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So young... - 11/10/2008 10:09:06 PM

satyrsnymph28

Posts: 379
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It's so weird, or so it seems.

I'm 22, and I've been out of highschool for 4 years in May. I know where I'm at in my life, but it's so strange to see where some of the people who were my friends 4 years ago have ended up.

My closest friend from high school got married 3 years ago. She has a baby who she conceived on her wedding night.

Another one of my female friends went to college, met a girl, and they've been inseparable ever since.

A girl who I really liked, moved to Idaho, and got pregnant.

Two other friends got married almost 2 years ago.

I just found out after some myspace research, that another friend got married fairly recently.

A girl who was 2 years younger than me had a baby about 6 months ago, and moved a couple states away.

There's just a lot going on, and I'm so not even close to there yet. I guess everyone grows at different rates, and what's right is different for anyone... but gosh, so many babies, and weddings.

I guess I wonder if I'm supposed to be there too... with kids and a husband... because it feels like everyone else is.

Post #: 1

RE: So young... - 11/10/2008 10:12:25 PM

UglyTruth

Posts: 126
Joined: 7/14/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28

I guess I wonder if I'm supposed to be there too... with kids and a husband... because it feels like everyone else is.

Absolutely not. You're never supposed to be anywhere just because it feels like everyone else is.

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 2

RE: So young... - 11/10/2008 10:16:06 PM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
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Those who talk about feeling like they should be in a certain position, or place in life, because "everyone else my age is" .... remind me of the proverbial lemmings. I'm also reminded of my mother's oh-so-cliched (yet frequently repeated) remark when I used the "but everyone else is doing it" thing...... "If everyone else your age were going and jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, would you be standing in line for That, too? Or even feeling like you perhaps 'should' be?"

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Post #: 3

RE: So young... - 11/10/2008 10:26:57 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
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you're moving at the pace that is right for you, hon.. do the things you want / need to do in your own time. Don't be in a hurry to grow up (and I know you're an adult, but enjoy being a YOUNG adult while you can...)

(and I apologize if that came off as condescending. .it's not meant to..)

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Post #: 4

RE: So young... - 11/10/2008 10:40:40 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
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You're right where you're supposed to be.
When I was your age I was in the Navy overseas.
A lot of my friends joined the military and many went to Vietnam so don't "wish" too hard.

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Post #: 5

RE: So young... - 11/10/2008 11:29:26 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
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One more thing to consider is this...the same folks you list here today...2, 5 and 10 yrs from now...almost if not more than half of them will not be in the relationships that they are in right now...im not trying to be rude here, but statistically speaking (if not spelling

)...they simply wont be together. And they will have children to deal with on their own...etc.

im not saying that relationships that start when youre young dont work...some do...and they are usually the ones that others look to as an example. But the woman i am at 39 and the woman i was at 21 are so vastly different...i barely recognise her when i see pictures and remember some of the things she did and said and believed...

Be who you are right now and let the future take care of itself...it will regardless.

Be Well and at peace
perse

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Post #: 6

RE: So young... - 11/10/2008 11:41:32 PM

theobserver

Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28

It's so weird, or so it seems.

I'm 22, and I've been out of highschool for 4 years in May. I know where I'm at in my life, but it's so strange to see where some of the people who were my friends 4 years ago have ended up.

My closest friend from high school got married 3 years ago. She has a baby who she conceived on her wedding night.

Another one of my female friends went to college, met a girl, and they've been inseparable ever since.

A girl who I really liked, moved to Idaho, and got pregnant.

Two other friends got married almost 2 years ago.

I just found out after some myspace research, that another friend got married fairly recently.

A girl who was 2 years younger than me had a baby about 6 months ago, and moved a couple states away.

There's just a lot going on, and I'm so not even close to there yet. I guess everyone grows at different rates, and what's right is different for anyone... but gosh, so many babies, and weddings.

I guess I wonder if I'm supposed to be there too... with kids and a husband... because it feels like everyone else is.

Trust me, when the time is right, you'll know, but I ask yourself, do you really want to miss out on opportunities based on what other's are doing around you?

And there's a lot more opportunity out there when you don't have a husband and little one's to care for.

This is just my opinion, but let me suggest you kick back and thank your lucky stars, you are young, free and have a plethora of opportunities in your grasp. A husband and little ones is not a fairy tale. It's work, responsibility and so much more.

At 22, enjoy your life and I would suggest you not compare yourselves to what is happening with other people your age. I can guarantee a few years from now, you'll be talking to those same people and you may be surprised to hear that things aren't so great.

Think about it, you can go where you want, when you want, you don't have the responsibility of taking care of anyone but yourself.

Trust me, give it four more years and if you are still single and free, you may just look back and breathe a sigh of relief.

< Message edited by theobserver -- 11/10/2008 11:42:20 PM >

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RE: So young... - 11/11/2008 12:44:40 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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I know the feeling, im 22 too and im in a similar position to you. But i never think i should be married, despite my mother telling me i should (silly cow) to me 22 is far to young for stuff like that, kids especially are such a drain on finances and stuff it wouldnt be fair to them to have any until I am totally 100% ready, of all the people I know with babies (my step sister had hers two weeks ago) they are too young not just in terms of age but maturity

Just let stuff happen, im sure that when you are ready you will know.

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Post #: 8

RE: So young... - 11/11/2008 12:48:16 AM

shahla00

Posts: 96
Joined: 4/18/2008
Status: offline

I understand completely. All my friends are married or have kids and I am still in a fucked up relationship. It happens. It will happen when the time is right... thats what I keep telling myself at least.

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Post #: 9

RE: So young... - 11/11/2008 12:52:08 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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yeah!! what theobserver said!! Thats what I was TRYING to say (and failing miserably at...LOL)

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Post #: 10

RE: So young... - 11/11/2008 12:52:34 AM

satyrsnymph28

Posts: 379
Status: offline

i'm not wishing for it, by any means...

if i wanted it, i could have had it, and i decided it wasn't in my best interests.

i was the female half of the poster couple for "long term" relationships in high school, since i had been with my boyfriend since the middle of freshman year, and we were inseparable until just after graduation.

i made the decision to spread my wings, and end that relationship so that i wouldn't get caught up in it and end up married with kids before i wanted to.

i just think it's interesting, probably BECAUSE of the fact that my relationship was so stable through high school.

i don't miss it. as much as i sometimes think i'd like to be married right now, i know it's not what's right for me.

its just interesting to see where people have ended up... and it's, most of the time, not where i thought they would.

i guess my prime example of that is the girl who i adored freshman year, who was very good in school, destined for amazing things, and ivy league college education... got amazing grades, and then got pregnant. she's been working at the taco bell in the middle of town ever since.

i think i'm glad to be where i'm at... it just seems a little strange at times.

(in reply to theobserver)

Post #: 11

RE: So young... - 11/11/2008 12:55:41 AM

quinta

Posts: 31
Joined: 4/27/2008
Status: offline

I'm in the same boat. Life moves so quickly for some-- I feel left behind sometimes.

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Post #: 12

RE: So young... - 11/11/2008 1:25:24 AM

tweedydaddy

Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

There are so many things you will regret not havng done when you had the freedom of movement you have now. Find out what they are and do them. I feel like I had several lifetimes before I married, 26 years ago. I don't regret my three kids, but having been a Dad for quarter of a century means that there are many, many things I could and should have been doing!
Regrets are for the things you got wrong, and didn't do.
So go do something that only a free person can do.
Be Yourself.

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 13

RE: So young... - 11/11/2008 1:34:25 AM

winterlight

Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
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One of the great things about being female is that you have a choice. Do not follow the crowd. Run your own race. Do what you want to do. Get an education, further your education, travel, learn something new, do whatever it is that enriches you and your life.

Many women today choose not to get married and have a family. Do what is best for you but take some time. Where is it written that you have to marry and have children right away? Find out what you want before you committ to marriage and a family or you will regret it.

If the right person comes along and you cannot live without him or her then do what makes you both happy.

Good luck...

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Post #: 14

RE: So young... - 11/11/2008 5:12:52 AM

TNstepsout

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Joined: 8/3/2005
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My daughter is just a year older than you and my son is the same age. Neither has had a serious relationship and babies are a long way off. YEAH!!! I had both of them very young and regretted it. It was really, really REALLY hard to take care of them financially and I was under constant stress for many years. I talk to people my age who waited to have kids and they had so many fun times while I was home raising babies. My days were a blur of exhaustion and stress and worry, while they were attending concerts, going to parties, traveling, finishing school, building careers etc.... I love my kids a lot, but I barely remember their early years which is kind of sad. I'm sure they did some cute things.

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Post #: 15

RE: So young... - 11/11/2008 5:15:36 AM

servantheart

Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: quinta

-- I feel left behind sometimes.

Are you sure you're not my 20 year old daughter in disguise?

~serious reply to you and satyrsnymph~

As others here have said, take this time to enjoy the freedom of being young adults and don't be in any kind of hurry to take on more responsibility simply for fear of being the only single or childless person left. You have a wonderful opportunity at this time in your lives to explore who/what you want to be in life, get your education out of the way or begin working in your chosen fields. Believe me when I say it's so much easier to do these things now than after you have a spouse and family, not that these choices don't come with their own joys and rewards, but it does become more challenging to do the things you might have done before.

servantheart (whose UMs have asked her on more than one occasion what life was like before color was invented)

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Post #: 16

RE: So young... - 11/11/2008 5:39:55 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

my sister took the same road you are on.

today she is 34, her 1 kid is 2.   she is married 8 years.   a nice home and career.   she purposely waited, they wanted to have a decent place to raise a kid;
as she got closer the 30 we started to prompt her into the baby.

build a stable life before taking on such a responsabilty.    i love what my sister done this year.   mom moved closer and babysat for her to go to school, now the payoff. she has a better job. now if hubby 3ever decides to get mean or walk she has a way to bring him the bacon. even if it never happens he knows she has this earning power.

I am so blessed to have such a level headed sister.   I cant wait ti see her for thanksgiven!!!

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Post #: 17

RE: So young... - 11/11/2008 6:31:15 AM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

My daughter is just a year older than you and my son is the same age. Neither has had a serious relationship and babies are a long way off. YEAH!!! I had both of them very young and regretted it. It was really, really REALLY hard to take care of them financially and I was under constant stress for many years. I talk to people my age who waited to have kids and they had so many fun times while I was home raising babies. My days were a blur of exhaustion and stress and worry, while they were attending concerts, going to parties, traveling, finishing school, building careers etc.... I love my kids a lot, but I barely remember their early years which is kind of sad. I'm sure they did some cute things.

quote:

Tweedydaddy:

There are so many things you will regret not havng done when you had the freedom of movement you have now. Find out what they are and do them. I feel like I had several lifetimes before I married, 26 years ago. I don't regret my three kids, but having been a Dad for quarter of a century means that there are many, many things I could and should have been doing!
Regrets are for the things you got wrong, and didn't do.
So go do something that only a free person can do.
Be Yourself.

OP, words of wisdom here.

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(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 18

RE: So young... - 11/11/2008 6:39:58 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

well, from my experience it only gets more weird....

the quiet, sensitive boy of schooldays is now the bolshy, confident woman.
the macho dicks who bullied him for being "gay" are now 40, still unmarried and no kids (people might infer something from that?).
whilst she has two kids from a relationship of nearly 20 years and is best friends with her ex, their mom.
and all the "beautiful people" of youth have shown themselves to be truly ugly once the wrinkles set in.

who knows? it could just be youre the one in a thousand who's "normal"!?

E

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RE: So young... - 11/11/2008 7:02:36 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
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quote:

I guess I wonder if I'm supposed to be there too...

No matter where you go.....there you are.

"Supposed to" just never enters into it.

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