RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it

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RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 8:35:57 AM

xXLithiumXx

Posts: 723
Joined: 9/2/2008
From: Hell, Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sailorfrank

Dont ever use others to vent your emotions on. Never let your anger go past sunset each day or sadness. deal with it in a way so you dont effect others. Inflicting pain from your anger may end up harsh and cruel to your sub/slave and will cause even more emotinal pain as they try to understand...........why you were so harsh with them!

-smiles a bit-

Frank, can I be frank...of course not, you are.

Its not harshness. I dont use my girl to vent my pain on. Maybe I came across that way, and it wasnt meant to. Allow me to elaborate. When Im mad at the kids, or upset or worried, I clean the house. Its like physically organizing the thoughts in my head. When I flog or paddle kittie, it allows that stress to let go, to be free. It keeps me from chewing myself in half or from stabbing myself in the eye. Its consensual. Its something I do with control and with a pained kind of slowness. I dont go in and just start madly throwing around paddles and floggers and whips and clamps.
Ask kittie, I spent almost 3 months NOT doing scenes with her because I knew that I had some anger issues and I didnt need that kind of control. I didnt need a weapon of any kind in my hand.

Now, when its only milkd stress and I know that its a release for her and for me, it is much easier.

_____________________________

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement

You have to believe in yourself. -Tsun Tzu-

Resident Malkavian.

(in reply to sailorfrank)

Post #: 21

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 9:37:03 AM

sailorfrank

Posts: 127
Joined: 6/18/2008
Status: offline

Sorry that was meant as a general comment and not at you directly.
Still learning the darn buttons here and?? oppps? shouldnt have pushed that one either???

Glad to here that you have a handle on it tho.

(in reply to xXLithiumXx)

Post #: 22

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 9:57:10 AM

FRSguy

Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

For me I would have to say that when I do feel emotionally down I do have an urge to have sex as a way of bringing myself back up to a degree… sometimes its more of reaffirmation of what is truly important in life. In the same way there are also other things that I like to do when I am emotionally down like going out drinking with friends or even just playing video games or taking an extra day off from work and just kind of hanging out. I never actually think in terms of ‘I feel like shit I guess I will go beat someone’ but I might actually think like ‘ I will just go to bed and instruct my sub to wake me up in the morning by sucking me off until I scream stop and then maybe have breakfast served to me in bed’….lol .

I guess I could say that I gravitate to my home plate when I am upset and surround myself with the things that mean the most to me which includes sex and definitely places more demands on my sub however I would also have to say that there is also a degree of balance as in I got my blowjob, my breakfast maybe now its time to take the girls out for the day or something like that. Everybody feels the love so to speak and I know that they understand that something is troubling me but they never confront me with it. I try to avoid making people walk on egg shells around me just because I am down which is the easiest thing to do. I think part of my Dominance is selfishly thinking and protecting those around me and for me that means not beating people because of the way that I feel...lol

(in reply to sailorfrank)

Post #: 23

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 10:46:40 AM

IvyMorgan

Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I feel things done in order to avoid emotional pain are not healthy (i.e. self harm). Things done, however, to help cope with emotional pain ARE healthy (meditation in solitude), unless they get out of hand (refusal to come out of the house). It all depends on the intent. Since I don't know his intent, I can't really comment other than that.

Master Fire

I agree with this. As such, I am very careful when (and how) I play.

I make a distinction between kink and self harm, if I want to hurt myself, I don't play.

If I want to burst into tears and cry, I'll go get cane strokes. Topping from the bottom, hell yes, but sometimes, I know best what I need, and I pick partners who appreciate that.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 24

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 2:34:06 PM

tweedydaddy

Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

The need to pass your own pain on to others is a sure sign that you can't take it.
That would be weak, very weak.

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 25

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 2:39:31 PM

whiteslavebitch

Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

As a temporary measure, I could see where it might make me feel better emotionally to receive pain, mostly as a distraction.

MasterK has inflicted pain on me during a time of stress to relieve tension, and I totally approved of it (not that he needs my approval

).

_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 26

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 3:35:17 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Such a touchy subject at the moment......

I haven't figured out how it all works yet, but I do find that every part of me is eased from a strong and well controlled play session, including varying levels of pain. I am not going to go so far as to say it cures the emotional turmoil as much as it regulates the rhythm and smooths out the rough spots. Further, I am not in control and, therefore, my partner gives me what I need in a controlled manner rather than what I may irrationally feel I need. I think part of it is an exchange of energy between my partner and myself. I think we actually expel a lot of the negative and fill each other with the good.

As far as inflicting pain, I do not find any joy in doing this. I find that if I were to engage in this I would feel like I had lost control of myself and would question my judgement. I would feel like I had lost the right to the trust and care of the person. I am not saying that there is not some validity to focused controlled infliction of pain for some, but I do not think I would appreciate myself having been in such a frame of mind.

lovingpet

(in reply to whiteslavebitch)

Post #: 27

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 4:06:28 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Well, sure playing changes the way I feel for the better. Should I say whipping a submissive has no effect on me? I’m not whipping in anger as someone said, but play does change my mood for the better. I’d think long and hard about playing if it didn’t.

Does kissing someone, making love or walking hand in hand change your mood? It does to me and so does play. It helps me get over emotional downs because it is an intense experience with another that makes me forget my problems. Nothing wrong with that.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 28

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 5:26:22 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Best stress reliever for me is to be beaten. I don't "need" it , but boy, am i relaxed when Sir is done - and yes, i have asked for more if i don't feel "finished". Usually by the time he has finished the additional beating, i wish i hadn't asked.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 29

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 5:59:14 PM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

Absolutely. I crave to be used and "hurt" when I am in emotional pain or stress, and when Master needs to do the same ( hurt me) for whatever reason, it works. I love it.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 30

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 6:22:39 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I don't use play as an excuse to get out my anger on someone, I would be abusing the wrong person for the wrong reason, and it just wouldn't work for me. Also, I wouldn't want my sub to think that I was abusing him for any reason other than I JUST WANT TO.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to Aynne88)

Post #: 31

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 6:38:44 PM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

I see what you are saying but it is only the two of us, we do not "play" with others or even refer to it as play ourselves, and for us it works and works well. Just my opinion, no disrespect intended.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 32

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/16/2008 2:22:01 PM

AMaster

Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravesdom

For me, receiving physical pain can temporarily distract me from my emotional pain. It is not something I do very often because just like getting drunk or any other temporary distraction, the emotional pain is still going to be there the next day.

Quite true.

(in reply to cravesdom)

Post #: 33

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/16/2008 2:25:51 PM

Marion001

Posts: 54
Joined: 7/24/2008
Status: offline

i think that it is not a good idea to do on a daily basis, it creates a dependency on act of beating ones sub. what happens when one is without their sub? they should have better ways to release their emotions that are healthier along side beatings.

(in reply to sailorfrank)

Post #: 34

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/16/2008 4:38:21 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine
What say yall - doms, do you release your emotional pain by inflicting pain on others?

It's one way... but not the only way. Often it's not even the most effective way.... I try to do things that are the most effective to get the results I want.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 35

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/16/2008 6:32:49 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Aynne, I used fast reply, that was not in response to your post at all.

I sure wish it would say that when you use it.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to Aynne88)

Post #: 36

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/17/2008 1:36:50 AM

Ialdabaoth

Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine
What say yall - doms, do you release your emotional pain by inflicting pain on others?

Absolutely, emphatically yes.

and there's nothing wrong with that.

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 37

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/17/2008 6:36:55 AM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Psychologically speaking, infliction of physical pain on self or others is a pretty big no-brainer. Not always the most well-advised thing but if controlled, can, in some cases, imo, have its cathartic merits.
Davan

(in reply to sailorfrank)

Post #: 38

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/17/2008 12:22:55 PM

monywildcat

Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

I find that if I am emotionally hurting, and I get a good dose of some physical pain, I end up in the proper headspace to open up and properly deal with the source of that emotional anguish. Otherwise, I will internize said anguish, it will fester and eventually explode. Better for me to sniffle over the bruises and contusions now and deal with things now, than for me to sweep broken dishes and tend to cut-up feet later. Granted, this sort of solution isn't for everyone. I found what works for me.

On the other side of this issue, no way in hell would I want to be beaten or whatever because Daddy has something heavy that he is dealing with. We were able to reach an understanding on this very issue last night, when he yelled at me not for anything that I may have done, he was just angry and hurt and lashed out verbally. After seeing my profound hurt, it was determined that I am not filling the role of "whipping boy" (or girl) be it verbal or physical. His decision, I seconded the vote.

_____________________________

Major Life Change Necessitates Personal Reinvention...

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 39

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/22/2008 5:59:11 PM

panthersub

Posts: 80
Joined: 5/20/2008
Status: offline

i do ask for a beating if i feel i need it and my Dom happily obliges

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 40

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