Dom. As he was introducing me to the lifestyle after our established  vanilla relationship began, I became very interested in joining in. I really felt like I was a submissive, but the more we explore it seems I am more of a dominant as well. What thoughts do you have on successful Dom/Dom relationships?
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RE: dom/dom relationships - 2/16/2009 4:34:01 AM   
Knite064


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/21/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ravennomore

I am new to BDSM and slowly reading and finding my way. My boyfriend is a practiced Dom. As he was introducing me to the lifestyle after our established  vanilla relationship began, I became very interested in joining in. I really felt like I was a submissive, but the more we explore it seems I am more of a dominant as well. What thoughts do you have on successful Dom/Dom relationships?


They fight constantly over whos going on top and never get round to sex because of it

But seriously theres so many permutations to make it work......Switching,maybe the Dom will roleplay the bottom ,bringing a sub slave into the relationship,various roleplays ..etc etc.
Id suggest seeing how it all develops whilst communicating alot with each other and take it from there.

Be well

< Message edited by Knite064 -- 2/16/2009 4:35:02 AM >

(in reply to ravennomore)
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RE: dom/dom relationships - 2/16/2009 4:36:23 AM   
MoGa


Posts: 1001
Joined: 8/25/2008
From: Hellizona!
Status: offline 		Find a submissive or slave that wants dom/dom owners.
 
MoGa

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The Other Bossy One *Per Tulip*
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(in reply to ravennomore)
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RE: dom/dom relationships - 2/16/2009 4:59:12 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		There are a few very successful ones that post here I am sure when the sunrises, they will share their thoughts.

edited for typo from cats across the keyboard

< Message edited by CatdeMedici -- 2/16/2009 5:26:30 AM >

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to ravennomore)
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RE: dom/dom relationships - 2/16/2009 5:17:16 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		We're one of those successful ones. We're also poly. That decision came when we realized that as happy as we are with each other there are just some things we couldn't do... like submit. So we found someone that could and now we are amazingly happy.
 
As in all relationships the trick is good commuication. Completely honest, open and civil communication.
 
Jewel
 
Sorry, the sun hasn't been up long enough for me to be completely coherent. (That or I haven't been up long enough!)

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

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RE: dom/dom relationships - 2/16/2009 5:37:37 AM   
ravennomore


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/16/2009
Status: offline 		I get up waaay before the sun.
TY for your responses. We have discussed the bringing in of a sub for play. We have a very combative, lustful, loving relationship, a one upmanship so to speak. I tried the whole sub thing due to my inexperience, but the whole time I was never submitting but totally topping from the bottom in manipulative way. We laughed about it later. I am NOT by any means an out and out Dom. The communication is very open. I definitely have the need to please him but according to what I want, lol.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
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RE: dom/dom relationships - 2/16/2009 6:44:32 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		Well before you pursue another, I suggest you define your relationship and the parameters--remember the other you bring in is a person not a puppy you can return in 30 days.
 


_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to ravennomore)
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RE: dom/dom relationships - 2/16/2009 7:36:38 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		It can be successful if you want it to bek but a little more compromise will be necesary.  If you are both interested in having a relationship of genuine equals, that has more vanilla than anything, where you get your play needs met outside the two of you (or share someone!) then hey, run with it! 

Personally, I get along much better with dominant men and switches---as long as they don't start thinking that they are the boss of me!  I have nothing to "prove" as a dominant, I am not a chest-pounder (or whatever the bewbage equivalent of that is) and my ego does not get in the way of my common sense.  Can you say that of the two of you? 

Also, I have to say that the internets have made us all mad for labels.  In the long run, you are the one who has to be content with your life.  Do what feels best and what works out for the two of you, and don't concern yourself with what it's called.  Explore, enjoy yourself, build your bond. 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: dom/dom relationships - 2/16/2009 8:53:13 AM   
Aenigma


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/23/2005
Status: offline 		I am currently in a Dom/Dom relationship.  It is great!  You both have to compromise at times and if you don't like your mind freak you out at times, I think it could work just fine.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
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RE: dom/dom relationships - 2/16/2009 8:59:42 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		My fiance and I are both dominant.  I'm the "top dom" in the household; he's more laid-back.  D/D relationships work just fine, much like any other relationship.  If you want a submissive partner, you can either look for a partner who will play with both of you, or you can each find someone for yourself.  In either case, you need to figure out how the new person or people will fit into your lives.  I'd suggest doing some research on polyamory.  Even if you decide not to have sex with others, BDSM can be emotionally intense.  Poly books and websites can help you manage the range of emotions you'll experience and, hopefully, help you avoid making too many mistakes.

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Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
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(in reply to Aenigma)
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RE: dom/dom relationships - 2/16/2009 9:24:17 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		If you can imagine a relationship, it exists and very happily.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1862038/mpage_1/key_multiple%252Cdoms/tm.htm#1863858
Is two or more masters possible?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1719197/mpage_1/key_dom%252Ccouples/tm.htm#1721059
sub/sub and dom/dom couples

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1678017/mpage_1/key_two%252Cdoms/tm.htm#1678046
Two doms?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1430066/mpage_2/key_two%252Cdoms/tm.htm#1433421
to all dominants

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1022541/mpage_1/key_two%252Cdoms/tm.htm#1023431
a sub with two doms

http://www.collarchat.com/m_746009/mpage_1/key_two%252Cmasters/tm.htm#746254
serving two masters

http://www.collarchat.com/m_486285/mpage_1/key_two%252Cmasters/tm.htm#486926
being owned by more than one master

http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=362397&mpage=1&key=owned%2Ccouple&#362403
can slaves have two masters

http://www.collarchat.com/m_67515/mpage_1/key_two%252Cmasters/tm.htm#67515
Serving Multiple Masters

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1175519/mpage_1/key_two%252Cdoms/tm.htm#1175941
double d's

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ravennomore)
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RE: dom/dom relationships - 2/16/2009 10:00:25 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am very attracted to dominant men... but and that is a big but(!) I cannot live with a dominant man if he dominante's me or tries to. I do not want to bottom, not ever.  Not emotionally or physically.  It has just never worked for me.  I know a few who have great relationships both being dominant, but they typically have to bring in someone who is submissive.  I know some who started submissive to their spouse and then things turned around.  It all depends on the people I guess.

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RE: dom/dom relationships - 2/16/2009 10:30:02 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		BSB and I made it work quite wonderfully, the issues that split us apart were vanilla and unrelated to the joy we brought each other. 

(in reply to Lockit)
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RE: dom/dom relationships - 2/16/2009 10:43:07 AM   
KataNykanen


Posts: 19
Joined: 2/4/2009
Status: offline 		It depends upon the weight you give BDSM in your lives, and it depends upon how open you can handle your relationship. If BDSM is important to you, then you shold find a possibility to open up for a playpartner, or two.

In our family things work well because even at the beginning, with a D/D couple, there was always the possibility to play with others. Now, with a slave for each of us, it isn't a problem at all and since he and I do care a lot about the other to be as happy as can be, we often put our dominance a step back for the other where we wouldn't for our slaves.


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I am the cat who walks by herself, and all places are alike to me.

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RE: dom/dom relationships - 3/19/2009 9:41:10 AM   
ravennomore


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/16/2009
Status: offline 		Ty all for your input. It has been awhile since I got back to read the responses. As my experiences have increased I have much more of a realistic idea of our lives than when I posted. We have had mindblowing vanilla sex, unforgettable bDsm play and I have always been the sub and like that with him. The other night I started teasing him w/spanking (his fave thing) and had lots of silly fun. He totally got off on the idea of me Domming someone else in his presence. I have definitely decided through experience I will always be HIS sub, but no one else could bring that out in me. I could only Dom someone else, so I do think a third person sub would def be fun, especially since he and I both seem to have a bit of sadist tendencies and I'm no maschocist. Thanks again! :)

(in reply to KataNykanen)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: dom/dom relationships - 3/19/2009 9:59:32 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

We're one of those successful ones. We're also poly. That decision came when we realized that as happy as we are with each other there are just some things we couldn't do... like submit. So we found someone that could and now we are amazingly happy.
 
As in all relationships the trick is good commuication. Completely honest, open and civil communication.
 
Jewel
 
Sorry, the sun hasn't been up long enough for me to be completely coherent. (That or I haven't been up long enough!)


Lady Neets and I are another Dom/Dom couple. Jewel has said all that I would have written and better than I would too...


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: dom/dom relationships - 3/19/2009 10:02:50 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		Diane and I are a married DOM/DOM couple that enjoys life and sharing sweet young thangs..It works very well for us of course like any thing else it takes work..B

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US going to hell in a hand basket/

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: dom/dom relationships - 3/19/2009 11:53:54 AM   
Freyathelady


Posts: 16
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		I've heard about lots of d/d couples.  From what I've heard, such relationships are usually very firey and passionat, which I think is good.  However, sometimes they don't work out because the people involved can't take the heat.  If you can deal with the emotional intensity, I think you've got yourself a sweet deal. For me the only true soul mate would be another dom (my partner no longer does active BDSM but he experimented when younger and found he was 100% top and even in his vanilla life has a very strong will and a desire to be in control).  This is because, my soul mate must be my equal and, if not as iron willed as I, will be overwhelmed by my dominant personality.  We also experience the fighting and one-up manship you describe and I think it's incredibly sexy.  D/D relationships have a special dynamic, it's just a question of whether you like that dynamic or not. 

_____________________________

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I'm not apologizing I am what I am
There is no compromising I don't give a damn
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RE: dom/dom relationships - 3/19/2009 12:25:15 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		I've never been in a dom/dom relationship.  But I have been in relationships where the authority was equally given.  It just never worked.  I would find myself secretly trying to give my authority or take theirs away.  lol 

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to ravennomore)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: dom/dom relationships - 3/19/2009 2:11:33 PM   
ChelseaNY


Posts: 33
Joined: 3/13/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I've never been in a dom/dom relationship.  But I have been in relationships where the authority was equally given.  It just never worked.  I would find myself secretly trying to give my authority or take theirs away.  lol 


See this is what i would wonder on the subject.  Is a monogamous D/D relationship possible without any outside sub play.  Would a sub be a necessity for both to really be happy ?

_____________________________

Chelsea Kya

"It is better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you are not"

"Pay no mind to those who speak behind your back, it simply means you are two steps ahead"

(in reply to junecleaver)
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