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RE: Question about needs - 2/13/2009 5:49:11 PM   
frazzle121


Posts: 116
Joined: 3/28/2007
Status: offline
smiles         I was trying to be nice to the OP.        Real life gets in the way. We all get mentally exhausted, just want our other half to be there.  We do the mundane, accept that some things go on the back boiler. I did say that id rarely cuddled up to, or had someone cuddle up to me and get no response, but there are just time we all need to collapse.  

I also said this isnt D's based it's relationships. Good and bad we are there for each other, even if that means no real physical contact.

I will add i read the profile earlier, still says looking!!

(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Question about needs - 2/13/2009 6:20:34 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

She is going to school right now, usually people do that to provide a better life for themselves and ones that they love.

I would think that if you truly care for her that you would stop being so self absorbed about your needs to be touched and try to remember the sacrifice that she is making for the future.  She has stated that she is aware of your cravings, but what do you really expect her to do?  Quit her job. drop out of school?  Do you think that she's having the time of her life?

Were I in her shoes I'd worry about how deep your committment to her is.  If you can't be sated for just the temporary time that it takes for her to expand her education, what would you do if she was unable to provide for your physical desires permanently, due to sickness or accident?

And, in my opinion, listing all the things that you do for her sounds like you expect be a part of an immediate gratifigation conditional relationship.  Did you tell her that you'd only love her during the pleasent times?


Excellent post Omega
Unfortunately, I have been guilty of the part I marked in red as well, but am trying to correct that. Thank you for pointing it out to the OP.
I been taking a lot of the advice offered to her to think about as well.

Blessings
oceanwynds

(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Question about needs - 2/13/2009 7:48:27 PM   
Mastersdawn


Posts: 11
Joined: 2/11/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

She is going to school right now, usually people do that to provide a better life for themselves and ones that they love.

I would think that if you truly care for her that you would stop being so self absorbed about your needs to be touched and try to remember the sacrifice that she is making for the future.  She has stated that she is aware of your cravings, but what do you really expect her to do?  Quit her job. drop out of school?  Do you think that she's having the time of her life?

Were I in her shoes I'd worry about how deep your commitment to her is.  If you can't be sated for just the temporary time that it takes for her to expand her education, what would you do if she was unable to provide for your physical desires permanently, due to sickness or accident?

And, in my opinion, listing all the things that you do for her sounds like you expect be a part of an immediate gratifigation conditional relationship.  Did you tell her that you'd only love her during the pleasent times?


Where to begin...first off we were in a relationship before beginning a Ds relationship.  So this has nothing to do with me not being committed because times are tight.  I love her no matter what.  It isn't that I can't be "sated for just the temporary time"... my requests for physical attention for about 4-5 months now have just been acknowledged and then forgotten....I am referring to our relationship in general...not just the Ds aspect.  I am not looking for "immediate gratification" but to be honest, the last time I had sex was in 2008, and I don't mean November or December.  I don't care what kind of relationship you are in...unless that is an aspect of your relationship/involvement with someone, physical contact/sex is typically the norm....at least it is for ME and always has been in my almost 20 years of relationships.  Again, I am talking about ME....not someone that is in a ldr and never has contact with that person, not speaking in general terms, not talking about all subs...ME.  I simply came here to vent a frustration....to seek advice....not to be slammed becasue I apparently have human needs of having affection shown to me.

I am in school as well right now... I also stay home and take care of our ranch and close to 30 some animals.  So it isn't like I sit on my butt and munch on chocolates all day.  I help her with her homework, I do my homework, I train our horses, I keep the house clean, I handle all the bills, I cook all of our meals, I watch the neighbor's kids, I make sure the house is stocked with groceries for us and all the animals....so I understand the being tired at the end of the day.  We both want to better ourselves so we can get a bigger place.  You know what....I'm not going to continue to defend myself....

Thank you to the people that have emailed me privately.  Those emails have meant a lot to me (you know who you are).  I have read them several times and wish I was closer so we could go out for a coffee.  You were truly the type of person I would hope would respond.  I will take your emails to heart this evening when I go to bed and when She comes home.

good night
     


_____________________________

Come to the Dark Side....we have cookies!

(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Question about needs - 2/13/2009 7:50:26 PM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline
I wish you sweet dreams hon.

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to Mastersdawn)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Question about needs - 2/13/2009 10:20:03 PM   
QuixoticErrant


Posts: 260
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mastersdawn

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

She is going to school right now, usually people do that to provide a better life for themselves and ones that they love.

I would think that if you truly care for her that you would stop being so self absorbed about your needs to be touched and try to remember the sacrifice that she is making for the future.  She has stated that she is aware of your cravings, but what do you really expect her to do?  Quit her job. drop out of school?  Do you think that she's having the time of her life?

Were I in her shoes I'd worry about how deep your commitment to her is.  If you can't be sated for just the temporary time that it takes for her to expand her education, what would you do if she was unable to provide for your physical desires permanently, due to sickness or accident?

And, in my opinion, listing all the things that you do for her sounds like you expect be a part of an immediate gratifigation conditional relationship.  Did you tell her that you'd only love her during the pleasent times?


Where to begin...first off we were in a relationship before beginning a Ds relationship.  So this has nothing to do with me not being committed because times are tight.  I love her no matter what.  It isn't that I can't be "sated for just the temporary time"... my requests for physical attention for about 4-5 months now have just been acknowledged and then forgotten....I am referring to our relationship in general...not just the Ds aspect.  I am not looking for "immediate gratification" but to be honest, the last time I had sex was in 2008, and I don't mean November or December.  I don't care what kind of relationship you are in...unless that is an aspect of your relationship/involvement with someone, physical contact/sex is typically the norm....at least it is for ME and always has been in my almost 20 years of relationships.  Again, I am talking about ME....not someone that is in a ldr and never has contact with that person, not speaking in general terms, not talking about all subs...ME.  I simply came here to vent a frustration....to seek advice....not to be slammed becasue I apparently have human needs of having affection shown to me.

I am in school as well right now... I also stay home and take care of our ranch and close to 30 some animals.  So it isn't like I sit on my butt and munch on chocolates all day.  I help her with her homework, I do my homework, I train our horses, I keep the house clean, I handle all the bills, I cook all of our meals, I watch the neighbor's kids, I make sure the house is stocked with groceries for us and all the animals....so I understand the being tired at the end of the day.  We both want to better ourselves so we can get a bigger place.  You know what....I'm not going to continue to defend myself....

Thank you to the people that have emailed me privately.  Those emails have meant a lot to me (you know who you are).  I have read them several times and wish I was closer so we could go out for a coffee.  You were truly the type of person I would hope would respond.  I will take your emails to heart this evening when I go to bed and when She comes home.

good night
   



Good for you! Well said!

(in reply to Mastersdawn)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Question about needs - 2/14/2009 8:31:15 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
I'm too old for waitin anymore.  Been there done that with keeping myself busy while a my men have been military or gettin an MBA.  Was younger then, I had all the time in the world.

Now, not so.  Life is for living.  If I start up something with a guy and he soon became too busy I would wonder why he even bothered to start up a relationship to begin with. 

F*ck waiting around. Ya, I'd definately have to leave him or cheat....lots.

(in reply to QuixoticErrant)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Question about needs - 2/14/2009 10:05:21 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
Getting your skin needs met is important. Can you find a massage therapist nearby? Perhaps if you get your needs met elsewhere, you will be able to rethink strategies.

Beyond that, I would suggest asking her if she still wants a relationship with you, or if this is just one more stress to her. Because if she withdraws everytime you try to come nearby, that says that she doesn't want to be with you.

I'm not sure how, if you really love someone, you wouldn't want a hug from them.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Question about needs - 2/14/2009 11:25:48 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline
That is a great idea. I mean it sucks to have to pay but it would help, perhaps, balance out the desperation born of neglect (hey babies can die from not being touched enough) and give you a better sense of what is not working between you two. And it is relaxing and self-spoiling. 

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Question about needs - 2/14/2009 1:11:16 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

She is going to school right now, usually people do that to provide a better life for themselves and ones that they love.

I would think that if you truly care for her that you would stop being so self absorbed about your needs to be touched and try to remember the sacrifice that she is making for the future.  She has stated that she is aware of your cravings, but what do you really expect her to do?  Quit her job. drop out of school?  Do you think that she's having the time of her life?

Were I in her shoes I'd worry about how deep your committment to her is.  If you can't be sated for just the temporary time that it takes for her to expand her education, what would you do if she was unable to provide for your physical desires permanently, due to sickness or accident?

And, in my opinion, listing all the things that you do for her sounds like you expect be a part of an immediate gratifigation conditional relationship.  Did you tell her that you'd only love her during the pleasent times?


Being there for the unpleasant times as well as the good times doesn't mean isolation of this kind.

If things are tough and tiresome, hard work and exhausting it's a LOT easier to have your *other half* onside. There's nothing wrong with not being able to *be how you were* when life gets tricky but for goodness sake , bring your *partner* along with you. There's nothing to be gained by leaving them wondering and a lot to be lost.

It's not that onerous to explain why you aren't touching, having sex or are behaving differently. It's one thing to be understanding  when you know you;re both * in it together* .....it's rather MORE difficult when you feel side-lined and excluded from the problems.

agirl





(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 29
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