RE: Submissives and Security

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RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 3:16:48 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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Okay... here's what amazes me about all the safety ideas that get floated about... and not just within BDSM, but in the modern world in general. A race that survived the Dark Ages, that survived near constant warfare, that survived a period when it was not uncommon for entire cities to be sacked and burned, that survived several plagues with minimal medicine, that survived a mini ice age during a time when farming techniques were still barely above the subsistance level... yet apparently today cannot meet someone they talk with online for being paralyzed with fear about what might happen (which begs the question, if you're so damn scared why are you looking online at all?). Today people sit around waiting for the world to end. Movies, books and documentaries about how the world might be destroyed are always popular. Nihilism among our youth is commonplace. Not only do we feel the need for an endless stream of safety gadgets... we even feel the need for laws forcing people to use some of them. We take more medicine than at any point in history and still we want more. We enact laws to ban weapons and prevent violence, and then live in constant fear of very violence we supposedly outlawed, the same violence those weapons we banned we might have used to defend ourselves from... what's wrong with this picture?

Here's a message from your ancestors,"Ya bunch of pussies!"

Just felt like saying all that... I feel better now.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 4:48:58 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ftmyersartist

::: puts ropes, cuffs, locks, and chains away ::::

Sorry. . . misread the post title. . .thought it was about securing subs . . .I. . .

nevermind

:::: wanders off ::::

*snort*

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RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 5:37:05 PM

flower2007

Posts: 120
Joined: 4/14/2007
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Did I miss the memo where submissive = stupid? Or do you just work for our new government where we aren't smart enough to make decisions for ourselves and need a savior?
(by the way, I'd be creeped out of a potential dom asked about my friends. Why is it any of his business?)

(in reply to Siegfried)

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RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 6:02:53 PM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
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Yep...this thread shows up often..but so do new people who buy into the Safe, Sane, Consensual bull that came up to allay the fears of the Mundane. They buy into safe calls, and never stop to think that by the time a safe call happens they could be raped, beaten or dead. They buy into the all people in BDSM are responsible and honorable, and they buy into the Beauty Books, Exit to Eden and other drivel that it's all pleasure and no pain or at least bearable pain for maximum reward..

Even the most experienced sub/masochist, etc. can make a mistake that can be costly and we see that on this board and others. Even the most cautious and responsible Dom can discover that the sub who has assured him she is a pain slut, isn't as she goes running for the cops because he used a crop on her and it HURT. Even when everything seems to be going well, you can find not everything is as advertised, or trust gained, the Dom you gave your address and number to 2 weeks ago is now stalking you, or the sub. Few people who desire this life choice don't have issues.

I would love to see a Safety Primer pinned as a permanent thread that stays at the top of the boards, or issued when you sign up for an account. I would also like to see one that tells you how to get past the failed meeting. Probably not going to happen but I rarely see anyone complain about the threads on the broken heart, the betrayals, healing after the mishaps, aftercare or moving on. But safety suggestions gain scorn and derision. Hmmm. Disturbing.

Frankly I never had a problem when I met people at clubs, or through other people but when I first started expanding my search via the Internet, it became a whole other world. Relying solely on the written word until it progressed to phone calls and meeting became a lesson in not having visual clues, reliable references ( who is going to give someone a bad reference to check) and yes mistakes were made. They could have been very costly, I was fortunate they were not. We give people the very keys they need to get into our heads and emotions when we chat via IM's and email..things that if we could see their faces and read their body language we might not be so swift to reveal..all while they have enough advantage to mold their words to our needs.

So if this thread crops up from time to time..so be it..I will respond if I can. Just remember you have to know what you are searching for to find it without getting more hits than you want to search through.

poenkitten

(in reply to Rover)

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RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 6:19:26 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Regardless of side of the kneel, folks have their own safety protocols or dealing with others. While I hope your post is well-intended, everyone has particular ways of doing things. Regarding a sub being creeped out by your asking 'getting to know you' questions, couple of points:
1) Sometimes, depending on the person or the scenario that could be creepy
2) Maybe she didn't feel like answering, thought it was too soon, whatever
3) Maybe she doesn't really want to get that depthful with you
As for me, if I can't hold a conversation and have non-D/s conversations with a person, there's no hope of a relationship because at 34, I hope to have a number of years left (knock-on-wood) and while I adore the topic of D/s, someone sharingmy life, my home, my bed, my body needs to be able to speak more broadly to me and I them than only 1 topic, no matter what it is.
Davan

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RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 6:26:36 PM

whiteslavebitch

Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
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Now there's one "rant" I can get behind.

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RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 6:43:23 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

Okay... here's what amazes me about all the safety ideas that get floated about... and not just within BDSM, but in the modern world in general. A race that survived the Dark Ages, that survived near constant warfare, that survived a period when it was not uncommon for entire cities to be sacked and burned, that survived several plagues with minimal medicine, that survived a mini ice age during a time when farming techniques were still barely above the subsistance level... yet apparently today cannot meet someone they talk with online for being paralyzed with fear about what might happen (which begs the question, if you're so damn scared why are you looking online at all?). Today people sit around waiting for the world to end. Movies, books and documentaries about how the world might be destroyed are always popular. Nihilism among our youth is commonplace. Not only do we feel the need for an endless stream of safety gadgets... we even feel the need for laws forcing people to use some of them. We take more medicine than at any point in history and still we want more. We enact laws to ban weapons and prevent violence, and then live in constant fear of very violence we supposedly outlawed, the same violence those weapons we banned we might have used to defend ourselves from... what's wrong with this picture?

Here's a message from your ancestors,"Ya bunch of pussies!"

Just felt like saying all that... I feel better now.

Those that did survive, did so for a number of reason's. Some of which was through their natural instinct for survival.(being cautious)

I rarely make any precautions for myself other than meeting in the daytime and at a public place. I don't believe in living in fear, I'd rather go ahead and die.

The truth is, all the security in the world isn't gonna keep those who want to do you harm, from getting to ya. No threats of police, no weapons nor the most expensive guard dog you can find.

I say, use your head, but don't over think it. Some people do too much of that and it shows in all aspects of their lives.

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