RE: Refusing to meet (Full Version)

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daddysliloneds -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 9:09:44 AM)

because he's a she or your old elementary school teacher, or your dad, or your dads boss, or your brother or your uncle, or your neighbor?



DarkSteven -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 10:25:27 AM)

It really doesn't matter.  You want something and he won't give it.  Next batter.



colouredin -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 10:32:56 AM)

fr

differant people want differant types of relationship for any number of  reasons. Some people want kids, some dont, some want to get married, some dont, some want a million partners some dont.each to their own, if its not for you move on



UncleNasty -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 10:40:20 AM)

A quote of my own, from my journal:

"Trying to experience the lifstyle online is like trying to warm yourself by reading about fire."

Uncle Nasty



colouredin -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 10:43:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: UncleNasty

A quote of my own, from my journal:

"Trying to experience the lifstyle online is like trying to warm yourself by reading about fire."

Uncle Nasty


why?



peppermint -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 10:46:26 AM)

quote:

but I'm wondering - why would someone even want that kind of "relationship"?


Could be any number of reasons.  One might be that he's married so can only do online or his wife might find out.  Or he could be an online Dom only with no real life experience.  He could be shy.  He could be pretending to be an adult...just to name a few. 

If you're not into online only...then just pass this one by without a second glance. 



MsConception -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 11:04:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

Having said that, I did have this one girlfriend who wanted cybersex - even being in the same house - she'd be upstairs on my main system, and expected me to go online from downstairs, wherever I was.


My ex would IM me when we were in the same room. I think there are just some people that are not sure how to communicate in person, and like to hide behind a screen for safety (the nice thing was he was still within swatting distance). 

I also agree with another post, I have talked with people for quite awhile on line, and phone, then when we met in person, they were nothing like what I expected personality wise, I too prefer meeting in person first, for conversation and getting to know one another.



antipode -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 1:04:01 PM)

quote:

never wanted to meet with me in person


I put this to the test, one time. A sub from Europe was visiting, and she had told me she had an online master in New York who was "not ready to meet" but kept that door open. She couldn't afford to fly over, so it was never an issue. Once she was here in VA, I flew up to New York with her (not unusual as I had an office in Manhattan), went up Broadway and to dinner in an Irish pub I used to go to, around the corner from where Letterman is taped. I then had her call him and tell him she was around the corner (I could figure out his approximate location from his telephone number) with a friend, and could they get together? Sure enough, apartment dweller, wife and two kids. And I think that is pretty much the norm for most everybody who does not want to/can't meet.



antipode -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 1:05:40 PM)

quote:

trying to warm yourself by reading about fire


Yup. My favourite is "learning to drive by reading the Highway Code".



masterlink65 -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 1:08:04 PM)

since when is training considered a relationship. there is already a thread about online training. and yes there are alot of things you can get done via webcam, prior to meeting. i am in michigan, and had trained a slave outwest before his visit here, all using webcam. when the slave arrived, he was already knowing the first things first, and things moved on rather quickly after that.

online training is not necesarily "cyber sex"



antipode -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 1:12:13 PM)

quote:

"Trying to experience the lifstyle online is like trying to warm yourself by reading about fire."



why?


Because 93% of all human communication is non-verbal - that's scientific data, not something somebody made up. Just think of the number of misunderstandings and repeats in written communication - most of those won't occur if you have the other person right there with you. Cam may alleviate this somewhat, as you get facial expressions, but there really is a huge amount of "unwitting" communication that is absent in "online". Perhaps it is because I spent part of my career as a photographer and producer, but the human body, the human animal, is so rich in expression, that R/T is something I must have to enjoy the other person. Online is like alcohol free beer... a simulacrum.



masterlink65 -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 1:13:05 PM)

nice name dropping, but that is not what is meant by online training.


i guess you get out what you put in.

if you are serious about being owned, or owning a slave, you would do whatever it takes to get the realtionship on the ground level.


or you can criticize and be skeptical about anyone and anything.

i am not saying cyber is a replacment for my needs. but it is a good tool for training(via cam), and the weeding out process



theobserver -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 2:44:07 PM)

I just wanted to address the specific aspect of getting to know someone online as opposed to meeting them in person right away.

I've had one experience, where I talked to someone online for 8 months. We became acquainted through a vanilla social networking site and started chatting on messenger. Since this man was on the other side of the world, a quick face to face was not going to happen, which was fine, because our initial contact was based on conversation and not romanticism.

We would chat for hours, then we started chatting on the phone, sent photos then saw each other on webcam. When it became romantic it was important that all our cards lay on the table. When he did come to visit, it was better than expected.

However I've heard horror stories from others ... some I've read about right here on CM. This, I feel, is where online companionship falls short. I believe that some people are not honest with each other beforehand. If you put it all out there and drive it home that this is the reality of things; and make sure to prepare the person for what they will encounter rather than what they imagine they will, then there would be less disappointment and later feelings of betrayal.

Whether it be your marital status, Living arrangements, finances, appearance, expectations and goals these things should be addressed honestly and openly when an online friendship turns to something more.

The transition from online to face to face would go a lot smoother. Some, build up a bubble around themselves and get caught up in the whimsy. Things seem so easy - because, let's face it, when you are communicating online, you don't have to deal with the other person's day to day trials and tribulations and in return they do not have to deal with yours.





colouredin -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 2:47:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

"Trying to experience the lifstyle online is like trying to warm yourself by reading about fire."



why?


Because 93% of all human communication is non-verbal - that's scientific data, not something somebody made up. Just think of the number of misunderstandings and repeats in written communication - most of those won't occur if you have the other person right there with you. Cam may alleviate this somewhat, as you get facial expressions, but there really is a huge amount of "unwitting" communication that is absent in "online". Perhaps it is because I spent part of my career as a photographer and producer, but the human body, the human animal, is so rich in expression, that R/T is something I must have to enjoy the other person. Online is like alcohol free beer... a simulacrum.



I always worry with 'data' like this, I work with blind and deaf people I dont think that they miss out on human interaction, but thats beside the point.

This 'lifestyle' like any life choice is and can be what you make it, it doesnt have to involve physicality. If all you want is online communication that doesnt mean tha you are missing out, you are getting what you want, thats good enough for me.

I had a very intense online relationship a few years ago, it was no better or worsre than my physical relationships, it taught me and i enjoyed it, which to me is what life is about.



MidMichCowboy -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 2:51:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: UncleNasty

A quote of my own, from my journal:

"Trying to experience the lifstyle online is like trying to warm yourself by reading about fire."

Uncle Nasty


This is soooo true



flower2007 -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 2:54:26 PM)

I guess I should have clarified that he only said he didn't want to meet me after I said I took a while to trust a person.  He said it would be "better" for me to learn online.

Obviously I still disagree with that (how would a stranger know what's best for me?), but it was an interesting change in his attitude.



colouredin -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 2:57:06 PM)

If its not for you Flower its not for you, i dont know why you need validation from people online just stop talking to him



antipode -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 3:31:21 PM)

quote:

not what is meant by online training


This is little to do with online training. If you connect with somebody, and they offer to "train online", or want to "chat to build up trust", or whatever, online, it would not be unreasonable to ask to have a cup of coffee with the person first. You'll find that 90%, if not more, of the "online" whatevers disappear at that point. Not for any valid reason - after all, you can say that you don't want to meet because you might recognize me, and you can say you can't meet because your partner would go haywire, no shame in any of those things.

But they don't. They disappear, by and large, the women as well as the men. The only reason for that is that they have something to hide, some aspect of their lives they don't want you to know about, and I personally would find that a very strange way to build up trust, or have a relationship - training is a relationship too, and a rather intimate at that.

I happen to note give a hoot whether someone is in a relationship or not, I am not trying to find wife # five. All I am saying is that there are a huge number of people out there who get their kicks out of deception, and I can't see why anybody would want to be trained by somebody who spends their time on the PC lying. The concept that someone won't even say why is plain old wrong, I don't care what you say.

I spent part of my career in New York, I see no reason not to mention where what happened. Had an actual office, not a cubicle, on 6th Avenue, and I am completely justified in being proud of that. I have had offices in Hamburg, Monaco, Singapore, Jakarta, London, Miami, and D.C., as well.

Now it's name dropping.



flower2007 -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 3:33:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

If its not for you Flower its not for you, i dont know why you need validation from people online just stop talking to him


I'm not looking for validiation, and I haven't talked to him since I told him I wasn't interested.  I'm just interested in what makes people think the way they do.  That's all.



masterlink65 -> RE: Refusing to meet (11/9/2008 4:13:25 PM)

its a little difficult to come over for coffee when the slave i am training is in New Mexico, and i am in Michigan.

cam2cam training was very efficient in having the slave somewhat prepared when it did make it for a visit



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