How do you empower your D or s spirits?

How do you empower your D or s spirits? (Full Version)

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oceanwynds -> How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/23/2009 10:13:26 AM)
This thread is the result of another thread posted on humiliating your dom until he cries. That thread has totally upset me, because I saw through it what I use to be like in my twenties. Though it brought tears of sadness, it also brought tears of joy that I left that aspect of me behind a long time ago. We all have feelings and cycles of joy, depression, sadness, happiness etc. For another person to use things that they know would hurt a person on purspose is unthinkable to me and has been now for several decades. Even Sir, who does use humiliation at times, never aims to break me, but instead to help me grow. If tears come, they are tears of realization and gratitude that he cared enough to show me what I am doing can harm another. I feel we can present things, be it the D or the s side in a way that is constructive. If Sir or anyone for that matter breaks down in cry I would embrace their pain and be of assistance in any way they seek. We all have had something touch us tremendously and rip our heart apart. It is not a shameful thing to cry or shed tears. Even those who cannot cry, still weep inside, that part I also know well. I do hope though that both D and s are able to honor a person and try to build them up, and not to destroy. I am grateful Sir honors me and helps me to build my strength. I seek to honor him and follow his wishes, even those that are difficult for me to do so. How do you build your D or s strengths? How do you empower their spirits? Blessings, oceanwynds

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/23/2009 10:19:24 AM)
Mostly just by being me. I am not the perfect nurse, I don't always react most maturely in the fact of adversity. But I think often enough I can be there to just BE THERE and able to give what they need at that time and let me either walk with or carry them through when they need it. "If you can't walk, you crawl, if you can't crawl, you find someone to carry you"- Firefly

BitaTruble -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/23/2009 10:42:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: oceanwynds How do you build your D or s strengths? How do you empower their spirits? Mostly I just listen because that's usually what he needs. Once in a while, I'll hold him because that's what he needs. Other than that, I just serve him the way he wants and love him the best I can and we struggle through the rest and take it day by day. Most of the time it's pretty awesome.. sometimes, not so much but overall, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

RCdc -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/23/2009 10:57:48 AM)
By being there for him and by his side. By loving him. By being honest and not being something I'm not. By being me and serving his needs and submitting to his will. Times can be hard or they can be fantastic, but it's knowing that is the case and not being unrealistic that allows me to be by his side and not 10 behind or 10 in front. Celeste made the best comment about taking it day by day. Before I met Darcy, I was very much a 'living in the future' kind of person which turned out to be pretty negative for me and in my life. You can't make nor predict the future and trying to only leads to disappointment. Once I unlearnt that, then things just happened naturally and eventually I even met Darcy. Now, taking things day by day makes it possible for me to be with him and to empower him - and myself. the.dark.

CallMePatches -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/23/2009 11:25:42 AM)
I'm really glad you posted this. It's something that has been on my mind for a while. It seems the majority of my journey is done by myself. Some days it's good and other days not so much. I seem to be at a lost of how to reconnect with myself in all aspects not just as a submissive. I try to stay true to myself but there is a lot of things going on that is making it easier and easier for me to turn away from me rather than getting back on track. The best way I've found to help me center myself and embrace the submissive part of me again is to worship the God/desses. Before I kneel to anyone else, I am in ultimate service to the Gods. It's been some time since I've kneeled to them too. I try to remember why I first embarked on my journey of exploring and embracing my submissive self. Sometimes it fills me up and lets me be who I am supposed to be. Other times it doesn't and I feel like an idiot for ever thinking I belong here.

KnightofMists -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/23/2009 11:26:08 AM)
quote: . How do you build your D or s strengths? How do you empower their spirits? Firstly.... .it's authentic and effective communication of ones strenghts and weaknesses. Secondly... it's supporting the overcoming of said weaknesses and enjoying the strengths of them as well.

VeryNastyDom -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/23/2009 11:27:03 AM)
It would be nice to fly into the room, throw my cape over a shoulder and announce is a deep, manly voice "Never fear, Super Dom is here". Sadly, I cannot. Sir has bad days, things don't go well at work in spite of his alpha male personality, he loses wagers, persons close to him die, and other things just make for a shitty day in general. Doms have emotions too, and while we are normally the one providing the guidance and strength in the relationship, that doesn't mean we don't need a hug once in a while. Sometimes just having a lovely lady sit close to me, her hand on my knee and her head on my shoulder, is enough to quiet my inner demons. Those of you who have posted above understand that, and your Masters are lucky to have such lovely and devoted subs.

sblady -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/23/2009 12:13:09 PM)
Oceanwynds, this is a very beautiful post. My Sir and I strive to do things that honor each other as we care for one another and have mutual respect, regardless of our role. I've never felt the need to lash out at Him in a harsh manner. If this occurred, it would be time to end the relationship as we've obviously failed to communicate and/or have lost respect for the other. Thank goodness I don't see that anywhere on the horizon.

DavanKael -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/23/2009 2:47:44 PM)
Regardless of context, I strive to be the best partner I can be. If I can not give the best of who I am and that which I have to offer to the person with whom I most closely share my life, I am left wanting and feel that I have not served and/or shared to the best of my ability. A mutuality in desires and orientation toward such is, imo, pivotal. Davan

StormsSlave -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/23/2009 11:20:37 PM)
I accept him for who he is, and never dream of asking him to change. I make him the priority in my life. My goal each day is to give him something to smile about, and to be there as much as I can to make him happy.

MissMorrigan -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/24/2009 5:00:49 AM)
Dear Oceanwynds, this is such a lovely thread to participate in, thank you for starting it. We are a partnership, which is something I never lose sight of. A spiteful remark from me could crush Reality and result in a loss of respect for me, and in myself. He understands that I can be an emotional creature, he provides the tissues when I'm boohooing over a soppy movie, something truly beautiful or when I have cause to feel upset. One of my strengths is his support, as mine is for him, too. We empower each other and a strong foundation for our relationship is our acceptance of one another (warts and all). We are each other's teacher.

oceanwynds -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/24/2009 7:44:05 AM)
Thank you all for posting. It is good to see how others empower another as well as themselves. Thanks for sharing.

oceanwynds -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/24/2009 7:47:58 AM)
quote: The best way I've found to help me center myself and embrace the submissive part of me again is to worship the God/desses. Before I kneel to anyone else, I am in ultimate service to the Gods. It's been some time since I've kneeled to them too. I try to remember why I first embarked on my journey of exploring and embracing my submissive self. Sometimes it fills me up and lets me be who I am supposed to be. Other times it doesn't and I feel like an idiot for ever thinking I belong here. Callmepatches, i too honor my submissive nature through my worship of my Goddess. It was actually She that moved me into this path. Each morning I make a special brew of coffee for her and meditate as I sip my coffee. Sometimes, I too wonder if I belong here, but then am gently, and sometimes not so gently, reminded I am at the right place in my life, stop questioning it. Blessed Be oceanwynds

oceanwynds -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/24/2009 7:51:56 AM)
quote: It would be nice to fly into the room, throw my cape over a shoulder and announce is a deep, manly voice "Never fear, Super Dom is here". Sadly, I cannot. As it should never be, VeryNastyDom. It is always a good thing to remind ourselves that we at times neet a gentle word, hug etc. It does not make any Dom less in my book. I feel a lot of people would agree with me on that point as well. blessings oceanwynds

DesFIP -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/24/2009 8:38:44 AM)
This is a relationship. We both strive to do what is best for the relationship. Not coincidentally that involves being aware of what the other person does for you and being sincerely grateful. Whether that is him holding me when I cry or me hugging him when he does. Or just thanking him for attending to the burgers when I had to run to the bathroom while cooking dinner.

feydeplume -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/24/2009 10:59:39 AM)
quote: It would be nice to fly into the room, throw my cape over a shoulder and announce is a deep, manly voice "Never fear, Super Dom is here". In some ways, that is exactly what the Dom/me does when they suddenly catch you up and pull you out of a moodswing, self-doubts, or that sneaky "so what am i really doing with my life" inner turmoil thing. Ok perhaps without the cape, but lots of superheros don't wear capes and, on some level, our M or D IS a superhero to us.

ThundersCry -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/24/2009 1:03:57 PM)
Kindness... Kill `em with...kindness... Not rocket science....

greeneyedreamer -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/24/2009 1:35:17 PM)
By trying to anticipate what he needs, when he needs it, and how he needs it. I seek only to make life easier, better and fuller for him. Never to make life more difficult. I nurture when necessary and surrender when it's called for. It's just who I am that makes him happiest. Just being me. I could never be hurtful on purpose. It's not much in my nature. One has to hurt me on purpose, emotionally for me to be purposefully hurtful.

agirl -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/24/2009 1:35:49 PM)
I have to admit that I don't ever think about it. I haven't ever considered building him up in any specific way. I don't go out of my way to piss him off, for sure; that's just being sensible and safety concious..lol I try to be someone I can live with, which means behaving as well as I can in all circumstances. I don't try to empower him in any way at all, though he does me. It's not my job. agirl

oceanwynds -> RE: How do you empower your D or s spirits? (1/24/2009 2:06:30 PM)
Agirl I never consider empowerment as a job, nor to fix a person For me to empower is to help another when and if they seek it. Sometimes just knowing someone is going through a rough period, and not trying to fix them, but being available for them, is a form of empowerment.

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