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ORIGINAL: Mastersdawn

Just to clarify, Wwe have been together 4 years and live together.  Wwe are normally close, but since She just started back to school full time and with work.... i seem to be the one getting the short end of the stick.  i do think of things to do for Her.....but even if sitting at Her feet there is still a distance there...like She doesn't think to simply place a hand on me while i am there...just holds the remote and zones out.

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ORIGINAL: Mastersdawn

Thank you for your input frazzle... i try....it is just hard when not getting any physical attention (and i don't always mean sexually)

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ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

She's probably under a lot of stress and stress is a real killer for relationships and the individual as well.

I can be the same way and when that happens I need my slave to be assertive. He might just start dinner on his own, or bring me something to drink, or just start massaging my neck. He knows he has to do these things because while I have the authority in our dynamic, our dynamic isn't the only thing in my life.

Now he and I planned for these issues years ago and as part of formal training we did some roleplay for such situations -- that's a result of my years of experience before him foreseeing possible issues. I don't know what is acceptable in your dynamic but you might need to become more assertive.

Odds are that your lady is so stressed she has difficulty thinking beyond what's in her head or she may buy into that "dominants need to be strong always" crap and be afraid of sharing this stress with you. That's a nasty trap to discover yourself in as a dom because you feel like there is no way out of it without risking losing or disappointing your sub or slave.

Or you can think of it as a basic problem with your relationship and remove all the Ds aspects. What do you need, what can you do to get that? Does it require you insisting you both get out of the Ds and talking? Does it take a session with a couple's therapist?

I know, I'm asking you to be so unsubmissive but I actually don't think I am because I don't see being submissive as being limited but freeing just as being dominant should be.

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ORIGINAL: thetammyjo


Quick thought: Have you ever taken her hand and placed it on your head for example or simply cuddle up to her?

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ORIGINAL: Mastersdawn

i TOTALLY  understand what you are saying.  i do try and have everything else done around here...laundry is always done, bills/checkbook taken care of...i totally understand the "step up from being submissive" type of thing.  i do take it upon myself to keep things going smoothly here.  She knows (and Wwe do talk) that She can talk to me when things are just crazy.  my problem simply is with the fact that no matter what i say i want and Wwe agree to...and She knows i feel neglected...is that something always comes up and Her problems are always front and center....my needs have been pushed to the back.  While i can understand keeping Her stress-free and not worrying about having to tell me to do stuff....i feel like i have gone long enough with no attention.  She knows i am a physical person...i feel like that light is going off inside...KWIM?

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ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

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ORIGINAL: Mastersdawn

While i can understand keeping Her stress-free and not worrying about having to tell me to do stuff

Please don't misunderstand me. You CANNOT make her stress-free. Won't happen, forget that plan, will not work. All you can do is lessen the stress at home and not add to it as much as is healthy for you.

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ORIGINAL: RealSub58

I would like to reply from my heart and soul's initial response:

Too well I understand your situation but selfish needs do not contribute to a submissive mind set. 
These needs are found within yourself, your worth, your self esteem and thus being patient and understanding is a very hard lesson at times. 

Instead of thinking of your needs, think of ways or specifically ask for ways that you can contribute to the burdens your dom is bearing.

Relationships are alot about give and take and sometimes patience runs dry.  If you tell your dom this in a non selfish way, possibly your needs will be met.

At times my Sir gets caught up in something and I feel like a slow burning ember lost in the dark spots of the fireplace.
The tables were turned when family obligations have taken central focus for me.

Separate out needs and wants.  They are VERY different.

I have been in the puddle of sadness you are in, but it takes strength and courage to get the towel to dry off and look within instead of for your dom.   Make sense.

Many hugs      

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ORIGINAL: Mastersdawn

i am sorry if this has been brought up before but i searched and didn't find anything that really answered my question.  What do you do as a sub when your Dominant One is preoccupied with work, life, school, etc. and is always too tired for anything?  i have brought up my needs (i'm feeling really neglected right now) and though they have been acknowledged they continue to be ignored.  i am repeatedly told that "xxx is my day off...I am all yours" but then something always comes up or She is tired... i feel really alone right now due to where Wwe live.  i live for physical contact of skin on skin, just feeling someone else's hand on me (not always in a sexual way).  i just don't know what to do   Yes i find ways to busy myself... but it is so hard to stay motivated and not get down since my efforts are never rewarded.  All i want to do is sit down and cry, i am just so sad.