Opinions please? (Full Version)

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Lairaimmortelle -> Opinions please? (12/9/2008 11:10:15 AM)

I know I might be putting alot of my personal business out on here, but I really am in need of some solid advice. My ex and I split up when  I was 4 months pregnant. We're no longer talking, when we do we fight and lash out at each other. The doctors are asking me for his family's medical history... should I try calling him, or let someone else, such as a mutual friend, tell him that I need to talk to him? If I call he'd more than likely not answer, or hang up.  If I go the friend route, the message could be twisted, or he could just ignore it all together.



housesub4you -> RE: Opinions please? (12/9/2008 11:12:32 AM)

Have your lawyer do it.  If you don't have one, get one. 



SilverMark -> RE: Opinions please? (12/9/2008 11:12:39 AM)

perhaps talk to his parents instead?



Lairaimmortelle -> RE: Opinions please? (12/9/2008 11:15:57 AM)

Lawyer... those cost alot of money I don't have.

If I knew who they were even. I've never met them- they live out of state, and I have no idea how to get in touch with them. And the whole "FYI you have a gradnchild on the way" isn't quite a good way to start off meeting someone. lol.



came4U -> RE: Opinions please? (12/9/2008 11:17:29 AM)

Call him yourself first, if that fails then ask the doctor in actuallity how important is his medical history.  If you are in good health, it is not a high risk pregnancy and you do not suspect he has diabetes or any other hereditary diseases in his family I would drop it.  No need to drag his friends, family or even attourneys into something if it is not an emergency.  His paternity on the other hand should be delt with (rights and decisions) with an attourney.




Lockit -> RE: Opinions please? (12/9/2008 11:20:39 AM)

Doesn't sound like you would get the information any way you go if he is mad.  I might see if the doctor's office could send him the paperwork to fill out and return.  Then if he is being an ass, he knows they will know it too and you don't have to deal with him.  Sooner or later, you all are going to have to talk to some degree.  I wish you the best in it... that's a tough one.



cpK69 -> RE: Opinions please? (12/9/2008 11:21:07 AM)

I probably wouldn't bother with getting it, if it were that much of a hassle. Stressing yourself out about it, either way, is not healthy.
 
Kim



housesub4you -> RE: Opinions please? (12/9/2008 11:22:01 AM)

Give the Dr. his information. They need to know his blood type for you and the baby.  You may need to take meds if they are different (I'm not a DR, but just had a baby and I had to get a blood test to see if I was different than my wife) 

Yea, they do cost money, but it can cost you a lot more down the road.   You will have to get one anyway for child support, cause if he won't even talk to you,  he might not be willing to pay his share either.

It's free to talk to most lawyers to find out what you can do.  It won't cost you a sent to call one or call planned parenthood and see if they can recommend one in your area who will work with you.



Lairaimmortelle -> RE: Opinions please? (12/9/2008 11:24:55 AM)

Lockit, that is quite a good idea, I could try that.

I want the best for my child.... I want to know what may lay ahead.



CalifChick -> RE: Opinions please? (12/9/2008 11:28:06 AM)

Your doctor is going to just have to go with your own information.  If you are Rh-neg, you're going to have to get two shots of rhogam (one partway thru the pregnancy, the other after delivery).  Not a big deal.

Lots of women go thru pregnancy without the father's medical information.  And I doubt legally you could force him to give it, even if he agrees that he is the father. 

And you don't need a lawyer for child support. 


Cali



Lairaimmortelle -> RE: Opinions please? (12/9/2008 11:31:49 AM)

I know that much. About the child support part. And I'm o- I know that. The universal receiver I do believe, and it hasn't been a problem before- I'm 7 months along. 



marie2 -> RE: Opinions please? (12/9/2008 11:34:18 AM)

I agree with the others who suggested having the doctor's office contact him.



cpK69 -> RE: Opinions please? (12/9/2008 11:38:47 AM)


And there is nothing wrong with that.
 
My point was, if acquiring the information is too stressful, it could cause more harm then good. Just something to keep in mind.
 
Kim



Lairaimmortelle -> RE: Opinions please? (12/9/2008 11:47:45 AM)

^_^ I know what you mean... I really wish we could get along, I don't want to cut her (it's a girl) fatehr out of her life, or explain to her that her daddy does love her, he just...can't be there to show her. 



barelynangel -> RE: Opinions please? (12/9/2008 12:09:48 PM)

I would not bring a third party as a friend into this, it may only piss him off.   What i would do is ask the Dr. Office as someone else suggested if they could send him a request for that information with whatever forms they need filled out.  Or get the information from the doctor's office, (see if they have a self-addressed envelope you can have) and send it to him asking him to fill it out and either give it to you or if he feels more comfortable, he can send it directly to the doctor.  That way you aren't involved with having to deal with him directly.  Hopefully he will be willing to cooperate with the doctors office for the sake of his child. 

I know you didn't ask about this, but also, contact your local prosecuting attorney's office with regard to child support, they may be able to hook you up with a probono attorney or they may know of organizations that will help you get child support at little or no cost.  I know when i left that office a while ago, they were just beginning to prosecute dead-beat parents and there were organizations that helped parents get child support who otherwise couldn't afford it.  Do not let this get away from you because you are worried he will cause you problems.  Seriously, start it as you mean to go on and that means business with child support and other things important for your child such as health insurance and day care etc.   I know you may be hesitatnt because of costs but seriously, there are places that don't fool around with this nowadays and are willing to help. 

angel



cpK69 -> RE: Opinions please? (12/9/2008 1:14:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lairaimmortelle

^_^ I know what you mean... I really wish we could get along, I don't want to cut her (it's a girl) fatehr out of her life, or explain to her that her daddy does love her, he just...can't be there to show her. 


It’s a difficult situation to be in; been there, done that.
 
It’s even harder to predict an outcome concerning what actions he might take in the future. Perhaps he’ll step up, and that won’t be something you have to explain. Let’s not assume he won’t make it to her graduation, just yet. ;)
 
I’d give him some room. Keep him informed of any vital information, perhaps by mail. That way he has the choice to address it at his leisure. Main objective here is to not make things worse by pushing.
 
Are you expecting a May birth? Picked out a name?
 
Kim



BlackPhx -> RE: Opinions please? (12/9/2008 1:41:25 PM)

While it is wonderful to have the paternal health information it is not critical in most cases. Much can also be told from amniocentesis as far as genetic predispositions. If you know his predominant ethnicity they will have a good idea of what to look for as many genetic disorders tend to stay within ethnicity. I drew a triple whammy with a predisposition to diabetes and high cholesterol through being Irish, Apache and Black. As an adoptee however I had no medical history maternal or paternal to warn of anything else.

However on another note, you can start now to try and get help through Legal Aid or an advocate program and beginning the paperwork regarding child support, custody ( he may decide to fight for it you never know), visitation and a court ordered paternity test. None of this is something easy to do at the best of times, it is even harder when you are juggling paperwork, courthouse lines and a small infant.

Good luck

poenkitten



windchymes -> RE: Opinions please? (12/9/2008 3:15:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lairaimmortelle

I know that much. About the child support part. And I'm o- I know that. The universal receiver I do believe, and it hasn't been a problem before- I'm 7 months along. 


Actually, with type O negative blood, you're the universal donor, not the universal recipient. 

One other option is to just tell the doctor that the father is no longer in the picture and you do not have access to his family history.  There are various ways to test for blood disorders in the baby without knowing the father's blood type.  They wouldn't take his word for it anyway, they would want him to actually have a Type and Rh blood test done so it's official and part of the medical record.  But it's not required to know the father's blood type.  Convenient, yes, but not required.  I was adopted and didn't know any biological family history until I was in my 40's.  The doctors can adapt to what information they have and the baby will most likely be just fine.

As CaliChick said, if you're Rh negative, you will receive a couple of "RhoGam" shots, I believe they do it several weeks before your due date, and then, if the baby is Rh positive, you'll get another one.  If this baby is Rh negative, there is nothing to worry about.  If this is your FIRST baby, you don't have to worry about Rh incompatibility anyway, no matter what the blood type is.  But if this baby is Rh positive, then your body will make antibodies to Rh that would cause problems for FUTURE Rh positive babies.  This is because it takes your body weeks to make antibodies, and the baby will already have been born and away from your bloodstream where the antibodies are by the time your body can produce them.



MadAxeman -> RE: Opinions please? (12/10/2008 3:54:19 AM)

At worst, healthy babies are born all over the world every day without that much information being known beforehand. If you have to get legal help with the child support, adding the medical history questions would appear straight forward.
Good luck with everything.



Dnomyar -> RE: Opinions please? (12/10/2008 4:42:40 AM)

I would agree with the ones in here who said go to a family planning agency. Try to see what the state has to offer. You can also try your church if you belong to one. There is a lot of help out there . You have a computer use it. What ever you do. Do not get into a pissing match with your ex. Like was mentioned before talking to a lawyer is free. In fact try the court house and see who is on pro bono duty.



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