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Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 6:45:12 AM   
MsFlutter


Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline 		My inbox is routinely full of messages from self-professed Doms.
 
The tenor of the notes ranges from 'I want to serve a strong Mistress' to the individual from 3 states away claiming to be a talented carpenter and would I please consider him for service to me.
 
My personal favorite was the message I received from a Dom in another state (with a photo in his profile of what I concluded to be his tastefully-photographed naked female submissive) 'I am from ________. Please respond if you would like to chat.' My response: 'to exchange recipes?' His answer: 'To discuss humiliation......mine.'
 
Admittedly I'm still marveling at the one (also several states away) who dismissed my rejection of lunch/dinner as 'oh - then you dont play in real time'.
 
Before somebody points out the obvious, I realize that some of these individuals may either be hoping to increase their chances of getting laid or are just reluctant to say 'Okay - I'm a switch' and avoid whatever stigma they see attached to that.
 
Gentleman - I'm scratching my head a bit over this. May I have some insight please? (I have $10 that says I'm fairly certain I know where at least two of the responses will come from - I cant wait to see what they say!)
 
I read a profile, I see 'Dominant' - should I take you at your word? Should there be a voir dire process? How about a secret password?
 
Ladies - your input is always valued. This is one of those glimpses into the male psyche that I'm always hoping to see but I'm positive you have some wisdoms for me also. Can't wait to see the responses !
 
 
 
 

_____________________________

'Dont torture yourself, Gomez darling. That's my job' Morticia Addams

"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 6:49:31 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah, sorry. No secret handshake, but you can just feel better that even as a clearly listed submissive woman i get mail like that...Lends credence to those who say that the majority of people on here are only looking for AFF type encounters or no real encounters at all...tad bit depressing, but you have to slog through a lot of sludge before you find what youre looking for.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to MsFlutter)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 6:50:23 AM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		I've had two men I've known who identify as Dominant that were more switch than anything.  They tried to 'convert' me to being a Domme.  The one whom I'd served for a short period of time was full-on into being my submissive.  The other was one of those male subs that I always read about on here who wanted exact precise things done to him in a certain way ... but that was about it, so I think he's more of a switch.

Either way, neither did it for me.  I need a Dominant who's not going to switch sides on me halfway because whatever dominance I have within me is saved for running my family, then it's gone.  lol  I have no problem with a Dominant who wants to experiment with some things like anal, but I need them to stay in the Dom role while doing so. 

Bottom line - I think there are more people out there that fall somewhere in the middle of the D/s spectrum than I ever realized.  Which is absolutely cool provided everyone is  up front and honest. 

(in reply to MsFlutter)
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RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 6:52:16 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		I will jump in if I may....as a submissive I get a lot of messages from male 'dominants' who after a few email exchanges start asking me if I have ever switched and then move the conversation on to how much they want to be dominated by a woman. This has happened many many times.  My theory is that the men are really submissives rather than switches (as there generally seems to be minimal talk of them doing any domming once they broach wanting to be a sub) but that maybe they feel they can widen the net of 'potentials' by saying they are a dom. 

< Message edited by wandersalone -- 11/24/2008 6:53:07 AM >

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to MsFlutter)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 6:54:28 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Interestingly, there is some statistical evidence to support what you've experienced.  Trevor Jacques' exhaustive questioning of Leather folk has revealed that male Dominants are the most maleable in their orientation.  And while I don't recall the specific percentage, they were considerably moreso than female Dominants, or submissives of either gender.
 
How much of that anomaly is related to a greater desire for getting laid is difficult to say. 
 
John

< Message edited by Rover -- 11/24/2008 6:55:41 AM >

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to MsFlutter)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 6:54:31 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		When I had an active profile, I got a lot of these responses, too.  I think they just can't deal with the submissive label, so they list themselves as dominants and try to sneak in through the back door, as it were.  Anyone who can't accept his inclinations is of no interest to me.  I even had an entry in my journal stating that I rarely replied to men listed as "dominant," because dealing with them was generally more trouble than it was worth.  When I reactivate my profile in January, that entry will stay there.  I'm not going to beat around the bush (sorry about the pun) with someone who can't face up to what he wants.

(in reply to MsFlutter)
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RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 7:00:47 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		I've had plenty of these as well -- in fact more male dominants than submissives look at my profile... that said, 99% of the approaches are either too rude or crude for me to even respond to...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to MsFlutter)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 7:05:40 AM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		Hahaha, I know, possibly it is the truth about the male that we are just a very misundertood gender,and the worst of it is, we don't understand ourselves. That is why I do not label myself as dominant, nor do I list myself as submissive, switch it is, but that is plain crap anyway, but it was the nearest I could find to open minded. What I am wholly depends on who I am with and the natural dynamics that come to exist between us. When I seek friends, I contact based upon profiles, something I find interesting or by way of here, posts made. If I contact a dom, I do not write in such a way that I am appealing to their domliness and the same for a sub, I do not write in a dummy way. I write to people as people, their ticked box is irrelevant to me.

I am here to communicate with people, not buy into a fantasy, I might play with words sometimes, but I do realise when I am doing that, I am feeding someone's online fantasy and I often just get bored with it as fantasy is not what I seek.

As to metamorphing doms, well, they are possibly other examples of me, or they are just clueless to what they want and comply with anyone just for contact.

Has anyone ever wondered how many people on this site are living alone and unloved, they just need something, anything and will comply with anyone's wishes just to have someone take an interest in them.


_____________________________

Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

(in reply to MsFlutter)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 7:10:08 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		I think a good deal of this can be attributed to the fact that this is an online venue, freely accessible by anyone... and that is exactly what we are getting.  Throw in with that that most me have been culturally conditioned to think of themselves as dominant... whether they actually are or not... and we can explain why so many supposedly "dominant" men are behaving in distinctly submissive ways.

Put another way... some of them are just horney net geeks hoping to get laid.  Some of them are men who identify as dominant but are more likely switches or submissive.  There may even be a small percentage of dominants who feel they need to submit in order to be better dominants.

But as always the solution if it annoys you remains the same... block, delete, ignore.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to MsFlutter)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 7:12:06 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		Aneirin what I admire about you is that you are open and honest about your 'flexibility'.  I get frustrated with the guys who say one thing and then all of a sudden they totally change and start trying to convince me that I really want to be a domme..... apparently the boots I wear in a photo mean I am really a domme 

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to Aneirin)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 7:18:36 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

Hahaha, I know, possibly it is the truth about the male that we are just a very misunderstood gender,and the worst of it is, we don't understand ourselves. That is why I do not label myself as dominant, nor do I list myself as submissive, switch it is, but that is plain crap anyway, but it was the nearest I could find to open minded. What I am wholly depends on who I am with and the natural dynamics that come to exist between us. When I seek friends, I contact based upon profiles, something I find interesting or by way of here, posts made. If I contact a dom, I do not write in such a way that I am appealing to their domliness and the same for a sub, I do not write in a dummy way. I write to people as people, their ticked box is irrelevant to me.

I am here to communicate with people, not buy into a fantasy, I might play with words sometimes, but I do realize when I am doing that, I am feeding someone's online fantasy and I often just get bored with it as fantasy is not what I seek.

As to metamorphing doms, well, they are possibly other examples of me, or they are just clueless to what they want and comply with anyone just for contact.

Has anyone ever wondered how many people on this site are living alone and unloved, they just need something, anything and will comply with anyone's wishes just to have someone take an interest in them.



Nicely stated!


_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to Aneirin)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 7:22:27 AM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		Thank you wandersalone,

I am in being what I state, being true to myself and others I might come into contact with, it is not me to fill someone's hopes with falsities, with me, they get what they see and what I honestly say as what I say, is in all honesty.

Flexibility, for me is the only way, as I see BDSM as a learning tool, a way to learn more about myself and at the same time learn with fun. If me being what I am helps another, then I am more than pleased.


_____________________________

Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 7:33:44 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

As to metamorphing doms, well, they are possibly other examples of me



We should be so lucky.

(in reply to Aneirin)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 8:23:05 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		When I was an active Domme it was not unusual for me to be contacted by Doms who said that they liked to take the submissive role two or three times a year.  They considered themselves to be Dominants but wanted to hand the reins over to someone else once in a while.  Because it was for such a short amount of time they did not feel comfortable with the term switch and felt that by listing themselves as such that they might look less dominant to the subs they were interested in.




_____________________________



(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 8:54:00 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		I put this kind of thing down to the fact that some men seem to think with the smaller of their 2 heads and will try almost anything to get laid.They clearly don't understand D/s if they say they're Dominant then say they want to submit, so they more than likely are just showing off/flirting to see what it gets them.

(in reply to MsFlutter)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 9:07:45 AM   
MissEnchanted


Posts: 510
Status: offline 		MsFlutter,

Many of the emails are not genuine of course, and it is very confusing and a tad overwhelming at first.
I really enjoyed reading your profile and I can share what has worked for me:
I poke for realness and meet up within three weeks, otherwise hundreds of hours can be wasted online.
They may be in Russia, Nigeria, who knows?

It takes balls to meet realtime, so that's a criteria for me and has been a workable guideline. If I had my wish there would be genuine people only on this site, however it's a free site, so some clamoring for attention from God knows who..will ensue.

Doesn't matter to me what people are, Switch, Dom/me, sub, slave as long as they just come out with what they're really looking for.

I ask very direct questions like:
Are you married? lol
Or, How many profiles do you have on cm? That can be a surprising answer.

I have kept some friends I've made online, although we might possibly never meet. I've also made some lifelong contacts through cm.

Online sites like this one cause us to spend time separating the wheat from the chaff.

Good luck, the lovely ones are out there!

ME

(in reply to MsFlutter)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 9:09:47 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Should there be a voir dire process?


Are attourneys even allowed on here?

Nice thought. Perhaps I should set up a "dom verification centre", where folks professing to be doms get invited to, and are "verified" by a small group of volunteer subs, on cam, obviously. I should think that most "doms" are folks to whom D/s is a dating service that lets you get laid without having to ask. Once Wal-Mart started selling $299 PCs, that was the end of the civilized Internet.

There are, as an aside, huge numbers of identity thieves on dating boards. I personally recommend to not ever send mail to Yahoo and Hotmail/MS Live addresses, as that basically means you're giving your IP address to the person - the only free service I am aware of that does not include your IP is gmail. Folks wanting to chat are often in this category - tell them you'd like to use Skype (which doesn't interface with your browser and mail) or Google Chat, and you'll see many go away.

At best the person is an email address harvester, at worst a botnet creator. I am continually amazed at the amount of bad stuff going on - yesterday I was talking to a sub who had been advised by the manufacturer of her router that "turning on encryption is not a good idea". Telecom providers routinely set up routers without security, as well. The mind boggles.

(in reply to MsFlutter)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 9:18:58 AM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		I don't see a person who lists themselves as something then wants to be something else as a slight on that person, all I wish is that they just be honest with themselves so they can be honest with others.

For a man not to be dominant, is not the  measure of a man, a man  is many things to many people, just as a woman is many things to many others.

This sub/dom thing is too misleading, many put too much into it and ignore the best parts.

We are all people before we are male and female and then whatever title comes next.

Treat people as people and you can't go far wrong.


_____________________________

Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 9:26:10 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

I don't see a person who lists themselves as something then wants to be something else as a slight on that person, all I wish is that they just be honest with themselves so they can be honest with others.


No offense, but I go to bed each night wishing for world peace.  Are you having any better luck?
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to Aneirin)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Metamorphing Doms? - 11/24/2008 9:40:34 AM   
MsFlutter


Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

Should there be a voir dire process?


Are attourneys even allowed on here?

Nice thought. Perhaps I should set up a "dom verification centre", where folks professing to be doms get invited to, and are "verified" by a small group of volunteer subs, on cam, obviously. I should think that most "doms" are folks to whom D/s is a dating service that lets you get laid without having to ask. Once Wal-Mart started selling $299 PCs, that was the end of the civilized Internet.

There are, as an aside, huge numbers of identity thieves on dating boards. I personally recommend to not ever send mail to Yahoo and Hotmail/MS Live addresses, as that basically means you're giving your IP address to the person - the only free service I am aware of that does not include your IP is gmail. Folks wanting to chat are often in this category - tell them you'd like to use Skype (which doesn't interface with your browser and mail) or Google Chat, and you'll see many go away.

At best the person is an email address harvester, at worst a botnet creator. I am continually amazed at the amount of bad stuff going on - yesterday I was talking to a sub who had been advised by the manufacturer of her router that "turning on encryption is not a good idea". Telecom providers routinely set up routers without security, as well. The mind boggles.



antipode !! I was expecting you and Rover ~ I wasn't disappointed. My $10 is safe ;)

_____________________________

'Dont torture yourself, Gomez darling. That's my job' Morticia Addams

"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 20
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