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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 10:39:03 AM   
missturbation


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quote:

On one hand it sounds like you want to be viewed by him as an object of use with no concern for your own needs when you say this:

I serve to my Masters whim not my own.
 

But then you go on to state that you would like to receive aftercare when you say this:  

i love extreme play i also like recieving aftercare and the gentler side of things along with the extreme. I'm talking cuddles, kisses, you know the kind of thing.


I do serve to my Masters whim and there is no contradiction with that and what i followed it with. I can absolutely live without the after care and gentler side but if it is my Masters whim to include it then i am happy to have it also.
 
quote:

It's your comment that you wouldn't tell your Master that you find stuff uncomfortable that puzzles me. Shouldn't these things have been discussed prior to getting involved in the relationship?


I didnt say i wouldnt tell him i said i wouldnt tell him we could not include these things.
 
quote:

I myself am uncomfortable recieving much aftercare, flowers, hugs, holding hands but i would never tell my Master we can't do it because it is inconsistent to the heavy beatings i recieve.

 




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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 10:52:35 AM   
OttersSwim


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Status: offline 		I think if someone wanted to take me to the edge and not bring me back safely, then that would not be a relationship for me.  

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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 11:02:37 AM   
missturbation


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

I think if someone wanted to take me to the edge and not bring me back safely, then that would not be a relationship for me.  


Define a universal safe way to bring someone back.

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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 11:12:00 AM   
OttersSwim


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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

I think if someone wanted to take me to the edge and not bring me back safely, then that would not be a relationship for me.  


Define a universal safe way to bring someone back.


There is no need.  For me, heavy beatings would take me to my absolute edge.  My Lady understands what I need in terms of comfort and aftercare.  You asked what people thought.  For me, if someone wanted to beat me soundly and then offer no aftercare, I would not thrive in that environment.  So...not for me. 


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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 11:16:55 AM   
missturbation


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

I think if someone wanted to take me to the edge and not bring me back safely, then that would not be a relationship for me.  


Define a universal safe way to bring someone back.


There is no need.  For me, heavy beatings would take me to my absolute edge.  My Lady understands what I need in terms of comfort and aftercare.  You asked what people thought.  For me, if someone wanted to beat me soundly and then offer no aftercare, I would not thrive in that environment.  So...not for me. 



My actual question was about inconsistency not the safety of having aftercare or not. I was actually talking about cuddling, kissing, hand holding in general not just aftercare.
So is there inconsistency if you have heavy beatings and cuddling etc in your relationship?

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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 11:32:59 AM   
FlamingRedhead


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Status: offline 		I think if the concept of aftercare (or any kind of care) is alien to him then he has the emotional maturity of a toddler who doesn't know how to take care of his toys.

< Message edited by FlamingRedhead -- 12/11/2008 11:41:22 AM >

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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 11:55:48 AM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

My actual question was about inconsistency not the safety of having aftercare or not. I was actually talking about cuddling, kissing, hand holding in general not just aftercare.
So is there inconsistency if you have heavy beatings and cuddling etc in your relationship?


Inconsistancy in what? There's no specification about what the inconsistancy is.

It would appear from your post that he thinks that girls that 'play heavily' are one dimensional.

What could be considered inconsistant about being involved in heavy beatings and being held or given some kind of affection? The word doesn't even mean anything in this context. I don't see how it's applicable at all.

agirl


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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 12:01:55 PM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead

I think if the concept of aftercare (or any kind of care) is alien to him then he has the emotional maturity of a toddler who doesn't know how to take care of his toys.


....and if it's alien to him, then perhaps he's only played with people on a casual basis who don't require it, or wouldn't ask for it if they did.

I can see that working out in short term situations....or in a situation where he's servicing a bottom who only wants him for his *beating style*.

agirl

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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 12:07:02 PM   
OttersSwim


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Status: offline 		Yea, I have to agree.  To me, the inconsistency is in expecting someone that wants heavy play, to not need care afterward.  While the type and degree of care will vary, the need to give it will be nearly universal to all.  

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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 12:25:16 PM   
MistressOfGa


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quote:

Just curious as to what others think?

I don't think he is being completely honest with you. I have found that most times, if a person redirects the issues onto the other, they are not wanting to face what it is about themselves that made them redirect to begin with. I have another question for you, why is it that this became your inconsistency, when you talked about after-care? I think someone doesn't want to own up to his own feelings about this. If he doesn't believe in after-care, perhaps he should just say so.
quote:

He replied saying he basically thought the kind of sub who wanted one minute to be beaten, bound and roughly treat one minute and then wanted to be cherished, gone down on, given flowers kind of alien to him. He said he would find this kind of sub inconsistent.

Alien to him, my ass. I notice that he really didn't answer your concerns about this. He merely redirected to make it sound like there was something wrong with you.

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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 1:05:59 PM   
CatdeMedici


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Status: offline 		Wake up sweet pea--someone who says this is (A) so friggin clueless, I would not trust My sized Barbie without an armed patrol or is (B) an abuser
 
Remind Me to tell you about the St Louis Dom and the 55 gallon drums--you seriously cannot be asking about this--your common sense is way too sharp.

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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 1:50:13 PM   
DesFIP


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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation



quote:

It's your comment that you wouldn't tell your Master that you find stuff uncomfortable that puzzles me. Shouldn't these things have been discussed prior to getting involved in the relationship?


I didnt say i wouldnt tell him i said i wouldnt tell him we could not include these things.
 


Ah, I misread, thanks for the clarification.

As far as Jeptha who says that aftercare shouldn't in his relationship be consistent, I have a question. If the sub needs aftercare not to get subdrop, and this is common for many of us, then how does deliberately plunging such a sub into a depressed state also equate to not breaking your toys? Because personally I'm not going to be any fun to play with if I'm afraid of the aftermath every time and if I'm already curled up in a ball, crying.

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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 2:06:51 PM   
mistoferin


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Status: offline 		I think that you haven't had very many men who have ever actually treated you like you are a human being according to what I have seen you post. I did see an awful lot of joy coming from you when you were dating one guy for a bit who was showing you a bit of the softer, more caring side. Your posts were positively beaming. I think that is the only guy I have seen you post about that seemed to be treating you as if you were an actual partner and not just someone to beat and fuck. What I have noticed is that you seem to be advertising yourself like you are some tough rock that has no feelings that need to be considered...a piece of meat if you will. So maybe this guy (and others you have dated) are giving you what they think you want. Where I find the inconsistency to lie is in the fact that you want to project this ultra tough depiction of yourself that doesn't NEED anything other than heavy beatings and to be used like meat....but you light up when someone balances that use that you crave with actual care. Maybe what you should be asking yourself is why it is so important to you to come off so needlessly. I know that I used to make that same mistake. Now that I have admitted that I am human and gotten a bit more in touch and comfortable with my femininity (and not just my sexual power and needs) I found it much easier to find a man that can provide those "treat me like meat" moments and balance them with "come here and sleep safe in my arms" moments. For me it wasn't that I didn't think that I deserved it but more that I could not appear vulnerable. I had to be that rock. But to men, it made me look like an alien I think. Anyway, just some rambling thoughts....maybe I'm way off.

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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 2:09:51 PM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation



quote:

It's your comment that you wouldn't tell your Master that you find stuff uncomfortable that puzzles me. Shouldn't these things have been discussed prior to getting involved in the relationship?


I didnt say i wouldnt tell him i said i wouldnt tell him we could not include these things.
 


Ah, I misread, thanks for the clarification.

As far as Jeptha who says that aftercare shouldn't in his relationship be consistent, I have a question. If the sub needs aftercare not to get subdrop, and this is common for many of us, then how does deliberately plunging such a sub into a depressed state also equate to not breaking your toys? Because personally I'm not going to be any fun to play with if I'm afraid of the aftermath every time and if I'm already curled up in a ball, crying.


 If a sub *needs* aftercare and isn't going to get it, then perhaps she's playing with the wrong person.

Perhaps you'll do it once, maybe twice.. But sooner or later the penny will drop that you're not going to get what you want.

If you get *sub-drop* and require something from the toppy person .....it's as much up to YOU as the top, to lay that out clearly. If he/she isn't motivated to do it , you're unlikely to be visiting them on a regular basis , huh?

agirl




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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 2:22:50 PM   
SlaveIndigochild


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Status: offline 		Fast reply:
i think inconsistency is a descriptor that could be applied when observing someone's behaviour. i don't know how i could say someone's 'needs' were inconsistent. That's just a value judgment surely.


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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 2:45:40 PM   
SassySarijane


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I think that you haven't had very many men who have ever actually treated you like you are a human being according to what I have seen you post. I did see an awful lot of joy coming from you when you were dating one guy for a bit who was showing you a bit of the softer, more caring side. Your posts were positively beaming. I think that is the only guy I have seen you post about that seemed to be treating you as if you were an actual partner and not just someone to beat and fuck. What I have noticed is that you seem to be advertising yourself like you are some tough rock that has no feelings that need to be considered...a piece of meat if you will. So maybe this guy (and others you have dated) are giving you what they think you want. Where I find the inconsistency to lie is in the fact that you want to project this ultra tough depiction of yourself that doesn't NEED anything other than heavy beatings and to be used like meat....but you light up when someone balances that use that you crave with actual care. Maybe what you should be asking yourself is why it is so important to you to come off so needlessly. I know that I used to make that same mistake. Now that I have admitted that I am human and gotten a bit more in touch and comfortable with my femininity (and not just my sexual power and needs) I found it much easier to find a man that can provide those "treat me like meat" moments and balance them with "come here and sleep safe in my arms" moments. For me it wasn't that I didn't think that I deserved it but more that I could not appear vulnerable. I had to be that rock. But to men, it made me look like an alien I think. Anyway, just some rambling thoughts....maybe I'm way off.



Oh man, certain parts of this were a kick in the pants and a look in the mirror for me. Thanks for posting this, Erin, I needed to see it.

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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 3:36:24 PM   
IvyMorgan


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From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline 		To me, it's not at all weird or wrong to want someone to "kick your shit in" (to copy a phrase from someone else) one minute and then curl up and cuddle you the next.  It's not uncommon for me to be very much terrified one moment by my partner, and loved better the next.  Granted, it can take me a few minutes to accept the cuddle, but, hey, I have trust issues.

I've been with people who didn't offer the required cuddles etc, or who didn't offer them in a way that I was capable of receiving them (see previous note on trust issues) and it didn't really work out very well.

There are very few times when I want the hitting pain thing without the cuddles, and those are very specific and understood, and, shamelessly, I'm topping from the bottom in those sceanrios.

I think I quite like the hard owie stuff and the same time as the cuddly reassuring stuff.  (I play a lot harder when someone is holding my hand :P)

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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 4:42:57 PM   
missturbation


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I think that you haven't had very many men who have ever actually treated you like you are a human being according to what I have seen you post. I did see an awful lot of joy coming from you when you were dating one guy for a bit who was showing you a bit of the softer, more caring side. Your posts were positively beaming. I think that is the only guy I have seen you post about that seemed to be treating you as if you were an actual partner and not just someone to beat and fuck. What I have noticed is that you seem to be advertising yourself like you are some tough rock that has no feelings that need to be considered...a piece of meat if you will. So maybe this guy (and others you have dated) are giving you what they think you want. Where I find the inconsistency to lie is in the fact that you want to project this ultra tough depiction of yourself that doesn't NEED anything other than heavy beatings and to be used like meat....but you light up when someone balances that use that you crave with actual care. Maybe what you should be asking yourself is why it is so important to you to come off so needlessly. I know that I used to make that same mistake. Now that I have admitted that I am human and gotten a bit more in touch and comfortable with my femininity (and not just my sexual power and needs) I found it much easier to find a man that can provide those "treat me like meat" moments and balance them with "come here and sleep safe in my arms" moments. For me it wasn't that I didn't think that I deserved it but more that I could not appear vulnerable. I had to be that rock. But to men, it made me look like an alien I think. Anyway, just some rambling thoughts....maybe I'm way off.


Just to clarify i'm not dating nor considering dating this man. We are just friends having discussions.
I'm actually dating at present and i'm getting all my need's fulfilled. The only reason i'm not beaming about him as i did before with the other guy is i'm not sure where it's going.
You are right though (as usual ) in what you say.
 
For the person who questioned where the inconsistency was, sorry cant remember who it was. I think he means or i read it he means there is inconsistency in someone who wants to be treat like meat one minute and then a princess the next. I can see where he is coming from, it is in itself inconsistent. As part of a relationship that is built on both those things it is consistent. I guess he just views it deifferently.

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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 6:59:08 PM   
slaveluci


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
Now that I have admitted that I am human and gotten a bit more in touch and comfortable with my femininity (and not just my sexual power and needs) I found it much easier to find a man that can provide those "treat me like meat" moments and balance them with "come here and sleep safe in my arms" moments.

Yes.  That's what I have found as well and it's amazing.  A simply beautiful statement, Erin..............luci

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RE: Inconsistent ? - 12/11/2008 7:17:24 PM   
KatyLied


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quote:

a man that can provide those "treat me like meat" moments and balance them with "come here and sleep safe in my arms" moments
.

It's the best part of it.


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