RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance

RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance (Full Version)

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pdv99 -> RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance (1/30/2009 12:16:15 PM)
Confidence: Believing you can do or are good at something Arrogance - needing other people to know you think you can do something and are therefore better than others. Arrogance needs other people, and since it is needy it shows weakness.

beltainefaerie -> RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance (1/30/2009 12:23:28 PM)
I would add to what has already been stated that an arrogant person will add their opinions to make them seem important. A confident person will give their opinions when they seem relevant and beneficial. Also, an arrogant person wants you to acknowledge how right they are. A self-confident person is more likely to agree to disagree when appropriate.

NCNutCase -> RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance (1/30/2009 12:26:50 PM)
There have been some great responses here and most are quite consistent with one another… Naturally, first of all, self-confidence is based in reality, "arrogance" not based in reality, in my opinion, is not arrogance at all, it’s merely ignorance… In my opinion, self-confidence is when one is confident in their abilities, skills or perspectives and gains inner strength from their confidence… Arrogance is when one gains confidence in their abilities, skills or perspectives being better than the other guys… In other words… self-confidence is corrupted into arrogance when we use it to be better than others… as opposed to just being damned good at what we do… Someone who is truly self confident doesn’t need to boast about their skills, they allow others to do that for them… if no one is willing to boast about your skills, there’s probably nothing worth boasting about… But there is a fine line between the two, and many people who will misinterpret someone from explaining in detail with showing off. Also, as mentioned previous, (paraphrased) "People of low self-esteem or minimal understanding will likely find anyone displaying self-confidence as being arrogant."

lateralist1 -> RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance (1/30/2009 12:27:27 PM)
Ok I like the dictionary definition but the problem is that it doesn't really allow for the circumstances. If I'm on familiar ground then I'm confident. If I'm in new territory then I obviously aren't to start with but as soon as I realise that there are no real authorities about I soon gain confidence in that I can usually pick up the basics of something quicker than most people. What I really hate is subs who try to tell me how to dominate them lol. There is a lot of it about. Just an aside Dom/mes are suposed to be confident BUT if one has trust issues as I have then it's difficult to be cofident at the beginning of a relationship. All the times when you have trusted and been let down crowd into ones mind and destroy natural confidence.

NCNutCase -> RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance (1/30/2009 12:33:37 PM)
In addition… I believe that the self-confidant can often carry themselves arrogantly… This does not mean the self confident is in any way ‘wrong’ or unskilled at what they are arrogant about… it just means they are being a little overly self important in the moment. I feel several previous posts suggest arrogance is a weakness in capability, which I disagree with… although I will agree it’s a weakness of character. This explanation is only relevant when we first accept or agree that arrogance and self confidence are both based in reality, anything not based in reality is simply ignorance…

Underumam -> RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance (1/30/2009 12:42:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NCNutCase In addition… I believe that the self-confidant can often carry themselves arrogantly… This does not mean the self confident is in any way ‘wrong’ or unskilled at what they are arrogant about… it just means they are being a little overly self important in the moment. I feel several previous posts suggest arrogance is a weakness in capability, which I disagree with… although I will agree it’s a weakness of character. This explanation is only relevant when we first accept or agree that arrogance and self confidence are both based in reality, anything not based in reality is simply ignorance… I agree, and would add that everyone has had a bout or two with this demon..lol.

lateralist1 -> RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance (1/30/2009 2:44:39 PM)
If someone jumps to the wrong conclusion about you or says or does something blatantly wrong is it arrogance to correct them or self confidence? The reason I ask for an opinion is that for years I have been ignoring other people's stupidities to their detriment. I decided it was time for a change. However it seems people don't like being told how to do things or being told that they are wrong lol. I'm not just talking about differences in opininion on trivial matters but when people are in powerful positions surely they have a duty to get things as right as possible or at least listen to someone with more real experience and knowledge of the subject. Now I don't argue when I think someone is wrong but am not sure but I do when I know they are wrong. Is that arrogance or self confidence?

NCNutCase -> RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance (1/30/2009 3:58:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lateralist1 If someone jumps to the wrong conclusion about you or says or does something blatantly wrong is it arrogance to correct them or self confidence? It takes self cofidence to address a situation where someone is wrong... and it could be done so arrogantly or humbly or anywhere inbetween... This is a matter of how you do it, not that you do it... Typically hearing a critical opinion from someone who has earned my respect is received well... But when someone who has not taken the time to earn my respect (either in the moment or in previous experience) begins spouting off opinions of a "better way" to do things, I rarely receive it as well... Anytime we approach someone in a position of authority in a way that challenges their authority, we should not expect them to appreciate it. Yet asking someone for a moment of their time, asking questions to better understand their perspective or reasoning, and only then sharing our difference of opinion... usually sets us up to be better received... Arrogance is an attitude, not an action... quote: ORIGINAL: Underumam I agree, and would add that everyone has had a bout or two with this demon..lol. lol, It would be pretty arrogant to deny having had a bout or two with that demon, wouldn't it?

MidMichCowboy -> RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance (1/30/2009 4:21:56 PM)
This one is really hard for me to answer. I've been called an arrogant son of a bitch (I had to hit the guy, my mother is a lady). I've had ladies tell me they admired my self confidence. I'm a pretty boisterous person and I like to talk, but I'm as liable to talk about how I screwed up or did something right. I know I have made way to many mistakes to put myself on some pedestal. But a person has to have a certain arrogance to tackle life. I rode rodeo for years (roughstock) and still break and train horses. You have to have a pretty good measure of confidence to climb on an animal that is much stronger and bigger, thinking you are going to win that battle. Some say you just have to be crazy. Who knows. I've done a few things because ... I knew I could. I did some things because I had to. I've failed at things because I just screwed them up. So I guess I'll leave it to others to decide if I'm arrogant or self confident. I just walk the path I think is the right one.

MistressRouge -> RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance (1/31/2009 2:47:53 AM)
Why the seperation? A person can quite easily merge from arrogance, to confidence and visa versa, quite easily. It is tuning the moment right, and being subtle, I can see that there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Both healthy displays of character in my view, I dont see arrogance as a negative, some like it! [:)]

MistressRouge -> RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance (1/31/2009 5:04:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NCNutCase quote: ORIGINAL: lateralist1 If someone jumps to the wrong conclusion about you or says or does something blatantly wrong is it arrogance to correct them or self confidence? It takes self cofidence to address a situation where someone is wrong... and it could be done so arrogantly or humbly or anywhere inbetween... This is a matter of how you do it, not that you do it... Typically hearing a critical opinion from someone who has earned my respect is received well... But when someone who has not taken the time to earn my respect (either in the moment or in previous experience) begins spouting off opinions of a "better way" to do things, I rarely receive it as well... Anytime we approach someone in a position of authority in a way that challenges their authority, we should not expect them to appreciate it. Yet asking someone for a moment of their time, asking questions to better understand their perspective or reasoning, and only then sharing our difference of opinion... usually sets us up to be better received... Arrogance is an attitude, not an action... quote: ORIGINAL: Underumam I agree, and would add that everyone has had a bout or two with this demon..lol. lol, It would be pretty arrogant to deny having had a bout or two with that demon, wouldn't it? So very true, bravo to you, explaining it better then I [:D]

Underumam -> RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance (1/31/2009 6:29:52 AM)
Yes Mistress Rouge, It would be arrogant for one to not be able to admit to having passed through an arrogant stage at some point in their life. It's a stage, and though some take longer to get through it than others and might not even be noticeable to others, it's still a part of our development none the less. To me, confidence only comes from experience. Like wisdom. Understanding the mental concept of something, is NOT the same as having lived it. Arrogance = immaturity. Confidence = a product of experience. I'm of course submissive, but I know who I am, and what I want out life/partners etc. One thing I notice that seems to be missing out of both D and s's these days is humility. Humility is a natural product of knowing that I'm not anything but an imperfect human being, trying to be a better person. Arrogance and humility don't mix.lol.

NCNutCase -> RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance (1/31/2009 2:34:13 PM)
Humility... almost a dangerous word in the SM world for many Dominants... There are some definitions that I do not feel apply to a "proper Dominant" (let's not get lost on what that means) such as "lowliness of mind". But there are many definitions of this word that can fully apply to a "proper Dominant" such as "a lack of false pride". Note: These definitions and several others were found at dictionary.com... the word humble also offeres many additional definitions that could make good food for thuoght. My personal favorite definition for the word humility is: To honestly accept onself as you truly are. In previous posts I challenged that there is a difference between 'arrogance' and 'ignorance'. To me (and supported by several definitions) arrogance is based in reality, yet expressed in a way to exagerate self worth... ignorance (in this regard) is to exagerate ones skills/abilities to a degree beyond reality AND to use that to exagerate ones self worth... Someone who is very expert at a particular skill can be humble (humility - To honestly accept onself as you truly are) while standing on a stage displaying their talents. Having an advanced skill does not make that person better than those in his/her audience, it simply means he/she is better at that skill. One skill does not define a persons self worth, nor does a bundle of skills. The topic of spiritual/moral/character principals has always been a personal favorite of mine, and humility and integrity have always been two of the principals I've considered the core of a persons character...

GoddessTeaze -> RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance (1/31/2009 11:10:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GhostWhoWalks Women have told me they find self-confidence in a man sexy. Self-confidence in a Dominant is mandatory. I've also been told by women that arrogance is a major turn-off. Where do you draw the line, between self-confidence and arrogance? Hello GhostWhoWalks, When it gets smelly, that's where I draw the line. Is one person's arrogance anothers self-confidence? That can be, because it would be explained wrong. Is either merely in the eye of the beholder? Well some can smell a arrogant person, with their head up their ass, from miles afar. While others will still believe it's great to have self confidence, it also depends how much self confidence the other person has. Or are there commonalities, actions or words most of us associate with crossing the line between self-confidence and arrogance I believe when someone feels too good to talk to someone else, or looks down on people, and makes sure the rest of the world know this. Those people are so missing out. It doesn't suit anyone to act like such. Because what is it what they get out of it? The so called "Iron wall" around them, like I'm untouchable? I wonder what's the fear inside which 've put them there in the first place. We're all humans so act up, and be nice. No one died from that yet. I've a good self confidence, and I'm an open-minded soul, who is nothing more or any less then anyone else on this earth. GhostWhoWalks I wish you enough. GoddezzT`

GoddessTeaze -> RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance (1/31/2009 11:16:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lateralist1 If someone jumps to the wrong conclusion about you or says or does something blatantly wrong is it arrogance to correct them or self confidence? The reason I ask for an opinion is that for years I have been ignoring other people's stupidities to their detriment. In general lateralist, people aren't too keen on getting critic on what they say, do or on their behavier. It so depends though on HOW you say it. If you give positive feedback first, and then bring some bad news, that's way different then burn that person off to the ground right away. I wondered what kept you from telling them how you felt ?. I decided it was time for a change. However it seems people don't like being told how to do things or being told that they are wrong lol. I'm not just talking about differences in opininion on trivial matters but when people are in powerful positions surely they have a duty to get things as right as possible or at least listen to someone with more real experience and knowledge of the subject. Now I don't argue when I think someone is wrong but am not sure but I do when I know they are wrong.You can always tell them how thier actions make you feel, and if they care, they would listen, and would be made aware, that what their actions/words do to other people. That's far from arrogance, that's taking yourself serious! I do wish you enough lateralist. [:D] GoddezzT`

chezzy71 -> RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance (2/1/2009 12:15:53 AM)
hmmmm...i was arogant enough to think i was more self-confidant than what i actually was.Times have changed and really..all it takes is for one to knock the "Robert Conrad"battery off your shoulder.You become humble real quick.

lateralist1 -> RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance (2/1/2009 4:49:38 AM)
GoddezzT thanks. To answer your question. I used to refrain from telling people they were wrong because I didn't feel it was my place to do so. Most of them were older, more experienced, or in authority over me. ie My managers. As I became older and more experienced and the same people were still making fundamental mistakes in life. I began to realise that I had been wrong in not saying something. So I did. One of the consequences was that I got the sack. Your quite right in your perception. They quite simply did not care. Cushy job with authority often equals none caring. The good managers often work themselves to death. As a woman with a great deal of family responsibility I was unable to rise into a position of authority. But I still managed to work myself to near death lol. Now I run my own business. Have managed to delegate a lot of the caring roles but still remain in touch. And I actually have time for myself to do the things I want to do. No money to do them with yet though lol. Oh and no one to do them with. Life is full of compromises. The one between time and money can be the hardest. But then as yet I don't have to balance a husbands needs against that of a subs. If it happens that will be the real test of my abilities. Arrogance versus confidence is in the eye of the beholder just like physical attractivness or personality I think. I thought if I can deal with 35 teenagers (One of them had knifed a teacher) in a classroom then a couple of men aren't going to give me too many problems but I was wrong lol. Some people won't be controlled the goals are full of them. If a sub tests my dominance at the first meet I walk away. He obviously doesn't understand that dominance is a choice just like submission ought to be. Sometimes the things we want aren't necessarily good for us. I want a sub but he has to be the right sub for me and I have to be the right dominant woman for him. Otherwise it's just too hard for both of us. Wow I feel better now lol.

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