Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Self-discipline and Self -control


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Self-discipline and Self -control Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Self-discipline and Self -control - 2/15/2009 10:21:17 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Is this you talking or him?  Has he said this?  Or, are you projecting your self-doubt onto him?



gypsygrl, those are his words. He knows that it is crucial for me to be strong in many areas.  He directs me in these ways. Now my own self-doubt is mine, since Sir relates positive traits that i have within me and he sees. Self -doubt has unleashed areas that I thought were healed years ago. As I have told many clients we only work on peeling back layers of an onion at a time, and dont be surprise when a new layer reveals itself. I need to take my own advice. It just caught me off guard and I am working at being more discipline and control in all aspects of my life.

Thank you very much, gypsygrl for your reply and questions that you brought up.

oceanwynds

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Self-discipline and Self -control - 2/15/2009 10:23:37 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		feydeplume
Each morning I awaken and pray to not be a burden on Sir.

" The first duty of a slave is to be strong enought to be a slave, not a burden", and this I do hope for, but within the submissive route.

Thank you,
oceanwynds

(in reply to feydeplume)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Self-discipline and Self -control - 2/15/2009 10:26:35 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		From all of these posts I would say it appears that your real issues lie in your insecurity over not knowing what's going on and not feeling like you have the tools you need.

While normal feelings and reactions to have, I would say it seems like you actually HAVE all the tools at hand to do what you want to do and be what you want to be, you just have a lot of fear blocking your memory of it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to oceanwynds)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Self-discipline and Self -control - 2/15/2009 10:40:00 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..

I think no matter how deep you go ..negating a actual loss of being..that we all use self discipline and control. The methods and under what manner they are initiated makes a big difference to me, and over time with trust growing I find myself initiating the "self" in areas that are and have become under his control. They are no longer "self alone" but "self in accordance with". Even as time goes on the manner and methods used by me for seemingly apparent self control or discipline are ways shown and directed by Master to deal with things within and outside of his parameters for me. Think I've mentioned quite a few times that going such a path is not going to be easy and it can be damn down right scary.
Perhaps that is even a portion of the why or drive for me. To arrive at places new and completely unknown to me.

He is the type of Master that wanted this responsibility to be completely involved and in control, and it is exactly what I needed. He relishes in this indepth exchange as do I..but taking on such is not for everyone.

starshine


_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to oceanwynds)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Self-discipline and Self -control - 2/15/2009 10:45:28 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

From all of these posts I would say it appears that your real issues lie in your insecurity over not knowing what's going on and not feeling like you have the tools you need.

While normal feelings and reactions to have, I would say it seems like you actually HAVE all the tools at hand to do what you want to do and be what you want to be, you just have a lot of fear blocking your memory of it.


Oh,  I do believe you have a major point there. Thank you for your honestly.

oceanwynds

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Self-discipline and Self -control - 2/15/2009 10:47:49 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		"self alone" but "self in accordance with".

Thank you Starshine for putting this in those words. I am going to copy it and keep it handy. Might be a key to help me find what I already know, but have blocked.

Thank you so much
oceanwynds
by the way i like your s/n

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Self-discipline and Self -control - 2/15/2009 10:56:13 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..

If they help then that is a bonus, and good luck in your journey..the only other thing I could say oceanwynds is that the other half of you has to be equally wanting and prepared for the "not increased responsibility persay but the changes in responsibility".

starshine


_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to oceanwynds)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Self-discipline and Self -control - 2/15/2009 11:08:53 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		There's this dichotomy of being helped, supported and encouraged to be strong and independant ....by someone who is taking control at the same time.

For me, it's a strange balance because it's created, what I think, is a dependence on him, too.

So yes, I've been equipped and given many tools to deal with life's crap but not where HE'S concerned. Where HE is concerned I'm really vulnerable and that sometimes gives me the heebie-jeebies.

The whole process was very slow though, so in many ways I didn't KNOW it was happening until it was a done-deal, so to speak.

So perhaps what I'm saying is .......you can jump in the water or you can sidle in at a gentle pace while keeping one eye on the bank...either way ......you're going in that water.

agirl

(in reply to oceanwynds)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Self-discipline and Self -control - 2/15/2009 11:17:04 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Sir has always been upfront with me in what he wants. As stated many times in other posts, i am not owned by him. My serving him  comes voluntarily, without the promise of it ever being an US or owned. I have been doing this for 2 and half years. Dreams or fantasies of an Us has evaporated, and reality is there. Reality is that we both have common and similiar beliefs and needs. We work well together and have a lot to offer each other. He is one to enjoy living alone, and in my reality my basic make up has always needed a lot of alone time. Late hubby use to tell me if he could have afforded it, he buy me my own place so I could go when i need too. Sir and i have the best of 2 worlds that suits us best. I am working on controling the anxieity that comes due to fears. LA, stated it well.

Sir isnt taking more responsibility, i just now realizing i want to submit better and hold his needs before mine. Yes my wants get answered and just this past week, i noticed the work he does, without me knowing, in helping me to grow. I was at awe by this. Dominants do put in a look of thinking and work when working with their s-type. More so then I knew.

I hope this explained
oceanwynds

< Message edited by oceanwynds -- 2/15/2009 11:19:34 AM >

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Self-discipline and Self -control - 2/15/2009 11:29:26 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Agirl
Thank you. I am in love with the ocean. I think I am ready to dive in:)

To everyone
I started this thread in a time of need and I so humbly thank each on of you for your kindness and taking my hand when i reached out.

Dont ever let people put down Cm posters, because this shows the depth of caring there is here.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart,
oceanwynds

< Message edited by oceanwynds -- 2/15/2009 11:32:38 AM >

(in reply to oceanwynds)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Self-discipline and Self -control - 2/15/2009 5:06:32 PM   
TranceTara


Posts: 152
Joined: 12/22/2008
Status: offline 		oceanwynds,
Thank you so much for this thread. I respect the strength it took to ask the question and to do all the self reflection to submerge even deeper into that ocean.

Thank you to everyone who posted. I got so much from each and every one of your posts.

I went through something similar last year. I did not have anyone to talk to except the woman I was dealing with online and one of her slaves. I had emailed profuse amounts and she had mentioned they were a bit much and when I asked her slave if she every felt as if she might lose herself, or was frightened, she said no. She always knew what she was.

So, I then began judging myself, assuming I was wrong for such feelings and that any good submissive or slave would never have such feelings surface. Reading all of your posts has reassured me we are all individuals and what may not come up for some might be quite prevalent for another.

And, I can also relate to the bipolar aspect. I was on a medication that I knew affected me, but I had no idea how much so until I weaned to very small amounts. It caused panic attacks, some bipolar episodes and feelings of a nervous breakdown. This was all happening as those deep submissive feelings arose. I thought I was losing my mind at one point, asking this mistress if I were insane. I finally had to walk away from this long distance online interaction. I was too much for her and needed to find r/t support. Our communications had never progressed to phone and I realized, more than anything, I needed someone in r/t to just sit with me. I found a group, was able to cry and laugh and find out that the feelings that were arising were normal for me. I found another in the group, a slave who shared of his fear and terror as well as his willingness to go into those feelings rather than run from them. His Master was of great support for him during this time.

I was at the beach today and was watching the waves. They were so gentle. And that is how I look at my thoughts. Some days they are like a calm day at the beach, gently caressing the shore of my consciousness. And then there are days when they come crashing in upon me. All throughout I realize there is an inner stillness deep within and if I am in the midst of tears and terror, I can take a break into that stillness, then come back for more of the feelings. The Dalai Lama always uses the ocean as a metaphor for consciousness. The waves are our thoughts, our monkey mind, and the stillness of the deep is the Truth of who we are.

And another thing I realized reading these posts was that I had been afraid of feeling needy. Words seem so weird at times. When I used to say needy, what I was trying to convey was a vulnerability. I had been caretaker for my dad and mom as they died and have learned to be the strong one so I find I have not been willing to allow myself to be vulnerable lest I be considered weak. That was a most beautiful awareness and a most precious gift I received from you all. I see how caring all of your Dominants/Masters are and realize it is not about being a stoic, but being human and the willingness to do whatever it takes to grow as individuals and together. My most humble thanks.

Oh, and oceanwynds, to answer you from another thread, I have a red Fender Strat I do not play right now for I am very much into my acoustics. I mostly play my Ovation because I can take it anywhere. I also have a Taylor birds-eye Maple six-string and a Taylor Rosewood 12-string, both big bodies. Very curvy and sexy.

Again, thank you all. :-)


Edited for some spelling errors. Next time I'll use spell check. ;0)

< Message edited by TranceTara -- 2/15/2009 5:10:55 PM >

_____________________________


“Listen, I am trying to cope with the presence of God and the Universal Human Experience, and I haven’t even had a cup of tea yet!” -French and Saunders

(in reply to oceanwynds)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Self-discipline and Self -control - 2/15/2009 6:29:33 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you Trance Tara for your kind words and offering your experiences here. I have taken a lot from these posts.

blessings
oceanwynds

(in reply to TranceTara)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Self-discipline and Self -control - 3/1/2009 12:54:19 AM   
meticulousgirl


Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

He expects me to have self discipline and self control just as in the rest of my life because what good is a slave without it?

I should be a help to his life, not a burden and without self control and self discipline I'm laying it all on Master to take care of. That doesn't make his life easier. It makes it more difficult and tiresome.



Yup exactly here too.....

~m~

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Self-discipline and Self -control - 3/1/2009 11:59:17 AM   
Sexycelticlady


Posts: 112
Joined: 7/20/2008
Status: offline 		I am coming in late here but just wanted to post a few thought, thank you for making this thread OW, it has been thought provoking.

When we submit it is a choice, one we renew with every act of submission we make. It is human to have fears and doubts. But we cannot let ourselves be ruled by them as they often have the effect of distorting reality. You have suffered through a terrible loss. It is understandable that you have fear about committing yourself, surrendering yourself entirely. You control the actions that you take, only you can make the choice to allow your fears to rule you or not. There are aspects of life that are outside of our control, we cannot control the actions of others and we cannot control circumstances that no human has control over, such as death. To be a strong submissive you need a level of self control but you relinquish areas of control to someone you value because you gain a greater value in doing so.

Your Dom does not seem to have given any indication of actions other than continued support and care. You have trusted him and yourself so far, there is no reason to not continue to trust him and your own instincts about going deeper into this. Do not let fear stop you trusting yourself. Accept it for what it is. Fear is ok. Don't let it dictate your actions, and that includes fretting about things that you do not need to fret about. You do not lose yourself when submitting, you fulfil a part of yourself that needs it, and remember at the end of the day that this is all your choice, no more, no less.

(in reply to meticulousgirl)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Self-discipline and Self -control - 3/1/2009 12:06:31 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

  You know ...... you can let go and you won't disappear. If you like it , you can stay , if you don't you will STILL be able to come up for air.

You'll still be the same person , with all your strengths.

agirl




What a great post!


_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Self-discipline and Self -control - 3/1/2009 2:23:44 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you everyone for your posts. You have given me a lot of food for thought, and I have been thinking on this since I orginally posted the question.

(in reply to oceanwynds)
Profile   Post #: 56
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Self-discipline and Self -control Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.110