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RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 4:39:24 PM

persephonee

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tee hee.
no chit....aint dat da truth?

perse

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Post #: 21

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 4:52:14 PM

TreasureKY

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quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

When is the right time to throw down and take the plunge when dealing with long distance or dare i say it, online relationships? When do you say, "enough is enough, im committing myself to this person, despite time and distance and whatnot."

As you know, it's going to be different for every person. Our story is just one possibility out of countless possibilities.

To be honest, there was already a certain level of commitment when we decided to meet. Had we been local to each other and meeting just involved setting a date, time and place, then it would not require much commitment at all. However, because we were 800 miles apart, there had to be a significant amount of tangible commitment to take the time and make the financial investment to meet.

There was also some emotional commitment in knowing that, to move forward with any kind of relationship while we were that far away from each other, was going to take patience and effort. We were both willing to make that commitment before we'd even met... or we wouldn't have met.

After that, further commitment came one step at a time. I won't say it was easy or without challenges, but it was worth it.

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 22

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 5:23:22 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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I wouldn't ask anyone in such a situation to stop seeing others and I hope they wouldn't ask it of me. However, if I was with Mr Every Other Friday Play Date, and wishing I were home chatting to the long distance one, then I'd stop seeing the playdate. Because it isn't fair to him to occupy his time but not enjoy it.

If I couldn't focus on him, even for a regular two hour meet & beat, then I shouldn't be with him. He deserves the night free to find someone who does like him whether for two hours weekly or the rest of his life.

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RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 5:47:46 PM

persephonee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

When is the right time to throw down and take the plunge when dealing with long distance or dare i say it, online relationships? When do you say, "enough is enough, im committing myself to this person, despite time and distance and whatnot."

As you know, it's going to be different for every person. Our story is just one possibility out of countless possibilities.

To be honest, there was already a certain level of commitment when we decided to meet. Had we been local to each other and meeting just involved setting a date, time and place, then it would not require much commitment at all. However, because we were 800 miles apart, there had to be a significant amount of tangible commitment to take the time and make the financial investment to meet.

There was also some emotional commitment in knowing that, to move forward with any kind of relationship while we were that far away from each other, was going to take patience and effort. We were both willing to make that commitment before we'd even met... or we wouldn't have met.

After that, further commitment came one step at a time. I won't say it was easy or without challenges, but it was worth it.

Treasure...
That is a very good point. And it is a point one person made earlier today, which prompted me to post my question.
im so glad this sort of thing worked out for you and it sounds like it took time and patience and communication.

perse

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

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Post #: 24

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 5:49:15 PM

persephonee

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Des,

As per usual, brava...well stated.

perse

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You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 25

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 6:48:42 PM

ExKat

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When is it appropriate for one or the other to expect a certain level of commitment and when is it not...where do you draw the line?

When I'd been talking to Ex for about two weeks, I went on a vanilla date with someone else- and it felt distinctly naughty (in a bad way). I also cancelled a date with some dom because I'd rather stay home online and talk to him. That's when I knew it was time to cut out those other blockheads.

If I was talking to someone highly long distance, someone I wouldn't meet for years, possible, I probably would stop 'dating' other people and try and find someone to play with. I'd find someone I liked, trusted, but knew I didn't want to have a relationship with to play with, so all of my needs could be satisfied.

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Post #: 26

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 6:49:07 PM

MercTech

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At the point where another person's happiness is integral to your own.. move to the next level.

Stefan

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Post #: 27

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 6:59:39 PM

LadyJulieAnn

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I think you really have to meet the person in real life to seriously pursue anything further. If you both feel the connection, then meeting should be the next step. If your friend is not ready to meet, you really have to figure out why, especially if you feel so committed to him/her. Sometimes we are good at maintaining online relationships because the ones local to us are too real and accessible.

LadyJulieAnn

(in reply to MercTech)

Post #: 28

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 7:24:41 PM

silkncarol

Posts: 318
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This is exactly what i meant when making the statement about "leading someone on"......I already know i'm not fulfilled by merely bottoming for a play date...i need and want the mental and emotional connection.
So back to the original question.......can you or should you stop seeing anyone local, until you've actually had a face to face, real time meeting? I'm still undecided about the answer to this....bouncing between "WTF are you doing?!?!?" and "follow your heart".

There doesn't seem to be a clearcut answer so I suppose it comes down to each person deciding what's best for them..

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I wouldn't ask anyone in such a situation to stop seeing others and I hope they wouldn't ask it of me. However, if I was with Mr Every Other Friday Play Date, and wishing I were home chatting to the long distance one, then I'd stop seeing the playdate. Because it isn't fair to him to occupy his time but not enjoy it.

If I couldn't focus on him, even for a regular two hour meet & beat, then I shouldn't be with him. He deserves the night free to find someone who does like him whether for two hours weekly or the rest of his life.

_____________________________

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 29

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 10:15:31 PM

stella41b

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That moment will come when you can feel it with all your senses but you are unable to explain why you feel that way. At this point the opinions of other people will be meaningless, because you are convinced they cannot understand what you are feeling.

Hoping that helps, and hoping you find happiness and more...

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(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 30

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/13/2008 1:03:06 AM

MasterFireMaam

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Here's my mom's advice about relationships. Ask yourself two questions: 1) would you miss them if they were gone? 2) is being in the relationship healthy for you? If the answer to either of these is no, you need to look at ending the relationship. I feel this applies to both online and real time relationships.

Master Fire

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Post #: 31

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/13/2008 2:22:51 AM

RCdc

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When you are able to accept the responsibility of the actions and results your choice creates. If you cannot deal with disappointment, then don't do it.

the.dark.

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Post #: 32

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/13/2008 5:59:31 AM

oceanwynds

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Joined: 8/24/2006
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When i knew we have a really good thing going and both of us still have a need for it. LD relationships to say the least are difficult. In my situation, Mom and her health issues has contributed to us not seeing each other as often as we use too, but we.still both have a need to continue or relationship. i learn to accept what is and deal with it. The other alternative is not what i want or need.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 33

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/13/2008 9:55:23 AM

persephonee

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Stella...can you guess what im gonna say....can you?
You rock.

perse

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to stella41b)

Post #: 34

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/13/2008 9:57:02 AM

persephonee

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MRM and .dark....Absolutely. Thank you so much.

perse

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 35

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/13/2008 10:04:36 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

ocean....

Sorry to hear about your mother and that kind of responsibility is overwhelming at times. i feel for you. i wonder if having that distance, do you feel more isolated and alone because of the distance, or do you feel that this type of relationship dovetails with the amount of time you may need to care for your family? i have a very demanding job with a wickedly obnoxious schedule and the folks in my life must adapt to the idea that i can be called away at any time, with little notice. i had to take myself out of someones consideration (if thats the term to use) simply because they would have never been able to count on my time and that didnt mesh with their needs.
Do you find that that is true for you as well?

perse

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 36

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/13/2008 12:04:56 PM

oceanwynds

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Thank you persephonee. Yes i do feel isolated many of times and going through all this with Mom is very trying.Right now am emotional because of having to put her into assistant living this morning. It also brings back many memories of just 3 to 4 years ago taking care of my late husband. These are things i have to do and Sir understands. He wishes i could spend more time with him, but he is very understanding. No one comes before my family, and he would not expect me to be any other way. Oddly with all this, i think it helped our relationship. He is a loner been alone for awhile. i do not feel he is ready for someone living with him. i also had to learn to be a widow and be able to stand again, without my husband. We both have grown in the way we needed to and our relationship works for us. i not one to jump from one relationship to another quickly. Do i hurt, does my heart bleed being away from Sir? Oh yes, but i had chosen this. That means i know i can do it, though it is not easy.
Thank you again for your kind words.
Blessings
oceanwynds

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 37

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/13/2008 3:32:17 PM

lovingpet

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Pondering something similar myself after a rather curt cmail from someone. At what point does it all become more than? I don't know. I think I need to have a looong talk this evening. Sorry I couldn't be of more help!

In the meantime, I will say that after having met once already and how things have progressed in this difficult interim period, that I have made a choice all along to not go any further than casual discussion with anyone else. This is not expected of me, but it is what I seem more inclined to do. Nothing else tastes quite as sweet, if that makes any sense.

lovingpet

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 38

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/13/2008 3:40:42 PM

Subductrssss

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When I realize I only want to speak to Him and wait for Him to come online or to read my mails, then I know I am His, maybe He does not even want me for His but I am His in whatever manner I can be His and yes I know I am contradicting myself about settling but things change (sad smile) time and age mean nothing when I talk to Him and I smile and and laugh more than cry and that means a lot to me.

< Message edited by Subductrssss -- 10/13/2008 3:42:33 PM >

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The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you but in what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen not to what he says but rather to what he does not say.
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Post #: 39

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/13/2008 4:03:09 PM

daddysliloneds

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when i know they'll be able to beat and fuck me more than once a month!

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Post #: 40

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