On Being Stupid

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

On Being Stupid

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> On Being Stupid

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 11:00:55 AM

Slave2Bob

Posts: 65
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

We've all done stupid things, not one of us hasn't. I've hurt myself in the worst way possible. My sisters, a married Dom is only going to lead to heartbreak. Wether soon, or in the future, there inevitably will come a day when your total commitment means absolutely nothing. You will never be to him, what he is to you. Someone else will. When he moves you to be closer to him, and then essentially abandons you in a place where you know nobody. Who are you going to go to? If you're in the ER, who are you going to call? If your car breaks down on these unfamiliar roads, who will you call when you don't even know where you are? All questios to ask yourself. In the end, the person that you put your ultimate trust in won't be there for you. The one that you totally committed to has other commitments that come before you. It's time to kick yourself in your stupid ass, and find someone that will give you the same level of commitment. It will definately hurt, and not in a good way! Learn from the dumbasses that have made this mistake. If he won't value you, value yourself. Bite the bullet, and move on. It's never too late, don't waste one more day !

_____________________________

>^._.^< jen

princessj on cm

Post #: 1

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 11:17:47 AM

JumpingJax

Posts: 155
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

It seems to me that you have probably just had a very bad day.   For that I am sorry.

I don't think it is always inevitable that every situation will end like this. Although it's obvious from searching the poly message boards that problems like this do arise, it also appears to me that a poly situation can also work out as well.
The fact is in this day and age any relationship is difficult to keep together,   It doesn't matter if the Dom you seek is married or single,   there is always a risk involved.

I do feel bad about the situation you have been left in though.

(in reply to Slave2Bob)

Post #: 2

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 11:27:53 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I did something stupid a few weeks ago and bought a stack of hay that looked great, smelled great but I forgot and didn't lift a bale to see if it was soaking wet on the inside. Stupid beginner's mistake.

In the past, I've let a few people into my life that I shouldn't have.

Hopefully, we learn from our stupidity and don't make the same mistakes over and over. The people thing, I think I've gotten pretty good at. But..........

Sometimes people are like that hay, pretty and smelling good on the outside but rotten in the middle. You've got to look past the exteriour and find out what they are really made of, before you buy the whole package deal. Rotten hay is much easier to deal with than a rotten human being.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 10/16/2008 11:30:22 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Slave2Bob)

Post #: 3

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 11:29:45 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

This is another one of those OPs that makes me wonder about the intent and motivation of the post.

Is someone in your life experiencing this and not listening to your advice? Is it you?

Married men aren't always shits. Women who get involved with them aren't always trying to be the most important in their life. Some people get involved with married people for very good reasons and have happy and healthy relationships with them.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to Slave2Bob)

Post #: 4

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 11:34:09 AM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

I can understand the OP..when the married guy didn't tell his wife.
Then she always will be second. Ofcourse she knew that...but it can hurt.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 5

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 11:37:06 AM

monywildcat

Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

Learn from the experience, OP, sorry that things didn't work out between you and this married Dom. But to call those that have been or currently are involved with a married or otherwise attached person dumbasses is kind of a blanket statement that not many are going to appreciate. As tress said, not all these relationships have a bad ending.

_____________________________

Major Life Change Necessitates Personal Reinvention...

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 6

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 11:57:16 AM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

All I can say is that a wise (married, in an open relationship) man once told me "If a person will lie to their primary partner, they will lie to anyone, which includes you." He always had everyone he planned to play with meet his wife and everything was aboveboard.

I personally would not relocate across the country (or for that matter around the block) to a man who was not willing to put me first, and if they are married (especially if the marriage includes children) you will NEVER be first. Of course they have other commitments that come before you! This isn't limited to the BDSM world. (It isn't even limited to married people, some people put their jobs before their partners, or their online role play gaming, or whatever).

It doesn't make you stupid, though, it makes you human, and humans make mistakes. The trick is to try not to make the same ones repeatedly:)

(in reply to monywildcat)

Post #: 7

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 11:59:47 AM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

Married men aren't always shits. Women who get involved with them aren't always trying to be the most important in their life. Some people get involved with married people for very good reasons and have happy and healthy relationships with them.

I read the OP's post as that someone (she?) had been involved with this man and he had expected him to put her first, including moving her from her original residence to be near him, and then was unwilling to put her first. I think if there is a mutual agreement to not put each other first that is a whole other ball of wax:)

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 8

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 12:05:04 PM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyMorgan

How stupid must I be getting involved with them?

Soemtimes the heart overrules the mind

(in reply to IvyMorgan)

Post #: 9

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 12:07:17 PM

tweedydaddy

Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

There is a difference between a Dominant and a Husband, one signs on for fun, the other for life. You are the one who chooses what you want.

(in reply to Slave2Bob)

Post #: 10

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 12:12:38 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

OP, I have got to say to you, I am REEEEEEALLLLLY feeling the angst in what you said and empathizing with certain sentiments you expressed.

Your MissTress counter-balanced it beautifully with:
Married men aren't always shits. Women who get involved with them aren't always trying to be the most important in their life. Some people get involved with married people for very good reasons and have happy and healthy relationships with them.

And, JustDarkness made a valid point with: Sometimes the heart overrules the mind (And, I will add that sometimes that is the right thing. I claim no wisdom, I share in your feelings of stupidity and optionality at this very moment OP).

Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 10/16/2008 12:16:17 PM >

(in reply to tweedydaddy)

Post #: 11

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 12:35:39 PM

Slave2Bob

Posts: 65
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

To clarify, I never expected to be his "everything", and was assured that I'd NEVER be his "nothing". The man I worship, is so busy cowering at his wifes feet and kissing her ass that I'm lucky to get an e-mail. A true Dom should be just that, not a part timer. I love him dearly, but can't say that I haven't lost some respect after several months of very restricted contact due to the deception and cowering.

_____________________________

>^._.^< jen

princessj on cm

(in reply to Slave2Bob)

Post #: 12

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 12:40:53 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Slave2Bob----
< Offering you a hug >
Davan

(in reply to Slave2Bob)

Post #: 13

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 12:41:02 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

The only thing that anyone should be is what they agree to be. Where is the deception? to you or his wife?

You can only expect what you are promised, if that promise is that you will always come second to his wife then thats what you expect. if you are told you wil be equal then thats what you will expect, only then can you be upset when you get something less. The problem is that often people get involed in relationships are told where they will stand and then during the relationship expect something differant and then complain.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to Slave2Bob)

Post #: 14

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 12:44:24 PM

Slave2Bob

Posts: 65
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

And I can't say that it was my respect for him that was lost, it was respect for myself.

_____________________________

>^._.^< jen

princessj on cm

(in reply to Slave2Bob)

Post #: 15

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 12:48:57 PM

MrHarsh

Posts: 56
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline

I really just don't know what to make of the original post. There's no context to make heads or tails of it.

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 16

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 1:43:20 PM

IvyMorgan

Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyMorgan

How stupid must I be getting involved with them?

Soemtimes the heart overrules the mind

And, sometimes, we're all a happy bunch of people in a cheery poly relationship of joy.

(in reply to JustDarkness)

Post #: 17

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 1:45:36 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

When he moves you to be closer to him, and then essentially abandons you in a place where you know nobody. Who are you going to go to? If you're in the ER, who are you going to call? If your car breaks down on these unfamiliar roads, who will you call when you don't even know where you are? All questios to ask yourself

It seems to me, that these are all good questions, that you should have asked yourself prior to being moved out to be closer to him. With that said, I feel for you. I understand that you want to warn others with regards to your own mistakes, but people need to make their own and learn by them. Where is your own responsibility in this? You agreed to being moved to be closer to him. You knew he was married. You knew you would not come first. He may have promised you the moon, but when it comes down to the reality of it, he belongs to his wife, and it is she that makes the decisions, based on the following:

quote:

The man I worship, is so busy cowering at his wifes feet and kissing her ass that I'm lucky to get an e-mail.

Again with this phrase...

quote:

A true Dom should be just that, not a part timer.

A "true" Dom is whatever their sub thinks they are. This kind of blanket statement leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Once again, you knew he was a part-timer prior to your move. Now, if you moved there and then he told you he was married, then I could understand your post more. But that is not the case. I am very glad to see you say you are moving on. Lesson learned, no?

Good luck to you.

_____________________________

(in reply to Slave2Bob)

Post #: 18

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 1:47:32 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

You made the choice to move to him. This is more about dealing with your choices than the sort of person he is.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Slave2Bob)

Post #: 19

RE: On Being Stupid - 10/16/2008 1:49:11 PM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyMorgan

And, sometimes, we're all a happy bunch of people in a cheery poly relationship of joy.

neah then I have to wait for my turn :P
(just making fun)

(in reply to IvyMorgan)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> On Being Stupid

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094