The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family Gatherings.....

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The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family Gat... - 11/25/2008 11:10:58 PM

dove967

Posts: 102
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline

I don't know about everyone else here, but, ever since my ex husband outed me and my lifestyle during our divorce to my family, the holidays have always been a test of endurance and fortitude when it comes to the traditional family gatherings. Even after 7 years, my own brother won't say two words to me and the occassional glares from certain family members speak volumes. Why continue to go these gatherings if it's such a trial you ask? Because, as hypocritical as their attitudes may be, my absence would only strengthen thier view of me as someone too ashamed to show my face because of my continued "sinful" lifestyle and potray me as someone with little care for my mother's pain at not having all her children in attendance to celebrate the season. So, I dress myself and my children in our "Sunday best" and walk through the front door of my parent's house with my head held high, a smile on my face, and quiet resolve in my heart about who I am and how I live. This year I have found some inspirational advice custom tailored for my situation. I hope it encourages some others as much as it has me. With that I submit this link for your parusal...http://www.beliefnet.com/Love-Family/2008/11/Make-Peace-with-Your-Family.aspx?source=NEWSLETTER.

Happy Holidays and God Bless,

dove

Post #: 1

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 12:33:00 AM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

i know a little of what youre talking about, but not for the same reasons. an 'unfair' dismissal/ rejection from my ex's side of the family that leaves me feeling extremely uncomfortable and i feel like a social parriah through no fault of my own. so, my empathy goes out to you. far worse to have that from youre own family and for your children to have to walk into such an atmosphere is so wrong. families can be very strange things.

just wanted to wish you well over christmas xx

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to dove967)

Post #: 2

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 6:30:30 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Sit your family down. Tell them that you did submit, but it was in response to his twisted ideas. (Not EXACTLY a lie, since it was consensual.)

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 3

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 7:54:03 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Another thing that you can do, is host a holiday family gathering. Invite everyone, those that have a cob up their ass probably won't show up. Screw em! Those that do show, you will have a wonderful time with.

At least that's what I've done and loved it.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to dove967)

Post #: 4

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 8:01:45 AM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

I feel your pain. Just can't wait until tomorrow so my mom can tell me what a loser I am, all while dumping other crap on me....aaaah the holidays.

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 5

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 8:05:33 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Oh I am soooooooooooooooooooooo glad my mother lives a thousand miles away! I don't have to get sucked into her latest boyfriend drama. (a 68 year old woman having boyfriend drama......

)

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to DrkJourney)

Post #: 6

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 9:52:29 AM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

Darkseven has a good idea..dove and it is one that would be acceptable to most families especially if it was a less than amiable split.

However I want to remind people facing difficult holiday family gatherings. No matter what your life choice is, you matter. Your feelings matter and if you can bend to facing them when they are less accepting of you, then you are the better person. Revel in it and hold your heads high, then if need be remind them of the old adage..The apple falls not far from the tree. The person you are comes from the same genes, the same morals and teachings and rearing. Life and Luck may have sent you along different pathways, but ultimately you are still family.

One thing I always remind myself of is something a friend said to me... family is who you choose, relatives is what you get. Make your choices among the family that accepts who you are..all the rest are just relatives, by chance of birth.

poenkitten

(in reply to dove967)

Post #: 7

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 10:00:06 AM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Oh I am soooooooooooooooooooooo glad my mother lives a thousand miles away! I don't have to get sucked into her latest boyfriend drama. (a 68 year old woman having boyfriend drama......)

lol I know what you mean. In my case she bitches about my dad, (they are together) I just wanna scream "I'm not one of your girlfriends, he's my dad I don't wanna hear all this"

course ya can't say that to your mom...that would cause drama that would bring the cops....or at least an ambulance....LOL

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 8

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 10:03:34 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

I have a decent relationship with my family. However, a year ago my Warden gave me a comedy routine based on my position in the family. It may work for you. I was telling him that I have always been the black sheep and called "the weird one." When I object and say I dont like it my sister says, "but you are weird". I say, "you can say, marches to the beat of a different drummer or eccentric."

So Warden gave me this:

" Mom and dad, you know how I have always been referred to as the weird one? I have always been told I was weird like i did something wrong. But I realized it's not my fault, It's your fault. You raised me this way! WHERE DID YOU GO WRONG????"

Caused quite a hardy har har with dad saying it must have been the milkmans DNA!

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to BlackPhx)

Post #: 9

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 12:01:19 PM

Gleegal67

Posts: 218
Joined: 6/18/2007
From: Phoenix
Status: offline

LMAO.....oh Luscious...are you sure we're not from the same family???? I told almost the same thing verbatim to my parents...except they blamed the postman...giggle...

I have always rejoiced in my 'black sheep' status in the family...I have more freedom in my life then anyone in my family and I love the freedom...funny thing is...the older the family gets...they are telling me they wish they had the freedom I've always had...I just explain...it's my choice...it could by theirs too!

One thing I've learned in this last week, my Parents are staying at my house for the next 7 months, I'm begging for patience, but I am very grateful that they are still on this earth and enjoying life...even if giving me grief gives them joy...I can take it...I am a masochist for goodness sakes!!!

Enjoy your family while they are here...because when they aren't...you'll wish they were...

Wishing everyone a safe and fabulous holiday!

_____________________________

~always the gleeful one~

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 10

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 12:06:15 PM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

SEVEN MONTHS???? God bless you...you are a better woman than I am....lol

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to Gleegal67)

Post #: 11

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 12:17:40 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

Another reason to practice disregarding what other people think of you....

Just because people have opinions doesn't mean those opinions deserve anything beyond scorn, contempt, and utter disregard.

_____________________________

(in reply to dove967)

Post #: 12

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 12:20:09 PM

Bstardsbitch

Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline

Maybe celticlord,

It's hard to treat your own family's opinion of you with contempt and scorn. These are people you love......it's hard I know from experience.
xx

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 13

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 12:21:38 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

It's hard to treat your own family's opinion of you with contempt and scorn.

Perhaps for you. Personally, I find it amazingly easy.

_____________________________

(in reply to Bstardsbitch)

Post #: 14

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 12:23:58 PM

Gleegal67

Posts: 218
Joined: 6/18/2007
From: Phoenix
Status: offline

DrkJourney...I'm going to apply for Sainthood...IF I make it to the end of 7 months...it's been a week...oh goodness...I didn't know how challenging it would be...

:::my new mantra....I will not take my Mother for a walk in the desert. I will not take my Mother for a walk in the desert.:::

_____________________________

~always the gleeful one~

(in reply to Bstardsbitch)

Post #: 15

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 12:25:58 PM

Bstardsbitch

Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline

Well do you have any tips? lol.
I find it damn hard not to be hurt by their opinion of me, although it is easier now my mum's not here. It cut into my soul when she would make comments about how wierd and odd I am. Funny now she's passed it makes me smile.
xx

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 16

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 12:29:11 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

maybe start voicing your opinion of them? Who says theres is the only right opinion. They are opinionated. So you voice yours and tell them how displeased you are with them.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Bstardsbitch)

Post #: 17

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 12:30:04 PM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gleegal67

DrkJourney...I'm going to apply for Sainthood...IF I make it to the end of 7 months...it's been a week...oh goodness...I didn't know how challenging it would be...

:::my new mantra....I will not take my Mother for a walk in the desert. I will not take my Mother for a walk in the desert.:::

LOL I hope you can follow that rule for seven months....lol

goodness...all I can think of is seven loooooooong months of my mom telling me how I do "everything" wrong.....one of us would have to go...lol

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to Gleegal67)

Post #: 18

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 12:43:05 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

Well do you have any tips?

For starters, instead of showing up in your "Sunday Best"....show up in collar, chains, bondage apparel....all the kinky stuff they want to snark about behind your back. Then when they ask why....tell them you figured the least you could do was given them fresh gossip material for the coming year.

_____________________________

(in reply to Bstardsbitch)

Post #: 19

RE: The Black Sheep's Guide to Surviving Holiday Family... - 11/26/2008 12:44:32 PM

Gleegal67

Posts: 218
Joined: 6/18/2007
From: Phoenix
Status: offline

DrkJourney...I know what you mean...I just smile when my Mother is telling me I'm doing something wrong...drives her nuts...especially when I respond with..."Mom, I do "X" because it makes me or the people around me happy."
She just huffs and puffs...and I just smile big and bright...and walk away and start saying my Mantra....again!

_____________________________

~always the gleeful one~

(in reply to DrkJourney)

Post #: 20

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