Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Is punishment really just funishment


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Is punishment really just funishment Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 5:54:43 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		So much talk about punishment of slaves, is it really just funishment at the end of the day, after all nobody gets a kick out of it and isnt punishment really inappropriate for adults
kevin
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 6:02:56 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		it would depend on the intent, IMO

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 6:06:16 AM   
ItalianSMistress


Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline 		WTF is up with you and all the punishment questions.......and if you think its not proper, why do you wanna keep talking about it???
 
Anyway, as I am sure anyone here will tell you there is a HUGE difference between acutally punishment for bad behavoir and "funishment" for playtime....
 
When I have to acually punish my slaves, they do not "get a kick out of it", they are generally upset that they have disappointed me......and I dont "get a kick out of it" either as I am usually annoyed that they misstepped or whatnot.....

_____________________________

Governess

"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."


http://italianmistress.livejournal.com/


(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 6:15:43 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		where do you get your ideas?

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 6:21:42 AM   
sujuguete


Posts: 263
Joined: 7/3/2008
From: DC metro area
Status: offline 		Kevin, actions have consequences.  If a sub displeases his/her Dom, it is up to the Dom to "fix" things so that the sub doesn't do that particular action or behavior any more.  The Dom has many options available, depending on what motivates (or demotivates) the particular sub in question.  No two people, no two Doms, no two subs are alike.  What works in one relationship may not work in another.

If a Dom chooses "punishment" for a particular infraction, hopefully he knows his sub well enough to know what "punishment" will correct the unwanted behavior while enhancing the overall relationship.

If you are uncomfortable with the idea of being "punished" for unwanted behavior, then that is something that should be discussed with any prospective Dom before you enter into a D/s relationship.  And keep in mind what others have said, too.  Most Doms don't dole out "punishment" for a misunderstanding or miscommunication.  Most will reserve punishment for willful disobedience.

_____________________________

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For this reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

(in reply to ItalianSMistress)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 6:43:45 AM   
SirJ40


Posts: 164
Joined: 12/21/2008
Status: offline 		Punishment is inappropriate for adults who feel it's inappropriate.
It is appropriate for those who feel it fits their lifestyle.
And I wholeheartedly agree.. there's punishment, and there's funishment.. (which is a word I absolutely love).
When babygirl is punished, she is not likely to enjoy it. She's disappointed Me and she knows it, and that's the worst part of it all for her. She does not, however, feel that it is inappropriate.. she welcomes the instruction, and seizes the chance to learn. Her punishments are negotiated and expected if she deserves them.. she will not feel that they are inappropriate, because she's asked for them when they're required. ASKED FOR.. by her submission and negotiation of said punishments.
When funishment is happening.. well, most of us know what that means, lol.
Rewards are also negotiated and anticipated.. balance is necessary.

(in reply to sujuguete)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 6:47:27 AM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		We don't have a punishment dynamic in our relationship but if I were to deal out punishment it would not be for anyone's enjoyment and the point would be made. Good post. It points out the farce that exists in many D/s relationships.

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 6:49:43 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

So much talk about punishment of slaves, is it really just funishment at the end of the day, after all nobody gets a kick out of it and isnt punishment really inappropriate for adults
kevin



I'm sure there are more than a few prisoners in jails that would give you a hearty hey ho on that one!

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 6:53:02 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Punishment, when used judiciously, can do a lot to enhance a relationship.  It can be a way of showing that the Dominant cares enough about the sub to try to change bad behavior so that the relationship can continue to flourish.

Some Doms (male or female) enjoy giving punishments for very small infractions.  Punishments can range from a stern tone of voice to something much more severe.    This is most likely to happen in a relationship where someone enjoys controlling things quite tightly.  This can give a very secure feeling to both the top and the bottom.

Others punish only when a large and purposeful error has been committed.  I know of Doms whose least favorite part of their role is when it comes time to dole out punishment.  It hurts them to have to give strong discipline to the person who may have become the most dear thing to them in the world.

The whole idea behind punishment is behavior modification.  When done well both parties know exactly why the punishment is being given, have talked about the offense and why it must never happen again, and when the punishment is over all is forgiven and the slate is wiped clean.  This can give the sub the feeling of being totally forgiven.

You ask about whether punishment is appropriate for an adult.  Comparing it to my former vanilla marriage I believe that the idea of punishment and forgiveness is much healthier than the situation I lived with before.  My ex would be upset with me for something, not tell me what it was but leave me guessing, and could carry a grudge for weeks.  Since I often didn't know what the problem was I would continue making the mistake which upset him more.  There was no forgiveness until after he could finally tell me the problem and I could explain the true circumstances or simply say, "I'm sorry.  I messed up."  Now, if I mess up, it is quickly brought to my attention.  We have the chance to deal with the issue - not hide from it - and once the punishment is administered I am totally forgiven. 


_____________________________



(in reply to sujuguete)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 8:11:05 AM   
MasterDelvin


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/25/2006
From: Austin, Texas
Status: offline 		Well said chamberqueen and I wont add too much to that but punishment somehow got added into the label of BDSM as some sort of sport or pasttime. I have never had a slave enjoy any type of punishment at any time and I myself do not go out and seek ways to "punish" the girls. Doing something wrong is corrected promptly so both, Master and slave can continue on without having that extra baggage hanging of their heads. IF it requies a spanking, and is part of that protocal of that Master, then so be it. As you mentioned, once the punishment has been administered it is over.


(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 8:35:40 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I have never taken part in anything that even slightly resembled funishment.
Punishment however i'm pretty familiar with. For me punishment is never about anyone getting their kicks. It is about dealing with a mistake, error i have made quickly and clearly.
On the 'is it adult' to punish i'd say it's far more adult than the way a lot of couples deal with mistakes, errors in their relationships. Storm around the house, not speak for three weeks, bitch at each other etc etc. Punishment is quick, deals with the problem and then it's over. End of story.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to MasterDelvin)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 8:54:18 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

So much talk about punishment of slaves, is it really just funishment at the end of the day, after all nobody gets a kick out of it and isnt punishment really inappropriate for adults
kevin



I never mix punishment with fun.

When I've had to punish a trainee or a sub or slave it is a situation we both hate. I feel like training has failed or wonder if I wasn't clear enough. The other feels like they have failed and wonder if they are going to get dismissed.

Punishment allows us to start fresh and emphasis that disobedience is not acceptable. I punish for nothing other than disobedience by the way. Errors are errors and people are never prefect so I don't see punishment as helpful in those cases.

Repeated disobedience will in my household result in dismissal because I see it as a sign of serious incompatibility.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 8:59:41 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

So much talk about punishment of slaves, is it really just funishment at the end of the day, after all nobody gets a kick out of it and isnt punishment really inappropriate for adults
kevin


Some people do get a kick out of punishment--giving (d-types who set their subs up to fail) and receiving ("do-me" s-types who fail on purpose).  Some people punish only as warranted when pursuing behavior modification ("training").  Some people punish because they are clueless schmucks who really need to have their flogging license revoked.

As for punishment not being appropriate for adults--the entire criminal justice system tends to disagree with you.  Adults fuck up as often (if not more) than children.


_____________________________



(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 9:03:00 AM   
Vanessacherry


Posts: 18
Joined: 12/13/2008
Status: offline 		I think that this is not a lifestyle.  For me, punishment is appropriate if my Owner calls for it. 
Punishment is not fun for me.  It is given if I do something on purpose and therefore it's usually something i don't want at all.  Discipline is not "fun" per se, but makes me feel good on many different levels.
I know I am loved, cared about, looked after and....ultimately being trained.

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 9:03:01 AM   
Pokahotass


Posts: 24
Joined: 11/5/2008
Status: offline 		I can only comment on my experience. Punishment is never an enjoyment. It's done to teach and create a better understanding between us. My punishments are never physical, in fact they are normally essays. In which the problem is laid out, a solution is found and all factors leading to the problem are explored. Without this outlet my guilt would do more damage then any Dom could. My worry and doubts would keep the issues alive far longer then needed, in the end only creating more problems. The physical aspects of this life have little to do with punishment and are strictly reserved for play. Even a hand spanking, done in anger, would be abuse for me. Play and punishment are very different things, but again this is only my point of view. 

(in reply to MasterDelvin)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 9:10:54 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Punishment from Sir is never equated with funishment. Punishment is not only attached to getting spanked, etc, there are many other ways Sir punishes as well.

(in reply to Pokahotass)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 9:25:25 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		No, serious punishment for correcting seriously wrong behavior isn't funishment. There's nothing fun or enjoyable about punishment.

And as for it being inappropriate to punish adults, why don't you leave the decision of what's inappropriate or not to those in the relationship to decide. It's not your place to decide what's appropriate for ALL relationships.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

So much talk about punishment of slaves, is it really just funishment at the end of the day, after all nobody gets a kick out of it and isnt punishment really inappropriate for adults
kevin


(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 9:26:23 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
~ Fast Reply ~
I detest inflicting punishment. I LOVE inflicting pain.

There's no "fun" involved in punishment. Punishment, or simply the need to punish, represents failure. The mental anguish involved; "Did I set up conditions for failure?", "Was the failure a cry for attention?", "What caused the failure?"; is punishment for both of us. The process of resolution is cathartic, but painful. Any physical sensation only provides a demarcation point for going forward. What it is, the intensity, is immaterial. It occurs only to serve as a end, a resolution of the failure and a plan to go forward. Usually tears flow from both of us. Perhaps they are an indication of successful 'catharsis'. Fortunately there hasn't been many occasions where we've needed to go through this process. 

There is no punishment involved when I am enjoying beth and placating my sadistic desires while she is relishing in an orgasmic bliss of her masochistic identity. What we do is 'FUN'. Ironically no punishment has ever come close to the pain, or intensity of sensation involved when we have fun and 'play'. I can't remember the last day, when I haven't inflicted 'fun', and beth usually has the marks to prove it. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever inflicted marks when punishing. As she enters our room with my morning coffee while writing this I smile at the marks from last night and the couple of new ones from this morning. I know I wouldn't be smiling if I were being reminded of punishment. 

So NO - punishment is really not "funishment".

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 9:29:45 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		sujuguete, While that is very true, if I kept messing up and Daddy talking to me and finding out why and then working on the issue and closing with don't do that again, Didn't work I'd doubt my seriousness and commitment to be pleasing to Daddy/ Or to really want the relationship.


If a good stern honest talking to didn't make me straiten up and fly right, punishment won't either.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sujuguete

Kevin, actions have consequences.  If a sub displeases his/her Dom, it is up to the Dom to "fix" things so that the sub doesn't do that particular action or behavior any more.  The Dom has many options available, depending on what motivates (or demotivates) the particular sub in question.  No two people, no two Doms, no two subs are alike.  What works in one relationship may not work in another.

If a Dom chooses "punishment" for a particular infraction, hopefully he knows his sub well enough to know what "punishment" will correct the unwanted behavior while enhancing the overall relationship.

If you are uncomfortable with the idea of being "punished" for unwanted behavior, then that is something that should be discussed with any prospective Dom before you enter into a D/s relationship.  And keep in mind what others have said, too.  Most Doms don't dole out "punishment" for a misunderstanding or miscommunication.  Most will reserve punishment for willful disobedience.

(in reply to sujuguete)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Is punishment really just funishment - 12/21/2008 10:10:56 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Where did you ever get the idea that punishment was "inappropriate" for adults? In any civilized community, rules, discipline, and punishment are always incorporated into the management of adult behavior in the community.

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Is punishment really just funishment Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078