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RE; illness - 12/5/2008 9:33:50 PM

NazjamRa

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how do you handle a sudden illness with your sub or dom...I mean how do support that person without seeming uncaring?

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RE: RE; illness - 12/5/2008 9:36:37 PM

utopicus

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I guess it's best simply to ignore their "status (either "dom" or "sub") and be there for them as a friend - support them as you would do with any human being. After all, when they're ill they need all the attention they could get.

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RE: RE; illness - 12/5/2008 9:42:48 PM

peppermint

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I'm really confused about your question. It seems to me that if you are supportive, then the support would be showing that you care.

As to how you handle an illness...you talk with the doctors and find out exactly what is happening so that you both can make informed decisions on what needs to be done to take care of the problem. It's no different with D/s and M/s people than it is with anyone else. You do what needs done to get the other's health restored in the best way.

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RE: RE; illness - 12/5/2008 9:43:09 PM

DavanKael

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If you're supporting them, that would seem the antithesis of uncaring.
Davan

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RE: RE; illness - 12/5/2008 10:32:46 PM

Rover

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Being Dominant or submissive doesn't remove our humaness (is that a word?).

John

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RE: RE; illness - 12/5/2008 10:38:54 PM

stella41b

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Treat them as a fellow human being and show compassion.

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RE: RE; illness - 12/5/2008 10:51:06 PM

atypicalsub

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I find this question as stupifying and strange now as the first time I heard it. Apparently there are some submissives who feel that being an invulnerable demi-god is a requirement for a true dominant. I entered this believing that all domiants are mortal beings and as such will occationaly be weakened, perhaps even incapacitated, by illnesses and injuries.

As a submissive my role is to care for my Mistress and provide what she needs. I still can't wrap my brain around the concept that I would do this less when her need is greater. No, even just typing that there was a long pause at trying to grasp the logical impass. When Mistress is ill I bring her medicene, make her tea, sit with her and do all I can to keep her as comfortable as possible. Why would I behave in any other way? If someone did I would imply that their relationship was only a facade or a game to them.

When I am ill myself it is more difficult. I still feel compelled to do housework and take care of Mistress. She has to literally order me to *not* do my chores. Only knowing the consequenses of disobeying a direct order can override my drive to be taking care of her. I am not her slave, but her pet, and this is an instance where it truely shows. Her having to take care of me reminds me a lot of when my dog had surgery. That I felt guilty about not taking her for walks in the park, and trying to get her to understand it was temporary and necessary so her injuries did not get worse.

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RE: RE; illness - 12/5/2008 10:58:47 PM

pompeii

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Either I don't get it or you don't get it.

This is an act. A movie of sorts. The whole game is just that. A game. It isn't real life.

No matter how much you might think it is, it isn't.

So, what do you do when there is a time out in the game for an injury? You stop the game. You remove your gear. And you help the fallen comrade.

Even if she is your loving willing pleasing sub.

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RE: RE; illness - 12/5/2008 11:41:47 PM

loveandlight87

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pompeii,

Well said ... Bravo!!!

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RE: RE; illness - 12/6/2008 6:55:05 AM

littlewonder

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I just try to do what I can for him to make his life easier and more comfortable. I don't think of him as just my dom but as someone I care very much for.

Isn't that what you do for people you care for? You try to be there for them in their time of need?

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RE: RE; illness - 12/6/2008 7:06:51 AM

mc1234

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Being Dominant or submissive doesn't remove our humaness (is that a word?).

John

Nor does it remove our humanity.

OP, I don't understand your question. How do you support without seeming uncaring? Why would you seem uncaring if you're being supportive?

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RE: RE; illness - 12/6/2008 7:27:07 AM

Alloces

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damn what a topic to return to here on My re-entry to cm..I think I have a bit of expierience here in this..guess an explaination is in order..
I have been diagnosed with a rare bone marrow cancer and just getting the right diagnosis was a long time comming..at the time I first started the proccess I owned a girl..when the very first diagnosis came down the girl up and left telling Me I had no right to ask ANYONE to sit thru this...shortly after she had left the original Dx was resended and testing started anew..along came girl #2I had at this time stopped all testings and was just riding denial..well she talked Me into restarting everything ( had stopped cause I didn't wanna know) had known this girl for about 7 years.she said that she would love Me till death do us part....after I finally got the Dx of the rare bone marrow cancer she also walked saying the same basic things as the first...now mine you these were both girls with a LOT of real time expierience in the lifestyle and they up and walked..
thing is ...I can actually see why ...it would be a sheer hell and the worst torture ever to have to sit and watch the " Beloved Master " slowly die right before the eyes knowing there is not a thing they can do..so I guess I can see this from both sides of the coin...I would never walk out on Mine in such a dire time but I guess this shows that there are those that can't bear it out..

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RE: RE; illness - 12/6/2008 7:49:13 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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~fast reply~

The thing is, we're all mortal. Facing that mortality is more than some people can manage, and I can understand that. On the other hand, if you care about someone, beyond the whole issue of scening or play, then you treat them with dignity, even when things get horrific.

My Darling has made it really clear that she was not good at nursing people, so when we got old or infirm, she wouldn't be able to manage caring for us. We discussed it openly and honestly, early in our relationship, and I truly -do- understand. Because we talked about it early on, I had the chance to make arrangements so that -she- doesn't have to bear that burden (nor would a servant) when the time comes. We planned, and discussed our strengths and weaknesses... and when my body started to fail over something we could never have forseen, the planning came in handy... and we know, now, that if I need that kind of care (or if she does), the plans are in place so even if it happens tomorrow, we'll be ok.

I think that the best that we can do is to do what we can. Some people will do better than others, and that is just part of human nature. Some will be able to hang on, and others will fall away as the strain gnaws at them. It is important for each of us to acknowledge our own mortality and do what we can to make arrangements... for ourselves, and to protect those who we care for.

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RE: RE; illness - 12/6/2008 8:24:52 AM

kiwisub12

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Ahhh - when i got the flu, my Sir went out and bought me coke and sprite, and bags of ice, and bought me glasses of said fluid, and aleve and anything else i needed. He treated me as an ill person that he cared for, and wanted to get better. I was out of commission for a week, and during that time my love for him deepened because of the care and concern he exibited. He didn't hover, but he was there when i needed him, and if i felt bad because he was serving me and not the other way around, i also knew it was temporary.

and as soon as i could, i was back into my comfortable role.

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RE: RE; illness - 12/6/2008 8:30:57 AM

missturbation

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

Either I don't get it or you don't get it.

This is an act. A movie of sorts. The whole game is just that. A game. It isn't real life.

No matter how much you might think it is, it isn't.

So, what do you do when there is a time out in the game for an injury? You stop the game. You remove your gear. And you help the fallen comrade.

Even if she is your loving willing pleasing sub.

Speak for yourself. I don't play games, i am a slave and that is my life.
For me there is no time out per se for injuries. There may be things i am unable to do when ill but i do not stop being a slave nd carrying out the duties i am capable of.

Personally i would say you support and show care by being there for the ill party and helping them out as much as you can.

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RE: RE; illness - 12/6/2008 8:33:06 AM

KatyLied

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quote:

I mean how do support that person without seeming uncaring?

You can always start by relating to them as you would to anyone who is hurting or in need of strength/encouragement.

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RE: RE; illness - 12/6/2008 8:35:26 AM

CatdeMedici

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NazjamRa

how do you handle a sudden illness with your sub or dom...I mean how do support that person without seeming uncaring?

If someone--sub or Dom that you had a relationship with--why would you ever want to BE uncaring--seems pretty shallow to Me--at the end of the day, we are human beings with human needs--if one could not deal with sickness then I'd be saying--buh bye

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RE: RE; illness - 12/6/2008 8:56:52 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

If someone--sub or Dom that you had a relationship with--why would you ever want to BE uncaring--seems pretty shallow to Me--at the end of the day, we are human beings with human needs--if one could not deal with sickness then I'd be saying--buh bye

I find this philosophy short-sighted. It's been my experience that people do both better and worse than anyone expected when confronted with profound illness (I'm not talking about the flu here ... I'm talking about profound disease, and progressive or terminal illness).

We can discuss how we think we'll manage in the face of such problems, and in the end, how we actually comport ourselves may surprise us, even so. I think that it is important to know if someone one is companioned with perceives that xhe cannot manage dealing with a companion's profound illness, but even then xhe may surprise when the situation arises... and at least one will have had the chance to prepare, if it was discussed in advance. I wouldn't abandon a person because xhe couldn't manage caring for me as my illness progressed... instead, I would recognize the opportunity to minimize the burden on both of us now, while I still can do so.

It is much harder if these things aren't discussed up front... and then, when something bad happens, one is faced with the realization that one cannot manage (or that a companion cannot cope), and to have to deal with that suddenly.

Many of us will say "I could never do that", and then find that we rise to the occasion, but others will promise to be there till the end, and find that too much to bear... and there is no way of know until the situation arises, so cutting someone off because xhe believes that xhe can't hold out through a major illness just doesn't make sense.

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 12/6/2008 8:57:11 AM >

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RE: RE; illness - 12/6/2008 9:06:51 AM

CatdeMedici

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quote:

Many of us will say "I could never do that", and then find that we rise to the occasion, but others will promise to be there till the end, and find that too much to bear... and there is no way of know until the situation arises, so cutting someone off because xhe believes that xhe can't hold out through a major illness just doesn't make sense.

which is better, to cut them or to have them not show up at the hospital one day? Sorry, I don't want to be wondering, I get that some people can't handle it and I don't want to be surrounded by those.

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RE: RE; illness - 12/6/2008 9:07:44 AM

oceanwynds

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Op, perhaps you meant overbearing.
Best advice I can share is to let them know you are there for them. Be supportive and ask what they need from you now help wise.

oceanwynds

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