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The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:03:45 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		Any suggestions on mastering an almost insurmountable challenge: hitting the toilet bowl?

I've been through the mill with this one, and no matter how I approach the toilet it always seems to get the better of me: I've been on a week long potty training course, I've written myself a process (stand as close to the toilet as possible, unzip, concentrate, stay calm, a few deep breaths, steady myself, take considered aim), but it's just not happening. Short of installing a toilet the size of a skip, I'm lost for ideas.

(This is where Mod 11 reveals himself/herself as a man or a woman - a man will understand, a woman will transfer this to the Random Stupidiy section.)

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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:06:18 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Sit down.



Cali


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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:09:10 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		what Cali said

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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:09:30 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		That's cheating - no one would know, I suppose, but I couldn't live with the guilt.

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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:11:47 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Here ya go... http://www.sinkems.com/

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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:14:48 AM   
NorthernGent


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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Here ya go... http://www.sinkems.com/



Looks like the course I went on three weeks ago.

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I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:14:49 AM   
CalifChick


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

That's cheating - no one would know, I suppose, but I couldn't live with the guilt.


NG, darling, there is no guilt or shame in the fact that your manly man parts are soooo big and soooo powerful that instead of a stready stream, you let loose with a blast that has firemen standing back in awe.

Take a seat.


Cali


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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:15:53 AM   
NorthernGent


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

That's cheating - no one would know, I suppose, but I couldn't live with the guilt.


NG, darling, there is no guilt or shame in the fact that your manly man parts are soooo big and soooo powerful that instead of a stready stream, you let loose with a blast that has firemen standing back in awe.

Take a seat.

Cali



Can't you just follow me 'round with a mop, Cali?

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:16:49 AM   
igor2003


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

That's cheating - no one would know, I suppose, but I couldn't live with the guilt.


In the imortal words of the Fonze: Sit on it!  (and also in the words of CalifChick and Greedy!) 

Why do you think it is cheating, and why should there be any guilt?  Is this some kind of contest?

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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:17:34 AM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline 		use a larger hammer?

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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:17:42 AM   
NorthernGent


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quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003

Is this some kind of contest?



Aye: man against toilet.

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I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:20:44 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		NG, you're of sufficient age that you've been doing this for a while.  Have you suddenly forgotten how?  Are you having... delivery... problems?  If you're dribbling instead of blasting, and you haven't had a prostate exam, now would be a good time to have one.  An enlarged prostate can cause flow issues.

Or are you looking for a volunteer to come and hold your hose?


Cali
(will happily volunteer if she gets some head humping time in return)


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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:22:13 AM   
Raechard


Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline
The question that has always concerned me is why has nobody has ever installed a urinal in a domestic setting? You'd think there would be enough single male home owners for this by now. The problem I suppose is obvious, it's typical of our multipurpose society that we want one general jack of all trades thing that suits our multiplicity of needs.
 
Urinals in public places are about speed and efficiency for high volumes of traffic in the domestic setting they would also offer that advantage, better still there is no silly open/close flap that seems to preoccupy the minds of females in terms of males not knowing what the open/close flap thing is for. I say again speed and efficiency no one wants to open and close their door if they know they are going to be going in and outside all day, if it were not for crime we would have no need for a door at all and we don't have to worry about burglars wanting to get into our toilet bowels so I suggest the toilet bowl door is a security measure too far. This however is a different discussion altogether. 

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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:25:23 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Any suggestions on mastering an almost insurmountable challenge: hitting the toilet bowl?

NG,
Just have her open her mouth more, and aim it for you. If that doesn't work - use a funnel.

But what's the big deal anyway. If you have a messy toilet clean up is relatively easy. Just put them in the shower, or on warm summer days, hose them down outside. With proper training, they are pretty much self cleaning.

QED!

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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:26:49 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

If you're dribbling instead of blasting



I'm leaving no stone unturned: I've tried storing it up so I can blast my way to glory (didn't work); I've tried using a funnel so I can control the situation (didn't work); I've tried rythem - start, stop, start, stop - ended in disaster.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Or are you looking for a volunteer to come and hold your hose?

Cali
(will happily volunteer if she gets some head humping time in return)



Could be the answer - tell me more about the head humping, what does it involve?

(in reply to CalifChick)
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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:29:28 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		Its well known that the longer the barrel of a firearm, the greater accuracy can be achieved.

On the other hand, it aint what you got, its what you do with it.

With condolences

E


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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:37:34 AM   
igor2003


Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003

Is this some kind of contest?



Aye: man against toilet.


Would using a funnel be cheating?

I think you are bound to lose the contest.  Odds are heavily stacked against you.  Men have been battling the mighty toilet for many years and always losing; spraying the rim of the toilet, spraying the seat, spraying the floor around the toilet, and spraying the clothes and shoes that he is wearing.  And for most men, losing the battle of the toilet also means yet another significant weapon in the hands of....the wife! (each time you have an arguement about ANYthing!) (assuming you are married or are living with a significant other)  Trust me, sitting is actually just as easy as standing and there are no worries about "aim".

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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:38:44 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:


Could be the answer - tell me more about the head humping, what does it involve?


Well, I have this penchant for humping bald heads, sexy bald heads, gloriously round sexy bald heads, and the picture of you in profile, such a beautiful forehead, so smooth, the way it slopes so gently back and over in a nice arc... oh myyyy, I think it's getting hot in here... 


Cali
(has a knee-humping fetish too)


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:41:00 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

With condolences



Appreciated, Ellen. You have a good heart.

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I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: The toilet...... - 12/7/2008 8:42:36 AM   
Owner59


Posts: 17033
Joined: 3/14/2006
From: Dirty Jersey
Status: offline 		 
Ah the humble water closet.

Basically the dividing line between the nation`s health and major illness(and the stinky out-house).And plumbers,dealing with the excreta of humanity and getting rid of it safely.

If you lean your shines up to the porcelain,it`s almost impossible to miss.

And yes,if that`s not possible,sit right down.It beats cleaning piss off the floor.

Thank you John Crapper,the Romans and anyone involved in developing the toilet.

Thanks to all the "Joe the plumbers" out there,too.



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