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RE: hubby's dilemna - 12/2/2008 11:08:51 AM

Lucylastic

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I would be so pissed if my hubby did that, to not be able to tell me, and pissed at myself for giving him cause to feel like that. I have been a stay at home mum at least 50% of our marriage, he is a proud man who is old fashioned in the breadwinner respect, his own self respect is very important so I have been supportive of him when shit has hit the fan, *several times* The one thing that has been important is the ability to share problems and work thru them..not easy at times evenwhen the issues have been self inflicted.
She needs a deep look into herself and wake up to realities not fantasies of perfection
Lucy

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RE: hubby's dilemna - 12/2/2008 12:48:46 PM

sophia37

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I thought this was a very interesting thought by Mercnbeth. "Trust isn't defined by limiting disclosure to only good things". I think people do have a habit of avoiding any subject that might make them look bad. Then those people who rely on the provider might feel betrayed when it turns out not everything was rosy. Especially those who are married to one who loses the larger amounts of money.

Same goes for "Most fear, associated with this circumstance, is finding out that the relationship is primarily financially based." Why then, do some men think of themselves as providers? If we dont want to be looked at like dollar bills, then why leave ourselves open for ridicule, like the woman who blames the husband for the income loss?

The whole fantasy of being a great provider should go back into the realm of religion. Maybe only god should have that role. lol

I think LadyEllen is spot on with this observation, "But the biggest problem I see is that she sees him (or would like to) as being in some way perfect. His job loss breaks that illusion and thereafter he is a useless idiot, which working backwards means he must have been at fault for losing the job." Thank you for an interesting discussion.

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RE: hubby's dilemna - 12/2/2008 1:00:46 PM

soul2share

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Personally, if she hasn't seen the writing on the wall as far as the economy is faring, then she needs a swift kick in the ass, forget the wake up call! Old fashioned is one thing, stupid is another!

Otherwise, I'm in agreement with what has already been said. Shit happens, she needs to be supportive, not giving him a complex! He needs to tell her ASAP so she can make any spending adjustments she can before the job is gone......and make plans on sucking up some overtime to help out the situation until he finds something. The economic picture sucks, but it's one that more and more of us are having to face head on...dealing with blame from a partner/spouse just is senseless and unnecessary.

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RE: hubby's dilemna - 12/2/2008 2:37:25 PM

tweedydaddy

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A man should tell his wife at once, every single decision they take will be dependent on their financial situation and it would be stupid to move blindly.
Small point, if his wife did not know his job was at risk then she would have to be in a state of serious emotional detachment.
I have lost more jobs than golf balls over the years and my wife has always been there for me, without that support life would have been a lot harder.
Without losing those jobs I would never have been forced into the decision to achieve financial independence through my own efforts and i would be in the same boat that many are in now.
If you can't be honest with your wife then you should release her to find a man that will be.

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RE: hubby's dilemna - 12/2/2008 2:40:00 PM

celticlord2112

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quote:

I have lost more jobs than golf balls over the years

You must be one hell of a golfer!

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RE: hubby's dilemna - 12/2/2008 4:48:26 PM

littlewonder

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He should tell her but here's the clincher...we don't know the whole story. We only have one side. There could be valid reasons why she blames him when things go wrong in their world...

Has he done things in their relationship that has made her feel this way? Has he cheated? Has he not mentioned things before? Has he quit job after job? Does he act like an ass at other times? Is he lazy or selfish?

We don't know the answers. We only know what has been told here.

People usually react the way they do because of someone else's previous actions or inactions. After awhile it becomes like the boy who cries wolf even when it turns out to be real just once.

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RE: hubby's dilemna - 12/2/2008 5:07:51 PM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

He should tell her but here's the clincher...we don't know the whole story. We only have one side. There could be valid reasons why she blames him when things go wrong in their world...

Has he done things in their relationship that has made her feel this way? Has he cheated? Has he not mentioned things before? Has he quit job after job? Does he act like an ass at other times? Is he lazy or selfish?

We don't know the answers. We only know what has been told here.

People usually react the way they do because of someone else's previous actions or inactions. After awhile it becomes like the boy who cries wolf even when it turns out to be real just once.

I was immediately wondering why he got fired or laid off. Did he deserve it?

Akasha

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