RE: He / she is just not that into you !! Or are they??

RE: He / she is just not that into you !! Or are they?? (Full Version)

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KnightofMists -> RE: He / she is just not that into you !! Or are they?? (12/6/2008 9:22:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation My question would be does the fact he doesn't initiate contact, dates mean maybe he isn't really that into you? Would you think that maybe he was just shy or thought maybe you weren't that into him? Would you start to consider whether it was worth all the work being on one side? I haven't read the thread.... but I have a novel suggestion... ASK HIM! or HER! Instead of wondering why this and that or assuming this or that. I would ask!

Serenelysmiles -> RE: He / she is just not that into you !! Or are they?? (12/6/2008 9:30:15 AM)
I think if He was that into you He would put some effort forth. I've been on both sides of the coin, being the only one putting any effort forth and being the one that is seemingly well matched with another, but just not interested. In my case if I'm not putting any effort forth, but I'm willing to talk about what we should do as a couple it's because yes, I find him attractive in some way, and I should be interested, but for some reason the chemistry just isn't there for me. I think in that case it's time to cut your losses. You can do better.

SirDominic -> RE: He / she is just not that into you !! Or are they?? (12/6/2008 9:55:51 AM)
Michael, are you off your meds again? We're saying the same thing!

theobserver -> RE: He / she is just not that into you !! Or are they?? (12/6/2008 3:10:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation My question would be does the fact he doesn't initiate contact, dates mean maybe he isn't really that into you? Would you think that maybe he was just shy or thought maybe you weren't that into him? Would you start to consider whether it was worth all the work being on one side? I haven't read the thread.... but I have a novel suggestion... ASK HIM! or HER! Instead of wondering why this and that or assuming this or that. I would ask! Right, but I truly believe the problem for some is the answer. From personal experience, I know, myself that it's sometimes hard to ask about what you really don't want to know. Does that make sense? It may sting for a minute, but facing the truth right away, will save a whole lot of days of frustration and uncertainty in the long run.

KnightofMists -> RE: He / she is just not that into you !! Or are they?? (12/6/2008 4:18:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theobserver Right, but I truly believe the problem for some is the answer. From personal experience, I know, myself that it's sometimes hard to ask about what you really don't want to know. Does that make sense? yeah.. that does make sense.... but it still not a rational choice in my view.

missturbation -> RE: He / she is just not that into you !! Or are they?? (12/6/2008 6:18:08 PM)
quote: I haven't read the thread.... but I have a novel suggestion... ASK HIM! or HER! Instead of wondering why this and that or assuming this or that. I would ask! I agree i could just ask him but as i said early in the thread im crap at this relationship shit and just thought maybe i was being silly.

DavanKael -> RE: He / she is just not that into you !! Or are they?? (12/7/2008 11:12:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: ORIGINAL: SirDominic Actually, the question I'm thinking is would you be happy in a relationship with this guy if you had to continue to do all the initiating? Seems his behavior gives you a pretty clear idea about his willingness/ability to initiate. So everything else being equal, how much would it bother you if you knew you would always have to initiate? FUCK THAT SHIT! Who the hell wants to feel like an afterthought? Clearly, different people have different needs in this regards but it is something BSB and I struggle with. I need far more contact than she does and we struggle with finding balance, but we do. Besides, if a guy doesn't take good care of you while courting, he sure as hell isn't going to get better at it after he has you. (note: broad generalization, there are of course exceptions but they are exactly that, exceptions) Gotta give itto you, Michael; you have a way with words! :> Your first 2 sentences screamed "true" to me. I know I reference a recent relationship a lot but it's contextual and proximal. At the beginning of that, 10-15 e-mails a day easy bounced back and forth, when we started talking on the phone 4 or 5 calls a day (And, being diligent about self-monitoring that I wasn't becoming high maintenance suddenly upon getting out of my marriage, I noted he initiated the vast majority: 80% or so) along with e-mails, and pretty flawless consistency in his level of contact. Some of my friends said, "High maintenance boy". My reply: "No way, wonderfully attentive Man". I loved feeling valued enough to be integrated into his thought processes, made a part of his life, not optional. I know that some people are all into the whole "Joe Cool", I don't call or contact frequently thing but, at least for this chick, who is admittedly relationship geared, contact is important. Biiiiiiig brownie points for attentiveness and consistency in presence. Davan

Aszhrae -> RE: He / she is just not that into you !! Or are they?? (12/7/2008 11:55:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stella41b I fall into the 'balanced contact' camp. Doesn't have to be 50/50, it can be variable, 60/40, 80/20, 20/80, but the overall conclusion remains the same, that two people like each other, need each other, want to be with each other, and ultimately love each other. And that to me is what makes a relationship. Girl agrees with what is stated above. Would like to add also that initially there is a spark and it does take a few more elements to get the flames burning hot and bright. But you can not build a fire from a single stick and you do require a little kindling. But if the spark fades, just need to find another, eventually you will find someone that will help build a sustainable fire and also to shield it from ever expiring.

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