Amaros
Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
Hi Calla,
What do you think of this as a working hypothesis?
Groups and their interest in poly:
1) Gay male masters - requirement
2) Gay male subs - strong interest, at least in gangbang scenes
3) Straight male masters - strong interest
4) Straight male nilla - curious
5) Lesbians of any orientation - varies widely
6) Straight female nilla - hard limit
A good breakdown, although you forgot to mention bi subs, which is pretty common.
I am monogamous, though largely from a utilitarian standpoint, and I'd agree with the "sea of poly" statement if it includes what is basically, the singles scene, i.e., casual dating, with members of the same or opposite sex, in social, but for relatively indefinite stretches of time, whether it be one night stands or dating for a few weeks or months - technically, serial monogamy is a sort of slow motion poly.
And I say utilitarian, as my practical concerns have been largely with STD's and unplanned pregnancy throughout most of my adult life - sadly, my sexual prime occurred just as the AIDS epidemic was emerging full steam, and nobody really knew much about it, how it was transmitted or anything - many of my shipmates were slutting about like there was no tomorrow, routinely lining up every Monday morning for a shot of Penicillin, but he whole thing gave me the willies, and I basically chose to remain celibate till I got the whole thing sorted out.
So, if I am poly, it's in a very utilitarian way, i.e., keeping track of who is fucking who, it's strictly a matter of risk management, and I'm going to shy away from any sort of arrangement that I perceive as increasing my risk profile - if it involves a small, intimate group of people, vetted for risk profile, I'm all for it - if involves random promiscuity, I'm going to shy away from it out of sheer survival instinct.
I'm of an age where unplanned pregnancy is less of an issue, so I'm a bit more inclined towards poly, either play/dating or 24/7, I might even go for hetero polyandry with the right people - as someone mentioned, poly usually means polygyny, occasionally, gynocentric polyandrism, with polysexual/pansexual arrangements somewhere in the middle, and running the gamut, and I couldn't tell you what the demographics are, I'm not sure good numbers are available, particularly if you include Vanilla swinging, and even basic singles culture.
I really don't think there is a lot of pressure on monogamy, or at least no more pressure than there has ever been, i.e., a "hard dick has no conscience", and given time, even your best friend cannot be trusted not to hit on your old lady at some point - but again, that's nothing new, and neither is boredom and/or conflict, uneven growth, etc. so I don't know what the answer is, it's really an individual thing, which is kind of a cop out, but true nevertheless.
I've had friends who went Muslim on the subject, i.e., you quite simply did not get left alone with their old lady, however old and fond a friend you were, others who worked it out in other ways, some pretty dysfunctional, and there is that sort of jealousy play, where you flirt around, and drive your partner into a jealous frenzy - and occasionally, there are those people who are just loyal to each other. It's something you really have to sort out with your partner, there are no cultural or social controls that have ever managed to effectively enforce exclusivity against the urge to genetically diversify.
Oddly, I just posted on the subject in another forum w/regard to the old Green Eyed Monster: "Of course in an ostensibly monogamous culture, jealousy is a trait that will be selected for to some degree: males require paternity assurances, i.e., that the children they are working to provide for are their own, while women are jealous of those resources, including time, for the sake of their half of the genetic contribution.
So yes, jealousy is a basic human emotional trait, once two individuals have combined their genetic destinies, so to speak, they both have something to lose if one or the other strays, and stray they do, because the flip side of qualitative devotion the family is the urge to diversify ones genetic legacy..."
Heh, sorry about quoting myself, but the point is that we are all pretty much conflicted about this, some value self control, others promote social controls, but by and large, the chips still fall where they may, and some simply adapt and find some normative way of managing this conflict, whether it's swinging, poly, or serial monogamy.
I suppose what I'm suggesting is that when it comes to managing human relationships, there is no silver bullet, only a range of strategies for reducing conflict, and this is the approach I would suggest, i.e., a list of strategies for monogamy at the center of which I would include communication.
I'm an artist for instance, and while I'm perfectly capable of keeping it in my pants, I am a student of human anatomy, and all artists are voyeurs by definition - so even in a monogamous relationship, there are going to be issues for anybody that isn't pretty secure about themselves, and it sort of coincides with the whole debate over the cultural phenomona of relationships in the digital age, i.e., is cybering cheating, or augmented fantasy, etc.
< Message edited by Amaros -- 2/11/2009 9:33:10 AM >
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RE: Navigating Monogamy in a Sea of Poly - 
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