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sibling issues - 11/7/2008 4:57:12 PM   
satyrsnymph28


Posts: 379
Status: offline 		I caught my brother smoking pot in our apartment with one of his friends just a minute ago. 

I called my parents (we're 21 and 22) to ask them what to do and they told me that if I called the cops they'd kick me out of the apartment. 

It's not ok behavior by me, and I've never done drugs myself.  Additionally, I'm looking for jobs right now, and if they drug test me, I'm afraid that it would impact my ability to get a job, because I was in the apartment while they were smoking. 

What do I do?

I'm gonna leave right now, so that I'm not further exposing myself to it... plus, it smells nasty.


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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 4:59:25 PM   
eri


Posts: 77
Joined: 11/3/2008
Status: offline 		How is it that your parents have the right to kick you out of the apartment? Are they paying for it? Who's name is on the lease?

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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 5:00:22 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Over reaction much.
Just ask him not to smoke pot in the apartment again. Its highly unlikely you would drug test positive for it unless you are smoking it or exposed to it for long lengths of time.

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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 5:01:41 PM   
bamabbwsub


Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline 		Your *parents* said they'd kick you out if you called the cops? Sheesh! Do they pay for the apartment, or do you and your brother pay for it?

I don't know that I'd necessarily call the cops, but I'd make it very clear to my brother that you live there also and that that is not acceptable behavior.

Best of luck...

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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 5:04:53 PM   
satyrsnymph28


Posts: 379
Status: offline 		I guess I should have explained... they're renting the apartment for us so they're on the lease.  We both live right across from the college campus where we go to school. 

and I can't talk to him about that stuff... he'd just tell me "Fuck off bitch" and keep going about his business.  That's why I had to go to my parents.  He's disrespectful and doesn't care about anything but him and what he wants to do. 

My parents are the only ones who have any impact on him at all, so it was the only answer. 

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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 5:12:33 PM   
eri


Posts: 77
Joined: 11/3/2008
Status: offline 		I don't think your parents can legally kick you out for calling the cops and reporting illegal activities occuring in your apartment. Look at it this way, chances are, if the apartment manager found out about the weed, he/she would be forced to kick you BOTH out for having illegal substances on the property. At the very least, to kick you out, your parents would need to get an eviction notice which takes a min. of 30 days.

So, the question is ... What do you want to do about it? Is this important enough for you to report your brother and his friend, piss off your parents and possibly be forced to find a way to pay your own rent ... Or not?


_____________________________

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“Women must understand that simply attacking or hating men is just another form of disempowerment. A woman has to realize that when she makes a man crawl it doesn't give her power.” ~ Tori Amos

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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 5:18:29 PM   
satyrsnymph28


Posts: 379
Status: offline 		Well, I let my parents know, and they said that they'd talk to him about it another day so it didn't look like I said anything. 

I understand why they don't want me to tell the cops.  My brother already has a hit and run, a DUI, and 2 totaled cars on his record. He managed to get the DUI just a week before his 21st birthday.

He doesn't need anything else.

I'd like to (someday) see him suffer the consequences of his actions.  My parents are really working hard to get him off the hook for his DUI... and since he ran from the hit and run, no one knew that he was drunk when that happened as well. 

I just wish he'd be respectful of me, and not smoke in the house.  I'd prefer not at all, but at least when I'm here. 



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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 5:21:03 PM   
eri


Posts: 77
Joined: 11/3/2008
Status: offline 		Oh great so your parents are enabling him to be a screw up and you're caught in the middle.

That just sucks. :(

If he doesn't need anything else, he should behave himself. Obviously he knows your parents will get him out of whatever trouble he causes.


_____________________________

The artist formerly known as ...

“Women must understand that simply attacking or hating men is just another form of disempowerment. A woman has to realize that when she makes a man crawl it doesn't give her power.” ~ Tori Amos

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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 5:24:24 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Sorry, nymph, but you're still living under your parents' roof.  They pay, their rules.

I assume that any drug tests would detect the difference between a user and someone who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.


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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 5:24:52 PM   
satyrsnymph28


Posts: 379
Status: offline 		That's the part that infuriates me.  They're enabling him to do whatever he wants, and it pisses me off. 

I guess it is what it is. 

They told me to threaten to call the cops if he does it again.  It's an idle threat though because obviously I can't do that. 

I just lit a bunch of strawberry candles all over my room to keep the smell out, and decided I would do the dishes later (since that's how I found out they were smoking anyway, when I went to the kitchen to load the dishwasher). 



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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 5:25:45 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Maybe think of getting your own apartment or rooming with others?

Sorry that's about the best you're gonna get if your brother doesn't respect your views.

While you may not agree with his smoking pot it seems it's just as much his apt as it is yours..and your parents...so unless the parents kick him out I'd say your only options are to either put up with it and turn on all the fans in the house, maybe buy an air neutralizer..or move out and make your own way in the world.

Good luck to you.

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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 5:26:41 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Can you find someplace else for next semester? Tell your parents that when (not if) the neighbors or maintenance man report it, you'll both be kicked out and they'll still be liable to pay the rent until it gets rented again. Yes, that's the law.

Find someplace for you that costs half of what this does and explain that you don't want to get expelled when he does. Then they can let all his druggie friends come in and pay the other half with the proceeds of running a drug operation out of there.

Seriously you need to get out because you will be just as guilty in a court of law. Move back into the dorms if necessary.

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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 5:28:36 PM   
eri


Posts: 77
Joined: 11/3/2008
Status: offline 		Yeah, you may have to find a way to live elsewhere. Chances are your parents will not pay for it but if I could do it at 19, I bet you can do it at 21.





Edited to add:

DesFIP is right. You will be in just as much trouble as him if and when it gets reported by someone else. If your parents are too blind to see that then you have to take care of yourself. Legally you're an adult and the court won't care if you tell them your parents wouldn't let you report him or move out.


< Message edited by eri -- 11/7/2008 5:30:36 PM >

_____________________________

The artist formerly known as ...

“Women must understand that simply attacking or hating men is just another form of disempowerment. A woman has to realize that when she makes a man crawl it doesn't give her power.” ~ Tori Amos

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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 5:29:33 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Tell him that it bothers you and worries you and that he should go somewhere else to smoke.  See how he reacts to that.

I certainly would not call the cops. 

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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 5:34:14 PM   
satyrsnymph28


Posts: 379
Status: offline 		I don't have any income, otherwise-- trust me-- i wouldn't be living here. 

I just interviewed for a job on Wednesday, so when/if that pans out, I'll be moving. 

I think it's his friend that's here.  He doesn't smoke when he's by himself, so I think it's outside influence.  He's too frugal to smoke his own pot.  He'd rather spend his money on alcohol.


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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 5:42:30 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I would drive it home to your parents of the consequences of his drug usage. First; the apartment rent has to be paid and there will be no eviction process, illegal activities will get your stuff on the street in no time by the sheriff's department. Two, they;ll be paying for lawyers for both of you - and you need to ask them point blank if they will hire a lawyer for you or expect you to be the scapegoat for him? Hopefully that blunt a question will make them realize that they're alienating you for good.

And good luck with the job hunt. Can you get a student loan to cover room and board? Go talk to the financial aid people.

If nothing else, transfer to a different school and make it clear you are doing this to stay out of jail when he goes in.

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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 6:04:52 PM   
satyrsnymph28


Posts: 379
Status: offline 		Thank you all SO MUCH for your advice. 

It made the situation so much easier to deal with. 


It still smells terrible out there, and I hope there won't be a next time any time soon, but it is what it is. 

If we get evicted, I'm gonna be more than just a little angry. 

Thanks again.
I'll keep you posted. 

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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 6:26:28 PM   
monywildcat


Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline 		If by chance you do get evicted, consider it a blessing.  Sounds like you are between a rock and a hard place.  Now this is just me, but if I were stuck in that situation I would have more jobs than a jamaican in order to have the money to get the hell out and live on my own.  Even if on my own constituted renting a room somewhere.  Blech, what stress. 

Oh , and being in the apartment while they are smoking isn't going to make you fail a drug screen.  I was told by an MRO that one would have to be in quarters the size of a phone booth while the other parties were smoking, and they would have to do so for like 24 hours.  It takes a LOT of second-hand weed smoke to test positive. 

I hope things iron out for you! 

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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 8:18:04 PM   
satyrsnymph28


Posts: 379
Status: offline 		Oh... That's GREAT news :) I won't fail my drug screen because I walked into the kitchen and did a couple dishes while they were smoking...

good...

I admit, I was scared that it would impact my drug testing, as I've never really even been exposed to pot (or anything else, really) at all before. 

NOW... he went to buy a bunch of alcohol, and he's having friends over.  I have a feeling the night is going to be interesting. 

He's not very smart. 



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RE: sibling issues - 11/7/2008 9:51:54 PM   
MadAxeman


Posts: 4171
Joined: 8/28/2008
From: UK
Status: offline 		Regardless of the legal technicalities, which you already seem well advised upon, he has disrespected you and made the shared living space uncomfortable.
Channel your anger into the energy to change your situation. He's had a lifetime of taking the piss and getting away with it by the sounds of things. You may not be able to change him, you don't need to change, so change the venue. If it will cost your parents more to sustain 2 addresses, that may also help to focus their minds.

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