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RE: Equality - 11/1/2008 11:15:56 PM

MadAxeman

Posts: 4171
Joined: 8/28/2008
From: UK
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I asked a couple the secret of their happy relationship and the fem said
'I make all the small decisions and he makes all the important decisions'
I asked for some examples and she replied
'I decide where we live, how he will decorate the house, what we eat, which movie we watch, where we go on holiday and when we have kids.
'He decides what to do about the economy crisis, whether England should keep persevering with David Beckham and if aliens have ever visited Earth.'

< Message edited by MadAxeman -- 11/1/2008 11:26:23 PM >

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Post #: 21

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 12:06:31 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Ditto what Kyra said.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_583716/mpage_1/key_equality/tm.htm#583730
Equality in Ds

http://www.collarchat.com/m_341688/mpage_2/key_equality/tm.htm#341946
equals

http://www.collarchat.com/m_567946/mpage_1/key_equality/tm.htm#568029
equality and love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_497194/mpage_1/key_equal/tm.htm#497265
double standards

http://www.collarchat.com/m_536782/mpage_1/key_equal/tm.htm#536950
equal rights and submission

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Post #: 22

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 1:12:27 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

So where and how does equality fit in for you?

If you are referring to 'I am his equal'; than it fits no where in my life. Nor do I wish to be his equal within the relationship.

quote:

Do you believe there are times you have equal rights and a time when you do not?

No. In a relationship, the only rights I have are the ones that he has bestowed upon me.

quote:

If so how do you decide when you do and when you don't?

I don't. He does. What's more, he has the perogative to revoke any rights that he has previously given to me.

quote:

Do you want equality?

Already answered

quote:

If not why not?

It's just not what I want in a relationship. If I wanted equality, I would not be in a D/s or M/s relationship.

of course, not being in a relationship right now, none of this matterrs...but when I was and if I was to be again....that's the way it would be for me.

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Post #: 23

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 1:52:09 AM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadAxeman

I asked a couple the secret of their happy relationship and the fem said
'I make all the small decisions and he makes all the important decisions'
I asked for some examples and she replied
'I decide where we live, how he will decorate the house, what we eat, which movie we watch, where we go on holiday and when we have kids.
'He decides what to do about the economy crisis, whether England should keep persevering with David Beckham and if aliens have ever visited Earth.'

lol... I really like that. Sorta reminds me of my ex... except he decided was that he didn't want to be bothered with any decisions.

(in reply to MadAxeman)

Post #: 24

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 2:57:42 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

The three of us are equally important for the relationship that we have to continue.

The three of us are equally valuable in what we bring to the relationship.

The three of us are not equal in authority. He has it all and Alandra and I only have what he wants us to have.

The three of us are not equal in our abilities. We each have our strengths and weaknesses and he uses them in a way the enhances our relationship.

Time is not a factor in that this is the way it is all the time in our relationship. The only 'right' that we share is to be free from harm and free to leave the relationship if we choose.

I wouldn't want it any other way.

Knight's Kyra

That's the same in our relationship. Equal in value and importance to the Relationship. Otherwise there would be no relationship. If I were equal to my Master in ability and capability, I can't see why He would need me at all. He owns me in part because I bring talents that He needs, I am useful to Him. He has authority, I do not and I like it that way. This is the way we live, all of the time.

Equal rights?? Like Kyra said, I have the right to stay or to leave.

I think when people talk about equality in a relationship they are talking about equal value and dressing that desire in a variety of different clothes. In general, human beings want to feel a sense of belonging and value within their relationships. I can't think of an example in nature where equality exists within herds, groups, couples, pods, pairings, packs, gaggles, flocks, etc.

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Post #: 25

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 5:31:19 AM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Instead of equal rights, what about equal value? I am of as much value as is he. Indeed without both of us there is no relationship.

But I have as much right as he to have my needs fulfilled and to feel happy in the relationship. If that doesn't happen, the relationship doesn't have much of a shelf life.

As far as deciding what we will do, I happen to have as much right to say what I want which doesn't mean I will get it. I have a right to be heard but that's because I sought out such a relationship. For me, being unheard equals being unloved.

As far as the right to make decisions; I have as much right to hand over my decision making to him as he has to accept it.

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Post #: 26

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 6:00:04 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

So where and how does equality fit in for you?

Only in the way that we both understand that we are equally unequal.

quote:

Do you believe there are times you have equal rights and a time when you do not?

As above.

quote:

If so how do you decide when you do and when you don't?

You don;t get to decide, it just happens.

quote:

Do you want equality? If so why? If not why not?

No. Because I don't believe equality exists. If it did, we would all be sheep.

the.dark.

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Post #: 27

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 6:33:08 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
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i believe that i am the equal but opposite half of a relationship and expect to be treated that way; i defer out of choice, not out of being less than, so if i choose to belong to someone, then i am placing myself under his authority and choose to submit to his desires and control.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 28

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 7:18:37 AM

worshippingyou

Posts: 13
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: krikket

When i danced with my partner, i thought my part was as important as His. My focus was on Him, where i was guided me, how he wantsed me to move, to willingly follow his directions ..to compliment Him, only doing it back wards and in heels..lol. We might have appeared "equal" to others -- and in some ways we were, but without his direction and control, my involvement and movement would have meant nothing.

regards,
jiminie

Oh, beautiful way to express it, jiminie!

(in reply to krikket)

Post #: 29

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 7:23:16 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Fox and I are not equals... he is my property and i am the owner in our dynamic.

Outside our dynamic things become far more complicated as social, legal, and economic conditions determine equality.

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(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 30

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 7:25:29 AM

missturbation

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Thank you all for your replies so far

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Post #: 31

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 12:36:09 PM

DavanKael

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Joined: 10/6/2007
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So where and how does equality fit in for you?
--Depends on the relationship. I am far more concerned with synergy than paring it down to 'equality' and the many potential definitions and permutations there-of.
Do you believe there are times you have equal rights and a time when you do not?
--Sure. I find it far more important that there be an open flow of and respect for a sharing of ideas. If I behave in deference to someone or allow them dominion over me, I accept that their decisions may supercede mine, though I do not become an automaton upon submission. I expect to be valued within my submission to another and for them to show that dynamic a particular level of respect, as do I their Dominance.
If so how do you decide when you do and when you don't?
--I think there is a natural flow to things in a relationship. Sometimes we have to negotiate for alterations that may or may not be made: in any kind of relationship.
Do you want equality? If so why? If not why not?
--I am assuming you mean in D/s relationships. It depends on what you mean by equality. If by equality, if you mean proporational importance in the relationship: yes. If you mean do I want equal say: not necessarily, no. Although I do expect to be able to state my thoughts and opinions. If you mean do I want an equal division of labor: again, no, not necessarily.
Davan

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Post #: 32

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 2:49:49 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

We have a slave in our community, I believe her name is alana, who once said, "We are of equal value, but not equal status." That spoke a lot to me.

Master Fire

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Post #: 33

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 2:58:12 PM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
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she said that lovely

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 34

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 3:15:48 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I believe i have the equal right to say 'this relationship is not working' and walk away but anything else i do not want or feel i have equal rights.

Presumably you want that which you value to be fulfilled?

I take your point, however, in the sense that there's a distinction between a law maker and an adherent to the law.

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Post #: 35

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 3:21:49 PM

MadRabbit

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Joined: 8/9/2006
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Equal rights? Nope. I don't promise a right to anything beyond safety, security, and consent.

Equal value? Not at all. We both have unique things of value we bring to the relationship.

Equal in priority? I decide how equal things are and that's really all the philosophical thought I am going to put into it. Sometimes I've put what a girl wants in front of what I want. Sometimes it's the other way around. Generally, what I want tends to come first, but it really comes down to what's best for the unique context of the situation.

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Post #: 36

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 6:05:16 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover
and that I'm not KoM (he's better looking).

Oh sure, just inflate the man's ego even more. I am beginning to see how your sadistic nature likes to show itself *eg*

Knight's Kyra

Hey, I owe the man money.

John

and don't think this kind of honest forthright comments is going to get your out of paying your bills!!!!!! But it does cover the interest owned *g*

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 37

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 6:44:00 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

So where and how does equality fit in for you?

equality went straight out the window when this slave signed up for a Master/slave relationship. this slave has no interest in pretending to be His "equal", or in having Him see this slave as an "equal".

His desires, His wants, what is pleasing to Him is of utmost importance. It trumps this slave's desires, wants and what is pleasing to her. it is a relationship built on inequality...He is not held to the same standards as this slave is, it is not a "two-way" street. It is One Way, His Way...or the highway.

if this slave desired an egalitarian relationship, she would have pursued it through conventional "vanilla" venues, or insisted that the foundation of any relationship including BDSM or any element of D/s that she would agree to enter into would be conventionally egalitarian (vanilla) based with a sprinkling of BDSM or D/s...NOT a Master/slave relationship.

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Post #: 38

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 6:46:53 PM

velvetslave

Posts: 33
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline

So where and how does equality fit in for you?

We are equal in the sense that we both have the same amount of responsibility for the success or failure of our relationship. That we both have to put in the same amount of communication, trust, work, and effort in order for our relationship to work.

Do you believe there are times you have equal rights and a time when you do not?

We have equal rights to be in a healthy relationship.

If so how do you decide when you do and when you don't?

Always.

Do you want equality? If so why? If not why not?

Aside from the right to a healthy relationship, no i do not want equality in our relationship. i am motivated to take care of His wants and needs before my own. i want and need Him to have the power, control, authority in our relationship. Our relationship has many layers and dynamics but in all of them He is the leader and i am the follower, it works for us.

velvetslave

< Message edited by velvetslave -- 11/2/2008 6:47:43 PM >

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Post #: 39

RE: Equality - 11/2/2008 6:56:19 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

Equality - the state or quality of being equal; correspondence in quantity, degree, value, rank, or ability.

From dictionary.com.

In another thread there was several mentions of equality in relationships. I am struggling to understand how this works in a BDSM relationship. I believe i have the equal right to say 'this relationship is not working' and walk away but anything else i do not want or feel i have equal rights. I do not want equal rights to decide what we will do, where we will go, what play we will do etc etc.

So where and how does equality fit in for you?
Do you believe there are times you have equal rights and a time when you do not?
If so how do you decide when you do and when you don't?
Do you want equality? If so why? If not why not?

I feel that in terms of rights I am perfectly equal. I have the right to decide that I want him to decide what we'll have for dinner, I have the right to decide that in my relationship I want him to dicate the whens and wheres of sex. I have the right to say "You are in charge - if you don't want to be in charge, you have the right to find another relationship and if you change your mind later on I have the right to decide that this is still what I want and seek happiness elsewhere".

I really don't see much about our relationship that isn't fundementally equal regarding our "rights" - I'm getting what I want after all. I'm just getting it in a situation where I'm not always getting my immediate wants. Even then, I retain the right to decide "fuck this, I want something else" and either change or abandon our relationship. Not bloody likely but I could. I'd have to agree with Kyra that it's authority that isn't equal. But it's unequal in a way that we equally decided on.

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Post #: 40

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