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RE: How...? - 10/30/2008 10:30:27 AM

FRSguy

Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
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Approach it as a couple not as individuals. Select the fun stuff to play around with you cant expect for you to be a sub and him a Dom overnight. Dont take any of this too seriously. Dont get overly into D/S at first when it comes to the day to day but keep it to the bedroom. When it comes to the sex part dont just jump in and do what they do in porn and movies... take the aspects that you are interested in and try it out and when it comes to the sex do research research reseach before diving in. For instance, want to try bondage? Go to a site that has info on bondage first and see what posibilities you can do then go to another site on tieing knots and practice before you get tied up. Once you get involved with the fun stuff and that goes smoothly then you might want to try a weekend of D/S where he dominates and has his compleate way with you for the weekend. Once you get past that first weekend then things should evolve naturally. Its like anything else in a relationship.... explore first and understand what the limitations are. Its a dish that can be served up any way you like it so dont feel as though you have to live up to some stereo type.... nobody is going to score you on your performance...lol.

(in reply to housemouse61)

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Post #: 21

RE: How...? - 10/30/2008 10:57:19 AM

CrazyC

Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
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If it helps, I watched a close friend of me just start in the scene after 10 years of being vanilla. She realized though that she had a huge desire for pain, and wanted to explore this life of D/s. She informed her husband, and so they started doing things here and there. They played but didn't really start the D/s tell just lately. So please realize the relationship part will take time. But learning the joy of submitting can come now as you learn to do it in a safe space then grow from there.

After a year and coming out in the community, they went through a rough spot because of their ideas of what domming and submitting was. With lots of communication and some counciling with a lifestyle friendly councilor, they learned what was real and what was fantacy. They also would tell you to relax and enjoy the ride of learning where your submission is and where his dominance is. It is a dance of power exchange and each of us dance a different way.

:) You guys are going to have fun learning this.

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Post #: 22

RE: How...? - 10/30/2008 7:29:47 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

since you state that your interest is in BDSM, not D/s, which this slave takes to mean Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism and not Dominance/submission, perhaps you could try viewing him as a "top" and you as a "bottom" and you could do away with the difficulty of infusing "dominance" and "submission" into the mix altogether.

talk about what turns you on, what expectations and fantasies you have, as well as what doesn't turn you on, the "DON'T EVEN go there" 's and physical/mental/spiritual limitations you have as they pertain to your mutual exploration of BDSM. make a list, if you like, shop for toys...or not, then get to the having fun part!!!

from this slave's perspective, enjoying BDSM doesn't mean that either participant has to dominate over/submit to the other.

I think this is great advise in general and I wish more people would understand that there is a significant difference in BDSM and D/s. Sure the two concepts can co-exist rather beautifully... But so often people get them so intertwined that they can't see the forest for the trees.

I might suggest you consider what my girl kyra said as well.....

quote:

What do you think dominance and submission is? What is it that someone does that causes you to perceive them as dominant or submissive?

The process starts internally. Define what this is for yourself.

Like someone else said... when he exerts authority, stop resisting and start submitting to his will.

It just might help you see the forest alittle more clearly.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

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Post #: 23

RE: How...? - 10/31/2008 7:16:14 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

Otterswim said:
On the outside your husband is saying..."hmmm" and nodding..."interesting"...and..."let's look into this". On the inside he is going His wife is interested in getting KINKY!!!!!

OK, I don't want to start a brawl seeing as I think I picked enough fights yesterday. But in my opinion, this is misleading and potentially dangerous (and somewhat offensive). This would be akin to me saying of a woman, "Here's a little tip for you, outside she may be saying ooooh, let's get kinky, but inside she's looking at the balance in your bank account." Now honestly, if I had said that, dont' you think about 6 billion subs would be climbing down my throat at this very moment -- you among them? Not merely insulting to women in general, but generally bad advice too. For the record, my wife's first proposition to me was as a bedroom sub (read sex slave) and I declined that offer.

Wanted to get back to this - was gone yesterday. I admit, it was not my most flattering comment about the male sex and you were right to take me to task if it offended you. I meant it as a bit of levity, but maybe it was poorly chosen. If it offended, I apologize. Cheers!