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Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/9/2009 6:39:05 AM   
secretmaster22


Posts: 85
Joined: 12/26/2008
Status: offline 		I am a dominant.  I am a writer, and most of my writing has been from a perspective of a dominant.  This is my first attempt at viewing things through the eye of a submissive, which I believe is very important as a writer.  So I would love some imput from submissives as to the accuracy of the thoughts and feelings in this poem.  Is it real?  I'm looking forward to the responses...

Oh sweet Submission
how you change my hearts condition.
One simple whisper in my direction
and my heart fills with pure affection.

How can this be?
Was I too selfish to see
that there was only one way to be found?
And that’s to let my heart be bound,
to lose myself in your love
so that I might rise above
all the chaos of this crazy place,
instead looking deeply into your beautiful face.

Without you happiness is fleeting,
but with you my heart keeps beating.
My joy is now found in yours.
I humbly fling open those doors
to my body, mind, heart, and soul
and make your desire my ultimate goal

Oh sweet sweet submission
how deeply you’ve changed my hearts condition!

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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/9/2009 6:47:57 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		 

There is something sort of aloft and disconnected about it.

I think when folks submit they are not doing for the joy of the submission itself, in fact that is and obstacle in some situations, they are doing as part of the way that they love....You are missing the real emotion, because to you it is an abstract concept....

And that is ok, you can still be every bit a good top and a good writer with out having a clue about the whys of submission.



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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/9/2009 7:40:05 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

to lose myself in your love


Many D/s and M/s relationships do not include love.

quote:

Without you happiness is fleeting.....My joy is now found in yours.


Sorry, I learned years ago to not base my own personal happiness on another person.  It doesn't matter to me if this person is my Dom or Master.  He is NOT responsible for my happiness and I do not depend on him for my happiness.  Personal happiness comes from within a person and not from another person. 

quote:

make your desire my ultimate goal


It seems to me that a Dom or submissive, Master or slave are together for a common goal and BOTH get something out of the relationship or it would not exist.  Each is getting his/her needs met by the relationship. 

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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/9/2009 7:48:00 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		except for a few key words, it sounds like your standard love poem. 

I don't think that you'll be able to get into every s-types mind to create a peice of work that reflects their perception.  For some they loathe love in the dynamic, for some love is the core.  For me it was compatibility.  I've loved before and the ruination of those relationships was the incompatibility between my nature and their notion of what a woman should act like based on societal conditions.  I wanted to find a man that I wanted to be with who also appreciated the person I was, not wishing to change me into the person he or society wanted me to be.

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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/9/2009 8:13:48 AM   
cmagain


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline 		I would change "too selfish to see" to "too blind to see".  A sub typically feels like blinders are coming off when they find the right person to submit to, not that they have been leading a life of selfishness up to that point.  They see a need in themselves that can now be met.

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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/9/2009 11:35:31 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		Because your orientation is Dominant, I think you are writing to what you THINK a submissive should feel not what they do feel---I don't think we can easily grasp the meaning of the opposite orientation, if we could, then we would be that.

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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/9/2009 1:08:35 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		FR

Stick to writing what you know or write based on reality, not some romantic CR type bullshit. It's just bad. 

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/9/2009 4:06:46 PM   
secretmaster22


Posts: 85
Joined: 12/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

quote:

to lose myself in your love


Many D/s and M/s relationships do not include love.

quote:

Without you happiness is fleeting.....My joy is now found in yours.


Sorry, I learned years ago to not base my own personal happiness on another person.  It doesn't matter to me if this person is my Dom or Master.  He is NOT responsible for my happiness and I do not depend on him for my happiness.  Personal happiness comes from within a person and not from another person. 

quote:

make your desire my ultimate goal


It seems to me that a Dom or submissive, Master or slave are together for a common goal and BOTH get something out of the relationship or it would not exist.  Each is getting his/her needs met by the relationship. 



I understand many don't involve love, but I wasn't trying to describe ALL d/s relationships just one in particular. 
The happiness that is had is because of submission not the particular man she is in love with, but I see why that's confusing.  Perhaps I could put that line in a different spot.
and yes the goal is for both to get something out of the relationship but that fact doesn't mean the submissive isn't enthralled with the idea of making her master happy, which in turn makes her happy.  If you look at my journal you will see all sorts of stuff talking about the masters desires for his submissive. 

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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/9/2009 4:10:04 PM   
secretmaster22


Posts: 85
Joined: 12/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Because your orientation is Dominant, I think you are writing to what you THINK a submissive should feel not what they do feel---I don't think we can easily grasp the meaning of the opposite orientation, if we could, then we would be that.


Of course I am, but I whole heartedly disagree.  As a writer part of my job is to be able to get in the head of someone I'm not.  Otherwise how would i write a love story between a dominate and his submissive if I can't at least begin to understand how a submissive thinks and feels?  Besides I find submission to be infinitely beautiful and therefor have a desire to understand it further so I can appreciate it more the same way trying to understand what's really happening in a sunset makes it infinitely more beautiful.

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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/9/2009 4:13:46 PM   
secretmaster22


Posts: 85
Joined: 12/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cmagain

I would change "too selfish to see" to "too blind to see".  A sub typically feels like blinders are coming off when they find the right person to submit to, not that they have been leading a life of selfishness up to that point.  They see a need in themselves that can now be met.


I absolutely agree! Great Idea!  Thanks for the constructive comment.  Is it just me or do people in the BDSM world love to argue for the sake of arguing.  i think it's not their fault really because they have spent their whole life having to justify their feelings and desires.  but I have found that to be an interesting dynamic.

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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/9/2009 4:16:04 PM   
secretmaster22


Posts: 85
Joined: 12/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress



There is something sort of aloft and disconnected about it.




hmmmm, as I read it again i see what you mean.  I'll put pen back to paper and try again.  The poem itself kind of sucks, but I was never much for poetry.  i have written a couple good ones, but most end up lame.  I'm more of a short story and novel writer.



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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/10/2009 9:32:09 AM   
bound4more


Posts: 128
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Because your orientation is Dominant, I think you are writing to what you THINK a submissive should feel not what they do feel---I don't think we can easily grasp the meaning of the opposite orientation, if we could, then we would be that.


Ditto to this.

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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/10/2009 9:37:31 AM   
bound4more


Posts: 128
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: secretmaster22

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Because your orientation is Dominant, I think you are writing to what you THINK a submissive should feel not what they do feel---I don't think we can easily grasp the meaning of the opposite orientation, if we could, then we would be that.


Of course I am, but I whole heartedly disagree.  As a writer part of my job is to be able to get in the head of someone I'm not.  Otherwise how would i write a love story between a dominate and his submissive if I can't at least begin to understand how a submissive thinks and feels?  Besides I find submission to be infinitely beautiful and therefor have a desire to understand it further so I can appreciate it more the same way trying to understand what's really happening in a sunset makes it infinitely more beautiful.



I think, and I'm also a writer, that it's truly impossible to understand anything beyond ones experience. I can certainly have compassion, appreciation etc. for things beyond my own experience, but I can never have a deep knowing (understanding) of it, because I haven't experienced it. I think that's part of the mystery of D/s - I don't really understand the Dominant persona and I don't expect him to understand my submissiveness. I do hope he enjoys it, appreciates it, uses it, and owns it, but understand it? nope. Even if you are able to "get into the head" of another, the reality is it's still your head and your interpretation of what it's like in their head.

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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/10/2009 10:11:14 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		I am a little uncomfortable with the idea that a writer can only write what they know. That makes most religious books, Sci-fi, comic books, romance novels, historical treatises, ummm well just about everything but journals and some times of scientific notes, beyond the people that wrote them.

But i do agree that a writer often writes most easily about what they know. 

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If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/10/2009 10:29:27 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		As a writer, it's important to get into peoples heads, but you cannot fully understand nor express it without investigation.  The poem itself doesn't relate to submission, but your thoughts on what submission is.  To write about it, the best writers have first hand experience on their subject and study it.
 
The poem itself is badly structured.  It doesn't flow in any direction.  It's more like four seperate poems.  Look at it like that, and they read better.
 
And don't think you have to make it rhyme.
 
the.dark.

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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/10/2009 10:41:45 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Try reading it out loud and you will find it doesn't flow off the tongue. Are you a writer of poetry?

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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/10/2009 10:46:25 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		I saw that glimpse within your eye
The moment I saw you
A need, a hunger, lost within,
A witness with no truth Looking 'round with nonchalance
you could not meet my gaze
My strength worn well upon my sleeve,
your need upon your face For some are born to hold the keys,
The floggers, canes and whips
But you were born to wear the chains,
The words upon your lips……. "As you wish, Master." you had no clue I'd chosen you
To serve My wicked whims
The choice was Mine, not yours you see
To teach you how to sin Along I came, within my hand
The questions in your dreams
A simple answer, here before you…
Life upon your knees you needed nothing more than I,
To teach you how to plead
So dark and cold, My dungeon holds
All you shall ever need

Unknown author


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S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos


Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/10/2009 10:50:18 AM   
sravaka


Posts: 314
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Of course I am, but I whole heartedly disagree. As a writer part of my job is to be able to get in the head of someone I'm not. Otherwise how would i write a love story between a dominate and his submissive if I can't at least begin to understand how a submissive thinks and feels? Besides I find submission to be infinitely beautiful and therefor have a desire to understand it further so I can appreciate it more the same way trying to understand what's really happening in a sunset makes it infinitely more beautiful.


I sincerely hope this was a typo.

It's a little known fact that the best, perhaps the only way to learn to write, is to read.  I suggest you put down your pen, and get working on that. 

In fact, give me the pen.  Back sloooowly away from the pen.  Someone's going to lose an eye, probably as result of having plucked it out after exposure to this experiment.   I know I had to avert mine before I'd finished the 2nd line.

Above all, stick to prose until you develop at least a faintly informed notion of what a poem is.  (Hint:  short lines and rhyming are neither necessary nor sufficient conditions.)  Here in particular, reading is your friend. 


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Miseries hold me fixed, and I would gladly cut these roots to become a floating plant. I would yield myself up utterly, if the inviting stream could be relied upon. --Ono no Komachi

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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/10/2009 10:56:23 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		I was reading it as the sort of thing a new sub would write in her diary, sort of like the silly little poems that we (girls AND guys) wrote in our notebooks back in highschool. The first flush of d/s does feel a lot like that first crush and soppy poetry is a symptom of being all crushy on someone new, at least for some people.

And yes i am horribly embarrassed by some of the "love" poems i wrote way back then. *yikes*  

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Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

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RE: Seeking some advice from submissives - 2/10/2009 10:59:02 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I personally don't see how the poem related to submission...It could have been about pizza.  Do you have any poems about pizza?  I really like pizza.  Even though I live in Chicago, home of deep dish, I prefer thin crust pizza.  I eat pizza at least once a week.

It would be nice if you were to write a poem about pizza.   Most people have very strong feelings about pizza. Poems about pizza are always well received.  Do you have any poems about pizza?

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