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RE: Reluctance in collaring - 11/20/2008 8:55:02 AM

FlamingRedhead

Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline

With my first real D/s relationship, I was in a frenzy to have a collar. I craved it. I pestered him constantly about it. He bought me one for my birthday and informed me that it would be considered nothing more than jewelry until such a time as we were ready for a contract. Months went by. I was not placated by just having it around my neck. I saw the lack of consummation with a proper contract as a sign that the relationship was not going forward. We ended up breaking up, and I gave the "necklace" back.

After 6 months apart, we are now seeing each other again. I still want a collar but not with the same drive as before. I realize now that I wasn't truly ready the first time he gave it to me, and neither was he. It wasn't actually the physical collar I wanted but the committment behind it. However, I hadn't "earned" it, meaning I still had trust issues and resisted him at every turn. Right now, I don't care to have it back. I don't want it unless and until we're both ready.

Well, it is a beautiful sterling silver collar, so...yeah....I'd love to be wearing it...

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

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Post #: 41

RE: Reluctance in collaring - 11/20/2008 9:06:37 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead

With my first real D/s relationship, I was in a frenzy to have a collar. I craved it. I pestered him constantly about it. He bought me one for my birthday and informed me that it would be considered nothing more than jewelry until such a time as we were ready for a contract. Months went by. I was not placated by just having it around my neck. I saw the lack of consummation with a proper contract as a sign that the relationship was not going forward. We ended up breaking up, and I gave the "necklace" back.

After 6 months apart, we are now seeing each other again. I still want a collar but not with the same drive as before. I realize now that I wasn't truly ready the first time he gave it to me, and neither was he. It wasn't actually the physical collar I wanted but the committment behind it. However, I hadn't "earned" it, meaning I still had trust issues and resisted him at every turn. Right now, I don't care to have it back. I don't want it unless and until we're both ready.

Well, it is a beautiful sterling silver collar, so...yeah....I'd love to be wearing it...

well we are in the same position back with our dominant after giving a collar back. We aren't in a hurry to put it back on my neck either and I think we both see it in more serious light now.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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Post #: 42

RE: Reluctance in collaring - 11/20/2008 9:12:41 AM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
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I'm sort of surprised that Fox hasnt already responded to this one, as fond as he is of talking about our collaring story.
For us, he was collared a week after we met, because I wanted him to know I was serious about our relationship and knew from the beginning that he was the one I wanted. He was shocked, he didnt think that he would be getting a collar at all, much less one so quickly after meeting someone. He wears his with pride and has added his engagement ring to it as well when I asked him to marry me months later. For us, the collar was a symbol of love and commitment. Whether anyone else agrees or sees it that way doesnt matter to us. We did it becasue it meant the world to US not as a status symbol within the community.

DV

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

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Post #: 43

RE: Reluctance in collaring - 11/20/2008 10:59:26 AM

FlamingRedhead

Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

well we are in the same position back with our dominant after giving a collar back. We aren't in a hurry to put it back on my neck either and I think we both see it in more serious light now.

I noticed that as I was reading the thread. *smiles* I wish y'all the best of luck! Keep your fingers crossed for me.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

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Post #: 44

RE: Reluctance in collaring - 11/20/2008 11:22:26 AM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
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A collar can be made to be what ever the people involved in the relationship want it to be. For some that meants it is on and meaningful just in the moment of play or for some it's a status symbol, the latter usually tend to go through alot of them tho I noticed. I've met people in the community who have been collared several times to multiple diffrent people and it seems like that is the only thing they are after.

For me a collar is nearly as serious as a wedding ring, it's a huge commitment and not one I do lightly.

Wolf's denika

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

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Post #: 45

RE: Reluctance in collaring - 11/20/2008 11:28:25 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
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i'll be wearing a collar about the same time i'll be wearing a wedding ring, which is never...

been there, done that, in both situations...

now i'm ready for something a whole lot more.

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)

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Post #: 46

RE: Reluctance in collaring - 11/20/2008 11:30:53 AM

Flogmaster

Posts: 27
Joined: 2/9/2005
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Oh you can bet I'll cross My fingers for you !! you deserve it!

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)

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Post #: 47

RE: Reluctance in collaring - 11/20/2008 11:40:41 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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I am not a collared submissive...but...there is -a- collar that is associated with me right now. It is black leather with three D rings and I wear it when my Lady and I are together. With it are four cuffs. I am not the first to wear them. I admit that I hope I am the last...

When She began putting them on me, their significance did not really mean much or sink in. But over time, they have come to signify my submission and these days I feel a deep sadness when She removes them and feel "undressed" without them when I am in Her presence. I love to sleep in them too. They help me...to focus...to feel submissive both inwardly and outwardly. They are -hers- as am I, and so as I have come to understand what that means...how important it is...the importance of this collar and cuffs have grown in me too. She has me kiss them before she puts them on and after She takes them off. I am connected with them and they with me - I love them as I love Her.

The whole concept of a permanent collaring was also lost on me in the beginning. These days I think about it more and more. I don't know if it will ever happen and I don't ever want to build an expectation around it. I am not nearly ready for it, and our relationship and my submission is too young yet for such things...but I admit that as I come to know and love this collar that is Hers, my thoughts of what might -someday be- have started to grow. I imagine that this must be akin to how some girls think about their wedding day. I now have to say that I find myself daydreaming of a collar and the gravity and commitment that it represents, and hope that someday such an event might happen to me.

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I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

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Post #: 48

RE: Reluctance in collaring - 11/20/2008 12:10:30 PM

FlamingRedhead

Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
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I'm not opposed to a collar or a wedding ring when/if the time comes. I'm curious, though, as to what you consider "a whole lot more." In my mind, you can't get much more than collared or married, but unless the love and committment are there, either token is worthless.

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

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Post #: 49

RE: Reluctance in collaring - 11/20/2008 12:29:49 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: 2Fiesty
*leadership527
"Happily practicing a no non-stupid limits relationship"
-----
lol at double negative- so you're not practicing non-stupid limits, does that mean you are practicing stupid limits?
I think you meant you are practicing a common-sense no limits relationship?

*laughs* Yeah, I had fun writing that sentence also. It kind of makes my head hurt every time I read it. Insofar as which it is, I somehow suspect it varies day by day depending on how smart I am that particular day.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to 2Fiesty)

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Post #: 50

RE: Reluctance in collaring - 11/20/2008 1:13:37 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

In my mind, you can't get much more than collared or married, but unless the love and committment are there, either token is worthless.

And it is possible to have commitment without marriage and without a collar. Not everyone requires an outer token (collar) or a piece of paper (marriage) to cement a relationship. I am more open to being collared than I ever will be to marriage. It's all in the presentation of the proposal. There would have to be a lot "proposed" in order to get me to bind myself legally (marriage) to a person.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)

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Post #: 51

RE: Reluctance in collaring - 11/20/2008 1:35:49 PM

FlamingRedhead

Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
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This is true, but it's still not "a whole lot more" than people who do have the outer token.

By the way, just because you're not bound by holy matrimony, don't think you're necessarily not legally bound. For instance, in the state of Florida, you cannot legally just kick someone out of your house. They have the right to stay whether they're paying rent or not until you go through the proper legal channels, which could take up to 90 days. There are also a few states that recognize common law marriages. If you're cohabitating and signed the lease, you're obligated to pay "penalties" for breaking the lease and may lose your security deposit as well as have to pay a prorated portion of the month's rent and utilities. It's not always cheaper or less messy than a divorce when there is property or a child involved.

< Message edited by FlamingRedhead -- 11/20/2008 1:38:28 PM >

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to KatyLied)

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Post #: 52