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Rover -> RE: How has time and experience changed you? (12/7/2008 7:16:47 AM)
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Wow, that's a great question. Unfortunately, my answer couldn't ever sufficiently explain all the meaningful ways in which I've changed my view/practice of BDSM, but here's a few:
1. I once believed in many of the commonly repeated absolutes about BDSM, until I learned that they weren't realistic.
2. I once believed in many of the commonly repeated overly-romanticized characteristics of BDSM, until I learned that I believed them because they appealed to me, not because they were true.
3. I once believed in rigid definitions for BDSM terms, until exprience taught me that people define themselves, and BDSM, based upon their individual perspectives/experiences/feelings/etc.
4. I once believed that there was something special about Leather folks, until I learned (often the hard way) that as a group, they're no different than society as a whole.
5. I once believed that there was some "common spirit" that Leather folk all shared, until I learned that having a common interest in kink or relationship dynamics isn't sufficient (in and of itself) to share a bond of friendship, much less a "common spirit".
6. I once believed in a lot of the fanciful creative histories and traditions associated with BDSM because they sounded plausible, until I ran into someone who actually knew what they were talking about and set out to inform myself.
7. I once believed that I should act "differently" as a Dominant, until I realized that I was simply acting the way I thought others would expect of me rather than just being myself.
8. I've learned that "because that's what I enjoy" is all the reason I need.
9. For a time after I found the internet (I was a late comer to the 20th century) I believed many of the frequent stories of rape, murder and mayhem that seemed to occur on a daily basis, until I realized that it didn't jive with what I knew real time or what was (or wasn't, as the case may be) being reported in the newspapers and on television.
10. I once believed that all I needed was a partner interested in BDSM, and everything would be great. Until I learned that it wasn't.
11. I once believed that I could "mold" my partner into whatever I wanted of her, until I learned that I couldn't.
In general, I once believed many of the things that I now take issue with when expressed by others. Not because I'm superior, but because I've been there. I've made the same mistakes. I believe most of us have.
John
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