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Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 11:12:38 AM   
GhostWhoWalks


Posts: 84
Joined: 12/13/2006
Status: offline 		 Women have told me they find self-confidence in a man sexy. Self-confidence in a Dominant is mandatory.
I've also been told by women that arrogance is a major turn-off.
Where do you draw the line, between self-confidence and arrogance?
Is one person's arrogance anothers self-confidence?
Is either merely in the eye of the beholder? Or are there commonalities, actions or words most of us associate with crossing the line between self-confidence and arrogance (For example, walking down Lovers Lane alone)?
Are there gray areas, where said actions or words could be interpreted either way?
Inquiring Minds Want To Know these things.

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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 11:23:06 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
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Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_2103401/mpage_1/key_arrogance/tm.htm#2103475
Confidence vs Arrogance

http://www.collarchat.com/m_256539/mpage_1/key_arrogance/tm.htm#256695
Arrogance

http://www.collarchat.com/m_177150/mpage_1/key_arrogance/tm.htm#177191
Arrogance (2)

I suppose a good way to put it for me is that arrogance is knowing you're too cool for school and being slightly amused by it. 

Justified arrogance is hot.  Unjustified arrogance is idiotic.

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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 11:58:00 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Arrogance is always thinking your right.
Self confidence is knowing when you are right.
I call myself arrogant before anyone else does but actually it's just because I'm confident due to experience but then because people don't understand I'm talking from experience they think it's arrogance.
I don't make quick decisions so some people think I'm lacking in confidence.
Taking authority for someone else's life requires real knowledge of them and their circumstances. I don't do it lightly. It's detrimental to D/s to make assumptions. That's why building relationships takes so damn long.
Still it's the greatest joy on earth for me.
I still mange to piss most people off though lol.
As LuckyAlbatross puts it I was always too cool for school.

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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 12:10:44 PM   
VeryNastyDom


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline 		Self-confidence is often mistaken for arrogance if the other party does not think the person has enough information or experience to back up their conclusions.  Taking the time to ask a number of good questions, or trying to educate the other party can often help convey the appearance of confidence without appearing to be cocky.


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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 12:33:46 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think it's a matter of how you exercise your confidence with others.

If you are respectful, ask for information, value others and their abilities and comments, you can be confident.

If you are rude, do not ask for information, do not value others then you are arrogant.

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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 12:59:48 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
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Status: offline 		I don't find arrogance very attractive, overall. In some people I can find it completely acceptable and endearing and in others it makes me squirm.

Undue arrogance is just embarrassing to see...lol

Self-confidence is usually rather nice in most people that I know.

Basically, it depends on the person and how I either SEE them or how well I know them. I could dub someone arrogant because of their manner but if I don't know them well, I could well be wrong: They may have good enough reason to behave that way.

I know a few people that have an air of arrogance but it's generally mixed with a big old shovelful of nicer traits.

I think there is a line that people draw themselves, yes.

agirl









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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 1:09:07 PM   
OctavianMaximus


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/29/2009
Status: offline 		Self Confidence comes from within and states that this person is all that they are. It readiates from them and can fill a room and alter the moods of the people in that room. Arrogance on the other hand always comes off as an irritating burr or a comical session. You are either repulsed or amussed.

Oct

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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 1:12:26 PM   
emdoub


Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline 		Self-confidence is when I know I'm good enough.

Arrogance is when I know I'm DAMNED good.

They only get annoying when they turn into needless braggin', or they're clearly misplaced.

Midnight Writer
(who is simply too damned good to be merely arrogant)


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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 1:19:28 PM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..

I take in self confidence as a person who knows themselves, and what they are capable of with no need to exponge this information onto others unless asked to do so or in a setting that welcomes such.

Arrogance I see as someone that distorts what self confidence is, and lacks it thereby seeking others around them to bolster that illusion for them.

starshine


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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 1:58:17 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Blowhards, telling everyone how wonderful they are, are not confident. Indeed, the opposite. A person who is truly confident in his/her abilities doesn't spend time telling, instead they just show their competence in their actions.

You get arrogance when someone keeps insisting that theirs is the only right way, trying to bludgeon others into agreement. Confident people will have the job done while the arrogant types are still trying to convince others that theirs is the one twue way.

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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 2:00:32 PM   
Vendaval


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Status: offline 		Self-confidence is knowing how to behave in a situation and acting accordingly.
 
Arrogance is trying to impose your will on the unwilling.

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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 2:05:39 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		Arrogance is defined in the following manner:





Noun
1.

arrogance - overbearing pride evidenced by a superior manner toward inferiors

This is further explained through this next portion:
haughtiness, hauteur, high-handedness, lordlinesssuperbia, pride - unreasonable and inordinate self-esteem (personified as one of the deadly sins)condescension, disdainfulness, superciliousness - the trait of displaying arrogance by patronizing those considered inferiorcontemptuousness - the manifestation of scorn and contempt; "every subordinate sensed his contemptuousness and hated him in return"hubris - overbearing pride or presumptiondomineeringness, imperiousness, overbearingness - the trait of being imperious and overbearingsuperiority - displaying a sense of being better than others; "he hated the white man's superiority and condescension"snobbery, snobbishness, snobbism - the trait of condescending to those of lower social status Any of the above are considered to be a part of being arrogant and none of them are endearing nor are they behaviors that very many wish to emulate. Self-confidence is defined in the following manner:
Noun 1. Self-confidence - confidence in oneself, one's abilities, or one's judgment with the following descriptors:




1.
self-confidence - freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities; "his assurance in his superiority did not make him popular"; "after that failure he lost his confidence"; "she spoke with authority"
assurance, confidence, self-assurance, sureness, authoritycertainty - the state of being certain; "his certainty reassured the others" Different from arrogance but similar.  I see arrogance as being an unwarranted belief in one's superiority.  I see self-confidence/assurance as a warranted belief in one's abilities. 

It is true that perception plays a big part in the argument of arrogance vs. self-confidence/assurance as for many of us, it is part of the subjective "sdizing-up" that we all do.  Perhaps not surprisingly, many people will deride one person's self-confidence as arrogance.  Now, part of those that do may do so because of the way the person comes off.  Part of those who do so may do it because they may be unclear as to the difference between the two qualities.  Finally, part of those that do so may do so because they have this innate problem with those people who have taken the time to study what they want to do before they do it, who have looked within themselves and are confident in their abilities and in themselves as a person, and who do not approach life with either a tentative attitude or a constantly-cynical attitude or an over-bearing attitude but rather with a positive outlook.


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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 2:22:05 PM   
MasterLark


Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Is one person's arrogance anothers self-confidence?
Is either merely in the eye of the beholder? Or are there commonalities, actions or words most of us associate with crossing the line between self-confidence and arrogance (For example, walking down Lovers Lane alone)?
Are there gray areas, where said actions or words could be interpreted either way?


Yes.

I would guess you know the answer to your questions already, but perhaps you have a question behind all those questions...perhaps not.

Maybe -- how can I project self confidence without coming across as arrogant??

(in reply to GhostWhoWalks)
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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 3:37:32 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		'Tis a pretty fine line between the self-confidence and arrogance and what for some is a self-confidident person will be an arragant person to someone else. I admire self-confidentce in people butwqhejn they try to ram that self-confidence down the throat of others it becomes pain in the arse arrogance. 'Tis all in the eye of the beholder for the most part anyway. People of low self esteem will likely find anyone who is self confident as being un sufferably arrogant.  Just my view.

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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 3:53:32 PM   
DominantDamsel


Posts: 42
Joined: 5/14/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

'Tis a pretty fine line between the self-confidence and arrogance and what for some is a self-confidident person will be an arragant person to someone else. I admire self-confidentce in people butwqhejn they try to ram that self-confidence down the throat of others it becomes pain in the arse arrogance. 'Tis all in the eye of the beholder for the most part anyway. People of low self esteem will likely find anyone who is self confident as being un sufferably arrogant.  Just my view.


Well said, Iron Bear. Personally, I think one man's self confidence is another man's arrogance. It depends on the people in question and their preferences. People simply are as they are and I think this is fine, within reason. There is usually always someone that will find another appealing, even if the majority do not.

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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 4:28:56 PM   
gumshoe


Posts: 68
Joined: 10/13/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhostWhoWalks

Women have told me they find self-confidence in a man sexy. Self-confidence in a Dominant is mandatory.
I've also been told by women that arrogance is a major turn-off.
Where do you draw the line, between self-confidence and arrogance?


Self-confidence = I'm swell and so are you.
Arrogance          = I'm swell.  Ugh!  Who are you?

Self-confidence is something you see in a strong individual.

Eric Hoffer wrote that rudeness is the weak man's immitation of strength.  A fairly good definition of arrogance I say.

The difference between self-confidence and arrogance is the same difference between strong and weak.

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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 4:39:38 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		Arrogance is disconnected to reality. It is really underlying inadequacy powerlessness issues being denied. It is more unconscious I would say. Often rude and a repulsive.

Self-confidence is connected to the inner being. It includes love and is sensitive, is able to hear what someone else has to say and does not see that as a threat.

Arrogance is competitive. Self-confidence is creative.

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Every single line means something.
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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 5:45:45 PM   
naughtysubK


Posts: 62
Joined: 5/2/2004
Status: offline 		A self confident person can admit their mistakes, allow others a differing opinion, or ask questions when they don't quite understand something.  They can do all of these things and remain confident in their own qualities and abilities. 

An arrogant person believes they are never wrong,  their opinion is the only valid opinion,  and knows everything.

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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 6:13:23 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
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Status: offline 		nicely stated naughtysubK--My feelings exactly.

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RE: Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance - 1/29/2009 6:35:12 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		Self-confidence is unassuming and kind and listens, makes opinions based on facts and knowledge... arrogance is really a huge lack of self confidence that is demonstrated by an over blown ego.

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