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RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/30/2008 6:12:14 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Saw one scene one time that freaked me out, a friend of mine, bound to a table, a wooden box put over her head and then a pet rat (really a rat, not a mouse) placed in the box. If this had been done to be someone would be hurting once i was let free.

heartfelt

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/30/2008 7:04:27 AM   
theobserver


Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline 		I don't know if my anxieties can be classified as phobias, but the very well may be. I cannot drive more than a mile from my house without the potential for a serious panic attack. A few years back, an out of town friend came to visit and we planned to go to this amusement park, the drive was maybe fifteen minutes but at a point I had a serious panic attack and let go of the wheel. She had to grab it, we could have been killed.

And it's like, the intense fears have gotten worst by the year. Some days I can't get even get to my mail box. I can't even begin to explain it.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/30/2008 8:30:20 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		I don't know that phobias have anything to do with BDSM, you presumably are uncomfortable looking at a barf bag in an airplane. But in general, a phobia, if it prevents you from functioning what you yourself would describe as "normally", is something you can work through, with or without your partner. You just have to accept it, and then try to reprogram yourself. If that does not help, there are therapists out there.

As an example, I had a slave that had a needle phobia, to the point that she couldn't have blood drawn or have an injection, the sight of a needle would make her go into panic mode. I discussed this with her at some length, since I love sticking my subs, but it was also relevant to have her be able to have blood drawn for medical purposes, and we eventually resolved it by my teaching her to stick me.

Bear in mind that I take medication I have to inject myself, so the circumstance was rather more natural than if I'd just set up something artificial. And it helped her that I knew how to handle a syringe and a needle, since I was doing that twice a week, having been taught how to by my physician's nurse. Forgive me for elaborating that, but I think that working on a phobia without there being a natural reason is probably hard. You would not be likely to allay your fears by having a bulimic teach you how to purge.

Then again.. interesting thought for play.... sorry, couldn't help myself there

(in reply to Observer20)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/30/2008 9:20:34 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		Most BDSM techniques are actually the same techniques used to deal with any phobia or fear in general.  There are limits to how effective the many different techniques are though.  Some issue may require the help of a trained professional such as a therapist.

Perhaps one of the strengths of a BDSM D/s relationship, is the desire to (serve, submit, please another person).   This in itself can be a good source of inspiration for something call self improvement.   A D/s relationship can give one the sense of purpose and belonging to be a source of motivation behind change, facing fears and etc..

At times this desire can help one push past their own hang-ups and fears.  It all depends upon personalities of people involved.  A Dominant can push a submissive to face these fears and also be supportive in the process.  All depends if you respond better to a Drill Instructor riding your ass, or somebody who is your own personal cheerleading section.  Perhaps a mix of both.

However, the key to overcoming your fears lays within yourself.  When somebody is pushing or forcing you to do something, you really don't have much choice to run and hide from your fears.  If somebody is saying it's ok and is cheerleading you a long the way, they are encouraging you to face your fears.   Either case, you basically have the support of somebody who is trying to help you.

Everybody has a different style, and slightly different approach with the same end goal in mind when it comes to dealing with fear.

Keep in mind that the role and skills of a Dom/me can be somewhat limited, you may or may not need to seek out professional help.

Now, also.. submissives can have the same effect upon a Dominant partner.  Where the Dominant desires to improve themselves to be a big better person.  Self improvement by the nature they want to be the best DOM for their submissive partner.  So the motivation factors with D/s involved can slightly tip the scales some.  Depending upon the personalities of those involved.

In terms of techniques for dealing with fears, there is a lot of great information posted on the internet about this topic.  I would suggest Googling it some, doing some research into different things to try, explore what might work best for you.  Options also including professional help.

Good luck to you.

(in reply to Observer20)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/30/2008 9:26:42 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		I wouldn't call it a phobia, but I get what might be considered close to anxiety attacks if I'm cornered and/or interogated.  I don't do interogation scenes (where I'm the one interogated) because of it, and I tend to avoid situations that leave me somewhere without an escape route if forced into a confrontational type situation. 


< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 10/30/2008 9:28:55 AM >

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/30/2008 10:10:45 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I couldn't watch all of Greedy Top's movie cause it had flying monkeys in it. (a LOT of them.)
Does that count?

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(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/30/2008 10:48:55 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

If he ever puts a spider on me he's getting kicked in the balls.


Jeezus that would just be the START of my reactions. He'd be lucky to live through it.


Spiders are one of the enduring reasons that I specify animals as a totally non-negotiable hard limit. Now obviously this also saves me from the indignity of trying to get jiggy with a donkey or something (but realistically how often is that one actually put to you as a slave .. and the type of nice Christian boy I tend to go for is usally more interested in nailing my nipples to the table rather than watching me copulate with Fido). The threat however of creepy crawlies and generally things with more legs than me that favour scuttling ... *shudders* ... is enver going to happen, for anyone ... for any reason ..... even for shoes



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(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/30/2008 11:09:08 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		For myself, I rather see phobias being the same as hard limits. If something is that distressing to someone, that is not a place a responsible Master should take you.

That being said, your particular phobia, fear of vomiting. You said it has limited your participation in some activities. Honestly, in all my years I don't think I have ever seen anyone vomit from BDSM activities. Would you consider explaining what sorts of activities you are afraid of because of your phobia?

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You teach best what you have lived.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/30/2008 2:01:06 PM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		chocking her,,with fingers in her troat...might make her think she vomits...
don't think she meant vomitting as a sexual attractive bdsm act..lol


best way to get rid of phobias is to practice them a lott..lol

(in reply to SirDominic)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/30/2008 2:25:28 PM   
sireninchains


Posts: 63
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		i have some phobias, most notably of water (drowning, specifically) and of needles, and of suffocation. I have been exploring my fears lately though and developed a curiousity about waterboarding...

Go figure.

But if i think about needles too much or a few other sorts of scary looking medical equipment ill get sick and pass out. Its happened, thankfully the nurses were well equipped to deal with the situation.

(in reply to JustDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/30/2008 2:37:05 PM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline 		I've seen people vomit from BDSM activities, and spent many an hour surpressing my own vomiting compulsion.  Oh, and sometimes, just watching a scene will do it for me.

As far as fears go, I'm absolutly petrified of needles, and equally the physiological response I get to being stuck with them.  Needle play is, therefore, on the to-do list.

I'm afraid of the claw type things that people put on the end of their fingers, so much so that simply seeing a set on Tuesday whilst I was tied up was enough to make the top concerned about the colour I'd gone and elicit the response, "someone did something very bad to you with these, didn't they."  These are definitly not on the to-do list.

Otherwise, there are certain bondage positions that trigger flashbacks, but I'm not afraid of them.

I love being afraid though, I love having a partner scare me witless, it just takes a lot for me to trust someone with enough of my triggers to let that happen.

(in reply to JustDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/30/2008 3:42:26 PM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		With a phobia like that, Jimi Hendrix would still be with us today.

(in reply to Observer20)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/30/2008 6:22:49 PM   
subenigmatic


Posts: 40
Joined: 6/25/2008
Status: offline 		My phobia is snakes- even just the thought of them kinds of sends me into a heightened state of anxiety. 

As far as play goes, like other people, masks just do not work for me.  I can do a blindfold, but anything beyond that will absolutely make me panic.  I don't know if it's a form of claustrophobia or where it comes from, all I know is it is something that is a limit with me.  In the spirit of trying to grow beyond my fears I did tell someone I was with that I would be willing to try and work on gags, but thankfully he vetoed the idea.

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missub on CM

(in reply to tweedydaddy)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/30/2008 10:17:27 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

<snip>...Honestly, in all my years I don't think I have ever seen anyone vomit from BDSM activities. Would you consider explaining what sorts of activities you are afraid of because of your phobia?


a hard face-fuck will make me vomit just about every time; especially if the guy stays in my throat more than not.

(in reply to SirDominic)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/30/2008 10:19:08 PM   
SingleRarity


Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

<snip>...Honestly, in all my years I don't think I have ever seen anyone vomit from BDSM activities. Would you consider explaining what sorts of activities you are afraid of because of your phobia?


a hard face-fuck will make me vomit just about every time; especially if the guy stays in my throat more than not.


Ditto, and I have almost no gag reflex normally.

Daddy's Ballerina, e


< Message edited by SingleRarity -- 10/30/2008 10:20:41 PM >

(in reply to daddysliloneds)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/31/2008 1:13:19 AM   
monywildcat


Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline 		My biggest phobia is drowning, to the point I don't take baths, going to pool constitutes me basking in the sun.  Yet, I like breath play.  Spiders don't squick me in the least, but the big "water bugs" make me run screaming into the night.  Same with junebugs, but locusts (yes, I know that the proper term is cicadas, I think, at least for this part of Green Country anyways) don't bother me any more.  I have always loved snakes.  Daddy made me pet one and got rid of that fear.  Same with the soft pool in my best friend's yard, he swished me back and forth underwater to help with the whole "I can't get in that water, I'll drown" thing. 

So, my greatest phobia has not stood in the way of any type of BDSM or "kinky" type of play between us.  I haven't figured out yet how to incorporate the drowning fear into play, thereby getting rid of said fear since that must be how I am wired, but I am sure Daddy has a thought or two brewing to try out at some point in the future. 

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/31/2008 1:22:15 AM   
littletia


Posts: 24
Joined: 10/23/2008
From: Vancouver BC
Status: offline 		my phobia is of spiders and snakes

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http://www.tiedupandfucked.info

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/31/2008 7:28:49 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

That being said, your particular phobia, fear of vomiting. You said it has limited your participation in some activities. Honestly, in all my years I don't think I have ever seen anyone vomit from BDSM activities. Would you consider explaining what sorts of activities you are afraid of because of your phobia?


Hi Sir Dominic,

Things that have caused me to vomit with my former Master:

* Learning to deep throat
* Learning to drink his urine
* Being defecated in (my mouth)
* An intensely hard orgasm (particularly after a meal)

Mind you, it's not as though I vomited all the time when with him. These were rare occurrences, but they happened. He didn't much care that I did, as long as it wasn't on him and as long as I cleaned it up right away.

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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/31/2008 8:21:50 AM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		i have a adversion to the sound of bull whips. this is not a phobia per se but from multiple deployments to the warzone, sounds too much like gunfire. i just avoid the whip room during that time. im a bit anxious on needles as im a nurse so im getting over that with the help of my M'Lady. as far as the bdsm helping with the problems iuts not as much the tupe of therapy but the therapy itselh that helps. being with someone you trust helps a great deal sometimes just gradual exposure will be enough, but some times more is needed to get past the fear.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Phobias & BDSM - 10/31/2008 8:42:36 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know that I would classify this as a phobia, but I get extremely anxious when I have hair in my face and when he physically crowds my head and upper body with his.  My reactions and fear are an automatic response that I struggle to control.  It is a reaction that is due to being raped when I was younger but for the longest time I didn't really understand my reaction to hair in my face.  Then one day I realized that the person who raped me had long hair and it brushed my faced as he had me pinned down. 

When we play and have sex he will intentionally push the buttons that cause this anxiety, while also reminding me that I am safe and loved by him.  I am getting much better at seperating the fear caused by the past from my present.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Observer20)
Profile   Post #: 40
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