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Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 10:47:50 AM   
RealityLicks


Posts: 1615
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		There is an incredibly diverse range of people on this board.  Inevitably, friction occurs and factions form.  Usually this friction dissipates because the reasons were unfounded and it soon becomes clear that no slight was intended.

But I've noticed lingering resentments - so lasting that the origins are probably lost from memory.  I can't stop wondering why that is.  One of the reasons I am here is to have my thoughts and perceptions tested and to test those of others.

Have you noticed trivial disagreements become mini-vendettas?  Or certain posters who disagree with others, no matter if doing so contradicts their own views?  As a group, are we too insecure to have a debate?
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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 10:49:19 AM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		I don't think people are too insecure to have a debate.  Unfortunately, it never gets that far.  It usually deteriorates into name calling or something like that.

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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 10:50:33 AM   
RealityLicks


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Status: offline 		Bitch!  Just kidding. 

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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 10:53:36 AM   
Raechard


Posts: 3513
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From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline 		The otherday someone said Racing Grannies were not the ideal Christmas present but I said noo you be wrong.
 
n that was the end of that debate.

< Message edited by Raechard -- 12/6/2008 10:55:17 AM >

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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 10:56:38 AM   
Aileen1968


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Raechard

The otherday someone said Racing Grannies were not the ideal Christmas present but I said noo you be wrong.
 
n that was the end of that debate.


Ummm noooo.  Sorry.  The ultimate Christmas gift is this...

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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 11:00:00 AM   
bestbabync


Posts: 1061
Joined: 7/25/2007
Status: offline 		i have seen all you mention in your OP!

but i hold no grudges nor do i dislike anyone! 

i think i am better informed because of this and other message boards and i welcome debate!

mwah!

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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 11:19:22 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Too insecure as a group? Not sure that applies. Better question is if there are individuals who are too insecure, too much in denial to hear that they are wrong. And here, like everywhere else - yes there are those types. The ones who get told they are in error and start claiming everyone is being mean to them. The ones who keep saying theyre never coming back but unfortunately don't leave. The ones who open up new profile after new profile without realizing it's the same old them talking.

When you have a group of people, there's always someone who is there seeking to have a need filled nonconsensually by the other group members.

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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 11:40:42 AM   
bestbabync


Posts: 1061
Joined: 7/25/2007
Status: offline 		people say all kinds of things in anger or upset. 

people enjoy debate and discussion, that is normal and healthy.

freedom of speech still exist (for now)!  why should people be silenced and made to feel their opinions and positions do not matter?

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"A woman is the only thing I am afraid of that I know will not hurt me" Abraham Lincoln
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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 12:45:13 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Yes I see some posters disagree with each other all the time. Sometimes it looks like they are disagreeing simply for the sake of disagreeing. But...that's between them. People have all sorts of hang ups, insecurities, issues, gripes, beauties, insights, etc...I wouldn't necessarily label it insecure. Some people just hold grudges. Some people pick on others for sport. Some people let things go easily and don't get wrapped up.

I do see, from time to time, passive aggressive swipes taken in a post, whereby the poster believes him/herself to be subtle about it but isn't always. Hell I used to do that myself on occasion until I realized how ugly that behavior made me feel inside.

But, any time you get a diverse group of personalities together you're going to see all kinds of behaviors - good and bad. How I respond to them is what counts in my book.

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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 1:09:09 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
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quote:

Better question is if there are individuals who are too insecure, too much in denial to hear that they are wrong.


I'm not even sure it's that.

Often, posters simply want to win the argument, truth be damned, rather than honestly discuss the issue and entertain opposing views. Further, there's a strong trend toward "it's just that simple," when of course, little is so simple.

Add to that hiding behind a screen instead of braving a face to face discussion, and viola! Bullshit abounds.

I actually have far more respect for the posters who admit when they are wrong, and who will at least ponder the basis, intentions and implications of other views, seeking places where the "opponents" have reasonable positions. Such understanding is then the foundation of real discussion, meaningful debate.



< Message edited by Musicmystery -- 12/6/2008 1:10:58 PM >

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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 1:17:09 PM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		I shall surely drown in this can of worms should I assist in turning the crank of the can opener.

Projection is the basis of many human interactions. However as defined in the science of psychology, it is not what people think exactly.  Projection is actually a filter, of all you see, hear and read.

It is also neither good nor bad, it is merely one aspect of one's personality. Sometimes projection is counterproductive, as we have seen, but sometimes it is a path to reach a common ground.

People just don't know the right way to go about it. First of all one must be aware of this common trait, and use intellect to control it. One must also realize when another in projecting.

Think of it this way (and I just now thought of this), think of a movie projector, you put the film in and there is a bright light behind it and it projects it on the screen. If you take the same projector and put unexposed film in it, remove the bulb and light the scene very brightly, it will expose the film and that can be developed and so forth. Indeed the operation of an actual movie camera is near identical to operation of a movie projector.

In that way people get caught up in their "image" so to speak. they have to prove every point they make, actually because they haven't made a point. A conflicting image is percieved and therefore must be fought off, lest one's image be damaged. Endless cites and quotes about tertiary issues on this board are empirical proof of what I assert.

While this is only a guess, I think the OP wants to point this out so that others can possibly see what is going on. Damn near every thread is wrecked with people quibbling over stats and minor, barely relevant points. I see it every day here. So you think this, so you think that, still the same thing. It is nonsense and makes a mockery of one of the best forums I have come across. I am sick of it. Someone can post something and I will respond, but the next day when I see forty seven posts in the thread I just stay away, or jump through. I don't have the time to reread all the quotes. I have no desire to participate in tertiary arguments. If I argue, facts are facts, and they should only be brought up when necessary.

This is a discussion forum, not a testing lab. Opinions go here. You are never going to agree on everything so get over it and have a good time. If you don't prove your point to someone else, who cares ? Enjoy your superior smartness.

This is intellectual insecurity being displayed, there are other types, physical for one, which make us want to go into flight or fight, emotional which screws alot of things up in too many ways to enumerate here, and of course the intellectual. Intellectual insecurity is fought mainly with diplomas on the wall, strikingly scientific statements and a few other ways.

Then we get to the point where the opinion is not projected, just the insecurity.

Personally I think we can do better.

T

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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 3:39:30 PM   
Raechard


Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
Ummm noooo.  Sorry.  The ultimate Christmas gift is this...

My Christmas list it just gets longer and longer. I always wondered why they were called nun chucks.
 
Edited: because somehow 'always' came out as 'alswyas', I couldn't have jumbled it up more if I'd tried. 

< Message edited by Raechard -- 12/6/2008 3:45:47 PM >

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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 4:20:54 PM   
kidwithknife


Posts: 193
Joined: 9/9/2008
Status: offline 		I think it's more a reflection of the Internet, then this forum specifically.

The problem generally arises when someone is debating a position they have a huge emotional stake in, to the point where anyone disagreeing with them feels like a slight on them as a person.

I think the other thing that sometimes happens (and I know I'm prone to this) is that those of us who are genuinely completely thick-skinned about what someone on here says to them forget that isn't the case for everyone else.


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We went to see the fall of Rome - I thought it would please us
To watch how the mighty go in a blaze of hubris
But I just stood there hypnotised by all the beautiful madness

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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 4:22:59 PM   
Musicmystery


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quote:

The problem generally arises when someone is debating a position they have a huge emotional stake in, to the point where anyone disagreeing with them feels like a slight on them as a person.


Noted, but isn't such a viewpoint, well, childish?

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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 4:26:56 PM   
Hippiekinkster


Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

Often, posters simply want to win the argument, truth be damned, rather than honestly discuss the issue and entertain opposing views. Further, there's a strong trend toward "it's just that simple," when of course, little is so simple. 

That is the Order of Things.


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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 5:05:25 PM   
pahunkboy


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From: Central Pennsylvania
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...often the others we deal with are a reflection of ourself.    one could project, and one could mirror.

if anyone is to grow, the discussion has to get past the trivialities. 

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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 5:07:25 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy


if anyone is to grow, the discussion has to get past the trivialities. 



What an excellent statement.

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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 5:37:04 PM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		People fall into the trap of thinking they are sherlock holmes and that they can tell everything about someone from a single sentence or statement.
It's always a crying shame when otherwise intelligent people start slagging others off instead of countering the arguement and making a valid contribution.
But now and then, it can be as funny as hell.

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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 5:59:58 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		In general, I don't see a lot of lingering resentment as the result of forum disagreements, or maybe I just don't watch closely enough.   I don't hold forum grudges at all, even if I feel someone treated me in a vindictive or hurtful way during an exchange.  I get over that kind of stuff pretty easily.  And I suppose there are times when I've been perceived as an asshole as well.  

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RE: Projecting insecurity - 12/6/2008 6:29:21 PM   
kidwithknife


Posts: 193
Joined: 9/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tweedydaddy
People fall into the trap of thinking they are sherlock holmes and that they can tell everything about someone from a single sentence or statement.
Hmm.  I believe you typed that with your left hand.  While wearing a trilby and listening to Mozart. 


_____________________________

We went to see the fall of Rome - I thought it would please us
To watch how the mighty go in a blaze of hubris
But I just stood there hypnotised by all the beautiful madness

(New Model Army, Into the Wind)

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