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RE: Not getting emotionally attached - 2/10/2009 8:38:24 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
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wow this is the 4th place I have seen this exact same question posted, I am sure there is likely more places i have not seen.... is there a specific answer that you are looking for???

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Post #: 21

RE: Not getting emotionally attached - 2/10/2009 8:49:11 PM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
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Emotional attachments happen when you're communicating with someone, especially if you respect what they have to say, over time. You cannot make it more than an emotional attachment to someone you only know from online, and only because that is all you know.

I tend to have emotional attachments with a fair amount of ease, and for that reason, I limit the number of online friends I have... Especially if there is little to no chance I'll ever run into them. I also don't have a problem breaking the attachment, once something that I learn my would be friend possesses something I could consider a significant character flaw (like extreme cattiness/pettiness). I suppose my limited attachments are predicated on the possibility we will at some point meet, and break bread. M

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Post #: 22

RE: Not getting emotionally attached - 2/10/2009 9:23:25 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
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Reply to OP

Many people do develope attachments and further interest in people that they speak to online. Just look at how many couples have met via online forums, chatrooms and dating sites. They all started out "online" (whether it was days, weeks, or months) and if they didn't develope feelings, attractions and/or attachments, they would never meet in person. So it does happen, but maybe it's just not happening with the ones you have spoken to.

I would suggest using the internet just as medium through which to make connections with people that you'd be interested in meeting in real life. In the meantime try not to get too caught up in letting yourself feel something for every person that you speak with on a regular basis. As much as you can meet decent people from online sites, you can also connect with a lot of people who are just playing around, exploring themselves, or are getting some type of fulfillment in being all-talk-no-action types. In time, you'll be able to tell the difference and you'll learn to sort through them.

(in reply to FullfigRIMAAM1)

Post #: 23

RE: Not getting emotionally attached - 2/10/2009 10:20:51 PM

precioussubmisve

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/17/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

wow this is the 4th place I have seen this exact same question posted, I am sure there is likely more places i have not seen.... is there a specific answer that you are looking for???

no, just trying to get thoughts and opinions is all, I enjoy seeing what all kinds of different people have to say is all. Its a good topic for disscussion.

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 24

RE: Not getting emotionally attached - 2/11/2009 1:04:44 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

It ain't real tis she is over my knee with a red hot ass. The rest is just online bull shit

BadOne

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Post #: 25

RE: Not getting emotionally attached - 2/11/2009 4:11:31 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
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Dats why we love you BadOne...but you are such a tease.

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Post #: 26

RE: Not getting emotionally attached - 2/11/2009 7:17:35 AM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: precioussubmisve

If this comes across as me having a pity party, its honestly not meant to sound that way. But umm how the hell do you not get emotionally attached to the friends you make online if you talk to them almost everyday for 6 mths ? lol , that is a serious question ,

I've got to meet the first person
in My life, who can arrange their feelings.

I'm sorry but no one can.

We're human, and do feel, those who aren't?
are robots, so find someone who is suitable
for you preciousone, and don't stay
with one who 'thinks' he
can control it.

Doesn't love overcome you..?

Or can you buy it in cans over there?

just asking.

I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`

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Post #: 27

RE: Not getting emotionally attached - 2/11/2009 8:24:23 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: precioussubmisve

If this comes across as me having a pity party, its honestly not meant to sound that way. But umm how the hell do you not get emotionally attached to the friends you make online if you talk to them almost everyday for 6 mths ?

Things aren't always what they seem. I'm nothing like I come across like I do online. I'm actually much better in real life.
Point being...until you meet someone in real life, you will never truly know what they're really like. How they laugh, the cadence of their speech, the way they move and walk. The way their voice sounds. All of those things add up to make a unique person. None of those things come across on a computer.

edited to add...people and their friggin big bold fonts...

< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 2/11/2009 8:25:00 AM >

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Post #: 28

RE: Not getting emotionally attached - 2/11/2009 8:50:41 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

It's like 'Nam out here baby...Not healthy to get too attached. They could step on a landmine or return back to their wives at a moments notice and....*poof*....They are gone, just like that.

Be an army of one. I am a lone wolf...."Ahooooooooo!!!!"

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Post #: 29

RE: Not getting emotionally attached - 2/11/2009 9:32:55 AM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

I spent about 6 months talking to someone online and agreed to meet as friends...he was a nice guy and all, ..but not the vision that I developed in my mind that he was ..so the meet felt like a bit of a let down ... a year later we still talk as friends but I know now he will never be what I want in a partner.

that is the problem with spending long periods of time just talking online..we tend to form impressions which may not be realistic

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Post #: 30

RE: Not getting emotionally attached - 2/12/2009 12:43:25 AM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

There are some CM'rs I have heaps of affection for. I dont know if I met them real time that I would continue to feel anything at all but it isnt like you cant get any idea at all from people here. Aileen brings up good points about seeing how someone moves and talks and stuff. On another dating site I have spoke on the phone with two guys and the minute I heard their voice I was like, uh, no, nothing here for me other than a friendly chat.

Granted I have spoken with guys with nice voices in my day and still nothing because other factors didnt add up.

Emotions are feelings. Nothing wrong with having feelings, they come on their own. I think the guy means dont weave an entire future based on your online stuff because likely nothing is going to go down between you, that is how it sounds to me.

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Post #: 31

RE: Not getting emotionally attached - 2/12/2009 6:13:24 AM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

I always been attracted to the unemotional type, so if I do get attached emotionally I do keep in mind not to have expectations. Sir and i are rt, and it is always best for me to not expect him to ever become anything that he isn't. It works though for me, because that is a good part of my make-up. I wouldnt recommend it for most people.

oceanwynds

(in reply to precioussubmisve)

Post #: 32

RE: Not getting emotionally attached - 2/12/2009 12:23:10 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Dats why we love you BadOne...but you are such a tease.

Cmere babee I got a paddle with yer name on it

BadOne

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The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 33

RE: Not getting emotionally attached - 2/12/2009 12:42:03 PM

Voodali

Posts: 255
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Ok so now I'm confused, I just cant help but develop feelings for someone especailly if they show one ounce of caring for me, which may be stupid on my part.

Well, at least you're not alone. I don't think you should beat yourself up for being an emotional person. Some of us are just wired that way. It has its pros and its cons. It seems only logical that if you crave a certain kind of interaction, and the people in your real life aren't providing it, that when an online person you actually like throws you some D/s scraps, you begin to feel a little dependent. What I find helpful when I'm tormented in similar ways, like when I'm communicating with some really awesome sub who lives in BFE, is to intentionally take time off from chatting, and to put more energy into my real social life, visiting friends, attending parties, generally getting out of the house. I also do physical things. Dancing is a great release. When the blood is pumping through your muscles, there's less in your head ;). The pain is still there, but it is amazingly diminished.

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Post #: 34

RE: Not getting emotionally attached - 2/12/2009 4:00:45 PM

DarkQc

Posts: 15
Joined: 7/3/2008
From: Montreal, Canada
Status: offline

I think it depends largely on what is meant by emotional attachment. I have a certain amount of emotional attachment to all of my friends in the sense that I care what happens to them. However because they're friends there are inherent boundaries to those attachments.

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Post #: 35

RE: Not getting emotionally attached - 2/12/2009 4:09:07 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I'm going to sound like a bitch with my answer and I don't care. For the past couple of days I've been feeling like a real bitch so I'm letting her out. Don't like it, stop reading.

See here's the thing, you are all just words on a computer screen right now to me. You could be anyone in the world pretending to be anyone in the world. You could be lying out your butt and until I've gotten to know you in meatlife and interacted with you for a long time, how would I know that.

That's how I see the Internet. I believe what I wish and attempt to keep my heart to those I can interact with in meatlife. Note the word "attempt".

You can't control anyone other than yourself and a damn good part of the time most of us have difficulty fully controlling ourselves too. So all you can do is attempt to control how much of your feelings you invest online and try to keep it in the back of you mind that anyone claiming to be anything could be a liar or walk away tomorrow or get hit by a car or dozens of other things.

Try to take the Internet for what it is: Simply a place where people exchange ideas which may or may not reflect who they really are.

I'd say "trust me" on trying this out but you don't know me so why should you trust me?

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Post #: 36

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