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RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? - 1/24/2009 2:08:07 PM

oceanwynds

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

Kindness...

Kill `em with...kindness...

Not rocket science....

Kindness is a wonder trait to give to another. Also in kindness we can step out of our selfish needs to be heard, right etc.

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RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? - 1/24/2009 3:26:56 PM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds

Agirl
I never consider empowerment as a job, nor to fix a person For me to empower is to help another when and if they seek it. Sometimes just knowing someone is going through a rough period, and not trying to fix them, but being available for them, is a form of empowerment.

I understand that you don't see it that way. My use of the phrase * not my job* is maybe more a brit one.

The word itself might be the hitch here. I don't give him strength, power or confidence and he doesn't seek help from me, either.

All the same, it's not in my remit to do any empowering. It's not the way we work. He doesn't need me for these things and I've never considered them. I, however, DO rely on him for these things at times and the *imbalance* is accepted along with all the others, in our relationship.

It sounds very cold and callous but it's not. There are quite a few things that aren't reciprocal between us.

agirl

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RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? - 1/24/2009 3:34:26 PM

oceanwynds

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Thank you for explaining agirl. Sir too is not one who will ask for any help, which is what I meant I cant fix him. But in my case, when I know he needs time to sort through things, I do my best to keep myself busy. I will not infringe on his time except to update him on certain things. This I know is what is desired from me, so I do it. Perhaps for me it is just a way that I can contribute to his needs, without fixing him. It is a way for me to be discipline and not self-serving. This is just an example of what I meant.

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RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? - 1/24/2009 3:57:27 PM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds

Thank you for explaining agirl. Sir too is not one who will ask for any help, which is what I meant I cant fix him. But in my case, when I know he needs time to sort through things, I do my best to keep myself busy. I will not infringe on his time except to update him on certain things. This I know is what is desired from me, so I do it. Perhaps for me it is just a way that I can contribute to his needs, without fixing him. It is a way for me to be discipline and not self-serving. This is just an example of what I meant.

I think we just would describe these things in different ways and the way our interaction operates is going to be different.

I don't think about M's needs.....but I do try to be considerate in general. That is the way nice people behave and I'd quite like to be a nice person.......lol

I am incredibly self-serving and he is very self-contained. The mix seems to have worked for a fair few years. When written down , it really doesn't portray the depth, the passion, the affection and the respect we have.......but it's really more *style* than anything else.

agirl

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RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? - 1/24/2009 4:30:08 PM

kiwisub12

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Recently i took my Sir to the er - and ended up with a diagnosis of cancer. Through it all, including the hospitalisation i stayed with him as much as i could, not talking necessarily, but reading or quilting, and asking the doctors the right questions.
I took him home Thursday, and i felt as if we could both relax - the people i work with sent him a get well card that made me cry - and Sir was there to hold me and hug me and kiss me, and thank me for being such a rock while he was feeling very vulnerable.

We support each other, and compliament each other, and love each other, and i am feeling sad. Our future isn't going to be what i thought it was, but we shall live it as we have lived our life together up to this point - as Sir and sub/slave, in love and being who we are. This is how we empower each other - by enabling each other to be who we are.

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RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? - 1/24/2009 5:03:45 PM

oceanwynds

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Hi kiwisub

I am glad your Sir has you and you have him. Enable the love and being there in your relationship is the best thing you two can do for each other. Live each day to it's fullest.

Blessings
oceanwynds

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RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? - 1/24/2009 5:08:08 PM

kallisto

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Recently i took my Sir to the er - and ended up with a diagnosis of cancer.

We support each other, and compliament each other, and love each other, and i am feeling sad. Our future isn't going to be what i thought it was, but we shall live it as we have lived our life together up to this point - as Sir and sub/slave, in love and being who we are. This is how we empower each other - by enabling each other to be who we are.

I'm so sorry of your news of his diagnosis. My thoughts are with you.

I quoted part of your post because in just a few short sentences you have said a lot. It certainly shows the strength of your relationship.

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RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? - 1/24/2009 5:09:13 PM

oceanwynds

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Yes, we are more then what words can ever express and I do understand what you mean. I also enjoy being nice, though at times I have to work at it:)

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RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? - 1/25/2009 8:50:08 PM

zombiebabe

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If you do not have deep respect, caring, and trust for someone you should not be involved with them in this way imo
Its quite an intense interaction
I would do this with someone out of respect for them

Years ago at church camp, a counselor handwashed out feet to show how much he respected each of us. Some people thought it was gross. Its simply humbling yourself to someone to honor them. same for BDSM.

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RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? - 1/26/2009 9:09:58 AM

oceanwynds

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zombiebabe

If you do not have deep respect, caring, and trust for someone you should not be involved with them in this way imo
Its quite an intense interaction
I would do this with someone out of respect for them

Years ago at church camp, a counselor handwashed out feet to show how much he respected each of us. Some people thought it was gross. Its simply humbling yourself to someone to honor them. same for BDSM.

Thank you Zombiebabe for your response. The part that i put into red is vital i feel for any human. It reaches out to so many goals that we seek.

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RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? - 1/26/2009 12:35:15 PM

T1981

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryNastyDom

It would be nice to fly into the room, throw my cape over a shoulder and announce is a deep, manly voice "Never fear, Super Dom is here". Sadly, I cannot.

Sir has bad days, things don't go well at work in spite of his alpha male personality, he loses wagers, persons close to him die, and other things just make for a shitty day in general. Doms have emotions too, and while we are normally the one providing the guidance and strength in the relationship, that doesn't mean we don't need a hug once in a while. Sometimes just having a lovely lady sit close to me, her hand on my knee and her head on my shoulder, is enough to quiet my inner demons. Those of you who have posted above understand that, and your Masters are lucky to have such lovely and devoted subs.

I love you! That was awesome!!!

For the most part, when my husband is truly upset, there isn't much I can do, outside of sit by him, listen to him, perhaps cuddle if he likes. Since we're not in a 24/7, these are the times when I try extra hard to remember all of the little things he likes, such as ice in his water bottle, or an extra napkin - it's when he's upset that I find myself breaking into service submission. And because I normally don't do that (It's generally "get yer own damn ice and water!") that really makes a difference to him.

_____________________________

"Nothing is pointless, every single thing you do resonates." -Pintsize

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RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? - 1/26/2009 12:54:15 PM

bound4more

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Giving all I'm able to give. Sometimes that's more, sometimes that's less. Admitting when the fault is mine, forgiving when the fault is his. Accepting his limitations as well as my own. Laughing and following rule 62 which is "Don't take yourself too seriously".

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You can tell who someone really is by how they act

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RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? - 1/26/2009 7:13:02 PM

Jeptha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds

...How do you empower their spirits?..

I try to practice appreciation: being aware of stuff and expressing gratitude for things that I appreciate.
Explicitly, in words and e-mail.
Also in physical touch.
Trying not to be too forgetful or take things too much for granted, in other words.
(There also is a secondary gain in that positive feedback generally will reinforce the things that I like. The positive feedback isn't always attached to any specific behavior, though - it's often just general.)

< Message edited by Jeptha -- 1/26/2009 7:17:23 PM >

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RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? - 1/27/2009 5:10:43 AM

Petruchio

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I believe in building people up. Why involve someone in power exchange (or vestment) if you aren't looking for someone who mirrors your own desires?

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RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? - 1/27/2009 8:22:11 AM

urlittleprincess

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ive noticed that increasingly He comes to me for the good and the bad...when He needs some tlc He expresses that. He wants hugs, and alot of physical closeness...snuggles! when He is in a bad mood i try to give Him His space but more and more He wants me to be close to Him even if He is grumpy...maybe not touching or even talking...just close.

i always keep the house clean and tidy...cook and bake His favorite foods...light candles in the evening and make the place as cozy and relaxing as possible...sometimes i worry He might not see it as special anymore...i am always looking for ways to help Him or make Him feel special but really just being close seems to make Him happy!

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RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? - 1/27/2009 2:12:13 PM

oceanwynds

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Thank you all for your replies. It is good to see we enjoy helping each other. Sometimes life throws a curve ball, and nice to know we aren't going to be trash for it.

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