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RE: Closet - 11/27/2008 5:39:47 AM

agirl

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Like Scooter, Jewel and Twice, people around me know that I have a D/s dynamic, including my offspring and my parents; it's barely caused so much as a raised eyebrow apart from mild and passing interest. What matters most is what I'm like as a person.They are more interested in day to day stuff. Basically , it's no big deal and that's how it is treated. I mean, seriously, who cares?

If you're surrounded by people that can't stretch their minds beyond the *considered norm* then why would you even want to *come out*?

In my experience, treating D/s as a non-event, and just as normal to you as their relationships are to them, takes any mystery completely out of it. If you whisper it behind your hand, in hushed and embarrassed tones you're rather instructing people that there IS something to be *ashamed* of, and moreso that YOU feel that way.

The idea of *coming out* conjures up some huge *admittance*..which to me , it isn't at all. It's not all that interesting to other people generally, unless you make it so.

I don't rattle on about any kinky activities unless I'm asked specifically.......but I also don't ask whether my Mum has taken it up the arse, either.

agirl

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RE: Closet - 11/27/2008 7:47:55 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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As long as I want too, and that's going to be a good long while.

The problem with this debate, which is ongoing, is that not everyone wants to be public about their private lives. This year I'll be in the town's christmas parade, that's fine. I have no desire whatever to be in a BDSM pride parade. I'm happy keeping this aspect of my life private (along with all the other stuff I prefer to keep private). I don't have a problem with those that want to do things like the Folsom Street Faire... just not me.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Closet - 11/30/2008 12:34:25 AM

dosomethingtome

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Joined: 3/23/2007
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Being in the closet is a personal choice. Living a double life is never easy on the soul.

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RE: Closet - 11/30/2008 5:09:27 AM

MistresseLotus

Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
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I think once we get the"acceptance" we are looking for in the mainstream..this whole thing will be come so commonplace it will loose it's allure. It'll all go from being "edgy" to being "eh".

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I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

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RE: Closet - 11/30/2008 6:44:55 AM

opensoul

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Joined: 11/24/2006
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I agree with MistresseLotus, about common place. I looked for acceptance along time on others terms and now I want to be me . I don't want to push my private likes or dislikes on others, my mother would never understand and loss her mind so to speak. I met my Master's brother for the first time with the understanding he knew but we would never discuss the lifestyle out of respect. Wow was I surprised when He asked questions , not too personal but still he was interested and smiled . You never know.

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RE: Closet - 11/30/2008 7:14:50 AM

BbwCanaDomme

Posts: 330
Joined: 5/22/2008
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I really don't like when this gets compared to the gay rights movement... If you're gay, and you introduce your significant other to your friends/family, chances are, they're going to be able to tell that you're gay. You either have to come out and risk repercussions, or never let your family find out about someone who is very important to you.

If you're involved in bdsm, you can introduce your partner to whoever the hell you want, and unless you're leading that person around by a leash or introducing them as the person you like to tie up and beat, they're probably not going to be able to tell that you're kinky. If you're in a heterosexual kinky relationship, you're not at a risk of losing your job, you're allowed to get married in any state you would like, and you can adopt. There's no real need to "come out."

Being involved in bdsm and being gay are two entirely different things. Even though you can be both obviously....

Sorry if that's kind of ranty. I haven't slept yet, and that's been bothering me for a while.

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RE: Closet - 11/30/2008 7:19:12 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
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I don't feel the need to discuss my sexual preferences and lifestyle with people I don't know. People that I feel need to know I have told, otherwise why is it anyone else's business?

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Post #: 27

RE: Closet - 11/30/2008 9:08:08 AM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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My homosexual friends rarely feel the need to start a conversation at dinner about who did who up the ass the previous night. I rarely feel the need to discuss my sex life either. It's nobody's business if I get tied up or not.

Beyond that most of my heterosexual presumably vanilla friends don't talk about the inner workings of their relationships either, unless something isn't working right.

We can go out together without getting threatening looks, he can order for me without being in danger, etc etc. Nobody cares if he chooses the flavor of ice cream at the store. I see no purpose in telling all my friends and family that we only buy the flavors he likes. What does it matter?

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