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Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/8/2009 8:10:22 PM

MistressLamia

Posts: 36
Joined: 5/27/2008
Status: offline

I am having a great deal of trouble with male subs being dishonest. They lie about their age, where they live, how many profiles they have here/other places and if their married or unattached, among other things. I always find out very quickly but it seems to me a lot of the men I have been talking to are dishonest. It seems impossiable to find a sincere person much less someone for a lasting relationship.

Post #: 1

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/8/2009 8:14:58 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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~Fast Reply~

I find it's helpful to remember that the community, or whatever term one wishes to use, is only a collection of people. Some assholes, some ok and some gems. See if you can find anything the liars have in common to help you avoid them in the future but steel yourself against it as well. It could be a long, hard search or you could find the right one tomorrow.

Best of luck!

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/8/2009 8:15:27 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MistressLamia)

Post #: 2

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/8/2009 8:15:23 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

If it helps any, men are inundated with people who scam for a living.

For both men and women, it doesn't take long to learn the red flags of "scammer" or "married guy." But everyone has to go through that learning curve.

I'll be attending a wedding of two people who met on CM in three weeks. There are quite a few couples who met on CM who post here, so there must be many more happy couples who are not involved with the message boards.

My suggestion: tenacity.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to MistressLamia)

Post #: 3

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/8/2009 8:26:27 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Nothing uncommon abouit this. It is after all, the cyber world and people don't have to present physical proof. The last male collared to Bruin Cottage was booted for thieving from us and from my Father in Law. Given time you should develop a 6th sense to pick most of them early on

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 4

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/8/2009 8:38:02 PM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

I agree. Having that 6th sense is everything. It is not the community, it is people's ability for anonymity (which they have the right to do) online in general. Take anyone anyone says with grain of salt unless you know them for quite a long time or know someone who really knows them in person. If you feel uneasy and feel something is wrong, it likely is.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 5

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/8/2009 11:07:32 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

If you're not getting the results you want, there might be something wrong with your search techniques or it may simply be a common trait among the men you are attracted to. So, your options are to change your techniques and/or change what pool you're looking in. What's in common in each?

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to MistressLamia)

Post #: 6

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/8/2009 11:16:35 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
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My guess would be everyone lies at some point.

BadOne

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(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 7

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/9/2009 1:27:44 AM

steviemichael

Posts: 177
Joined: 1/6/2007
Status: offline

it depends if the realtionship is online or other wise Nothing uncommon for a few lies afteral what is a lie to one person is a truth to another person.
You mention 'age' on cyber world i could be 36 years old but the truth is i could be 16 ! the rule on/in cyber world is simple you can be who ever a person wishes to be morals dont apply in the world of cyber world only if you allow them to apply to yourself.

_____________________________

switch/submissive male walking in the path of and learning of my true desires and enjoying what i am discovering

(in reply to MistressLamia)

Post #: 8

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/9/2009 1:33:16 AM

steviemichael

Posts: 177
Joined: 1/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

My guess would be everyone lies at some point.

BadOne

inperfection exist how ever there are perfect liess that work for us and some lies dont! (House MD)

_____________________________

switch/submissive male walking in the path of and learning of my true desires and enjoying what i am discovering

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 9

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/9/2009 2:41:05 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

Sine you are only interested in local people anyway, you might want to turn away from your computer and take advantage of the active face to face scene in the New Orleans area. Last time I visited there were a number of groups and munches.

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www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to MistressLamia)

Post #: 10

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/9/2009 2:49:41 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I can't disagree with anything that was said in the above. I'll just add one thing.

This isn't a kink issue. It's a people issue. Welcome to the human race.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 11

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/9/2009 2:49:56 AM

SteveAndJaz

Posts: 151
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline

It happens for real as well.
I had a male sub for 2 years. At the start he told me about his former Mistress who died of cancer 'yeah, yeah' I hear you all say but his story sounded plausible at the time and he often spoke about her with absolute respect and adoration.
He swore his devotion to me, always turned up on time, always attentive to everything I asked of him and if I'm honest I seriously considered having a long and ongoing relationship with him. That was until I went to an out of town munch and met a woman who spoke openly about her slave arriving for the weekend and taking her to watch him play polo. Now as my sub also played polo, I started to pay more attention to what she was saying. Eventually I leaned forward and asked her what vehicle he drove? hmm the same as his!. Whats his name? I asked...Ha the same as his!!! and whats your name? I asked... ah thought so. The same one as his dead Mistress.
I went home and sent him a text message. It went something like this, 'Got some really good news. Your dead Mistress is alive and well. I just met her in a munch at xxxxx'.
His response was to call me and shout and scream down the phone. I quietly put the phone down and washed my hands of him forever.

Maria

< Message edited by SteveAndJaz -- 1/9/2009 2:50:14 AM >

(in reply to steviemichael)

Post #: 12

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/9/2009 4:10:06 AM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

...

The sub from Cananda that claimed she was dying and was at home receiving palliative care as she wanted to be in her own home when she died - only to forget she'd told me that and during an animated conversation, in which she'd told me about her excitement at meeting someone new, further went on to say how they 'rode the night away' on his motorbike then had passionate sex in the open air - amazing how one can do all that strapped to an oxygen tank from their bed. Pfft!

Or the sub that I was in a relationship with that turned up with a whiteish ring around his cock and proclaimed that it was talcum powder, when clearly by the smell he'd just come from having sex with someone else.

Or the sub that was due to meet me only to be a no-show and then claimed suddenly blindness which comes and goes - he likely got cold feet b/c I joked with him as to how I was going to have him drugged and gang banged... Damnit, it was a joke!!!

Or the 'dominant' that claimed to have a house full of slaves living at his luxury mansion... only for that mansion to be a hostel and those 'slaves' were others who simply occupied rooms there as well.

On a more serious note though and as you will see from the above, there are opportunists in all walks of life and in every avenue, it's not restricted to online, although it's more common here b/c afterall, this is a fantasy playground where people can socially engineer themselves at will and be anything they want - even if it isn't themselves.

When I consistently experienced dishonest subs I had to rethink the whole thing and came to the conclusion that the most consistent factor in all of that was - me. While I'm not dishonest, I was at fault for making very poor choices, not doing enough homework and unwittingly projecting myself in a way that encouraged such people into my life. So my advice would be to think long and hard about this aspect, see if there's anything about you that's deliberately attracting this kind of person into your life, then get yourself out into the local scene, munches are a great way to go. If you cannot face going to local events, be more selective in your criteria - see if they participate on a regular basis in the forums, find out who else knows them in real life and have a chat... if they are open and above board they won't mind pointing you in the direction of some of their friends who can verify their authenticity.

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to SteveAndJaz)

Post #: 13

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/9/2009 4:23:38 AM

steviemichael

Posts: 177
Joined: 1/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan
On a more serious note though and as you will see from the above, there are opportunists in all walks of life and in every avenue, it's not restricted to online, although it's more common here b/c afterall, this is a fantasy playground where people can socially engineer themselves at will and be anything they want - even if it isn't themselves.
...

if that statement is true which i agree why are so many people so shocked of dishonest users of the net do people really give personal details and if they choose not to give true statements does this make them 'dishonest'no it makes them net smart.

_____________________________

switch/submissive male walking in the path of and learning of my true desires and enjoying what i am discovering

(in reply to MissMorrigan)

Post #: 14

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/9/2009 4:35:12 AM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

I don't think people are so shocked, but likely deluding themselves... which is why the cycle is perpetual if the common denominator does nothing to extract themselves and correct any issues they may have.

It's advisable for people to be net savvy, however, when you are in discussions with people you profess to want to work towards having a personal relationship with then surely being candid is the order of the day. I wouldn't suggest for a moment handing over personal information during an initial conversation. A person can still remain net savvy without having to create a new persona and acting that fantasy out... it's only fun when both parties know it's a fantasy.

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to steviemichael)

Post #: 15

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/9/2009 4:44:12 AM

ALAstella

Posts: 253
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline

It's easier to lie to others than stop deceiving yourself. (French proverb)

stella

(in reply to MistressLamia)

Post #: 16

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/9/2009 5:09:03 AM

steviemichael

Posts: 177
Joined: 1/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

it's only fun when both parties know it's a fantasy.

True!
for myself i choose the net as a fantasy almost larger than life the issue is when others disagree of my choice and claim it is reality for them and therfore i also should treat them as *real* people.
My thought is of First Virtual Second reality !

_____________________________

switch/submissive male walking in the path of and learning of my true desires and enjoying what i am discovering

(in reply to MissMorrigan)

Post #: 17

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/9/2009 5:20:21 AM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

At the end of the day, StevieMichael, we are ultimately responsible for who we invite into our lives and it's up to us to make informed choices. I mentioned earlier I had made poor choices, hence the type of person I was inviting into my life - these were borne from loneliness and having my ego stroked. Desperation and an overblown ego are two very ugly things to be/have. I fixed both and made healthier choices.

Quite often we tend not to see behaviours/demeanours in ourselves that others pick up on - it's why forensic profilers spend a lot of time talking with perpetrators of crimes - they are, afterall, experts at examining human nature.

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to steviemichael)

Post #: 18

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/9/2009 5:28:36 AM

steviemichael

Posts: 177
Joined: 1/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

At the end of the day, StevieMichael, we are ultimately responsible for who we invite into our lives and it's up to us to make informed choices. I mentioned earlier I had made poor choices, hence the type of person I was inviting into my life - these were borne from loneliness and having my ego stroked. Desperation and an overblown ego are two very ugly things to be/have. I fixed both and made healthier choices.

Quite often we tend not to see behaviours/demeanours in ourselves that others pick up on - it's why forensic profilers spend a lot of time talking with perpetrators of crimes - they are, afterall, experts at examining human nature.

To be or not to be, that is the question;
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
Shakespeare's wise words of the minds of the people.

_____________________________

switch/submissive male walking in the path of and learning of my true desires and enjoying what i am discovering

(in reply to MissMorrigan)

Post #: 19

RE: Expierences with dishonesty in the community - 1/9/2009 5:38:18 AM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: steviemichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

it's only fun when both parties know it's a fantasy.

True!
for myself i choose the net as a fantasy almost larger than life the issue is when others disagree of my choice and claim it is reality for them and therfore i also should treat them as *real* people.
My thought is of First Virtual Second reality !

Theres a game for that called second life :)

(in reply to steviemichael)

Post #: 20

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