INTERVENING...

INTERVENING... (Full Version)

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MsFlutter -> INTERVENING... (11/25/2008 10:11:08 AM)
I've alway been curious about something. I've never done it or witnessed an intervention of this nature. Have any among you ever intervened with a reckless Dom/me? Dom/mes ~ how can you tell when it is time? Subs/slaves ~ would you hope someone would? how does one know?

RCdc -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/25/2008 10:14:20 AM)
Absolutely not. I am not some helpless child and I am not and never have waited some white knight to come bounding in. Intervening is interfering. And it's seriously fucked up. People are adults, treat them like it - even if you don't believe they are acting like it - and it would be so cool if people stopped trying to save the world and instead focused on their own issues. the.dark.

Araven -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/25/2008 10:21:47 AM)
I think its always appropriate to discuss issues after the scene, or after the fact in most cases. If you notice somebody hitting people in the kidneys, doing unsafe practices, not watching for the blood circulation in the wrists and legs.. Unless of course its blatantly obvious and there is some serious harm, then you should notify the dungeon monitors and let them handle the issue. Most clubs and venues have such dungeon monitors for exactly such reasons.

Lynnxz -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/25/2008 11:12:55 AM)
I would never intervene if the two looked happy, and I'd be seriously irked if someone took it upon themselves to insert themselves into our scene.

JoyfulMistress -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/25/2008 11:20:20 AM)
Most public dungeons have trained Dungeon Monitors/or Dungeon Mistress/Masters I actually had someone come and stop my scene asking for us to keep it down .... when before the scene even began I went around and asked those that were starting the same time as I and My partner if they would mind a giggling girl( this girl giggles a lot during scene sometimes it is a greast way for her to release and lord knows that night she needed it ) scene ...it was the begining of the evening and none of them minded ...this person wasn't even a part of another scene but watching another scene that began AFTER ours did....Nor was he a DM ... we were not playing dangerously though My girl was giggling as we had warned all in the begining she might ... needless to say I was shocked and extremely pissed as the interuption took my girl out of her fun space so I had to call the scene and instead of handling things as I wanted to (You know how we get the Big dog in the yard mindset while playing with ours.. if someone interupts the big dog during fun or messes with who da big dog is playing with .. well the big dog happyand may want to bite and not let go) I let the owners of place handle the situation as they were much calmer in their mindset at the time than I ... instead I focused on helping my girl find her laughter again even if it was out of scene I do think there is room for DMs in public play parties .. though I would hope they are trained to know what they are looking for and not stopping peoples play simply because the DM doesn't want to watch it ....

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/25/2008 12:03:14 PM)
I've intervened twice in situations where it was one of my servants who was attending to the needs of a guest, and that guest stepped out of acceptable behavior or got careless with one of ours. Otherwise, I tend not to intervene. In general, I've learned through years of 'do-gooding' as a pastoral counselor that unless folks actually -ask- for my help, they not -only- won't appreciate me sticking my nose in, but that the person that I thought I was helping will actually -resent- my intrusion. I make it known that I'm available, and how I can most easily be reached... and then I sit on my hands (or find other suitable busy-work to keep them out of mischief) until such time as someone actually asks for me to stick my nose into their business.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/25/2008 3:45:31 PM)
Let's just say I'm a heck of a lot more likely to intervene at someone doing stuff to pets than I am to humans (even human pets). That being said, if they are my guests, heck yes I will intervene if they are interfering with the happiness and enjoyable atmosphere of my party- but that's a normal manners thing and nothing to do with Ds. And orientation is irrelevant.

Rover -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/25/2008 4:35:39 PM)
I have taken several DM raining courses, and often DM at local events. And I'm happy to say that not once have I had to intervene during someone's scene. There have been several times that I've watched something extra closely (most frequently for the presence of blood during impact scenes that might aerosolize and endanger others), but nothing ever crossed a line to require my intervention. Having said that, there have been a few times when I've privately put my arm around someone's shoulders and discretely offered a bit of tactful advice. The operative words are privately, tactfully and discretely. It's the kind of conversations friends have with one another, and I would hope a friend would have with me if they felt it were warranted. John

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/25/2008 4:57:20 PM)
I was in a scene, being topped by my boyfriend, and the Dungeon Monitor stopped the scene. It didn't cause any harm or trauma and wasn't any big deal. As the bottom in that scene, I was pissed at my boyfriend and determined to take whatever he could dish out just to prove to him he couldn't break me, and as the top in that scene, my boyfriend was determined to prove he could 'best' me. It was an inappropriate power struggle to be taking place in a public dungeon, let alone one that we ran. The DM was right to call a stop to it.

littlewonder -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/25/2008 6:25:35 PM)
I never intervene in another's life unless they come into my life or I know they're crying out for help...meaning they've dropped hints to others or myself. If you're really paying attention you'll catch these. At that point I may pull them aside to ask them about their life and tell them my concerns but if they still refuse help or don't see the problem then I walk away. You can't help someone who doesn't want it.

tsatske -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/25/2008 8:19:00 PM)
I have witnessed an intervention exactly ONCE. At a public party I was at, there was a play auction. So, the couple playing were new to each other. The sub was a regular to the group and a friend of mine - the Dominant was new to the venue and not known to as many people. The sub and Dom sat down after the auction and negotated a scene, which involved him tying her up to a spanking table and flogging her and using various light impact toys on her, while she was bound and blindfolded and nude. He did not, (she confirmed later) mention abandonment as a possible scene element. He tied her to the table, blindfolded her, and proceeded to hand spank and flog and switch her for about five minutes. a few people had gathered to watch the scene. After about five minutes, he walked away. Those watching the scene assume he went to get a toy bag, ect. He left the dungeon area, returned to the social area, poured himself a drink and got himself some pizza. None of those watching left the audence at any time, I think they felt a responsiblity to see that he came back, since they were there watching, before moving on. After about 15 minutes, when they saw that she was beging to panic, one of those watching went and got a DM and another went and talked to her and asked if she was okay. She safewored (house safeword) and the sub who went to comfort her untied and unblindfolded her. A DM came and spoke to her while another went and looked for the dom. The DM who spoke to her confirmed what had happened - that she had negotated bondage and impact play, but not an abandonment scence, and then, feeling that she seemed to be rather dropping-ish, went and found the Dungeon hostess, a well known sub to our group, who robed her and husteled her off to a back room for some sister to sister after care. ITMT, DMs converged on the dom in question, tried to ascertain if he had some understandable line of thought (nope, he just wanted to do an abandonment scene, and she hadn't given him permission to play all that heavy, so he thought she might like that more - it would be more of a thrill if he didn't mention it, i mean, if they brought it up in negotation, she would see it coming, and what good was that?) then escorted him out the door. I do not belive in intervening in people who are, at least as far as I know, consentual. I have to see something to make me seriously question the consentuallity before I even consider intervening, and then I must wiegh the likelihood that I am wrong against what seems to me to be going on. I know I don't want someone interfering with me just becuase they wouldn't do what I am doing, and I try to extend the same curtosy to others.

ThundersCry -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/25/2008 8:28:04 PM)
Guts... You have guts oh Winsome D... Who would have figured...

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/26/2008 8:21:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThundersCry Guts... You have guts oh Winsome D... Who would have figured... Nah, I was simply proud and stubborn. Not one of my better qualities, but I've been known to dig my heals in when t was certainly prudent to do otherwise. It didn't help that his warm up consisted of starting with the single tail. The man was an accomplished sadist, and knew I hated it. It was sort of an unspoken challenge that is hard to explain.

ftmyersartist -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/26/2008 8:26:52 AM)
For the most part when I've seen someone doing something very, very wrong it has just been a lack of knowledge or understanding and usually a very discrete word or two helps the person figure the shit out on their own. Just a whispered lil bit of advice that no one else sees such as "ya really might not wanna paddle the lower spine" or "dude. . .that's the kidneys you are caning" and they figure out what they are doing wrong and no one ever notices. If they don't figure the shit out though or just don't care that they are doing something amazingly fucked up, then people should step in. Some fucktard in south florida decided it would be a very flashy finish to his fire play to stuf a subs nose with flash paper. A domme in Ft Laud decided to do fire play on a male sub but forgot that whole "Shave em first" step and set his testicles on fire. Saw a dom decide that even if he was on cold meds he'd flog his sub and proceed to hit her upside the head with a flogger again and again thinking he was getting her shoulders. I really don't understand the whole "we will stoically watch someone get mauled and killed because she consented to play" mentality. Sometimes people don't know what the fuck they are doing and are aggressively stupid. Most the time it is just a case of momentary fucktardation that can be cured with a lil advice given on the sly. If not, for fuck sake, I don't wanna watch someone get maimed or worse because someone else is a moron. Personally, I couldn't live with that. If we don't look out for each other, who will?

IronBear -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/26/2008 8:31:38 AM)
It probably doesn't fit the question, but I have intervened when idiot and illmanered Dominants have ignored my collars or the information given by the females that they were either with me or were collared to me, and tried to manhandle them. Last time I gave permission for the girl to boot the bastard in the balls. In other times I have lead the idiot Dom to one side and quietly had a little chat after which he/they has usually left the location.. I've never intervened in scenes but on a couple of occasions alerted a Dungeon Master of my concerns..

tsatske -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/26/2008 2:53:46 PM)
Ft. Meyer, I know I do not have an 'we will watch her get maimed because she consented' attitude, well, not exactly. It's not a matter of 'did she, at some point, utter some consent? well, there you go, all bets are off.' It's more a matter of, they have a right to do things differently than me. I play pretty heavy and I don't want people interupting me because they think I should do things their way. However - do I really think she consented to being caned on the kidneys? Maybe she is in a no limits relationship, and she would say, 'I consented to whatever He wants' - but, again, in your example, He doesn't want that, and niether does she. It is just a mistake. direction can be a good, good thing. If He is being a fucktard - 'I wonder what will happen if I do this?' you know what, in the privacy of your home, if you want to include the prospect of real and unplanned injury in your negotated consent, what am I gonna do? i guess that's on you. But, no, i don't have to stand and watch it - you forgot to get MY consent to have me watch your slave go up in flames. So, yes, if it was a prospect of real injury, it is apporprate to stop it. If it for any reason looks like non consentual, it is approprate to stop it. I am just not going to stop someone cause they are doing things differently than me. 'Uh, you better stop, Dude. She could end up with bruises where they might show, and I have a limit about that.' The first time Master and I played in public, in front of our current lifestyle group - while no one stoped us, they did approach me later to make sure I was 'okay' and approach Master later with advice. He took it well - he honestly believes he has a lot to learn, so it wasn't a problem. But, in truth, their problem with what they saw was, pretty much what someone discribed here as 'his idea of warmup was a singletail'. Master didn't have a single tail yet, then, (recently bought him his first one), but, just becuase it was our first time to play in public didn't mean it was our first time, and he had already learned about me - I HATE warmup play. but to others who didn't know me, that looked very shocking. 'Oh, SHIT, did you see what he STARTED with?' well, no, my back was turned, but I sure as hell felt it! YUM! A few more times of watching us play - of watching this slave screaming - 'Yes, Yes, Pleasepleaseplease Sir Please MORE!' and they are more okay with it. But, if they had interupted that first time, I wouldn't have been very happy about it. The question is, are these people doing something they are fine with - are not quite? And are they presenting real danger? Consent of viewers has always been an issue for me. A party or dungeon is one thing - as long as it is safe, a viewer who is uncomfortable can just walk away and go get a coke in the social area. But anytime I've played with others in a small group - maybe even one other, and they are sometimes just watching - I always emphisize - you can always safeword if you are uncomfortable with what you are seeing. You are not 'safewording for me', you are safewording because watching is taking you too far out of your comfort zone, and you get to do that, that is okay.

celticlord2112 -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/26/2008 3:19:25 PM)
quote: Dom/mes ~ how can you tell when it is time? Unless I'm running a dungeon or hosting a play party, it is never time to intervene. If I am running a dungeon or hosting a play party, the time to intervene is whenever whatever rules I have laid out are violated.

ftmyersartist -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/26/2008 3:50:47 PM)
I am not saying if the play is different then mine stop it. . .I am saying if you see someone doing bodily harm. . .flogging the head, paddling the spine, stuffing flamables in someone's nose for a "big finish" at fire play. I play hard too. . .at times hard enough that people get disturbed watching. I love watching leathermen go at it. . .no warm up just hammering away . . . it's great and really powerful play to see. I'm not talking different play styles, I am talking about when someone is doing something that will hurt the other and not in a good way. Sometimes it is a mistake. Some times it is because they are playing beyond their knowledge. And some times it's cause they just don't give a shit. Sometimes the sub doesn't know to stop it. . .one good whack on the lower spine can numb the nerves there for a period of time while additional hits do greater and greater damage. Sometimes it is because the sub is non verbal and at a point where they cannot speak up. And sometimes it is because the sub is scared if they say anything they will be ridiculed. In a perfect world where dominants all knew what they doing, you'd never need to intervene . . . unfortunately that is not the case.

shivermetimbers -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/26/2008 3:56:56 PM)
I haven't had the opportunity to play in public, but I know when the time comes Deanna and I can, I would be seriously torqued if someone intervened with anything that was going on, provided we weren't breaking any house rules. I trust my judgement in who I put my trust in.

celticlord2112 -> RE: INTERVENING... (11/26/2008 4:08:16 PM)
quote: In a perfect world where dominants all knew what they doing, you'd never need to intervene . . . unfortunately that is not the case. In a perfect world, we'd know when the top is fucking up and when the play is exactly what both top and bottom want (regardless of how harmful/damaging/otherwise stupid the play may be). Unfortunately, that is not the case either. I won't hesitate to tell people when their chosen mode of play is stupid and dangerous. Unless I am called upon to enforce the house rules, however, telling them their mode of play is stupid and dangerous is all I will do.

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