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LaTigresse -> RE: My girlfriend/sub is having trouble climaxing.... (2/16/2009 8:59:06 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: suhlut K..its gonna sound harsh.. BUT... i believe that you are likely deluding yourself about your "track record" i am a person that believes that a HUGE percentage of women.. very likely a Majority of them.. have NEVER had real orgasms... i think its an awful mistake for a woman to fake.. because then they give Men this FALSELY held ego trip. Men who think they are great in bed..will never think they need to learn or change or improve, if they ALREADY believe they are a stud Women in this type of dynamic.. or the poor ones to follow.. are confronted by men who think they are great.. think they have studied and learned all there is to know.. become overwhelmed by the enourmous ego.. and that only leads to..well.. MORE faking it. To me.. it sounds like the girl You are in a relationship with now.. very likely has also faked it.. for those two times.. all because of how your ego makes her feel.. BUT.. i am betting that the reason why she hasnt faked it every time.. is because she is smart enough to know she doesnt like the times she had to fake it. And i cant blame her.. It reminds me.. a bit of how things used to be for me. For several years.. after becoming sexually active.. i was unable to have an orgasm. i didn't know what it was, or how to even go about having one. And to be honest, i really thought a female orgasm.. to be fake unicorn like stories. Sex itself.. was mildly pleasurable.. the in and out felt kinda good, in a vague kinda way, and in fact it still feels the same way now. Thrusting in and out.. merely feels mildly nice. But.. i wouldnt EVER allow myself to pretend or fake it.. if a man wasnt doing it for me.. he certainally wasnt gonna get his ego polished by me. Then i expereienced my very first ever orgasm, on accident. The experience wasn't at all like the orgasms i have now, but was so much more. It was a nearly heart stopping few moments where i felt like i might float out of my body, every inch of my skin alive in ways completely unbelievable... and.. well.. it scared the shit out of me.. i honestly thought i might be dying, and so i stopped the motion id been doing (female on top position) and allowed the feelings to fade away. I later tried to re create the experience, after figuring it was an "orgasm".. but, i have never had another orgasm like that first. After awhile, and feeling i was missing out on something so pleasurable.. i took it upon myself to start learning about ME... i touched and explored my own body.. on many many occassions.. and in one of those instances, i became determined to masturbate, and not allow myself to stop, no matter HOW long it took, till something happened. About 20 or so mins later.. something did.. and i expereinced my very first orgasm from masturbation. In all the years since, i have done lots and lots of study of what works to pleasure my body. i tend to think women very likely also need to be as diligent in learning about their bodies and their pleasures, without needing to feel the pressure of faking an orgasm.. just to please a mans ego trip. For many many reasons, religion, how they were brought up, their parents morals,ect, all lead to huge sexual orgasm disfunctions. If a woman believes it to be dirty or wrong, to touch themselves, or to accept pleasure, its going to take nothing short of a miracle.. to become a healthy sexually functioning woman. i think thats sad.. but its a sad TRUTH. So.. OP... to You i say... You need to get over yourself.. put that huge ego aside.. and drop BDSM pretences... and just talk to her. Its good that You think your not forcing the issue, but even IF you dont think you are conciously forcing the issue, if youve bragged or pointed out to her what a Sexual DYNAMO you've been in the past... those things can be subtle methods of force. If i were you.. i'd let her read my post, and then tell her that you are genuinely interested in her pleasure... and ask her for suggestions on how you can help her learn. She may say she needs to do it alone.. and thats gonna have to be fine... once a woman becomes comfortable enough to orgasm by herself in private.. it doesnt take long for her to feel confident enough to bring it to the point where you can be there to observe. And.. oh what a lovely sight.. a woman that achieves pleasure and orgasm!! This definitely should be read by the OP. Several times. Two relationships with men, years of occasional sex in those relationships. They had no idea I never had an orgasm. It's not a difficult thing to pretend. I didn't even know what one was until my 30's.
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