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Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 9:19:11 AM   
Siegfried


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/7/2007
Status: offline 		as a dom and top of many years i still worry about the number of eager women who come on sites like cm with little concept of taking precautions. basic security protocols should be a given and i would urge cm to have some posted very clearly somewhere on their pages. i recently met someone on here who was progressing happily to a public meeting when she accused me of "creeping her out" for asking an innocuous question regarding her friends. a dom that does not have a good picture of the breadth of a sub's interactions is not much of a dom.... yet she saw this as some sort of creepy activity.

new subs - please please.....take precautions. let someone know about your meetings and arrangements. don't give out personal details like where you live and so on for at least the second or third meet. and try and have a security call set up when ever possible. and don't let the dom or top know any of this other than to imply you have a security protocol. a dom who wants to know what you are like and who you interact with in a general way is not a creep. he is trying to fill in the gaps into who and what you are like. .... s

< Message edited by Siegfried -- 11/26/2008 9:21:05 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 9:21:19 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Welcome to CM, and thanks for the obligatory... yawn... cautionary.  Yours is number 2,463. 
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to Siegfried)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 9:22:17 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Evidently you were creepy to her . . .


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Siegfried)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 9:23:30 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

.  Yours is number 2,463. 

John, those safety police badges are so bright and shiny, I can barely look away.  


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 9:23:59 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		You might want to investigate the Search feature of the forums Siegried... this particular topic has been hashed out a few hundred times already.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 10:44:44 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Whilst I can understand your concern, it's a bit of a double standard to warn people in one paragraph and then say that they are over reacting in another.
 
People have to do what they need to do to feel safe.  If you creeped someone out then just try and look at the way you handled the situation and learn from it.
 
Personally I don't believe the people at CM should make any faqs because the forum is already full of info which you can find even on the most basic search.  And people need to be treated like adults and accept the responsibility for their own safety.
 
Welcome to the forum, but what you suggest isn't new.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Siegfried)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 10:51:01 AM   
ftmyersartist


Posts: 107
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline 		::: puts ropes, cuffs, locks, and chains away ::::

Sorry. . . misread the post title. . .thought it was about securing subs . . .I. . .

nevermind

:::: wanders off  ::::

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 10:52:16 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Welcome to CM, and thanks for the obligatory... yawn... cautionary.  Yours is number 2,463. 
 
John


Only 2,463?  It must have been a slow month.

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 10:53:25 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		*snort*

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to ftmyersartist)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 11:00:38 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		As a human being of many years I cant help but wonder why everyone is so bothered with telling people how to live their own lives. Dont do this, do that, make sure you remember those. Its also amazing how the only peple who eve do stuff without thinking are those who call themselves submissives. I really think that all these worldly wise Doms should write a book or something so i know when i should leave the house, cross the road, go to the pub, i really am concerned that i may get attacked or something, christ knows how i have survived this long.

*sits in the corner gently rocking*

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to Siegfried)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 11:04:19 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		In response to being told your actions were creepy to her.  I've had someone argue with me very recently, about my comment that their actions were creeping me out.  Here's the thing.  If your actions are creeping someone out, lecturing them on how wrong they are about being creeped out by you, is NOT going to dilute the overall creepiness being picked up on.   Neither does attempting to appear the concerned and trustworthy advisor, who is only interested in trying to keep the victim safe. 

I sort of have this philosophy.

Mistrust someone who says "trust me."  They are usually trying to sell you a lemon.
Keep a close eye on someone who rants about integrity, and never leave your wallet/money unattended.
A pastor/priest who preaches predominately against the evils of lust, is probably buying hookers.

In other words, the things that people preach the most, or stress the most, are often the areas that person has problems obsessing over or failing at.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 11/26/2008 11:14:26 AM >

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 11:29:05 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

basic security protocols should be a given and i would urge cm to have some posted very clearly somewhere on their pages.
 
what makes you so sure a real and true creep wouldn't read them as well and follow along with the "safety protocols" long enought to lull the other person into a false sense of security and THEN turn into a major creep?
 
what then?
 
the 'basic safety precautions" that folks tout around here are, for the most part, a bunch of crap.  take your suggestion to not let the other person know where you live until the second or third meet, for instance.  predator creeps aren't necessarily impatient, spur-of-the-moment assholes.  what do they care if it takes a second date to find out where they can break in later to rape you, instead of just one?

(in reply to Siegfried)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 11:34:52 AM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline 		Amazingly not all new subs are devoid of logic, intelligence and life experience. When I was new some 5 years ago I was perfectly able to weed out the online "Doms" that were only in it for a quick shag. I was able to pick the ones that were way too kinky for me, married or not looking for what I was looking for and say "Thanks but no Thanks". Then I found one that was interesting and fitted the bill and we met and guess what I let him tie me up and stick needles in me that very first night. I forgot about the safe call and met him in a hotel room to play.

Would you believe it I am still here. No harm and more in love with him than ever.

So many "new" subs and existing ones are people with enough intelligence to be able to work out what is best for them.

(in reply to Siegfried)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 11:36:13 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

basic security protocols should be a given

Basic security protocols are a fiction.

Meeting people is dangerous.  Safety is for hermits.


_____________________________



(in reply to Siegfried)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 11:37:00 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
...  If your actions are creeping someone out, lecturing them on how wrong they are about being creeped out by you, is NOT going to dilute the overall creepiness being picked up on.   Neither does attempting to appear the concerned and trustworthy advisor, who is only interested in trying to keep the victim safe.  ...

I agree.  If you reach the point where someone is on guard and thinks you’re creepy, you need to address the issue on the spot.  You need to do something to stop them from saying you’re creepy and attempting to appear like you are concerned will probably be futile at this point.  Sounds like it is time to pull out all the stops, grab the chloroform and gag the bitch to shut her up.  How dare she call you creepy, after all, she was hanging around that playground after hours too!   Besides, with her gagged the neighbors won’t hear her screaming as you drag her down the basement stairs to your soundproof torture chamber where the gagging whore won’t dare utter another word. . . oh wait,  I live in Florida.  I don’t have a basement anymore.


_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 12:31:43 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		 

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 12:33:32 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I only slaughter women on the fourth date as I get so tired of the police showing up to pick up the dead bodies prior to them getting ripe.  Those "safe calls" never stopped me from doing by business but I just didn't get to enjoy their body after it fully cooled.

(for those without the "humor gene" the above is sarcasm, and like all sarcasm points to the truth)

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 12:39:11 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Michael, you should really invest in a walk-in freezer. 

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 12:48:13 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Siegfried

as a dom and top of many years i still worry about the number of eager women who come on sites like cm with little concept of taking precautions. basic security protocols should be a given and i would urge cm to have some posted very clearly somewhere on their pages. i recently met someone on here who was progressing happily to a public meeting when she accused me of "creeping her out" for asking an innocuous question regarding her friends. a dom that does not have a good picture of the breadth of a sub's interactions is not much of a dom.... yet she saw this as some sort of creepy activity.

new subs - please please.....take precautions. let someone know about your meetings and arrangements. don't give out personal details like where you live and so on for at least the second or third meet. and try and have a security call set up when ever possible. and don't let the dom or top know any of this other than to imply you have a security protocol. a dom who wants to know what you are like and who you interact with in a general way is not a creep. he is trying to fill in the gaps into who and what you are like. .... s

As a side note: Is Sieg fried german for deep fried sub? Kinda like deep fried turkey...Mmmmmm the holidays...now I'm hungry.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Siegfried)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Submissives and Security - 11/26/2008 1:28:24 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Safety aspects aside........I give out information about myself when *I* feel comfortable and *I* decide what I will and won't talk about or reveal. I don't really care who the other person is or what they're asking, I don't care how important knowing the answer is to them.......if I'm not comfortable about it, I keep it to myself until I AM comfortable. This applies to my my thoughts, feelings and opinions as well as things like where I live, blah, blah.

My comfort level is a general indicator that we're getting along pretty nicely.

agirl

(in reply to Siegfried)
Profile   Post #: 20
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