Inflicting pain vs receiving it

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Inflicting pain vs receiving it

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Inflicting pain vs receiving it

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/14/2008 9:27:42 PM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

So, I was trolling profiles today, and saw one indicating a dom was in emotional pain so he wanted to inflict some pain in order to rid himself of it. At first I thought "oh, that's a bad thing!" but then I considered that when I am in emotional pain all I want to do is have it purged from me by being beaten, so I'm not sure there's any difference at all.

What say yall - doms, do you release your emotional pain by inflicting pain on others? Subs, do you seek release from emotional pain by having pain inflicted on you?

Post #: 1

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/14/2008 9:34:47 PM

Sexycelticlady

Posts: 112
Joined: 7/20/2008
Status: offline

I think that physical pain can be used as a focus to ease the trauma of emotional pain. Yes, I have used pain in the past to help me through some very bad times. However, I recognise now that it is a crutch. I am stronger than that and learning to deal with my emotional pain has been a difficult process and one that I am still learning about.

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 2

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/14/2008 9:54:50 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine
What say yall - doms, do you release your emotional pain by inflicting pain on others?

Yup.

quote:

Subs, do you seek release from emotional pain by having pain inflicted on you?

No, it's more a distraction from the actual emotional pain, an escape for awhile.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 3

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/14/2008 9:56:11 PM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

That's interesting, any theories on why it seems to work (from the way I read your post) one way and not the other?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/14/2008 10:40:11 PM

cravesdom

Posts: 5219
Joined: 3/28/2008
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

For me, receiving physical pain can temporarily distract me from my emotional pain. It is not something I do very often because just like getting drunk or any other temporary distraction, the emotional pain is still going to be there the next day.

_____________________________

Finally home where I belong.

"A lot of disappointed people have been left standing on the street corner waiting for the bus marked 'Perfection.' " Donald Kennedy

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 5

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/14/2008 10:54:06 PM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravesdom

For me, receiving physical pain can temporarily distract me from my emotional pain. It is not something I do very often because just like getting drunk or any other temporary distraction, the emotional pain is still going to be there the next day.

For me it sometimes seems to get rid of it completely. Just depends.

(in reply to cravesdom)

Post #: 6

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/14/2008 11:13:38 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I feel things done in order to avoid emotional pain are not healthy (i.e. self harm). Things done, however, to help cope with emotional pain ARE healthy (meditation in solitude), unless they get out of hand (refusal to come out of the house). It all depends on the intent. Since I don't know his intent, I can't really comment other than that.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 7

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 1:21:47 AM

hopelesslyInvo

Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline

i tend to think of dominants who are pissed off and want to beat someone in order to make themselves feel better to be similar to drunk driving, just a wrong state of mind for the activity.

hit me cause you like me = one thing; hit me because you're full of hate = another.

it would take a lot for me to trust that they will be 'relieving their anger by doing some activity they enjoy', rather than 'taking out their anger on me in the only way they know how'.

< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 10/15/2008 1:25:58 AM >

_____________________________

great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 8

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 3:12:18 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

Nope i dont for me it would be dangerous to do that, ive a very addictive personality and i become reliant on things I wouldnt want to rely on physical pain to remove emotional pain it would cause me lots of problems if the relationship broke up i never play when im sad or anything.

I would also hope the dominant didnt o it either, but it depends on the extent of their emotional pain and if it blurrs their sense of what i would be feeling

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to hopelesslyInvo)

Post #: 9

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 4:18:21 AM

Motionflipotion

Posts: 65
Joined: 1/24/2008
From: City of depression
Status: offline

I can speak from experience and say:

Anything done in anger unless it is an act of war, is executed by a man that is no Dom.

BTW, my experience is as a superhero, turned supervillain. So, get in where you fit in.

_____________________________

<Don Flip

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 10

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 4:20:12 AM

apiercedkitty

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine
Subs, do you seek release from emotional pain by having pain inflicted on you?

Yes, while it doesn't take the pain away, it tends to put me in a better frame of mind to deal with it.

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 11

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 4:50:52 AM

KnashsLiLwench

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline

For me personally this would be a bad thing. Years ago I was a cutter. I used this to release the emotional pain. Maybe it is extreme to relate the two put that is how I think it would be for me. I can understand the need for an outlet though and so I think that if both parties involved were in agreement and didn't hide behind it but rather talked about it and then used it to release the left over emotional residue it could be used as a therapy of sorts.

My personal fear would be having someone who was not emotionally stable at that moment having me in such a vulnerable position.

Just my two cents..................keep the change.

_____________________________

For me there is no place safer or more freeing then at his feet

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 12

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 5:10:53 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

Subs, do you seek release from emotional pain by having pain inflicted on you?

Yes and no. If i am being punished the physical pain releases the emotional pain that i have when i have doen something wrong. Otherwise no, whatever emotional pain i have cannot be cured by a beating.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 13

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 5:14:53 AM

GabrielleSlave

Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine

Subs, do you seek release from emotional pain by having pain inflicted on you?

For me emotional pain heals better with hugs and gentle handling, pain would make it worse. However stress, well that is a different kettle of fish and pain works wonders in that situation... Happily my Sir knows me well enough to know the difference...

_____________________________

Slave to Master Slayer

~ Host of the Rather Marvelous Greenwich Munch ~

"There is no such thing as liberty. You only change one sort of domination for another. All we can do is to choose our master."
D. H. Lawrence

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 14

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 5:26:08 AM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine
What say yall - doms, do you release your emotional pain by inflicting pain on others?

Gladly that doesn't come up in me. ( I shoot people online when I am pissed..lol)

This question has here been before. I remember soem subs offering their self as release to their D.
Personally I think people should focus on the cause..not on their sub.

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 15

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 5:35:59 AM

spankablemilf

Posts: 57
Joined: 9/26/2008
Status: offline

A lot of times for me it's a tranferrance of pain. I suffer a lot of chronic pain (back, shoulders, knees, ankles, etc) and recieving it in sensitive areas makes those pains not as noticable (especially if it leaves bruises etc). But, there are times when the inflicted pain is unbearable that I don't want it at those times.

quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine

So, I was trolling profiles today, and saw one indicating a dom was in emotional pain so he wanted to inflict some pain in order to rid himself of it. At first I thought "oh, that's a bad thing!" but then I considered that when I am in emotional pain all I want to do is have it purged from me by being beaten, so I'm not sure there's any difference at all.

What say yall - doms, do you release your emotional pain by inflicting pain on others? Subs, do you seek release from emotional pain by having pain inflicted on you?

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 16

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 6:46:13 AM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

Subs, do you seek release from emotional pain by having pain inflicted on you?

Yes and no. If i am being punished the physical pain releases the emotional pain that i have when i have doen something wrong. Otherwise no, whatever emotional pain i have cannot be cured by a beating.

I agree with this. Although as of yet I have only been punished once for something, it DID relieve me of the stress of knowing I messed up in His eyes. The other stuff, personal to me, cannot be "fixed" by a lashing. Although it may make me feel better initially, temporary fixes don't work in the long run.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 17

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 6:48:51 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

I tend to do things that take me out of my head for a while as tools to help me process things... so if I am in emotional turmoil, I'll choose an activity that requires concentration and minute detail, to slow my brain down so that I can process things. For me, emotional stress moves very quickly--and yet, in order to grok in fullness and cherish what has happened, I need to be able to see it in detail.

One thing that seems to help in these situations is either -getting- a tattoo or -doing- a large, detailed temporary piercing. To me, these require a precision and detail that allows me to slow my head down... plus the need to focus on something very external to my own situation -- either the details of the work being done on me, or what my hands are doing and how the bottom is responding as I set the needles... so my fore-brain is focused on attending to either the sensations of the tattooing, or the details of the piercing, while my hind-brain is working through what is going on... but my hind-brain is forced to not work any more quickly than the fore-brain, which is trying to multi-task, can manage... so I end up with a pace that allows me to deal with whatever the emotional or mental turmoil is without looking (or feeling) like a blathering idiot.

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 18

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 7:07:36 AM

xXLithiumXx

Posts: 723
Joined: 9/2/2008
From: Hell, Kentucky
Status: offline

I grew up in an abusive home. My mom was verbally abusive to me, both parents were drunks and drug adicts. And both where psychologically abusive. (yes, Im in thereapy for this now)

When I hit my teen age years, it became harder and harder to deal with them, I had no out. I wasnt allowed to go to friends, hell, to be honest I didnt have any friends. I dont even have that many now, and my social skills suck because of the way I grew up, so when I couldnt deal with it, I got into cuttting.

It gave me the ability to shut down my brain, and the emotions, and deal with the physical, which is much easier to handle, in my mind. As I got older, I realized that when I had kids, those scars were going to be hard to explain, hell, I knew why they were there and I couldnt explain them to myself, so I got into tattoos and peircings. Mt crazy doc says alot of cutters go that route. I have 16 tats, one of them is a three time cover up, and I have had as many as 12 peircings at one time.

Now that I am in my 30's...the need isnt as strong, but its there. Take today for example, fighting with the husband so I want to get something peirced. My lip mainly. Just because I know itll hurt and I know itll piss him off. Kind of a double edged thing.

I think thats part of the reason that I even have the submissive side. I dont really care for the pain, I really dont like it honestly, Im not a masochist, much more of a sadist in reality. But when it comes down to it, every time the flogger hits my skin, I can feel something snap inside of me. I can feel myself letting go of something that is really bugging me. Its like Callista said, its like the world slows down so I can deal with the physical, and my mind has to bubble and slow the emotional. So by the third or fourth lash, Im so far gone in my brain, I dont feel it.

I have a scar over my heart. It came from the last blade play session the hubby and I did. Its about three years old now, and its still very plain. He has nothing but regret for that scar. Wont touch me with a blade again ever he says. Scared him to death. I knew it would cut that deep. I got it from the print shop I worked at. It was used for cutting the plates for the presses. Stronger and thicker than the average razor blade. Sharper because it has to be more detailed in cutting. I knew that it would cut deep. I didnt tell him. I didnt offer that information to him when I handed it to him. But at the time, I was in a state of emotional turmoil that lasted 24/7 for almost a month. I needed that release. And I knew that doing it for myself was going to be bad, because once you start back down that path, I dont think you can pull back from it.

From the dominant aspect, when I am with kittie and I flog her, I go into another place all together. One where I am...as stupid as this may sound...its like Im hyper sensitive...I know when I am pushing, I know when Im not. I know when its too much..and I draw back. But I still get pleasure from being able to strike flesh. Im still getting the satisfaction of being sadistic, and being in control and having the ability to lock everything else out but the sound of that flogger on her skin. Its very gratifying, and when its all said and done, I sit back, with a satisfied cat that got the cream grin, and I smoke a cigarette, and wipe the sweat from my brow, and kiss the top of her melon, wrap her in a blankie and offer her a drink of water. Its almost better than that just got fucked buzz most women get after about 90 screaming orgasms.

_____________________________

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement

You have to believe in yourself. -Tsun Tzu-

Resident Malkavian.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 19

RE: Inflicting pain vs receiving it - 10/15/2008 7:50:42 AM

sailorfrank

Posts: 127
Joined: 6/18/2008
Status: offline

Dont ever use others to vent your emotions on. Never let your anger go past sunset each day or sadness. deal with it in a way so you dont effect others. Inflicting pain from your anger may end up harsh and cruel to your sub/slave and will cause even more emotinal pain as they try to understand...........why you were so harsh with them!

(in reply to xXLithiumXx)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Inflicting pain vs receiving it

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078